As I opened the door, there is a young shy Asian girl sitting by herself again. Even when her skin is slightly darker than normal Korean looks, as you gaze at her, no matter how many times, you still feels that she has this pretty model look. As you get closer to her, no matter how or when you capture her photo, she still looks beautiful. Well, I know it is normal for any girl idol to have a pretty face. But, she is a whole new level. That’s my first impression of her.

Her once short cute hair was now long and shiny black. It accentuate her beauty more.  After 2 years of working together with her, I can’t help but notice that she looks more and more mature and has a model like presence. Making lots of nearby friends, colleagues and/or even outsiders to be enchanted with her beautiful and mature look. Though her innocent image is still there, especially when you look at her eyes. If you are me, you will be either stand there doing nothing, afraid of disturbing her alone time or wanted to be near at her, talk, hug and/or even kiss her. Haha…

Joke aside, it doesn’t help when she is gazing at me now…. As though she wanted to talk to you something important. Sigh… In truth, I know she is just thinking…. Too much has fall to this…. Me, my friends, our sunbaenim, maknae, staff members or even our fan. How I know? Of course, I know. She is currently staying with me in the same house for at least 4 year. Plus, she didn’t react when I hug her. For her to think so deeply that she didn’t notice her ‘best unnie in the world’ mean something is troubling my cute little maknae.  If only she learned to share her problem with us….

“TzuTzu, what are you thinking?” I hug her a little tighter trying to tickle her as well...

“Eh!!?? Unnie!? Why so early today?” The girl asked trying to stop me from tickling her.

“Aigo….Pabo Chewie… I have recording today. Don’t you remember? You haven’t answered my question…. What are you thinking about? ” I pouted at her.

“Uh… Hahah… Nothing much, Unnie… ” Tzuyu averted her eyes.

“***Sob*** ***Sob*** Chewie’s bad. She hiding things from Unnie now. ***Sob*** Jeongyeon-Mama!!!  Our Chewies not listening to me now…. ***Sob*** I exclaimed loudly.

“Unnie!? Stop… You will wake the others up…” Tzuyu put her hand on my mouth, trying to stop me from talking.

“***Sob*** Then you will tell your favourite unnie, right? If not… ***Sob***

“All right, all right, I will tell you. Just… Just don’t tell the others…” Tzuyu pleaded, looking desperately at me.

~~Aigo… Still my innocent maknae…. Pity that I can’t use THAT at her. It’s been a long time, huh… I guess she still has trauma on it. Oh well…~

“Sigh…. I was wondering……….. Uh…. How do you know that you in love with someone?” Tzuyu fidgeted at her seat.

“Eh? Don’t tell me that our Chewie has someone she interest of?” I look at her, feeling a slight pain on my chest.

“No!!! Uh… no, it isn’t that… Uh…. I am just feeling curious… Sigh… I just…. Just want to know what love’s.” Tzuyu look at me with her sad eyes.

“Aigo…  You scared me… Ummm… Let’s see…” I hug Tzuyu, nuzzling my face at her neck. Feeling relieved to hear that from her.

“Being in love can be complicated sometimes... You can’t predict when, how, who you fell in love. Umm… When you love someone, you will be confused at your real self. All the feelings that you didn’t know you have just comes out and uncontrollable.  You can be the happiest and giddiness in the world looking at that person. You can be so lonely and frustrated when both of you don’t click together. Jealous of her talking to other people. Feeling safe even when he or she is actually weak. It’s something like best friend but you want him/her with you. In short, you are attached with them physically, mentally and spiritual. It can be started from friendship like me and Jeongyeon… Or even love at first sight like Mina and Chaeyoung. Sometimes, you can’t stop clinging at him/her, trying to mark him/her as your own, like Dahyun and Momo. It also can be short like how Sana and her lovers.” I try to explain back-hugging Tzuyu.

“I see…. _{But is it possible to have the same feeling with others as well?}” Tzuyu look down mumbling, feeling slightly depressed.

Not sure whether I heard it correctly, I tried to confirm with her. But, Mina and Jihyo suddenly appeared. Stopping my conversation with Tzuyu… Sigh…. That’s our first alone talk about love. After that, Tzuyu didn’t touch this subject anymore. Maybe because of our packed schedules… But, I can’t help thinking of what Tzuyu said that day… And so, whenever I have time, I will try to search more about it through the internet. Slowly, it turn to a website discussing on love and I become the webmaster of this website. Helping others on their love problem. Don’t worry, only trusted people is there.

Anyway, it slowly slip my mind about Tzuyu’s question. Thanks to the constant love problems our other members, especially Michaeng, Dahmo and Saida. Sigh… But then, I saw her looking so lost again after a year of me establishing this website. Remembering back, I suggest her my website, saying that it is trusted and could help anyone with love problem. Our Pabo Chewie was flustered and says there is no such things.

Haha… There is really no coincidence in this world.  After a month, I saw her first post… Imagine my surprised after knowing that. But most of all, feeling worthless and pain knowing that I should talk more with her. To shared her pain together… Luckily (unluckily), our savage maknae didn’t reveal much about herself. There is hint here and there but I don’t think any of the members know about it. Knowing that, I begin to reevaluate my feeling to our Tzuyu.

It’s really a big surprise when our maknae group, excluding Tzuyu (of course) is so knowledgeable and good at giving advice. I feel a bit challenged, both as the webmaster and big sis, knowing that Tzuyu really valued Dahyun and Chaeyoung’s advice more than mine. In fact, both of them share the same user name. Especially the part of asking to spend some alone time with each Unnies, evaluating back whether her feeling is true. . Aish… So frustrating…Yet, by the time I saw her message of asking me out, I feel so thankful and happy. Promising her to spend time on Tuesday.

When I spend my time with her, I also try to evaluate and compare my feeling between Jeongyeon and Tzuyu. So, I try to have an actual date with Tzuyu. Doing what I always did to Jeongyeon when we are dating. Holding our hand together, sharing our food together, teasing each other. Compared to Jeongyeon, Tzuyu didn’t respond much to my teasing and is shy. But, I can’t help gushing at this side of her, wanting to cuddle and hug her longer. Especially the part when she look confused/ fluster when we shared our couple ice cream together. Hehe…. One thing I am sure after this date is that both she and Jeongyeon are important to me too. I can’t live without her too. Hoping that she feel the same way as me.

Her second entry makes me feel complicated. Knowing that Jihyo use my name to deceive our savage maknae really make me angry. I thought of straggling Jihyo who is same room with me… The problem is… Once Jihyo know, I am sure all hell will break lose. I am sure Sana and Mina know about it too. They are the clever duo in here. And our precious maknae will be getting scolding from the others too. For not sleeping properly for all these times… No wonder she looks so sleepy during our practise and interviews. At the same time, feeling slightly proud and happy that I still had effect to Tzuyu during our date together… Sigh… Such a dilemma…

After some times, I found her getting closer to Mina. No thanks to our manager… Since there isn’t much contact between Mina and Tzuyu on TV, the manager try to make them comfortable by putting them together as much as he can. It’s a pain… Of course, Tzuyu still do her best, trying to spend time with her other unnies as well. But still, our strawberry princess, Chaeyoung feel down, not only because of Mina, but she can’t spend time with her Tzuyu as well... Trying to comfort our baby is really tiring… Sigh… That’s not the worst part, Chaeyoung caught both Mina and Tzuyu are kissing together in their bed. Imagine how surprised all of us are. Jeongyeon are torn on comforting her “no jam brother” or her “innocent maknae”. Momo and Dahyun didn’t cling to each other as usual. Jihyo looks so heartbreak, drinking her beer more and more. Our cheerful resident squirrel, Sana don’t even smile much anymore. For Chaeyoung, she becomes very emo… She even break up with Mina the day after that. Mina hiding at her room, sobbing silently. And Tzuyu… even though she try her best to hide her feeling by going to practise archery with Dahyun, she is the one that hurt the most….

But me, being the idiotic, afraid to check on her, Afraid to look at my website. I become afraid to know what Tzuyu thought of… Afraid that Tzuyu found out that her true love is Mina alone. Not Chaeyoung, Not Sana, Not Momo, Not Dahyun, Not Jeongyeon, Not Jihyo and most of all, not me… Even when I saw a notice on her 2nd entry, few days after that, I still didn't read it, leaving it aside… For that one whole week, I try to busy myself, trying to postpone to read her posts. Trying to run away from it.

I shouldn’t be so childish… No matter how much I run, that day still comes… I still have to go back to the dorm.  I know I still have to face it. Expecting the others to come back the same day as me, I requested them to gather at our living room after everyone arrive, at least to have a talk on what has happen. Everyone is here…. Except our idiotic but precious maknae. She didn’t reply any of our call or messages in the group too… Fearing the worst, Jihyo and I try to check with our manager. You don’t know how crushed we are when all of us heard that she is not coming back. Remembering that there are a few posts by Tzuyu during our holiday, I read back the posts. I…. Why the heck am I so stupid!? That Pabo….

This time, I will make things right… Wait for me, you Pabo Yoda. Nayeon-unnie will come and hit some sense on your head.