“What direction do you want to take for this round?”

Tablo’s question hangs for a moment while Hanbin mulls it over. He’s done a lot of thinking about this round because the theme is an important one—love. He’s got multiple ways he could go with the track: his love for music, his love for his fans, s, his family.

But he wants to do something really touching. Given the pending storm surrounding his life right now, there’s one part of it that is untouchable by the public if everything goes to . There’s one thing that’s always guaranteed to make him push himself just a bit harder every time he feels like collapsing. One person whose voice could pierce through the fog and always bring a smile to his face.

Hanbyul.

He needs a guest for the track on this round, and he’s been debating if he can really ask for the help he wants. It’s a personal topic, not something to just ask for and expect. But he wants to do this round with Tablo, wants to ask him if he’d be willing to write about his daughter. Because Hanbin’s up against Vasco, and he knows that Vasco has a son, and he’s sure his track is going to be about him. So he focuses on Tablo and tries to be positive about asking.

“Hyung, would you guest on the track with me?”

Tablo seems surprised by the request, but he smiles in response. “I’m touched by your request, I’d love to be your guest. You seem like you have something specific in mind, though.”

Hanbin nods and knows that this is the moment that matters. “I’d like to write about Hanbyul.”

Tablo’s smile turns even softer at the explanation and his expression is one of pride. “Would you like me to write about Haru?”

Hanbin nods and feels hopeful. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but lately, well, I’ve been struggling a lot lately, so I think about her all the time.”

“I understand,” Tablo replies, “young children are a great driving force when it comes to inspiring yourself to work hard. I think it would be a good opportunity for you to show that side of yourself, to show that even though you’re young, you have this responsibility in your life, this little person who looks up to you. We could really do something special with this topic.”

He feels a great weight lift off his shoulders at Tablo’s acceptance and understanding. This is the chance he needs, the opportunity for a song about a topic so dear to him that he’ll easily be able to pen down lyrics that touch people’s hearts. And maybe, if that stuff about his dad ever does come out, maybe this will soften the blow.
 

“I miss you baby!”

Bobby smiles at the screen, eyes locked on his mother. They’re video chatting for the first time in a week. Everyone’s been busy at home and the few times his mother has had a moment to call him he’s never been available. But he’s available now and talking to her is soothing. He’s only been gone for a little over a month, but he misses her so much.

“Are you still doing well on the show? Are you allowed to tell me?”

He grins back at her question. “I don’t think I’m supposed to say anything, so you have to promise me you’ll keep this a secret.”

His mother laughs at him for his teasing. “You can’t keep secrets from your mother, so out with it!”

She’s right—he can’t keep secrets from her. “I’m in the top 6! It’s been going really well so far, performing on the show is intoxicating. It’s everything I wanted it to be, you know? Performing in front of people at the tapings is crazy, it’s so good!”

“Oh baby I’m so happy for you! I knew you’d do well, didn’t I say that? My baby will go all the way to the final, that’s what I’ve been telling everyone who asks.”

Bobby can’t help but blush at her comment. Her support is so genuine and so complete that sometimes he wonders how he got so lucky. “Don’t get too excited, it’s really tough from here on out. If I make it to the semi-final I’m probably going to have to face one of two guys, and they’re super popular with the fans. I don’t know if I can beat them, but it’s okay. I got so much from the show already, the producers I’m working with really like me. They said that even if I don’t win, they want me to do a few songs on their next album, and they want me to do some live shows with them too, cause they like my energy so much!”

His mom’s face lights up and she claps excitedly. “Oh baby! Tell them your mother says thank you!”

“I will not!” Bobby refutes, but laughs at her request.

“Are they on that Twitter thing? Your mother will get herself a Twitter and send them a nice message, okay?”

“Mom! Don’t you dare!” Bobby would be mortified if she did it. He doesn’t think she would, but he’s never been away from her for so long, so maybe the separation is making her a little crazy. He’ll have to ask Jiun to watch her.

“How are you doing aside from the show? Are you being good to your auntie, helping her out?”

“Of course I am, mom.”

“Are you making friends over there?”

Bobby smiles back at her and nods. “Yeah, I’ve made a few good friends from the show. One of them actually trains at one of the big entertainment companies here, YG. That’s where Psy is, you know the Gangnam Style guy? He’s signed at YG.”

She looks impressed. “Oh wow, do people know who he is?”

“Yeah, kinda. He was on a survival reality show last year, about making a new group. His team lost, but they let him come on this show and he’s doing really well.”

She frowns at his answer. “He was already on TV? Then why is he on this show? I thought it was for people who aren’t well known?”

Bobby shakes his head, immediately feeling the need to protect Hanbin. “No, anyone can come on the show! There’s guys on the show that are more well known than him, like the guy I mentioned before, Vasco, he’s like, super popular in the rap game! So if he can come on the show, anyone can come on.” She nods, but he feels the need to keep explaining. “Besides, the show Hanbin was on, that’s my friend, well it was like, mostly teenage girls that watched it, you know? This show is different though, it’s big in the whole rap community. So he wants to prove himself, cause everyone says that idols can’t be real rappers. He wants to prove them wrong.”

She grins at him and holds her hands up in mock surrender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend him! I was just curious about it, baby, that’s all.”

Bobby feels a little dumb for having jumped to such conclusions about her reasons for asking. “No it’s okay, I’m sorry I got defensive. I guess I just feel a little protective of him. He’s younger than me, but he’s done so much more than me. He worked way harder than I’ve ever worked at anything, he’s got a group and like, he does everything for them, you know? Writes their music, choreographs all their dances. He worked so hard on his show he did last year, only to lose out by a small little bit. I just feel bad for him, I think he deserves to do really good.”

His mom smiles at his explanation and tells him that she thinks it’s very sweet of him to have developed such a close friendship with someone like that. Bobby wonders if she’d watch WIN if he sent her the links. He’s not sure why, but he kind of wants to show Hanbin off to her.

Their conversation leads to family and Bobby tells her about the small reunion they’re having soon. He’ll get to see aunts, uncles, and cousins that he hasn’t seen yet, the ones who live outside of Seoul. He’s looking forward to it, to connect with family members he hasn’t seen in a long time. But then it’s time for his mother to go because it’s late in the night back home and she has to get some sleep. Saying goodbye is always difficult, he always chokes up, and this time is no different. He just misses his family so much! He doesn’t think he’s got a chance at winning anymore, but he wants to, because he’s dreaming about moving his family back here.

He wants it so bad.
 

Hanbin’s in a rush down the hall, on his way to Tablo’s studio. He’s been working with Tablo all week in between monitoring group practices for Mix & Match. He hasn’t been sleeping much, trying to squeeze everything in, but he thinks it’s coming together. Jinhwan has been a big help in keeping the others focused when he’s not around, but he still feels bad for having to skip out so often.

Today he’s meeting with not just Tablo, but Woosung as well. They’re getting together as a team to show each other their work, to get some feedback on how the songs are going. He doesn’t know anything about Woosung’s track right now, doesn’t even know who his guest is. He feels bad for not asking, but he’s been busy.

He’s almost at the stairs when someone yanks him from behind, catching him in a mini headlock for a brief second. Hanbin turns around in surprise, expecting it to be Mino, but instead his eyes widen in disbelief and his mouth forms a perfect little o of shock before pulling up into a huge smile.

“Hyung!”

The grinning face of Kwon Jiyong greets him. “Hey Hanbin-ah, how are you? I heard you’ve been really busy lately, sorry I haven’t been around to check in on you.”

Hanbin feels about a million times lighter with the question, just because the meeting itself is so unexpected. “Yeah, you could say I’ve been busy.” How much does Jiyong know about the show? Does he know about both shows? Hanbin isn’t even sure what he can say to him.

“How are you doing with it all, are you okay? How are the new kids coming along, you’ve got three of them, right?” That answers the question about what Jiyong knows, and despite the smile on his face Hanbin can hear the concern in his voice. Jiyong understands what kind of position he’s in.

He smiles back at him and shrugs. “It’s a little tough, with the three, but they’re all starting to come around. They’ve improved a lot from where they were.” That much is especially true of Chanwoo and Jinhyeong. Hongseok still needs a lot of work, but his time has been shorter, and after blowing up at him a week ago for not training hard, Hanbin has noticed a distinct improvement in his attitude over the past week.

Jiyong nods and crosses his arms over his chest, his hawk eyes examining Hanbin’s face. “Are you taking care of yourself?”

Hanbin feels the sudden urge to blurt everything out to him—not just about work, but about his family, too. He doesn’t see Jiyong often, but there’s this silent understanding between them that came about after the end of WIN. Jiyong had sat him down for a few hours a couple of weeks after the show, had talked him through some of his most depressing thoughts. Ever since then Jiyong has made a habit of looking after him, of always offering himself to talk if needed. Hanbin thinks he does it because he understands the pressure. Despite not winning the show, everyone still talks about Hanbin like he’s Jiyong’s successor, there’s still mountains of expectation on his shoulders.

But his concerns are not Jiyong’s concerns, and as much as he sometimes desperately wants someone outside the group to confide in, he can’t bring himself to be a burden on anyone. So he forces himself to smile and he hopes Jiyong believes it. “Of course I am, hyung. A lot of late nights, but you know, two shows going on at once, so I make do.”

Jiyong smiles and reaches out to pat his cheek. He’s got a proud look on his face, and it hits Hanbin rather hard. “You always work so hard and never complain. I’m proud of you for that. But just remember that it’s okay to talk about all this stuff if you feel pressured, alright? I’m always here if you need me.” Jiyong hugs him and Hanbin clings tightly for a few seconds, feeling buoyed by the support. They part and Jiyong heads for the elevators and Hanbin takes the stairs in a daze. He always feels that way whenever Jiyong looks in on him.

He feels a buzz in his pocket and he takes out his phone, feeling bad when he sees the message is from Tablo. He’s late, so he runs the rest of the way to the studio.

“I’m sorry,” he greets as he enters the room, bowing to them all, “I ran into Jiyongie hyung in the hall, that’s why I’m late.”

“Oh did you?” Tablo grins at him, “I suppose I can let your tardiness slide for G Dragon.”

Hanbin grins bashfully and takes a seat next to Woosung, who shakes his head at him in disbelief.

“You’re actually late because of G Dragon? What did you do, run him over?”

Hanbin grins back at him. “No, actually he stopped me, he wanted to check in on me and see how I was doing.” He knows that it probably sounds like he’s bragging, and maybe he kind of is. Woosung’s eyes go comically wide at the answer.

“GD wanted to talk to your dorky ?” Woosung teases him, but there’s nothing malicious about it, it’s all friendly. It’s nice to finally be able to talk with him and not have to second guess everything he says. It feels like he’s talking to a friend.

Tablo hushes them. “Alright, that’s enough, we have filming to do.” That’s when Hanbin notices the person at the mixing boards, sitting next to Wu.

“Is that Jiho hyung?” He asks, and he smiles when Jiho turns around in his chair to greet him.

“Ey! Hanbin-ah!” Block B’s leader beams at him, and Hanbin smiles back at him. He’s met Jiho a number of times through Minho, and the older rapper has always been friendly with him. He looks at Woosung, who’s sporting a very happy smile.

“You’re doing your tracking with Zico? That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, we’re actually rearranging one of GD’s songs, so it’s funny that you ran into him,” Woosung explains, and Tablo corrals them again into getting to work. For the first time in a while Hanbin has a very enjoyable afternoon, stress-free and fun. It’s easy to forget about everything else when you’re surrounded by people who are passionately working on something you enjoy.

He knows he might not get another afternoon like this for a while, so he enjoys it while he can.
 

It’s four in the morning by the time Hanbin makes it back to the dorm and he slips quietly into his room. He’s still settling into their newer, bigger dorm. He’s spent so little time here that he’s barely unpacked, so many of his things are still in a suitcase. But they needed more space with the three extra people.

Once the show is over it’ll be nice. He’s always shared a room with Junhoe, but Seungjae is with them now that they’re in a bigger room, and Hanbin likes the idea of having him near, even if Junhoe and Seungjae are the biggest slobs in the group. As long as they keep his bed clear, he’ll be fine.

He’s exhausted right now and he’s only coming back to sleep because he literally can’t push himself any harder. He’d been intending to spend an hour or two recording the final lines for his SMTM track, making sure he can get it sounding exactly the way he wants it. But mid-way through his work he’d gone to the bathroom, and on his way there he’d come across Hongseok, alone, in one of the training rooms. Hanbin had watched him for a bit as he struggled to improve his choreography.

He’d left him with the intention of simply going back to work after he’d finished in the bathroom, but on his way back he’d stopped again, and the sight of Hongseok struggling with a dejected expression was enough to finally ignite Hanbin’s thus far dormant sense of compassion for the older vocalist.

So he’d quietly let himself into the training room and offered his help, which Hongseok had gladly (but apologetically) accepted. Hanbin had told himself he’d only stay for no more than half an hour, just long enough to help Hongseok understand what he was doing wrong.

But half an hour quickly turned into three hours, and Hanbin hadn’t even bothered to go back to his studio to shut off his computer before trudging back to the dorm to sleep. Hongseok chattered away on their walk back, as though he suddenly thought that they were now friends because Hanbin had finally offered him one on one help.

Maybe it’s better this way. It can’t be good for Hongseok to constantly be walking on eggshells around him, trying so hard to impress him that he just gets in his own way. Even if Hanbin still doesn’t think he’ll ever suit their team, that decision is ultimately not up to him, and he can’t hold Hongseok responsible for his inclusion on the show. He’s just trying his best to make music work for him. If Hanbin keeps ignoring him, then he’s only being an irresponsible leader. He can’t play favourites and expect to be taken seriously. That’s not what being a good leader is about.

He’s so tired that he expects to fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow, but his face lands on top of something hard and plastic—Hanbyul’s doll.

He sits up again and takes it in his hands, his fingers playing with hair that he can’t quite see in the dark. He thinks about her, his little sister, and suddenly he thinks back to the last time he saw her, when he held her and cried into her hair.

How could he have let himself break down like that in front of her? What kind of brother is he, allowing all of that to manifest so suddenly in front of a child who’s far too young to understand? How can he sleep at night, knowing that it might have had negative repercussions on her? What if she thinks about him and remembers that moment, what if she worries about him? He doesn’t know anything about children her age—maybe she’s forgotten all about it? But maybe she hasn’t. All he can do is hope that she has, and make a promise to himself to never let her see him like that ever again.

But what’s going to happen when their father pleads guilty? What will happen to all of them when he willingly walks headfirst into life with a criminal background? What is he going to do, when Hanbyul grows up and understands, bit by bit, why it all happened? Will she blame him, when she gets older? Will she blame their family's prioritization of Hanbin's career over his father's life?

He doesn’t even know if his dad is going to go to jail, hadn’t thought to ask. What type of conviction do you get when you’re charged with investment fraud? There were multiple people at his company being investigated, but with his dad as the CEO, Hanbin is sure it means he’ll take the worst fall. Whether because of his position, or because his dad wants to shield others from a worse fate, Hanbin feels like it’ll come down hardest on him. If his father is willing to plead guilty to a crime he’s innocent of just to protect his son, what’s stopping him from protecting others?

There are so many questions and he doesn’t know who to go to for answers. He still needs to inform the company about it, he still needs to tell Yang. He’s terrified of the CEO’s reaction. Will he still be willing to champion Hanbin as his next big thing? Or will he be pushed out of the spotlight and into a role solely as a producer?

That’s one of his biggest fears. His talents are too great for YG to cut him loose, that much he knows. But it’s not only performing that he’s good at. He writes songs and melodies, he can choreograph. What if he’s expected to retire prematurely as a performer? What if he’s only to be a creator, crafting songs and performances for other groups to enact? Because if YG won’t be willing to stand behind him through the scorn of the public, no other company would either. He wouldn’t want to leave, anyway, couldn’t imagine going to another label. His entire life is here.

He can feel it creeping up again, that looming breakdown, he can feel it in the pit of his stomach, he can feel it rising up the back of his throat, he can feel it stretch out to the tip of each one of his limbs. It’s there in every shallow breath, in every nervous tap of his fingers. He squeezes Hanbyul’s doll tighter, tries to get a lock on himself before he loses it.

He can’t do this here. Not with the cameras in the room, not with Junhoe and Seungjae sleeping so close by, not with the others down the hall.

But if not here, then where?

He hears a shift if the bed that Seungjae occupies and Hanbin holds his breath, hopes he hasn’t woken him up. Seungjae is usually a deep sleeper, he and Junhoe both, but tonight he turns and Hanbin’s eyes have adjusted to the darkness now, and he can see Seungjae looking at him.

“Bin?” He whispers in a croaky voice, and Hanbin feels bad for having woken him up.

“Sorry for waking you, go to sleep,” Hanbin whispers back at him, fighting with himself to keep his shaky breath in his throat.

“You okay?” Seungjae asks, and Hanbin can feel tears pooling in the corners of his eyes because Seungjae never asks. He never picks up on Hanbin’s need for comfort, never says the words that Hanbin is sometimes desperate to hear from him. If Seungjae ever sees him upset he doesn’t comfort him, he distracts him instead and tries to make him laugh. Seungjae was the only one who didn’t cry when they lost WIN the year before, and he was the only one of them who couldn’t bring himself to hug Hanbin when he’d started crying. They just didn’t have that kind of relationship with each other. Being vulnerable was too awkward.

So Hanbin isn’t sure why he’s asking now. Maybe it’s because they’re sharing a room, maybe the late night is to blame. He rubs the tears out of his eyes.

“I’m good. Go back to sleep.”

Seungjae doesn’t roll over right away, he stares first, and Hanbin wonders if Seungjae can see him sitting up. But eventually he flips his pillow over and seems to settle back down.

“You go to sleep too, ‘kay?”

Hanbin grips Hanbyul's doll tightly, his knuckles straining. “I will, promise.” He holds his breath and listens to Seungjae’s breathing even out again, and once he’s certain Seungjae is asleep he quietly gets up from his bed and leaves the room.

He doesn’t know if Hongseok is asleep yet in the living room, otherwise he’d go to the kitchen. But he can’t chance bothering him when he worked hard for the past few hours. Not now that he’s finally turning himself around.

If only Donghyuk wasn’t such a light sleeper, Hanbin would consider climbing into bed with Jinhwan. Not that he wants Jinhwan to see him like this either, but he’s sure Jinhwan will know as soon as he looks at him in the morning. He’ll see it in his eyes, he’ll know it in the tired stoop of shoulders that can’t carry their weight any longer.

All he can do is quietly leave the apartment again and sink down in the hallway, head dropping against his knees as he shakes. He’s trying his best to repress it, to shove everything back inside the glass jar in his brain. He can’t let it out, not a single drop. Because once any of it spills out, the rest will follow, and he’ll probably end up crying so loudly in the hall that his neighbours will hear.

He grips the doll tighter and starts reciting the lines of the song he’s written for Hanbyul. He tries to remember that no matter how tough it is right now, it’s all going to be worth it. He’d known it would be difficult, but he’d been tough in his resolve to do it for them. After the pain of losing WIN, he felt like he’d have been able to handle anything.

But how can it all be worth it when he’s suffering like this? When he can’t sleep at night because he’s plagued by fears of the future? When he spends his every waking hour worrying that the story about his father will break and everything will come apart? Is it worth it when he misses so many moments in Hanbyul’s life? Is it worth it when he has no time to make friends when they’re so readily available to him?

He presses his face to his knees and tries to control his breathing. He tries to recite the lines again but he keeps forgetting them, keeps getting his words mixed up. What if he s up the performance? What if he has that one chance to wow everyone with a gorgeous song for his beloved little sister, and he s it up by forgetting his lyrics?

The weight of his fear presses in on him, beats him down, but he can’t let any of it out. He can’t tell anyone about it, can’t let anyone else worry about him, can’t let—

He jolts awake when he feels someone touch his arm, and he looks around with wild eyes, forgetting where he is.

The concerned face of one of his neighbours looks back at him. An older man, one who Hanbin has spoken to only once but who smiles kindly at him any time he sees him. He sees the man’s lips move but he doesn’t process what he says, not until he repeats himself.

“Are you okay? Did you get locked out?”

Hanbin suddenly remembers. “I’m sorry, what time is it?”

His neighbours frowns at him before looking at his phone. “It’s five fifteen in the morning. How long have you been out here?”

Hanbin shakes his head, tries to shake the exhaustion out of his brain so he can talk. “I’m okay, I’m sorry. I just, I,” his eyes meet the man’s concerned ones and that’s what suddenly shakes his brain back to life, “I apologize, I’m fine, really, I had to finish writing something and I didn’t want to wake the others up. I’m sorry for worrying you.” He stands up immediately, bowing to the man, before grabbing his door handle.

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

Hanbin nods and forces himself to look the man in the eyes. He can’t this up right now—what if this guy talks to one of the managers? What if he tells them he found him asleep in the hall? What if he thinks they kicked him out? He can’t let that happen.

“Everything is okay, really. I was at the studio late, you know, I was inspired and couldn’t stop writing. But I got hit with inspiration again and couldn’t sleep until I wrote it down, but I didn’t want to wake the others. I didn’t think I’d fall asleep though, I’m sorry.” He bows again and feels relieved when the guy chuckles.

“You are too hard of a worker, but your drive is admirable, I suppose. If I find you out here again, I’ll bring it up to your managers. But for now, it’ll stay between us. Just take better care of yourself, please.” The man’s face is kind as he speaks, and Hanbin is so grateful that he won’t say anything but he thinks he might worry the man even more if he hugs him, so instead he bows one last time before slipping back into the quiet apartment.

He walks back to his room on shaky legs, exhausted and distraught that he’d actually fallen asleep in the hall. But at least it had been a neighbour that had discovered him, and not one of the members. He can never let them know about this. Jinhwan would scold him for hours, and then he’d probably burst into his own tears and guilt trip him about not sharing his burdens with him.

Hanbin tiptoes to the kitchen to drink a bottle of water, and by the time it’s drained he feels like he’s gotten a bit of a hold on himself. He tiptoes back to his room and sinks down onto his bed, and this time he does manage to fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
 

In the end he loses against Vasco, but not by much. Tablo tells him that he should be proud, because it’s not only Vasco they competed against, but Vasco’s own sad story about his son. In a crowd of people who’ve followed Vasco’s career for a decade, almost half of them chose Hanbin instead.

At least that’s what Tablo says. Hanbin isn’t so sure he agrees, though. He’s tempted to argue they didn’t choose me, hyung, they chose you and I was just there for the ride, but he doesn’t say it. It wouldn’t accomplish anything, he’d probably just get a lecture.

But that’s how he feels. It gets compounded when Woosung loses against C Jamm. Hanbin scored more money on his stage, so he gets to stay, and Woosung has to leave. Despite Woosung hugging him and telling him, honestly, that he’s actually proud of him, that he doesn’t consider Hanbin just an idol anymore but a true hip hop artist, Hanbin doesn’t actually hear any of it. Instead he’s buried under his own guilt. He tells himself that the truth is that he’s just not enough on his own. How many people would have voted for him without Tablo? All he did was coast on the back of someone else’s long standing success.

He fakes a smile and fakes contentment long enough to slip away to the bathroom, where he locks the door behind him and turns on the tap and lets himself have a few choked breaths.

He’s stronger than this. Why the does he keep breaking down? This isn’t the sort of person he’s supposed to be. He’ll never make it through the summer like this, will never be able to lead his team like this. He needs to get himself together.

He splashes water on his face until the redness around his eyes is gone, and he heads back to his dressing room. He has to do better. He can’t be burdened with feeling sorry for himself, especially not when he’s still advancing on the show. It would be rude to others who aren’t getting that opportunity.

He joins Woosung on the couch and leans into him when Woosung puts an arm around his shoulders. Woosung tells him that he has to keep in touch, that he won’t accept silence for an answer. He tells him I know where you work and if I don’t hear from you I’ll show up and kick your .

It makes Hanbin smile, finally, and he promises that he will keep in touch. He makes time to text Bobby every now and then. He can make time for Woosung.

His one saving grace of the night is that Bobby also makes it through to the next round.  He and Woosung try not to show too much excitement when they announce it, because even though they’re friends outside of the show, they don’t want to show that much to the cameras. Hanbin’s elation deflates a little when they announce the opponents. Bobby’s got Vasco. If only he’d done a bit more, maybe he and Tablo could have beaten Vasco after all. Maybe Vasco would be out, and Bobby wouldn’t be facing him.

Of course then he would have been facing Hanbin. How would that have even gone? Would he have felt guilty and held back, would he have tried to sabotage himself in order to put Bobby through? Or would he have tried his best, and maybe beaten Bobby? Would they still have been friends after that?

Either way, the only thing Hanbin is certain of is that Bobby deserves better.

Everyone around him deserves better.

He leaves the building in between them, Bobby and Woosung, the three of them with linked arms, and Hanbin feels a little better for it, better for being in between friends. It’s a precious moment and he hopes it will stay with him on the way back to the training centre.

But when they get outside Bobby asks him if he wants to join them for a late night meal. Bobby wants to go to Burger King, and Hanbin wants to stomp his feet and scream because he can’t even give them ten minutes at a fast food place, despite his own hunger. He might have considered it a week ago, but they have an evaluation coming up on Mix & Match in three days time and they’re not ready for it. He’s been away too much preparing for this show. He can’t keep leaving his team to tackle their problems without him. It’s not fair.

s need him, even if he himself needs to get away.

So he smiles and promises them that soon, he’ll have time to go out with them. Bobby looks hopeful but Woosung looks jaded, like he thinks that Hanbin’s just bullting them. It breaks his heart a little to know that Woosung wants to hang out with him and is legitimately disappointed that he keeps refusing.

But Hanbin wants to go, he’s never wanted a stupid burger so much in his life. But he can’t even tell them why he can’t go, because the company hasn’t revealed anything about Mix & Match yet. All he can do is promise them that soon he’ll have time. Soon, when Mix & Match ends. Soon, when he falls asleep at night not because he physically can’t push himself any harder, but just because he wants to sleep. He’s forgotten what it feels like, having free time.

So he bids them goodbye, and he wraps tight arms around Woosung and tells him that he’s sorry he didn’t make it further. He tells Woosung that he’s going to miss him. And he gets the feeling then that Woosung understands, that he realizes that Hanbin isn’t just bullting him. Woosung ruffles his hair and tells him to stop being so dramatic, tells him that he’s going to text Seungjae insults to relay directly to Hanbin’s face for him, and Hanbin hopes he does it.

He hugs Bobby too, and it catches him off guard, how different Bobby’s hug feels. He can’t quite explain the reasons why, but Bobby’s hug makes him want to cling longer, makes him want to whisper all of his secrets into Bobby’s ear. It makes him think about Jinhwan, and falling asleep next to someone. He feels like he could sleep next to Bobby.

Bobby hugs him back and tells him to text him when he gets home, and to make sure that he gets some sleep because he looks tired. Tells him not to argue because Bobby’s his hyung.

“Hold on—” Woosung interjects, “how can you be Hanbin’s hyung? We’re the same age, and Hanbin and I are the same age.”

Bobby’s sheepish smile makes Hanbin grin even though he doesn’t know the answer to Woosung’s question.

“Uh, when you asked me my age the first time, I gave you my international age by mistake,” Bobby admits, and Hanbin can’t help but giggle at it, and he laughs even harder when Woosung gives a little scream of irritation.

“You could have told me!”

“Does it really matter?” Bobby asks in desperation.

“Yes!” Woosung replies, bitter frown directed at Bobby.

Bobby rolls his eyes. “Oh honestly, it’s not a big deal! Besides, I’m a very late 95!”

Woosung balls his hands into fists in frustration. “I thought you were the youngest one of us, and now you’re actually the oldest? I hate you right now!” Woosung directs his glare at Hanbin, who’s still laughing. “Would you shut up, Hanbin? I’m glad you think this is so funny.”

Hanbin grins and just hugs Woosung again, and he’s not sure if the situation really is this funny or if this is just his brain’s way of blowing off steam right now. He doesn’t care, though. He hasn’t laughed this hard at anything in months. He’s grateful to the both of them for it.

Bobby envelops both of them in his arms and teasingly whispers, “don’t argue, my beloved dongsaengs,” and that sets the three of them off laughing, Woosung finally giving in, and Hanbin soaks it all up while he can, every laugh and every happy tear, every bit of bodily contact.

Maybe, if he’s lucky, maybe he really will get to have actual friends when everything is over. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe things will go better than planned, maybe he’s just been overreacting because he’s tired and overworked. He climbs into the company van and sits in the backseat, smiling all the way back to the training centre and fantasizing about good days to come.