I received a text message from you again telling me to accompany you on your house. It almost made me chuckle at the same time the pain that spread up all over my chest stopped it altogether.

Why? Did you two fight again so you're running to me now?

Nonetheless I still got up from my bed and got ready to head over to you. I always hated myself that even if you hurt me I still do the things you want me to do, which only leads to more pain on my end and no in between.

Seeing you smiling but with sad eyes when I arrived only made the heavy feeling in my chest worsen, still, I walked towards you and caged you in my arms in a tight hug, wishing to convey my feelings through it.

He always ruins you while I struggle to build you up yet you still always choose him. It's a reality that I can't outrun no matter how I tried to, it catches me up whenever I look at you and see you looking at somebody else.

I swear I was never a masochist but you, Bae Joohyun had a power over my entirety that you can crumble my walls that I built so hard with just one of your smiles. And before I even noticed it I was back to square one again, where I go by blindly with what you wanted and then set me aside when you don't want me anymore.

I'm still stupidly in love with you.

Is loving supposed to be this torturous?

Is it supposed to be this painful?

Maybe it was a right love on a wrong person, but you can never choose who to love.

I can't even tell what love is anymore, when loving you set me in this dark and hollow place and I struggle to find the light that you selfishly hidden away from me.

I can't escape from you.

Not when I didn't even tried running away.

Was I that entranced by you that I caved in over and over and over just to fed off my sick fantasy that maybe, just once you would pick me instead of him.

But enough is enough I guess.

No matter how much I love you, I'm also still human that would get tired eventually.

This is all for my sake and even for you, so you don't excessively cling to me whenever you had a fight with him, and for me to finally try to run away.

Run as far away as I could so I won't crumble at your mercy again.

Maybe then you'll finally realised what you wasted and have taken for granted.