An hour later finds Bobby with thoughts that still flit between himself and Hanbin. On one hand—he finally has his number, so he can text him whenever he wants, and that’s good. But on the other he can’t help but wonder about their conversation. What’s Hanbin been so angry about lately? Maybe it’s a little foolish that he cares so much, but after watching his survival show, Bobby can’t help but worry about him.

He shouldn’t be thinking about Hanbin right now, but to be honest it helps because if he’s thinking about Hanbin, at least he’s not stressing out about himself and what he’s got on his plate tonight. 

Which is most unfortunately a performance against Vasco. It’s unfair, but at the same time he should be proud of what it means. He was the top performer for his team in the last round, and he’s still grateful to all those people who voted for him despite knowing next to nothing about him. 

Vasco got the votes because he’s a legend in the Korean hip hop community. Bobby got his votes because people were legitimately impressed with his performance. There’s no point in dwelling on what-ifs. He’s competing against Vasco, and even if he loses his round, it doesn’t mean he’s out completely. It’s daunting and a little scary to think that things might end for him here, but all he can do is go out and give the best performance of his life. 

He’s excited for it either way because he’s a little in love with his performance track. He’s made his own version of the Illionaire hyungs’ track and it’s exactly the sort of song he’s been wanting to make. He wasn’t supposed to let anyone else listen to it, but he video called Robbie to get his opinion, and Robbie had told him to hurry up and release it officially so he could blast it to their friends. 

Bobby’s confident, he knows it’s a good song. But it’s against Vasco , and there’s no helping that. 

He’s also grateful for just being guaranteed to perform. He’s currently sitting in between Toy and Chamane, and neither of them know for sure who’s going to be up against C Jamm (well, it could always be Hyunsuk, but none of them really expect it will be, because who would pick someone kind of unknown over someone who’s got a name in the industry?). Bobby’s nervous for the both of them, though. C Jamm is no easier feat than Vasco, really. They both have their own sets of fans, and they’re both highly respected. 

Bobby’s mostly nervous for Toy. They both see the way that the producers fawn over Chamane like a son. Even though Bobby hasn’t really known her for too long, he knows that Toy is too proud to call them on it and ask for equal treatment. He’s worried she’s going to go home without getting to perform tonight. She deserves more. 

But it’s almost time for the taping to start, and he looks down at his phone again, at Hanbin’s good luck message. 

It makes him feel a little better. 
 

Hanbin’s head is wrapped around a little bit of everything during his performance and he thinks that’s probably what helps him in the end. He’s shown himself in equal parts playful idol rapper and arrogant hotblood so far on the show, but tonight is the first glimpse he shows of his vulnerable side (at least he hopes people see it layered underneath the confident  everyone attitude). He hopes they hear it in the lyrics he’s written. 

And maybe it’s a bit of a warning of things to come, of all the things he’s hiding. He says it as much in the lyrics— I know that they’re gonna say about me —and they will. Whether it’s now or in three months’ time. It’s coming, and he’s barely prepared for it. 

He thinks he’s doing a good job of hiding it all, but he’s not entirely sure. Maybe he’s just tired of playing his role, but Woosung has completely abandoned his on-screen rivalry with him, and tonight he’s even taken it upon himself to be extra nice to Hanbin. 

Then again maybe he’s just trying to butter up Tablo. If he’s nice to Hanbin, maybe it’ll ensure they pick him over Jidam. Hanbin doesn’t know for sure, but he’s decided to take Woosung’s attempts at friendship for face-value, because he’s too tired to watch his back around him anymore. 

When he comes back to the dressing room after seeing his results (just barely beating out Iron) Woosung is the first one to congratulate him, to hug him and shake him, to tell he kicked . It’s weird for Hanbin to accept. But it’s nice. 

And when Woosung beats Giriboy, Hanbin repays the excitement, hugs him right back and tells him he kicked . It’s weird, seeing the elation on someone else’s face. He and Woosung are so similar, yet they’re truly worlds apart. Woosung needs this show to propel himself—Hanbin’s guaranteed a career without the show at all. 

Which inevitably brings him around to the same miserable spot of wondering whether he should really be here. He doesn’t need this show—he just wants it. Was he being selfish when he agreed to try out? 

Those thoughts plague him all night. He tries to block them out as he watches the other performances but they never seem to leave. It hurts him deeply when he watches Bobby lose against Vasco. 

Is it even right for Vasco to be here? Is it right for him to compete against someone like Bobby, who has no exposure, only to wipe the floor with him? 

And honestly the results piss Hanbin off anyway. He’s always been a big fan of Vasco’s. But tonight he thought Bobby had the better performance, thought he had the stage that better suited the show. If anyone other than Vasco had tried to pull some rock track off, they’d have been booed off the stage. But Vasco does it and the fans praise him? 

Hanbin should be happy on his way home, he should be excited for making it through to the next round. But it feels like a hollow victory, in a sense. It feels undeserved, like it felt during the previous taping when he finished in second place. 

Does he really deserve any of it? 

Or is this just the high cliff he stands on before the wind of his father’s lawsuit violently blows him off and smashes him down into the jagged rocks below? It’s terrifying, not knowing if anything will come of it. Each night he dreams about it—of police cars swarming his house and dragging his father away, of the news showing clips of his mother and his sister, crying as they watch. He sees his own face next, he sees petitions calling for him to resign, he sees his group thrown to the wolves, broken apart without him. 

Every day he wakes up and nervously checks the news, but every day he sees nothing, and he tries to calm himself down before going to work. 

It’s so exhausting that after a while he stops being so affected, stops waking up in a cold sweat panic. 

But he still checks the news every morning. 

Just in case. 
 

Bobby can’t help but grin when the hyungs make their suggestion about the next round. He falls for their good natured jabs at Vasco’s refusal to do a normal hip hop stage, he gets hyped up for their plans to do something with a bit of a dance vibe to it instead. They’ll have background dancers, they’ll throw stacks of cash around, they tell him, they’ll make a big production out of it. 

Why the hell not? He wants to have a good time with his stages, wants to show his best side. He’s tried to be a bit more serious so far. Maybe it’s time for something else. 

He leaves their studio in a great mood, he’s got the beat on his phone ready for him to work on lyrics. But first he decides to head down to the river for a quick bite to eat. He needs to be at his aunt’s in an hour and a half for the dinner rush. He has time now to enjoy the sun. 

He gets a container of tteokbeokki and sinks down into the grass, playing on his phone while he eats. He gets the sudden urge to text Hanbin. They haven’t talked since the taping. Bobby’s thought about texting him a few times, but so far they’ve stayed as urges only because he’s lost his nerve. 

But today’s different. 

‘yo hanbin!! wuts up bro?? jus got don wit the hyungs, workin on next round. u started urs yet?? lookin forward to hearin wut u do! n e way bro hope ur well!!’ 

He doesn’t read it over before sending it, hoping that his rambling is somewhat coherent at least. But seconds later he realizes he’s sent the entire message in English, and he doesn’t know if Hanbin’s English skills are good enough to translate it all, so he hastily types another message. 

‘yo sorry its all english man i forgot u might not speak it!! its a habit, haha’ 

Before he can retype it in Korean, he already has an answer. 

‘its ok, i understand it’ 

Bobby’s almost too surprised at the sudden answer to say anything. 

‘i got started on my track, its going good’ 

Bobby smiles a little stupidly at the message. It feels weird to be texting with Hanbin, mostly because there’s so much unknown that surrounds him. Bobby wonders what Hanbin’s doing right now, wants to ask him if he’s busy. Where does Hanbin even live? What area of the city? 

‘hey u busy?? u workin or u wanna hang out or sumthin?’ Bobby sends the request without thinking about it and wonders why he feels so nervous. He never feels weird texting Woosung or Toy. But Hanbin… He gets those butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling. Maybe it’s just because Hanbin is a bit of a celebrity already. 

‘id love to hang out but im working, sorry :(‘ 

Bobby’s a little disappointed, but it’s also kind of cute because Hanbin actually puts a sad face in his message. Like he’s trying to convey that he really does want to hang out. 

‘i figured but thought id ask!! wut u up to tho? workin wit ur group?’ Bobby munches on another bite of his tteokbeokki while he waits for the answer, curious what Hanbin is going to say. He wonders if he’d be allowed to go visit the YG building if he asked. Would Hanbin be allowed to give him a tour? 

‘yeah we have a group dance thing we’re doing, on a break right now’ 

Bobby smiles at the thought, and he remembers watching their group performances on WIN. He was actually blown away by how good their dancing is, Hanbin’s especially. He’d have never guessed it by talking to him. Hanbin has this amazing charisma when he’s performing that isn’t really there when he’s not on stage. Bobby wonders if he just works himself so hard that it’s tiring to keep it up when he doesn’t have to. 

‘cool!! i saw ur dances on the show u did, the win one, u guys are amazing really!! wut song r u doing a dance for? is it for that monthly eval thing u guys do??’ He hopes Hanbin won’t be bothered by his questions, but he actually is curious. 

Hanbin doesn’t answer as quickly, and Bobby wonders if it’s because he’s trying to decide what he can tell him. But finally Hanbin’s reply appears. 

‘yeah i guess you could say its the eval thing… you know nelly, right? doing his track hot in herre’ 

Bobby grins at the answer. 

‘yeah i know nelly!!!! that tracks awesome, bet ur dance is amazing!!’ He hopes he’s not coming on too strong, but he really does think that Hanbin’s team would kill a dance to that track. 

‘do u guys take ur clothes off for it?? ;)’ Bobby can’t help but , and he hopes it doesn’t bother Hanbin. 

It doesn’t. 

‘lol why you think we should??’ 

‘u kinda got to, right?? says it in the song lol’ 

‘true kk i will think about adding in a strip scene cause you asked ;)’ 

Bobby grins and wonders if he should be concerned that those damn butterflies are still there, slam dancing in his stomach. What makes Hanbin so special that dumb little teasing text conversations make him so happy? 

‘k well am i gon get to see it tho?? cuz im curious now!!’ 

Hanbin takes his time answering again. 

‘you will see it eventually but i cant say more!! i gotta go now, sorry, break time is over’ 

Bobby frowns but at the same time he’s just happy that Hanbin replied to him in the first place. ‘kk but text me later and let me know if u put it in the choreo ok??’ 

‘kk i will promise bye’ 

Bobby doesn’t stop smiling for the rest of the evening. 
 

“Please tell me you’re texting a girl?” 

Hanbin looks up from his phone to see Seungjae standing in front of him, grinning down at him. Hanbin grins back at him. “Yeah, I’m texting your mom.” 

Seungjae laughs and gently knees him in the head. “Bro, not cool! I love my mom but she’s old. Now if I were to be texting your mom, that would be something to brag about.” 

Hanbin glares at him good naturedly. “Don’t talk to my mom.” 

Seungjae grins back. “You want another sister?” 

Hanbin tosses his phone aside and tackles him, and Seungjae lets him. They’re all laughing, though, and Seungjae knows he toed the line so he even lets Hanbin pummel him a little, even though he could easily throw Hanbin off. Jinhwan is the one who finally breaks them up. 

“Are you two done making out on camera?” Jinhwan teases, and Seungjae whines but finally pushes Hanbin off. Hanbin just grins and rolls over to grab his phone again. 

“I just wanted to know who our Hanbinnie was texting,” Seungjae explains, “because I haven’t seen him smiling like that in weeks and I wanted to thank whoever it was.” 

Hanbin blushes a little at the comment, even though it worries him. Has he really been showing a miserable side lately? He’s been trying not to, but he’s been more focused ondon’t show that you’re falling apart instead of pretend you’re happy . He’ll have to make more of an effort. 

Jinhwan perks up at Seungjae’s comment. “Oh was he? I missed that. Who was making you smile, Bin-ah?” 

Hanbin rolls his eyes at the both of them and locks his phone. “It was just Sajangnim, telling me he was going to let me drop you losers and go solo.” Everyone laughs (because they know that out of them all, Hanbin is the very last one who’d leave a single one of them behind). 

“Bull, we’d be nothing without you. Who were you talking to? Was it Hayi? You shouldn’t be so awkward with her, you’re the same age.” Seungjae presses, and Hanbin wishes that were true. He and Hayi are awkward, as much as he tries not to be. She’s just very intimidating, and in all honesty he’s mostly worried that she doesn’t actually like him. 

“Please, hyung, say it was Hayi! I don’t think I can stand another meeting with you all quiet around her.” Donghyuk pleads, and he smiles so sweetly at Hanbin that he can’t bring himself to feel betrayed. 

“I wasn’t talking to a girl.” Hanbin admits, and of course they all give him exasperated looks for it. 

“Boring,” Seungjae calls out, and the others mimic him. 

“All of you shut up and get in formation!” Hanbin replies, glaring playfully at them. 

“Who was it then?” Jinhwan asks. 

“It’s not important.” Hanbin replies, and he stands up to try and corral them into practice. 

“Who? Tell us or we’re not practicing.” Seungjae taunts, and they all band around him, taking any opportunity they can to tease Hanbin before he gets serious on them in practice again. 

Hanbin shakes his head and lays his phone on the desk by the computer. “Honestly, you guys are annoying.” 

“Kim Hanbin!” Jinhwan calls out in his authoritative mat-hyung voice. 

Hanbin glares at him but answers. “It was just Bobby, one of the guys from SMTM.” 

“Bobby? The American?” Seungjae asks in disbelief. “He’s not even on your team!” 

“So?” Hanbin fires back, frowning at Seungjae. “Didn’t you tell me to make friends?” 

Seungjae grins at the comment. “Yeah, that’s true. I’m sorry for questioning you! I’m proud you made one friend.” 

Hanbin still hears the derision in his voice, and he glares at Seungjae, and if it weren’t for Jinhwan they might have tackled each other again just for fun. 

But Hanbin thinks again, suddenly, about Seungjae’s comment. Had he really been smiling so much while texting with Bobby? So much that Seungjae noticed it? 

It doesn’t mean anything. He’s just not used to having a friend outside of the company, that’s all. He’s not used to having someone he can text with during the day, because usually he’s with his only friends 24/7. 

It doesn’t mean anything more than that. No matter what Seungjae or Jinhwan might have to say about it.

 

Author Note: From here on out some of the results on SMTM will be different from the show.