Notes: 

I'm sorry this chapter is so delayed! I added a scene while re-writing and then got distracted working on something else.

This chapter is Hanbin-centric, so there's no Bobby. He'll be back next chapter!

Also, just because I like squaring up my canon details: I know they usually train in the training center and not at YG headquarters. But the two are actually quite far from each other, and I needed them at HQ for a few scenes. So let's just say they had filming there on those days thus stayed there for dance practice afterwards. :P

“I don’t know what else to say, Hanbin, except that he’s ing useless.” Lee Hayi sits across from him, arms crossed over her chest, and Hanbin winces even though she’s telling the truth.

“Yeah, the only problem is that he’s ours for this round. There’s no trading him.” 

“I don’t know if he just doesn’t listen, or maybe he doesn’t understand the advice I’m giving him. I don’t know what his problem is, but I’ve been trying. For the past three days I’ve been trying, and there’s just no improvement.” 

“I’m sorry, are you frustrated?” Hanbin can’t help but grin, even though he understands the desperation in Hayi’s complaints. He wants to say if you’re bothered after three days, imagine how I feel after a month but he manages to keep it to himself. 

She doesn’t find it funny. “Yeah, I’m ing frustrated. Aren’t you? Donghyuk’s doing great, you and I are fantastic, it’s just Hongseok, ruining the picture. I think we should scale his lines back. I know you want him to do the chorus with me, but he can’t harmonize. I’m not doing a performance where I look bad, just to put someone else over. It’s not happening.” 

He frowns again but keeps eye contact with her. “I don’t expect you to. You’re right, if he can’t get it, then he shouldn’t do it at all.” 

They’re both silent for a moment and Hanbin can feel the tension crackling in between them like an open flame.  She’s every bit as pushy and controlling as he is, and he knows that’s why YG gave her to his team. She’d walk all over Jinhwan and would probably spend half her time yelling at Seungjae (and possibly even hit him). At least they’ve finally reached a point where they’re agreeing on everything. 

“How are you doing with all this stuff, anyway? Does he with dancing too? Are the other two any better?" 

He shrugs at her question, surprised she asked. They have a weird relationship, he and Hayi. They’re the same age, only a month apart, so they should probably be friendlier than they are with each other. But there’s always been something there in between them. Any time he’s seen her, there’s been some weird invisible wall. He always thought it was because she debuted before him, but sometimes he gets the feeling that it’s something else. 

“It’s rough, but it’s doable. The other two are doing better, but they’ve been around longer.” 

“And they’re younger. I feel like that ruffles Hongseok sometimes. I could be wrong, but he just gives me that vibe, you know? Like he doesn’t listen because he thinks he shouldn’t have to.” 

“I got that too, from the first time we met him. He tried to be friendly with Jinan, it just rubbed us all the wrong way.” He’s not sure that he should have told her that, but it’s out now and there’s no taking it back. He watches her as she shakes her head at the wall. 

“You know what we should do?” She looks at him suddenly, a spark in her eyes. 

“What?” 

She grins playfully at him, glancing at the closed door. “We should just leave. We can say we’re going to the bathroom, well separately, not together, but then just head upstairs and sneak out the front door. Go get some food. Walk around the block if we’re feeling daring.” 

He grins back at her, and the idea isn’t half bad. He’s been contemplating it a lot lately, just slipping away without telling anyone that he’s leaving. But he’s got so much going on that it’s remained as nothing more than just a thought. “I will if you will.” Their managers are nearby, off in another room, not expecting any trouble from either of them. Hanbin feels bad about breaking the trust, but at the same time maybe this small act will clear his mind. 

“Let’s do it!” Hayi says and hops up from her chair. “I’ll go first and see where they are, so wait for me and I’ll text you.” She grabs her phone and darts out of the room, and Hanbin can’t help but watch her go with a giddy feeling in his chest. It’s stupid, to be getting excited over something as basic as going to a convenience store unattended. But he has so little time to exist while not on someone else’s schedule. Maybe he shouldn’t be so hard on himself to get excited over the small things. 

Her text comes in faster than he expected. 

hayi: now they r not lookin!!! 
hayi: dont say nething kk? 
hayi: they probly wont c u 

He darts out of the room and quietly pads down the hall, he can hear their voices in one of the rooms, laughing over a video they’re watching. He crouches down and quickly slips by unnoticed and once again thinks it’s kind of dorky to be so excited about this, but when you live under someone’s ever-watchful eye constantly, breaking free of that for even a few minutes is exhilarating. 

He meets her by the door and they leave together. He’s got a snapback pulled down low and his hoodie pulled up over it. She’s wearing a face mask and a hat with her hair pulled up underneath it. They look at each other and he can hear her stifling a giggle behind her hand. 

“Come on, let’s hurry!” She darts off first and he follows, and something about being out in the dark with her and no one else has him feeling alive in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time. Again, it’s stupid, but it’s real. There’s no point in berating himself for getting caught up in the moment. 

They enter the store and she goes straight for the junk food. It makes him sad for a moment, because he knows that she’s probably got a stricter diet than they do as male trainees. But her giddiness over buying contraband food products is catching on, and they go up to the counter together to buy their snacks. She pays for it, and while he’s tempted to offer, he has a feeling it would just piss her off. 

He takes the bag with their purchases and follows her out the door, and she grabs his arm and pulls him off in the opposite direction than he would have taken and for a second he wonders if she’s lost her nerve and is going to walk him back into the YG building. 

But they walk past the building and take the first right into a residential street, and they stop in front of a small three story building. She looks at him with a smile before hopping over the white railing into a small stairwell that the residents use to access their units. He’s not sure what she’s doing, and he stands there for a moment, frozen, until she looks back at him. 

“Come on, Hanbin, quit being a baby and hop the fence! I promise it’s safe.” She winks at him and goes up the stairs and he can’t help but give in to her posturing. He’s not being a baby—he just doesn’t want to trespass. 

He follows her up to the roof, where there are a few plastic chairs scattered. She sits down and makes herself at home, right in view of the YG building, but not quite where anyone inside would be looking. 

“You come here often?” He sits down next to her and hands her the bag. 

She grins at him. “That’s a lame pickup line.” 

“No! I meant it seriously.” He replies, and he can’t help but blush. Did she think he was— 

She smiles back at him and takes the bag. “Chill, I was teasing you. To answer your question, not often, but a few times. An older woman owns the unit, and I’ve seen her a few times at the cafe, and we’ve talked. She told me specifically which unit was hers, and made sure to tell me that she always has a few chairs laying around. Like she wanted me to come here.” 

“Wow, you made friends with an old grannie? Is it sad that I’m jealous?” He jokes back, and she laughs at him. 

“Hey, it’s useful! We could have gone back inside. Plus this way we’ll be able to see if our managers come out looking for us. They’ll never look here.” She opens a bag of chips and smiles before popping one in . He watches her and her satisfaction over something as simple as cheap junk food is contagious. 

They spend a few minutes in silence, just eating and enjoying the warm night air. Hanbin looks up at the sky, wishing the city wasn’t as polluted as it is, but even so he can still see a few stars, and it’s enough to make him happy. 

Soon they finish eating, and their managers still don’t seem to have noticed that they’ve gone missing. Hayi is the one who breaks the silence. 

“So, you’ve really never dated anyone, have you?” 

He smiles and shakes his head, turning to look at her. “No I have not. Have you?” 

She winks at him. “I’m pure, Hanbin. How could you ask such a thing?” She grins and it makes him laugh, and he realizes that this is the first time they’re having a personal conversation that isn’t work-related. 

“You really didn’t date anyone before Kpop Star?” He inquires, since she’s broached the topic herself. 

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” She teases, before laying a hand on his forearm. His heart races a little at the contact. 

He doesn’t say anything in response, just keeps his eyes on her hand, and he can’t quite explain why, but it feels super intimate. It’s innocent, and yet not innocent at all. They both live under the thumbs of their managers, and to be alone like this, with no camera on them, no supervision… It’s intimate. 

“Would you take the opportunity, if it came up?” She asks him, and he looks up from her hand to her face. 

“What opportunity is that?” He asks, though he’s pretty sure he knows what she’s talking about. 

She grins back at him, and keeps her hand where it is. “Me, dummy. Am I your type?” 

He feels emboldened by her question, for some strange reason. Maybe it’s just because no one has ever flirted so openly with him before. “I would, for sure. Even though you’re not my type.” 

Her face drops in mock outrage. “Excuse me? Not your type?” 

He laughs at her, but isn’t about to explain. “I said what I said.” 

She grins back at him, not really offended. “Okay fine, fair is fair. You’re not really my type either, if we’re being honest, but there is something special about you.” 

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” He wonders if she means it, about the something special. Maybe that explains why it always feels like there’s something else there in the air between them. 

She looks at him, her gaze soft and her expression honest. “You have really pretty eyes.” 

He can’t help but blush at her comment. “Thanks.” He’s always been terrible at accepting compliments about his looks, but his eyes have always been the one thing he’s been confident about. 

She watches him softly for another few seconds before sighing in a sad sort of way, and he can feel the magic of their shared moment leave the air. “So, what are we gonna do about Hongseok?” 

And just like that the moment is gone, and the workplace mask is back on. It’s better this way, really. Because while he wasn’t lying, and he would take the opportunity if it came up, she really isn’t his type, and dating in the workplace is never a good idea anyway. Especially when he knows his heart wouldn’t be in it for the long run. 

It’s been three days of focusing on his team for Mix & Match, and staunchly ignoring the next round of Show Me The Money. He has no idea what he should be doing for his song. The theme is money, which is quite possibly the worst theme they could have given him. 

He grew up with money, he’s got no sob story to win over the crowd with. Does he give MNet what they want, and go the arrogant YG trainee route? Does he talk about how his label has more money than everyone on the show combined? What other angle does he even have? Everyone else has probably struggled, while he’s always lived well. 

He can’t talk about how there’s more to life than money, because it would just come off as condescending from someone who’s never had to struggle. He can’t talk about how money can’t buy you happiness, because it can certainly do a lot to get you there. 

Nothing he does in this round will help him if the story about his father gets out. No matter what he does, it’s going to be another nail in the coffin. 

So the only thing he can do is go the arrogant route and hope the story about his dad never sees the light of day. But then suddenly his mind drifts back to a week ago, to that chance encounter in the hall. The offer that Hanbin never thought he’d ever accept, but now… 

He takes out his phone and sends a text. 

H: hey hyung u got a minute? 

He busies himself with arranging vocals on a demo track he’s been working on while he wants for the answer. It comes quicker than he expected. 

J: yeah i got time 

Hanbin feels relieved at the answer, because he knows that Jiyong is busy rehearsing for his upcoming tour. But this is something Hanbin wants to get his opinion on, because Jiyong will know exactly what the repercussions are. 

H: hyung my next theme on smtm is money and i dont know what to do. u got any ideas? 

He waits and hopes that Jiyong will give him the only answer he can think of that makes sense. Jiyong knows that he grew up rich, after all, knows he never struggled. He’s sure Jiyong will tell him to do what he’s already thought of, because even though he doesn’t know about the looming legal issues surrounding his father, he knows there’s nothing touching that someone like Hanbin can write about money. 

J: make a u im rich yg track...u dont have any other options right? 

There it is, the answer he expected (but also the one he was afraid to see). 

H: yeah thats what i thought but wasnt sure if it would bite my later 
J: where r u now? if ur at head office come see me im with teddy 

Hanbin’s breath catches in his throat at the offer. He wasn’t expecting Jiyong to do anything more than give him permission to to be an arrogant brat in the next round. What could he possibly want to see him about? 

H: kk hyung ill be there in 5!! 

He finishes up what he’s working on and dodges out of his studio, stopping into the practice room to check on the others. Donghyuk is helping Hongseok with some moves, while Seungjae and Jinhwan are working on different moves with the other four. Hanbin directs his attention to Jinhwan. 

“I’m out for a bit, Jiyongie hyung offered to help me figure out my next round for Show Me The Money, so I’ll be in Teddy’s studio if you guys need me.” 

Jinhwan smiles back at him in acknowledgement, but Hanbin catches the way Seungjae’s face twists in irritation. It takes him by surprise, because Hanbin’s not used to seeing Seungjae look at him that way. He almost questions him about it, because he doesn’t like leaving things on a sour note, but Seungjae drops the look before he can say anything and starts talking to Jinhwan. So Hanbin leaves the practice room with a sinking feeling in his gut. 

He takes out his phone and sends a quick text to Jinhwan, otherwise it’ll eat at him. 

H: is jae ok? he looked pissed when i said i was going to see hyung 
H: never seen him look angry at me before so im worried 

He doesn’t expect an answer any time soon since they’re in the middle of dance practice, but he feels better for having sent it. He climbs the stairs up to Teddy’s studio, feeling giddy as always when he enters and sees the pair of them sitting behind a mixing board. Jiyong turns to greet him, pushing a chair towards him. 

Teddy’s messing with a song and Hanbin just watches him for a bit, feeling peaceful. He always soaks up any time he gets with the senior producer. It’s not so much that he’d call Teddy his idol—but he hopes to follow the same career path. Successful artist who later retires from performing into a role as a mentor and producer for the younger artists. He’s always looked up to Teddy, and it’s nice to get to spend time with him. 

“So, we were talking about your next round,” Jiyong says, “how it’s all about money.” 

Hanbin nods and wonders what they’ve discussed in his absence. “Please tell me you have an idea for me?” 

Jiyong and Teddy share a look that Hanbin can’t read, before Jiyong finally turns to him. “Can you have a guest for this round?” 

Hanbin nods, not expecting the question. “Yeah, actually I’m supposed to have a guest. I haven’t talked to Tablo hyung about who it’ll be though.” 

Jiyong looks back at Teddy, who finally grins and shakes his head at him. “Don’t leave the poor kid in suspense, Ji.” 

Hanbin’s eyes flit between the two of them as he waits. It seems like they’ve agreed on something, but Hanbin just doesn’t know what that something is. 

Jiyong finally looks at him, eyes twinkling. “So, do you want a guest?” 

Hanbin looks at him in confusion. He’s just said that he’s supposed to have one. But he nods at Jiyong anyway, curious if they have some idea for a guest for him. He’ll feel bad discussing it with them and not Tablo or Wu first, but he hopes they’ll understand and not take offense. 

Jiyong smiles back at him. “Cool. I’ll have to ask YG’s permission first, of course, but I think I can butter him up.” 

YG? “Uh, hyung, I don’t know that sajangnim would be the best guest—” 

Teddy and Jiyong burst into laughter at his comment, and Hanbin waits for them to stop laughing at him before he gets an answer. 

“I didn’t mean YG,” Jiyong explains, smiling affectionately at him, like he thinks Hanbin’s just adorable, “I meant me. I’ll be your guest” 

Hanbin doesn’t answer. He can’t answer. Jiyong—willing to guest on his song? It can’t be real. This has to be some kind of joke. He looks at Teddy, who’s wearing the same kind of smile that Jiyong is wearing. 

Jiyong kicks his chair playfully to get his attention. “You don’t seem very excited, Hanbin-ah. Is hyung not good enough for you?” 

Hanbin’s eyes go wide and even though he knows Jiyong is just teasing him he can’t help but apologize anyway. “That’s not it at all! I’d be honoured, hyung, I can’t believe you’re willing to do it for me. I’m in shock, I don’t deserve it. Are you sure?” 

Jiyong laughs at him and wheels his own chair over beside him so he can pat his head affectionately. “Of course you deserve it, you’ve been working really hard this summer, you’ve been working hard for an entire year. I want to see you in the final, and you need something special to get past everyone else’s sob stories.” 

Hanbin still can’t believe it, still can’t process the idea of actually doing a song with Jiyong. YG has long touted him as the next G Dragon and while Hanbin has always hated it because it puts an unfair amount of pressure on him, he can’t help but want it anyway. 

But just as soon as the excitement sets in, so does the same old melancholy. 

You’re not enough on your own. You’ve done nothing except ride on the coattails of other people. You might win, but it won’t be because of you. It will always be because of someone else. You’ll always be the lesser partner. 

You’re not enough. You’ve never been enough. 
 

He finally looks at his phone two hours later when he’s finishing with Jiyong and Teddy, and he sees that Jinhwan has texted him back. 

J: hes ok just bummed ur not here with us 
J: dont worry though kk? 
J: he knows ur busy with smtm he wants u to do good 
J: he just misses u 

Hanbin reads the messages through a few times, but something about the explanation feels hollow. Hanbin knows what Seungjae looks like when he misses him, and it’s not the irritated scowl he was wearing two hours ago. 

Is Jinhwan covering up something else? Does he recognize that there’s something more in Seungjae’s emotions, something he needs to protect the both of them from? It’s a sinking feeling, wondering if there’s finally a problem with the person who doesn’t usually give you these kinds of problems. Seungjae’s problems have always been his own doing, and Hanbin has never been the cause of them (he’s usually the solution to them). 

But something feels different now, and he hopes that maybe he’s overreacting. He slowly makes his way down to the basement, to the training room where he’d left everyone. But midway down the stairs he stops because he hears voices. It’s Jinhwan and Seungjae, of course. They’re sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and Hanbin’s sure they don’t know he’s within hearing. He wonders why they’re sitting there, away from the cameras. 

It’s not long before he gets his answer. 

“I just think it’s bull, we’re working our asses off while he’s running off to go work with Jiyong hyung? What about the rest of us? Do you think either of us will get to work with him? With anyone in Big Bang?” 

“Jae, you don’t know what he went for. Maybe he was just asking for advice on what to do.” 

“He used to ask us for advice, but I guess our opinions don’t count for anymore.” 

“Hey! Don’t be like that, you know he’s under a lot of stress with the two shows.” 

“We’re all stressed out, but why is he the only one who gets to get away from it to go spend time with the hyungs? If it’s not Jiyong, it’s Tablo and Wu. Just being out of this stupid training room, that would be enough.” 

“You’re not being fair.” 

“He’s the leader, Jinan. He’s supposed to be here, he’s not supposed to dump everything on us. How many times now has he left us to run dance practice, while he’s off doing what? Working on music? Why don’t I get to go work on music? Why do I have to train the ing new guys?” 

“I know you feel frustrated, but you need to watch your mouth. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that. You can’t talk like that, especially not around the others.” 

“You can’t tell me it doesn’t bother you, Jinan. It’s not like I don’t want him to do well. Of course I want him to do well! I always want him to do well. I just feel like his priority should be on the team, and not on himself.” 

“Aren’t you the one who was pushing for him to go on the show in the first place?” 

“I was pushing for the both of us to be on the show, but guess who didn’t get to audition?” 

“You know you only have yourself to blame for that. Sajangnim doesn’t trust you, and I don’t blame him. You have a loose tongue.” 

“Yeah, okay, I know. Still, it stings that he’s on the show doing well, and I’m not. Instead I’m stuck in this stupid training room all damn day, and he’s not here half the time. I just feel like it’s always Hanbin getting the push. He’s the favourite, so he gets everything.” 

“You need to get a handle on that jealousy, it’s not his fault. What did you want him to do, withdraw from the show when he found out about Mix & Match? You know he never would have done it had he known about this show too.” 

“You think so?” 

“Are you kidding me, Jae? Look at how stressed out he is! I don’t even know if he sleeps at night, he’s always the last one home and the first one gone, if he even comes home.” 

“Am I supposed to feel guilty now that I probably sleep more than he does? That’s his doing, not mine. He doesn’t have to push himself as hard as he does, you know he chooses to do it to himself.” 

“I know, but I still worry about him. I’ve sat up a few nights, waiting for him to come home, and he hasn’t. I don’t know if he sleeps at the studio or just doesn’t sleep at all. But I’m worried about him, and he doesn’t need to be worrying about us.” 

“You mean me, hyung, he never worries about you.” 

“Okay, yeah. I mean you. He knows something is up with you, Jae, he texted me after he left. So please, I’m asking you, please try harder to not be bitter. You know this won’t last, when we’re done with the show he’ll be back full time, and you’ll have him back full time. He’s always talked about wanting to work on music for your sub-unit, right?” 

“I miss having time to work on that.” 

“I’m sure he misses it too. If he does well on the show, then you know sajangnim will be more likely to consider that subunit album you want. You just have to be patient, okay?” 

“Yeah, fine, I know. This show is just the life out of me, Jinan. I miss when it was just the six of us. I don’t want any of these three to stick around. It pains me to try and help them. I just keep thinking, if any of them make it instead of our six, I’ll ing riot.” 

“Don’t think like that. It’ll be Team B and one more person, okay? We’re not losing anyone.” 

“We better not. This whole show is just bull, I can’t believe we have to do it after last year.” 

“Look at it this way. At least we get the cooler group name, right?” 

“Yeah that’s true. Winner’s such a lame name now, it doesn’t fit us.” 

“There, that’s a better attitude from you.” 

“Point made. I promise I’ll try harder to hide my growing malcontent, okay?” 

“I’ll hold you to that. And please do me another favour?” 

“Anything for you, hyung.” 

“When Hanbin gets back, can you please be playful with him? I know it’s too much to ask for you to talk to him about how you’re feeling, so I won’t. But play with him, okay? Don’t let him see how upset you are.” 

“We’ll be fine, don’t worry about me and Bin.” 

“Seungjae I mean it. I’m not used to seeing you two being off, it scares me.” 

“Jinan, I mean it, don’t worry about us. It makes me feel bad.” 

“Well, I feel bad constantly, so welcome to my world. Anyway let’s get back to the others before they come looking. Thanks for listening to what I had to say.” 

“You too, I think I had to get that out. I’ve just been getting angrier every day since sajangnim told us that not all 6 of us were safe. I guess I didn’t realize it was starting to show.” 

“Well, now that you know, it’ll be easier to keep tabs on it.” 

Hanbin stays where he’s crouched on the stairs, two floors up, well after they’ve gone back to the training room, his heart racing. 

Seungjae is hurt because of him. Of course there’s nothing he can do about being busy, but he could have taken precautions in dealing with it. Could have been more proactive in checking on Seungjae, could have told him more often how much he misses him. Could have invited him in to get his opinion on the music he’s been working on. 

Instead he’s been ignoring him, the way he’s been ignoring all of them, except when he’s around to give his hawkish critique of their performances. No wonder Seungjae’s angry. 

Hanbin realizes with a sinking feeling that he’s been doing a job at everything lately. At being a leader, at being a partner, and at being a friend. He has to find a way to make it up to Seungjae before his loyalties start wavering. Hanbin has always thought of Seungjae as his best friend, him and Jinhwan. He knows that Jinhwan feels the same way, but what about Seungjae? 

Seungjae has friends in the city, after all, like Yunhyeong he’s currently finishing his last year of school. Hanbin can’t help but wonder—if someone asked Seungjae who his best friend is, would he think about Hanbin? Or is it already too late for that? 

The last thing he needs right now is more stress and more to worry about, but he’s got it now, dumped unceremoniously in his lap, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. 
 

A week passes and Hanbin thinks it’s somewhat smoothed over now. When he finally went back to the training room a week ago, Seungjae had kept good on his promise to Jinhwan and he’d gone right up to Hanbin as soon as he’d entered the room, bear hugging him and teasingly calling him B Dragon—not B for B.I, but B for Baby. 

Seeing Seungjae give him an affectionate and honest smile had felt like a bandaid over the wound, and he’d played right into Seungjae’s hand all night, playfully leading the practice for once instead of being harsh. It was the first night in weeks that he’d followed them all back to the dorm, and he could see the way it seemed to relieve Jinhwan. He’d even slept in the following morning, not surprised when it ended up being Jinhwan who’d come in to wake him up. 

There was so much to do still and not enough time, but he was willing to sacrifice one morning to make s feel at least a little better. He’d broken the news to Seungjae about doing a track with Jiyong, and he’d tried to mollify him by inviting him to come with him the next time he met with them to work on it. He could tell it ruffled Seungjae, he’d seen it in the way he’d tensed up, but in the end he’d relaxed and said he’d appreciate coming to their brainstorming session. Hanbin was so relieved he’d wrapped him in a tight hug there on the spot and told him that he couldn’t wait for both shows to be over so they could have time to write together in the studio again, just for the two of them. 

After that Seungjae had been his usual cheery self for a few days, until he’d seemed to suddenly veer back into angry territory two days ago. Hanbin isn’t sure what caused it, and he’s been trying to step lightly around him, but his patience is wearing a little thin now. 

Seungjae’s team for the battle isn’t nearly as prepared as they should be, and Hanbin’s taken to complaining to Hayi about him in secrecy when they’re working. He feels terrible for it, but ever since their night time elope across the street a week ago, they’re much closer. She listens well and seems to know what to say to make him feel less guilty for complaining.Everyone needs an outlet, she tells him, even you. 

But they hit a snag today. It’s currently nearing dinner time and none of them have seen Seungjae since noon. Donghyuk, who’d been with him at the time, had relayed the message to them that he’d taken off after getting a phone call about a family emergency. Jinhwan wanted to call him right away to track him down, but Hanbin had told him to let it be for a few hours. 

So they’d practiced all afternoon, waiting for word from Seungjae. It never comes. Hanbin calls him but gets no answer, and his texts go unread. 

Seungjae finally reappears an hour later, and Hanbin and Jinhwan both pull him into an empty room and don’t let any of the cameras follow them. 

“Where have you been?” Jinhwan starts, pulling out his most stern and authoritative hyung voice. “It’s been six hours, you haven’t answered any of us!” 

“Sorry, hyung,” Seungjae replies, but it’s clear from his tone of voice and angry smile that he’s not sorry at all. Instead he looks pissed off, more angry than Hanbin can ever remember seeing him look. 

“Where have you been? Donghyuk said something about a family emergency.” Jinhwan’s got his arms crossed over his chest, and he still looks mad, not backing down in the face of Seungjae’s own anger. Hanbin’s curious about his answer, because Seungjae never goes missing. Of all the problem he causes, leaving without notice is not one of them. 

“It didn’t end up being that serious,” Seungjae answers, “sorry I didn’t text you, my phone died and I didn’t think it would take so long.” 

There’s silence for a moment as they stand together, but the room is thick with tension. He doesn’t buy Seungjae’s excuse. For starters—Seungjae constantly has his phone charged, and he always carries a spare battery. Hanbin looks at Jinhwan out of the corner of his eye. Jinhwan doesn’t seem to buy it either. 

“What was the emergency?” 

Seungjae shrugs and tries to play it off. “My grandfather went to the hospital, they thought it was his heart, but it wasn’t.” 

Jinhwan doesn’t answer right away, just stares at Seungjae, who stares right back. Hanbin doesn’t know what to do, either. Finally Jinhwan answers. 

“Okay, well I’m happy that nothing serious happened, but that doesn’t excuse anything. You could have borrowed someone else’s phone.” 

Seungjae rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure.” Before any of them respond a phone starts ringing. It’s not Hanbin’s ringtone, and when he looks at Jinhwan he can see his eyes blazing fire. 

“I thought your phone was dead?” 

Seungjae glares back at him before looking down at the phone, and Hanbin is surprised to see him look nervous. “I have to take this.” He turns away from them and answers the call, and Hanbin again looks at Jinhwan, whose eyes looks even more incensed now. 

But Hanbin’s attention is diverted to Seungjae’s phone call. He sounds worried. 

“I told you earlier, I can’t do anything about it. I’m sorry, but you know I don’t have a choice.” A pause, and Hanbin listens with his breath held. Seungjae’s left hand in tightly gripped around his arm, to the point that his knuckles are white. “Yujin, please, I am begging you, don’t do this to me.” 

Yujin? Hanbin glances at Jinhwan, who looks equally confused. They don’t know of any relative of Seungjae’s whose name is Yujin. 

“Jin-ah, please, please don’t do this. I know you’re angry, but please think about the repercussions. Jin-ah?” Seungjae pulls his phone away from his face to look at the screen, swearing when it shows call ended. 

“Seungjae?” Jinhwan calls, clearly wary after hearing the one-sided conversation. “Who was that?” 

Seungjae doesn’t answer. He leans against the wall, his phone cradled into his chest. 

“Seungjae?” Jinhwan repeats, grabbing his arm, “who were you just talking to?” 

Seungjae turns around finally, his face full of anger. “It’s personal.” 

Jinhwan lets out an exasperated laugh. “You disappear for six hours for some bull family emergency excuse, say your phone died, only to take a call on said phone from someone we don’t know, and beg this person to reconsider their actions? And then you have the nerve to say it’s personal?” Jinhwan’s expression turns angry, and Hanbin steps in between them. 

“Jae, you know this looks really suspect, right?” Hanbin’s scared after hearing that phone call. Who is Yujin, and what are they threatening Seungjae with? 

“I said it’s ing personal, so both of you back off!” Seungjae snaps, wrenching his arm out of Jinhwan’s grasp. 

“What the did you do?” Jinhwan asks, incensed in a way Hanbin’s never seen him. Usually Jinhwan is the calm one, but the stress of the summer has clearly snapped the last of his patience. 

Seungjae shakes his head and glares at him with a bitter smile. “It’s always me, isn’t it? Always me ing up. So you just automatically assume that I ed up again, don’t you?” 

“Did you hear yourself? You were begging this person to not do whatever it is they were about to do! What am I supposed to think it means?” Jinhwan replies. 

“Maybe you could take my side for once? You don’t know any of the facts, but you think I’ve done something wrong!” 

“You went missing all day, that was wrong!” 

“I had to sort out!” 

“What ?” Hanbin steps in between them again, serious eyes on Seungjae’s. Like Jinhwan, he has a sinking feeling that Seungjae has done something that’s about to land him in a world of trouble. 

Instead of answering, Seungjae glares back at him. “ neither of you would understand.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hanbin asks, confused at his behaviour. 

“Fine, you want the ing story? That girl I was talking to, Yujin? Ex-girlfriend. You’re right, there was no family emergency. Instead I had a girlfriend emergency. One that clearly did not end well.” Seungjae crosses his arms over his chest, looking defensive. 

Hanbin’s too stunned to respond, but Jinhwan isn’t. 

“You had a girlfriend?” Seungjae nods. “Since when?” 

“Since the winter. She’s in my class.” 

“Since the winter? You’ve had a girlfriend since the winter, and you never told us?” Jinhwan sounds offended, and Hanbin is still reeling in shock. How did he pull it off for so long with none of them knowing? 

“Yeah, I did.” 

“What the were you thinking?” Jinhwan asks, his tone a mixture of surprise and anger. 

Seungjae still looks angry. “Well, seeing as how I get ed over all the damn time in this team, I thought maybe I’d do the one thing that Hanbin doesn’t get to do.” 

Hanbin doesn’t know what to say. Is that really Seungjae’s basis for sneaking into a relationship when he was already on thin ice with the company? 

“I told you to quit with that line of thought!” Jinhwan replies. “You can’t pin everything that you’re upset about on Hanbin!” 

“Hanbin gets pushed for everything, he always has. So yeah, I decided to get a girlfriend. You know, thought it might alleviate some stress from always being the least favourite.” Seungjae keeps his sight on Jinhwan, who’s clenching his hands into fists, trying to stay calm. 

Hanbin can’t help but feel sick to his stomach, remembering Seungjae’s overheard complaints in the stairwell. How long has he been feeling this animosity towards him? How long has he been bitter and angry, believing in some conceived notion of preferential treatment? 

They’re interrupted by Jinhwan’s phone going off, and he almost doesn’t check it, but it keeps buzzing. He finally takes it out, glancing at it quickly. Hanbin watches him, still at a loss. How is he supposed to respond to Seungjae’s comments? Is Seungjae talking bull, the way Jinhwan seems to think he is, or is there some element of truth to it? 

Hanbin looks at Seungjae, but Seungjae still won’t look at him. It’s enough to break his heart in the moment, feeling this insane divide between them. 

Jinhwan’s voice sounds a moment later, and it’s one of utter disbelief. 

“Seungjae, what the did you do?” 

Hanbin moves next to Jinhwan, looking down at his phone. His mouth drops in shock when he sees the screen. Someone’s sent him a snapshot of an Instagram account. The picture is undoubtedly Seungjae, and for a moment Hanbin refuses to look at anything else in the picture, refuses to see the rest of it. 

But then he makes himself take it in, and it’s enough to make him feel like throwing up. 

Seungjae’s sitting on a couch in someone’s home, Hanbin doesn’t know who, doesn’t recognize the other people in the picture. But there’s a girl on his lap, Hanbin can only assume it’s Yujin. Seungjae’s got his hand up her shirt, while he’s holding a can of beer in the other. His eyes lower to read the caption of the picture, and suddenly everything falls into place. 

Don’t u just looove seeing pics of ur boyfriend (exboyfriend now) with another girl?? While u were dating??? ♥♥♥ luv u jae, hope karma bites ur tiny off ♥♥♥ 

“That’s not even Yujin, is it?” Jinhwan asks softly, looking up from his phone to Seungjae. 

He doesn’t answer, and Hanbin finally looks up at him too. “Did you cheat on your girlfriend?” 

“That doesn’t exactly constitute cheating, it’s just some girl from school.” 

“Yeah, some girl that’s not your girlfriend and you have your hand up her shirt.” Jinhwan replies, shocked at the explanation. 

“Is that why you went to see her today? So she could show you this picture and threaten you about releasing it?” Hanbin’s still trying to wrap his head around the whole thing. Seungjae doesn’t respond, and suddenly Hanbin’s phone is buzzing with a call. He doesn’t get many calls, and he only takes it out to look at it because he’s suddenly afraid it’s his mother, calling with her own bad news, because why not pile everything on all at once? But it’s not his mother, and his heart plummets into his stomach when he sees who it is. 

Yang. Hanbin never gets calls from the CEO, they’re always funnelled through a manager. 

Which only means that he knows. He’s so nervous he almost drops his phone, but he catches it and manages to answer the call. 

“Sir?” 

“I want you and Seungjae in my office immediately. No one else.” 

“Yes sir.” Hanbin answers and a second later the line is dead, and if it weren’t for the call ended displaying on the screen he might doubt the call had even happened. 

“Hanbin?” Jinhwan looks at him then, because he knows who it was. Knows what it means. 

“We have to go see him,” Hanbin answers, and he shakes his head at Jinhwan, “he only wants the two of us.” Then he looks at Seungjae, who’s got his arms crossed over his chest and he looks like he might cry. It’s rare to see him so emotionally compromised, and even though Hanbin knows he ought to be angry and offended, he’s hit with the knee-jerk reaction to try and protect him. But he can’t do that anymore. Seungjae has dug too deep a grave this time. 

“What do you want us to do?” Jinhwan asks him, and Hanbin can see the uncertainty in Jinhwan’s expression. In the span of ten minutes their unshakeable trio has been force fractured, and without a second thought Jinhwan is on his side. Of course logic only dictates that as the outcome, but it still makes things uncomfortable all of a sudden, like Seungjae is some intruder who doesn’t belong. 

“Just keep practice going,” Hanbin replies, “if anyone says anything, just, I don’t know, just tell them we’ll talk later when I get back.” 

His eyes meet Jinhwan’s as they both realize what he’s just said. When I get back. There’s no we in this situation anymore, there can’t possibly be. Even if they somehow manage to lock down the picture before it spreads everywhere, it doesn’t matter. Seungjae has been compromised, and he was already standing on his last leg. 

Seungjae stalks out of the room and Hanbin follows, but before he gets to the door Jinhwan grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly. Hanbin wants to turn around and hug him, wants to bring Jinhwan with him for the meeting. But he’s the leader, not Jinhwan, and the responsibility is his alone. So instead he just squeezes back and leaves, following Seungjae to the elevator. 

It’s a quiet ride up, but the elevator is b with tension. Hanbin’s never felt it more acutely than he does now. Nothing can be fixed this time, and they both know it. They enter Yang’s office together, Hanbin with the most neutral expression he can muster, while Seungjae’s face is twisted still with anger and resentment. 

Yang is sitting at his desk when they enter, a sight so familiar to Hanbin that it makes his stomach lurch nervously. They stand together in front of his desk and wait to be acknowledged. 

Yang doesn’t look up when he speaks. 

“Sit down, Hanbin.” Hanbin does as he’s told, and that tells him exactly how this meeting is about to go. Yang doesn’t tell you to sit when you’re about to be scolded. 

They wait another minute for Yang to finish whatever he’s typing, and Hanbin stares at Seungjae’s back, watching him angrily fiddling with his fingers. Hanbin knows all his tells after being with him for so long, and right now Seungjae is still angry. It won’t end well for him. 

“Seungjae,” Yang finally calls as he sits back in his chair to look up at him, “you’re familiar with my three strike system?” Seungjae nods. “How many strikes do you currently have?” 

Seungjae’s voice is controlled and cold when he answers. “Two, sir.” 

“Mm, only two,” Yang replies, “and how many strikes have I rescinded over the years?” 

“Two, sir.” 

“Two,” Yang repeats, “technically then you’ve had four strikes. But after the last time, you made a promise to me that you would improve your problematic behaviour. Didn’t you?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“And now this happens,” Yang says softly, in the voice he uses when he’s trying not to yell. “I have to admit that I’ve actually never seen anything so blatant from a trainee. You are aware of the trainee rules in place, correct?” Seungjae nods. “Of course you are. How old are you, Seungjae?” 

“Nineteen, sir.”

“And what’s the drinking age in Korea?” 

“Twenty, sir.” 

“So then, tell me, why are there pictures of you drinking? Even if it weren’t a trainee guideline, which it is as you know, it would still be illegal for you to be drinking. There are also pictures of you smoking, Seungjae. I would hope, for your sake, those are only cigarettes.” 

Seungjae doesn’t answer, but Hanbin can see his fingers digging even harder into his arms and his own mouth drops open in shock. Surely Seungjae isn’t admitting to drugs with his silence? Hanbin’s eyes brim with tears and he pinches himself to keep from letting them slip out. 

Yang takes a deep and deliberate breath in, letting it out slowly, and Hanbin can’t recall ever seeing the CEO look this angry before. It’s a controlled anger, which is always more terrifying than loud outbursts. 

“To make matters even worse, Seungjae, who is the girl sitting in your lap in these pictures?” 

Seungjae doesn’t seem like he wants to answer at first, but Yang sits up and that’s enough to get him talking. “She’s just a friend from school.” 

“Ah, just a friend. And who posted these pictures, Seungjae? I’m sure you know.” 

“My girlfriend.” 

“Girlfriend?” Yang repeats, a threatening tone to his voice. 

“Ex-girlfriend,” Seungjae amends. 

“Right, ex-girlfriend. Who caught you supposedly cheating on her, and retaliates by posting these pictures of you. How did she get these pictures?” 

“I don’t know, sir. I wasn’t aware they were taken.” Seungjae replies, but Hanbin can already tell he’s lying before Yang says anything, because Seungjae gets even more fidgety. 

Yang leans forward, and Hanbin himself feels terrified even though he’s done nothing wrong. “Why are you lying to me, Seungjae? You’re posing for the camera. You knew it was there, you know your picture was being taken.” Yang’s voice is still soft, though his eyes are like drills, ready to bore holes straight into Seungjae’s brain to sort out the truth from the lies. 

Seungjae doesn’t reply, caught now, and Yang sits back in his chair again. Hanbin can’t look at Seungjae anymore, thoroughly heartbroken over all of this. Girlfriend. Other girls. Drinking. Smoking. Possibly drugs? When did Seungjae even have the time? Had he been skipping classes? 

“Three and a half years I’ve invested into you, time and money both. This is how you choose to repay that? Flaunting your disrespect of my rules?” There’s a new current of utter disgust in Yang’s tone. 

“I’m sorry, sir.” 

“Sorry?” Yang laughs, like Seungjae’s just told him a joke. “Ah, I hate being right sometimes. How long ago was it now that we had our last chat? Sometime late last year, yes? I spent a good deal of time discussing you with my brother, because I was thinking about cutting your contract after some of your questionable behaviour on WIN that year. I had a feeling in my gut that you would continue to give me bigger headaches. Your attitude has always been a problem, but your talent kept you around. However, something else kept you around last year. Do you want to take a guess at what that something was?” 

Hanbin perks up then, looks at Yang and shakes his head. Hanbin knows the answer (he is the answer) but he’d never told Seungjae. He doesn’t want Yang to say it. Doesn’t want Seungjae to know. 

But Seungjae’s waiting for the explanation and Yang points at Hanbin. 

“Hanbin is the reason why I gave you one last chance. I’d made up my mind to terminate your contract, but I decided to discuss it with Hanbin, since I knew he was having a rough time after the loss on WIN, and I worried that losing you would be detrimental to his well being. He begged me to give you one last chance. Begged. For you.” Yang’s eyes are full of rage at this point, and Hanbin is sorry he didn’t look away sooner. Even so, his voice is still terrifyingly calm. 

Seungjae’s body is stiff with barely concealed rage, and Hanbin is terrified of the storm that’s about to be unleashed. 

“Seungjae, it’s very rare that I change my mind. But I allowed Hanbin to change my mind. He bought you more time, would have even bought you debut, since I was seeing improvement on your part. And this is how you repay his loyalty?” 

Hanbin wants to tell Yang to stop, wants to say it’s unnecessary. But on the other hand he’s relieved to hear Yang say it, relieved to know that Yang’s on his side, that he’s not being blamed. Relieved to hear that Yang seems to appreciate him. But it’s going to make Seungjae thoroughly despise him, and Hanbin can’t bear the thought. 

Seungjae, however, can’t bear the words. “Everything’s always about Hanbin! It’s always been about Hanbin!” 

“With good reason, given your behaviour!” Yang finally yells, standing up at his desk, and Hanbin sees Seungjae flinch. “The pictures have already been posted to major news sites, there is no taking this back. There will be a police investigation into you, and subsequently into my company. And you would dare raise your voice at me?” 

Seungjae’s hands are balled into fists at his side, and Hanbin’s afraid he might try to hit the CEO in his anger. Every time he keeps thinking he’s seen Seungjae at his angriest, he keeps getting angrier. 

Yang stands before him, like he’s testing him. But Seungjae manages to keep his cool and doesn’t snap, even though he clearly wants to. When they’re calm for longer than a minute Yang speaks again. “Your contract with this company is immediately terminated. Your former manager will accompany you back to the dorm, where you will pack your things immediately. You will then be taken to your family, who have already been informed. Your legal counsel will be handled by my team. They will help you to achieve the best results when you are prosecuted, and you will be.” 

Hanbin listens in stunned silence. Will Seungjae really be investigated by the police? Do they do that just for underage drinking? Or is Yang talking about the drugs? Hanbin didn’t see that picture, doesn’t want to. They talk for a bit longer but Hanbin doesn’t pay attention, too focused on the whole police investigation part of it. 

Two people he cares about investigated by the police, two who are undoubtedly going to be charged. Hanbin can’t help but feel panic start to rise in his chest. He still hasn’t told Yang about his father. What’s going to happen when he does? 

Seungjae is finally dismissed and Hanbin looks up at him then. Seungjae’s eyes are still full of rage, Hanbin can practically hear the curses from the look on his face alone. He stands up and moves closer out of instinct, because he wants to hug him and promise him that he’ll be there for him, that he’ll support him no matter what. 

But Yang would never let him. 

Neither would Seungjae, judging by the look on his face. He pauses in front of Hanbin, eyes burning a hole through his head. Hanbin wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what, doesn’t know what he can possibly offer to someone he’s terrified of losing. 

“Jae…” Hanbin’s eyes are b with tears, while Seungjae’s are burning with anger. 

Seungjae’s lips snarl back and his eyes narrow, and he replies  in a low and dangerous voice. 

“ you, Hanbin. I hope you fail without me.” Then he brushes past him for the door, where their manager is waiting, an angry look on his face at the overheard comment. 

Hanbin stands, frozen in shock, unable to comprehend what just happened. 

He’s lost Seungjae. Not just as a member, but as a friend, as a brother. As a partner. Seungjae has felt like his other half for three and a half years, has been Hanbin’s trusted companion in music, his greatest source of inspiration and motivation. 

What is he supposed to do now? 

He’s surprised when seconds later he feels himself being pulled into a hug. It takes him a few seconds to realize it’s Yang. The CEO rubs his back and they stand in silence for a few seconds, Hanbin still shell-shocked. 

“I’m sorry that played out the way it did,” Yang says softly, holding him at arm’s length, “I understand this must be very difficult for you.” 

Hanbin’s not sure what to say. He never would have expected the sympathy from Yang, never would have expected the soft reaction. But it’s horribly misplaced. It’s so terribly misplaced and Hanbin can’t kept it to himself any longer. 

“Sir, there’s something I need to tell you,” Hanbin rambles in a shaky breath, and he doesn’t want to do this now but he can’t keep hiding it, can’t keep going with the immense pressure on his shoulders. He’s barely been afloat all summer, but now with Seungjae gone, surely he’ll drown if he doesn’t own up to his own misdeeds. 

But Yang is still full of surprises. 

“I know about your father,” Yang tells him, and Hanbin’s eyes go wide and without thinking about it he drops to his knees, tears springing to his eyes. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you as soon as I found out,” he begins, choking back the sobs because he doesn’t deserve to be allowed to cry about this right now, “I understand that you have to do whatever you think is best, I know you have to put the company and the team first—” 

“Hanbin-ah, get up,” Yang says softly, repeats it again when Hanbin doesn’t acknowledge the instruction, “please sit down and listen.” 

Hanbin does as requested, sliding back into the chair he’d occupied while listening to Yang scold Seungjae. Instead of returning to his chair behind the desk, Yang instead sits in the chair next to Hanbin’s. The soft look in the CEO’s eyes surprises Hanbin, but it also makes him feel guilty. 

“Your parents contacted me a month ago, I’ve been keeping updated with them,” Yang begins, and Hanbin doesn’t know what to say, “I promise you that I will do whatever I can in my power to keep this out of the public. I can’t offer our legal team, of course, but your father has a very reputable lawyer brokering his deal, he’s in good hands. We will do our best to keep this from getting out, and even if it does, I promise that it will not affect your standing with this company. You will still debut with your group, because it is your group, and no one can lead it but you.” 

Hanbin doesn’t want to cry in front of him, but he can feel tears slipping down his cheeks already. He’s been suffering under the weight of this guilt for weeks, when all along Yang knew? He’s been nervously checking the news, nervously answering phone calls, having the worst fitful sleeps of his life, and Yang knew? 

Hanbin’s not sure whether he should be grateful or angry. Why hadn’t his parents told him that they’d spoken to him? Why had they kept it from him? Did they think he wouldn’t be suffering? That he wouldn’t be thinking about it? 

But it’s done, and at least now he can stop living in fear of having to tell Yang himself. 

“But we don’t need to talk about your father right now,” Yang says, “instead we need to focus on your group. This throws everything to hell and back, and we need to figure out a solution.” 

Hanbin nods and tries to focus on what Yang tells him. 

Anything to keep Seungjae’s last words to him out of his head. Anything to forget them.