The next morning Hanbin wakes up cuddled against Jinhwan’s back, and the realization of what he needs to do all but slaps him in the face.

He needs to quit Show Me The Money. It wouldn’t be right for him to continue on the show right now, not with the controversy over Seungjae, not with the type of song he has planned. He’ll just look like a complete , unconcerned over losing one of his original members.

“What are you thinking about?” Jinhwan asks, startling Hanbin, who hadn’t realized he was awake.

Hanbin tightens his arm around Jinhwan, laying his head back against his shoulder. “I think I should quit the show.” He wonders what Jinhwan will tell him. Wonders if he’ll try to get him to carry on or not.

“I think that’s a very responsible decision, even though it and it’s totally not fair to you.” Jinhwan wraps his fingers around Hanbin’s forearm, holding it tightly against his chest.

Hanbin isn’t surprised by his answer, and he’s relieved to hear it. “Hyung, there’s something else I have to tell you.” There are two things he needs to tell him, actually, but he’s not sure which one he should start with.

“What is it?” Jinhwan tenses a little, like he expects bad news, and Hanbin feels terrible, but he can’t keep hiding things from him. He’s not sure if he’ll tell the others, but he needs to confide in Jinhwan at least.

“The Seungjae situation isn’t the only reason why I want to pull out of the competition.” He takes a deep breath to steady himself before he begins his explanation, and he hopes he got all of his tears out with Bobby. He doesn’t want to cry around Jinhwan. “I know you’re going to be upset with me for not telling you about this sooner, but I couldn’t. You were already stressed out enough with the show, I didn’t want you to be worrying about this too.”

“Hanbin! You can’t keep things from me to try and protect me,” Jinhwan starts, disentangling himself and turning around to face him, “I’m older than you, you’re supposed to tell me about things and not worry about me.”

Hanbin frowns and feels bad, but it can’t be helped. “There was no point in telling you, it wouldn’t have done any good because everything was still up in the air.” Jinhwan’s about to cut in again but Hanbin heads him off. “My dad’s company is being investigated by the police,” he starts, and Jinhwan’s face drops in shock, “some of his employees were embezzling money, and even though he wasn’t involved, there’s evidence against him, and he’s pleading guilty anyway.”

“He’s what?” Jinhwan isn’t sure he understands what Hanbin’s just said, it’s not at all what he expected and it’s not fully settled in his brain.

“He’s taking a deal in exchange for it to be kept quiet and out of the public,” Hanbin replies, “he’s doing it for me.”

Jinhwan’s eyes blur with tears then and he pulls him in closer. “You should have told me, Hanbin.”

“I didn’t want you to worry about it,” Hanbin says, even though it sounds like a weak excuse now.

“Well I am worried, for you and your family. Your dad has always been good to me,” Jinhwan starts, but he’s cut off by his own choked sobs. With his parents hours away in Jeju, Jinhwan’s always been grateful for Hanbin’s parents because they’ve treated him like a son. How could Hanbin have kept this from him?

Hanbin holds Jinhwan when he starts to cry, and he knows that Jinhwan is right. He should have told him. There was just too much going on, there was never a good time. “If it hadn’t been for the show, I’d have told you.”

Jinhwan sits up suddenly, wiping his eyes. “That’s not an excuse, Hanbin. I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me. For multiple reasons, not just because I care about your family, but,” he pauses again to take a few breaths and wipe his eyes again, “when you don’t tell me things, it makes me feel like you don’t trust me to help you. It makes me feel like you think I’m weak.”

That thought has never crossed Hanbin’s mind. “I promise I don’t think that.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me? I’m your hyung, you have to tell me about this stuff!” Jinhwan’s fingers grip around the blanket, trying to staunch the mixture of anger and hurt that’s currently taking over his brain.

“There was just too much going on, I don’t think you’re weak, I just,” Hanbin isn’t really sure how to explain it, and he hopes it makes sense to Jinhwan, “I don’t think you’re weak, I promise. Don’t get mad at me for saying this, but I think that, emotionally, I’m stronger than you are. And I’ve been drowning, literally drowning under all this pressure, and I just couldn’t put it on you. Not because I didn’t trust you, but I just didn’t want you to drown with me. Not when everyone else would need you.”

Jinhwan doesn’t answer right away, but his hands uncurl from around the blanket and reach for Hanbin’s instead. “Okay, I think I understand what you’re saying.”

“I know you’re older than me, but I’m still the leader, and I can’t put weight on your shoulders that I can’t even carry on my own. I won’t do that to you, no matter how much you want me to. One of us always needs to be able to carry this team, and if I’m not in a position to do that, then you have to be, and if I’d told you about my dad, I don’t think you would have been okay. Not as okay as I needed you to be.”

Jinhwan nods, because Hanbin is right. With all the stress of Mix & Match and the new trainees, Jinhwan has been stressed enough. Having to lead a team by himself, and step in to lead everyone when Hanbin has been away was almost too much for him to handle. He’d have probably fallen apart if he’d known about Hanbin’s dad.

“Okay, I forgive you for not telling me until now. You were right to keep it from me.”

Hanbin feels relieved to hear him say it, and he moves closer until he can lay his head in Jinhwan’s lap. He closes his eyes when Jinhwan’s hand settles over his cheek, needing a moment to rest before he tells Jinhwan about Bobby.

Jinhwan is still in shock over the whole situation, and he can’t help but think about how unfair it is. All of it. Having to do a second survival show and trying to remain cold towards the new trainees, only to get attached to them anyway, while knowing that not all of them will be staying. The other three having to compete against each other, their futures uncertain after last year’s heartbreak. Then the Seungjae situation happening. Finally they were close, and now everything’s up in the air again. Now Hanbin’s dad. What’s next? This can’t be the end of their suffering.

Hanbin sits up, afraid to tell Jinhwan about the whole Bobby situation, but knowing that he can’t put it off. Jinhwan has to help him figure it out, figure out if it’s worth the risk. After what Seungjae just pulled on them, Hanbin can’t in good conscience let anything carry on without discussing it with Jinhwan.

“Hyung, there’s one more thing I have to tell you.”

Jinhwan sighs and reaches out again for Hanbin’s hand. “Is it going to break my heart again?” He asks jokingly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

“It might.” Hanbin can’t joke back, too afraid of the pending reaction.

Jinhwan quietly looks at him for a bit, nervous about the way Hanbin’s approaching it. “Just tell me, whatever it is we’ll figure it out together.”

Hanbin nods, and he hopes Jinhwan won’t regret the comment. “It’s about Bobby.”

Jinhwan’s expression is surprised. It’s not anywhere on the list of what he’d expected Hanbin to say. “Bobby, your American friend?”

Hanbin nods. “Yeah. I told you I stayed with Bobby that night, he’s the one I called. He was really good to me, hyung, he really took care of me that night. But something happened the morning after, something that I need to tell you about.”

There’s a multitude of things it could be, but Jinhwan is refusing to give voice to any of them. “What happened?”

Hanbin swallows nervously, and he grips Jinhwan’s fingers tightly, like he’s afraid of Jinhwan pulling away when he tells him. “He kissed me.”

Jinhwan’s mouth drops in shock. He just stares for a few moments, unable to process the words. Bobby kissed Hanbin. “Like, romantically kissed you?”

“Yes.” Hanbin wants to say more but he’s frozen at the moment because he can’t read what’s in Jinhwan’s eyes.

“Did you like it?” Jinhwan asks, because Hanbin had come back to them refreshed and as okay as he realistically could be given the situation.

“Yes.” There, it’s out now, and he just has to wait for Jinhwan’s response. At least he hasn’t pulled his hand away.

Jinhwan looks away then, his gaze falls down to their intertwined fingers. Hanbin kissed a guy and he liked it. “I thought you liked girls?” Jinhwan’s still too shocked to say anything else, can’t make sense of the sudden bizarre news.

“I do,” Hanbin replies, “I just, kind of like Bobby, too.”

“Did you always like guys?” Jinhwan asks, still trying to wrap his head around it.

“I don’t know, probably. I wasn’t surprised. I just never really thought about it, since I like girls too. You’re not upset, are you?” Hanbin just wants him to say something about it, needs to know what he thinks.

Is he upset about Hanbin liking a guy? “No,” he shakes his head, immediately understanding that it really doesn’t bother him, “I’m not upset, just shocked.”

“Are you sure? Because I don’t want you to be upset.” Hanbin still isn’t entirely comfortable with Jinhwan’s response, but he knows that he did just totally blindside him.

Jinhwan finally feels like he’s getting over the surprise, and he pulls Hanbin’s hands into his lap, holding them tightly. “I promise you, I am not upset. You can like whoever you want to like, guy or girl, it’s not going to bother me. I just wasn’t expecting that, so you totally caught me off guard. I’m sorry if you thought I was upset. I love you, okay?”

Hanbin’s shoulders drop along with the tension, and he squeezes Jinhwan’s fingers back. “I love you too, Nani.”

Jinhwan smiles at him, happy that Hanbin has confided in him so soon. “So, Bobby. You kissed, but what’s happening?”

“I don’t know yet, I wanted to talk to you first. After Seungjae, I couldn’t keep this to myself.”

Jinhwan’s pleased at Hanbin’s responsible approach to it. “I appreciate that. But I also know that you’re more responsible than Seungjae. I don’t want you to give something up when you clearly need it.”

“Thanks, hyung. I don’t know what’s going to happen, though. He lives in the US, so I guess maybe I shouldn’t expect much. He’ll probably be moving back after the show.”

“That’s true. I don’t want you to get hurt, Bin-ah.”

Hanbin smiles at him, and he can’t help but think that maybe this is exactly what they need, he and Jinhwan. It’s Jinhwan’s chance to really play the hyung role for him, to look out for him and stick his nose all in his business, and for once Hanbin will gladly let him do it. “I’ll be okay, whatever happens. Bobby won’t hurt me, I know that.”

“But him moving back to the US probably would,” Jinhwan replies, “but it would be good inspiration.” He grins at Hanbin, who laughs at him.

“Are you saying you hope I get my heart broken?”

Jinhwan grins back. “No! But if you did I bet you’d write great songs about it.” He lays back down and tugs on Hanbin to lay beside him. “Thank you for telling me about Bobby.”

“Thank you for being okay with it.” Hanbin burrows into Jinhwan’s side, doubly happy that Jinhwan doesn’t feel weird about him being clingy now that he know that he also likes guys.

Jinhwan smiles and wraps his arms around Hanbin’s back. “I give you my permission to kiss him again,” Jinhwan teases, “only as long as you’re smart about it.”

“I will be, I promise.” Hanbin closes his eyes again, feeling a little more at ease now. They still have a ton of hurdles ahead of them, but this is a much needed plateau at the moment they can rest on.

“Let’s keep all of this to us for the time being, okay? Everyone else knows you’re just friends with Bobby, there’s no need for them to know about the kissing. Just until we sort things out.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t want this to get out at all, not after Seungjae.” He’s not sure if anything will even happen, he and Bobby need to talk about it. But knowing that he can talk to Jinhwan about it if needed is enough to make everything okay.
 

Hanbin’s been in his tiny studio at the training centre for the past few hours, trying to get all the things floating around in his head out on paper. It’s weird, to feel pulled in so many different directions. He wants to write out his hurt and anger at Seungjae, but he also wants to write a cheesy love song about his first kiss. But he’s also jotted down a few lines about his burdens as a leader, of wanting to protect everyone else.

It’s helping, to put things to paper. But things are still eating him up inside anyway. They probably will be for a long time.

He hasn’t talked to Tablo and Wu yet about Show Me The Money, though he should do that soon. He hopes that his self-sacrifice means that Woosung will be able to come back for a round. Of course, he’s also afraid about Woosung coming back, because he hasn’t heard from him and he knows that Woosung had formed a friendship with Seungjae. What if Woosung will come back and trash him? Hanbin won’t even be able to respond to it.

And then, of course, there’s Jiyong. This is his one chance to do a track with him. Is he really going to give that up? He knows it’s the right thing to do, but he selfishly wants to do the song anyway. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to write the kind of lyrics he needs for it, but he still wants to try.

He’s surprised when his door opens and in walks the very person in his thoughts.

“Hyung!” Hanbin swivels around so fast he nearly topples out of his chair.

Jiyong laughs at him. “Are you okay?”

Hanbin grins sheepishly at him and stands up. “Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting you.” He stands in front of him and just stares at him, wondering what Jiyong is doing here. He hasn’t seen him in the training centre since last year, when they’d been paired with him on WIN. The memories of that feel like a roundhouse kick to the face, and he bites the inside of his cheek. Those were both happier times, but worse times as well.

Jiyong walks towards him and pulls him into a hug. “I wanted to come and check on you, given the whole Seungjae scenario.”

Hanbin decides to abandon all semblances of pride. He throws his arms around Jiyong, hugging him tightly. He’s touched Jiyong has come here to see him, but in the back of his mind he wonders if Jiyong is here to talk about their song. Because Jiyong knows, like he knows, how important it is to put the company first at times like this.

“You wanna go for a drive and talk? Just the two of us, no managers.” Jiyong asks him, and Hanbin is surprised at the offer.

“I’d really appreciate that, hyung.” He blinks the tears out of his eyes. Jiyong pats his back a few times before letting go of him.

“Alright, you need to save anything before we go?” Hanbin shakes his head no, because he’s a stickler for constantly saving his work every ten seconds. He grabs his phone and follows Jiyong outside, to where his black Lamborghini is sitting at the curb. Hanbin can’t help but grin at the juxtaposition of them having what’s going to be a deep conversation inside such a ridiculous car.

He happily gets in, though. Jiyong slides into the drivers’ seat and revs the car engine. Hanbin jumps a little at how loud it is, looking at Jiyong and laughing when he sees him grinning. Jiyong pulls away into traffic and Hanbin can’t believe he’s actually going for a drive with Jiyong. In his car, with no one else around.

It would piss Seungjae off so much, and the thought makes Hanbin smile.

Jiyong puts some music on, something chill and downtempo that Hanbin doesn’t know, but it’s a good sound for the moment. Jiyong navigates his way around the city, finally merging onto a highway. Hanbin has no idea where they’re going, but he’s happier for it. It’s not often that he finds himself in a place that’s unfamiliar, but he craves it often.

They drive until they’re out of the city and Hanbin happily watches the world outside zip by through the dark tinted windows. He knows it’s bright outside, knows that the sky is a beautiful shade of blue. But everything looks darker through the windows. It feels like there’s some kind of a lesson there, but he ignores it for now.

He’s not sure how long Jiyong drives for, but they’re both quiet during the drive, and even though they’re supposed to be talking, Hanbin isn’t in a rush. Jiyong clearly has some place he’s taking him. Hanbin is content to let him set their pace.

Eventually they arrive at a small little village, but Jiyong doesn’t drive into it. Instead he drives up to the top of a hill that overlooks the place and parks his car on a bit of grass to the side of the road. He cuts the engine and looks over at Hanbin.

“Let’s go sit outside.”

Hanbin’s surprised by the instruction but he does as he’s told, squinting against the bright sun when he gets out of the car. He looks at the Lamborghini and feels like laughing again. It’s such an extravagant and ridiculous car, but it suits Jiyong perfectly. He looks out over the village below, surprised when he sees unusually colourful houses.

Jiyong sits down in the grass near the edge of the hill and Hanbin joins him.

“Have you ever been here before? It’s a French-inspired village, called Provence.”

“No, but it’s really pretty. It looks kind of familiar though.”

“They shoot a lot of TV shows here, so that’s probably where you’ve seen it.”

“Right, must be. Have you ever gone down there and walked around?” Hanbin asks, wondering why they’re parked so far away.

“I did once,” Jiyong replies, “I got mobbed though. Not really looking for that today.” He grins back at Hanbin, who’s grateful for that decision. It must be weird, sad as well, to not even be able to enjoy something as simple as walking down the street without being followed by groups of people. He wonders if he’ll ever get that famous one day?

“So, how are you doing? I’m sorry to hear about the whole situation with Seungjae. I can’t imagine how much that’s got to hurt.”

Hanbin isn’t sure how to respond, because he’s not entirely sure how he’s doing. “It feels surreal, actually. Like it’s one big dream, or a prank or something. I have a hard time believing it’s real. I wake up in the morning and look at his empty bed and can’t believe it actually happened. But then I feel bad too, because it happened right under my nose. I feel disappointed in myself for not knowing something was going on with him.”

“I know how that feels, and it ,” Jiyong replies, “people can say what they want, they can come up with all the excuses, but at the end of the day it comes down to that truth. You should have known something was going on. No amount of people telling you it’s okay that you didn’t won’t make it untrue.”

Hanbin nods, and it feels oddly relieving to hear that from Jiyong. To hear that he should have done more. Other people won’t understand, because they’re not leaders. Hanbin wonders if Yang would have criticized him more had he not known about his dad? Because even though Yang hasn’t said that it was his fault for not knowing, Hanbin is pretty sure he’s thinking it. Not necessarily to say you failed in your duties, but maybe to say be more on top of things from now on.

And he would be right. It’s one of the ugly responsibilities that come from his role. There’s a time to be a friend to your members, and there’s a time to not be a friend. Hanbin had always prioritized being Seungjae’s friend over being his leader. That was his error.

“Hyung, I’ve been thinking, about everything that’s going on. As much as I really wanted to work with you, and it kills me to say this, I think the right thing for me to do is to pull out of Show Me The Money.” Hanbin decides to just jump into the meat of the situation. It’ll drive him crazy, waiting for Jiyong to bring it up.

“You’re right, unfortunately.” Jiyong looks at him with a sympathetic expression. “It would look bad on both of us to just sweep this under the rug. If it were just him getting cut for his attitude, that would be one thing. But those pictures are damning, especially the drug ones.”

“I haven’t looked at those,” Hanbin replies, “I don’t want to see him like that in my memory.”

“That’s smart. It’s stupid that something so inconsequential could have such a big effect.”

Hanbin looks at him in surprise. “I wouldn’t say drugs are inconsequential, hyung. That was serious.”

Jiyong grins back at him in that annoying sort of way that adults do when they know something you don’t know. “Don’t think that I’m encouraging you to do anything, but honestly this country’s views on weed are a little excessive. If he were doing something harder, like , okay, that’s serious, especially at his age. But smoking a joint really isn’t anything to get upset over.”

Hanbin frowns, wondering why Jiyong’s saying it—only to remember his drug controversy in Japan a few years ago. His cheeks flush in embarrassment and he looks away. “Ah, I’m sorry, I wasn’t saying that anyone who’s done it is bad.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think you are,” Jiyong replies, reaching out to pat his back, “and you’re allowed to have your own opinion about it. Don’t let me tell you how to feel. But, on the other hand, don’t believe things you’re told without looking into it yourself. It can’t be that bad of a drug if countries are legalizing it.”

“I guess not.”

“Having said that, it’s not worth the risk of trying anything. I still get death threats from people over what happened. I don’t want anything like that to happen to you, and if you and I were to do that collaboration right now, I worry that people would make up stories about you, and I can’t let that happen. You have too much potential for it to be sullied by things that are out of your control.”

Hanbin feels a rush of gratitude to Jiyong, but he also feels sorry to hear that one moment still follows him around, causes him grief after all this time.

“So what are they doing with your show? You guys filmed so much already.”

Hanbin shrugs, because he’s not sure. “We’ve technically put a halt to filming, even though the cameras are still everywhere. It makes me feel uneasy. Like, whenever they decide what we’re going to do, what if they use footage of us reacting to it? Everyone’s still hurting, you know? Sometimes I go and sleep with Jinhwan hyung because we’re both having such a tough time coping with him being gone. What if stuff like that gets put on the show? That’s what concerns me now.”

“Yeah, this company sure likes to exploit the grief of its artists,” Jiyong replies with a touch of bitterness in his voice, “but unfortunately grief sells, and it gets attention. It’s hard to stomach, but it’s reality.”

Hanbin nods, and he knows Jiyong is speaking the truth. “I’m worried about what they’re going to do with the team. I can’t do this group as the only rapper, we need a second. None of the other trainees are anywhere near ready, though. Especially not to come in as a guaranteed member. That wouldn’t be fair to the other six.”

“No, it wouldn’t. It also wouldn’t be fair to you. You worked so hard for this, you deserve to have someone who can match you on stage. Not someone thrown in to fill a gap. No one on the C team is in your league. I don’t know what they’re going to do. Probably have to look outside the company.”

“Jinhwan and I were talking last night, worried that maybe they might decide to just break us up. Like make them a vocals-only group, and debut me as a solo instead.” He’s terrified of that happening, but it seems like the most likely answer at this point.

“Yeah that’s honestly a possibility,” Jiyong replies, “but even if he did that, the group would get delayed for sure. I don’t think they’re ready to do vocals-only, they’d need more training to figure out a sound.”

“I’d still write for them,” Hanbin says, “I told Jinan that, promised him. I won’t let anyone else write for them, because no one else knows them as well as I do. They’re my responsibility. They’ll always be my responsibility, even if we get split up.”

Jiyong smiles at his declaration. “That’s why you’re the leader, Hanbin. And a good one, at that. Don’t lose that.”

Hanbin smiles back at him and feels good for hearing the compliment. It’s important for him to hear that now, given how out of sorts he’s been feeling about what happened with Seungjae. He needs to know that he’s still doing a good job.

They don’t talk much after that, just sit together and stare out over the colourful houses below and enjoy the warmth of the sun. Hanbin’s grateful for the break. He needed to come out here, needed to hear everything Jiyong had to say.
 

“So, have you heard about Hanbin?”

Bobby shifts in bed at Woosung’s question, curious what there is to hear. “What about him?”

“He’s pulling out of the show,” Woosung answers, “I got a call from Tablo hyung today. They need me to come back on the show in his place.”

Bobby feels crushed. Why is he hearing this from Woosung, and not from Hanbin? He tries to keep the hurt out of his voice as he replies. “, I didn’t know that. Did they say why?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Given what’s going on with Seungjae, it’ll look bad on the company to keep Hanbin on the show. They’re probably trying to keep him out of the public at all, I’m guessing.”

Bobby has been worried about this ever since that night he’d picked Hanbin up. But he hasn’t asked, figuring that Hanbin would let him know any updates himself. It hurts to be hearing it from someone else. He’s not surprised by the news, even though he wishes it weren’t true. “Have you talked to Hanbin about it?” Bobby knows that Woosung is friends with Seungjae, and he’s curious about whose side he’d take.

“No, it was just Tablo. I texted Hanbin but he hasn’t texted me back. I hope he’s there when I go in, though. I want to talk to him, get his take on it. I’ve heard Seungjae’s, and it feels weird, only knowing one side.”

“Yeah well, Seungjae’s version is probably skewed,” Bobby replies, and he can’t help but feel protective of Hanbin.

“I know, I’m not saying I believe everything he told me. Probably trying to save face, you know? Besides, Hanbin doesn’t strike me as the type of person to put himself above his team, not the way Seungjae said he did. He seems like the kind of guy who’d sacrifice everything for them instead. But still, I’m just curious.”

Bobby feels better for hearing him say it, but he’s also nervous. He likes Woosung, but he has a habit of blurting out everything he’s thinking without regard to how the other person might feel. He doesn’t want him to make Hanbin feel bad.

“Anyway, so I’m going in to see Tablo and Wu tomorrow, we don’t have much time to do my song, after all. Luckily I worked on something for it anyway, you know, following along at home.” Woosung joked, and Bobby is glad to hear that too.

“Good of you to be prepared. Just be nice to Hanbin if you see him, okay? This whole thing’s been really hard on him.”

Woosung snickers on the other end of the line. “Why are you being so protective? What do you think I’m going to do, be mean to him and tell him I believe Seungjae? Come on, hyung. I’m not that kind of guy.”

Bobby smiles and feels a little guilty for worrying about it. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that, I’ve talked to Hanbin, and he’s really having a hard time. I’m just worried about him.”

“It’s cute that you guys talk so much,” Woosung teases, “I promise I’ll be extra nice.”

“Thanks.” They talk for another few minutes before Woosung says he has to go, and Bobby lays in bed for a bit, thinking about Hanbin. Contemplating calling him.

Why didn’t Hanbin tell him? That’s what’s bothering him the most. Was he banned from telling anyone? Bobby hopes that’s the case. Because if Hanbin just didn’t bother telling him something so important… There’s no sense in worrying about it without knowing.

Bobby dials Hanbin’s number, hoping he’ll pick up. Hanbin usually stays up late. It rings three times before Hanbin answers.

“Hey hyung.” Hanbin sounds tired, and Bobby’s protective instincts kick in again.

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m okay,” Hanbin replies, and there’s a few seconds of silence that feel way too tense to Bobby, and he was hoping to let Hanbin break the news, but he can’t handle how quiet it is.

“I just talked to Woosung.”

Hanbin sighs into the phone, like he’s tired of the topic. “Did he tell you the news?”

Bobby wasn’t sure if Hanbin would bring it up, and he almost feels bad for asking. But they’re close now, really close, and Bobby can’t help but still feel slighted. He should be the person Hanbin talks to about upsetting things now, shouldn’t he?

“Yeah, he told me you’re pulling out of the show.”

Hanbin’s quiet for a moment before replying. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I meant to, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I’ve just talked about it too much after the past two days, it’s upsetting to think about it.”

Bobby feels guilty right away. “Hanbin, I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s okay. I just wish I could see you instead. I miss you.”

Bobby’s taken aback at the sudden admission, but he breaks into a smile. “I miss you too. Wish I could sneak you out and bring you over here for the night.”

“I’d love that. I want to fall asleep next to you again, I slept so well the last time.”

All the hurt he’d just been feeling over Hanbin’s failure to tell him about Show Me The Money vanishes now that they’re talking about this, and Bobby lays on his side, his phone cradled to his ear, thinking about how nice it would be if Hanbin were next to him right now.

“Are you able to get out to see me? Not right now, of course, it’s so late. But tomorrow? I don’t know what your schedule is like.”

“I don’t know,” Hanbin replies, “we’re kind of in a weird place right now, but maybe I can slip out to see you.”

“Or I could come see you?” Bobby offers, “wherever you need me to go. My aunt’s not opening until dinner tomorrow, if you’re free earlier?”

“Well, Tablo hyung wants me to see Woosung when he comes in tomorrow, but that’s earlier in the day. Maybe after that? Actually, can you meet me at YG? I’ll send you the address. There’s a place we can go nearby, it’s still out in the open, but, no one will really look for us there.”

Bobby smiles at the idea of going out to meet Hanbin again. He hasn’t seen him since the morning when they drove him back, and it’s been killing him. “Yeah sure I’ll come by! Text me the address and the time.”

“I don’t know if we’ll be able to kiss, or anything.”

“That’s okay,” Bobby replies, and he knows he’s blushing at the mention of them kissing and he feels kind of dorky about it but he’ll berate himself for it later,  “I just want to see you. I can hug you, right?”

“Yeah,” Hanbin replies, his voice taking on a happier tone, “you can always hug me.”
 

Hanbin is still a little unsure of this, but he has a hard time saying no to Tablo. He stands outside of the door to the studio for a moment, steeling himself for a potential frosty welcome. He’s not sure why he assumes Woosung is going to be against him, maybe just leftover insecurity about Seungjae being more of a people person than he ever was.

He finally enters the room and is surprised when Woosung immediately jumps out of his chair and greets him at the door, throwing arms around him for a tight hug that takes Hanbin’s breath away.

“Hey bro,” Woosung greets, “sorry about all the you’re going through. You holding up okay? How come you never answered my text? Been worried about you.”

Hanbin’s touched by the greeting, and he feels bad for assuming worse. Woosung’s concern is honest, not fabricated, and Hanbin is grateful to him for it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Before we get into anything else, I’ve talked to Seungjae, he told me his version of everything. I know it’s just one-sided, though, so don’t think that I’m on his side, or anything. Whatever happened is between the two of you, it doesn’t concern me. Even so I don’t think what he’s told me is all that accurate, given what I know of you. But we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Hanbin feels an overwhelming rush of gratitude towards Woosung. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.” He hugs him back, grinning stupidly when he looks past Woosung to see Tablo watching them with a fond smile. Wu has his back turned, probably trying to give them a bit of privacy. Hanbin almost feels like he’s filming a stupid drama.

They pull apart and Woosung is still all smiles. “Let’s keep in touch, okay? I respect that you think you’re at making and maintaining friendships, but I’m a stubborn guy, and I want to be your friend. So you don’t really have a choice, okay? Don’t ignore my texts anymore.”

Hanbin grins at him. “I won’t, I promise.”

“Good. Now, you feel like hanging out and helping me figure out my track?”

Hanbin feels even more touched by that, and he accepts the offer. It still stings that he can’t do his own song, but it’s nice to sit with Woosung and work on his. It’s just enough of a departure from all the going on with his life right now.
 

Just after they break for lunch, Hanbin tells the three of them that he’s got work of his own to do, and he leaves them on a happy note, once again promising Woosung he’ll actually reply to his texts when he gets them. Then he manages to slip away outside without anyone noticing.

He meets Bobby in the convenience store across the street, as instructed, and they buy a few snacks before Hanbin takes him over to the building down the road, to Hayi’s little secret rooftop spot. Bobby follows him up the stairs, doesn’t even ask where they’re going. Hanbin forgoes the scattered chairs and instead sits down on the roof, behind a big metal compartment that houses the building’s air conditioning system. It mostly blocks them from view of the YG building.

It’s not ideal, but it’s the best they can get at the moment. Hanbin looks at Bobby next to him and can’t help himself from giving him a quick kiss. Bobby reciprocates happily but it doesn’t last long, because both of them are still just a little paranoid about being out in the open.

They sit back then, arms and legs touching, and go through their bag of snacks.

“How did it go with Woosung?” Bobby asks, his heart pumped up just by being around Hanbin.

“Really good, actually. He was happy to see me, asked me to stay and help him with his track. It was nice. We had lunch together, the four of us, that was cool. It was nice to do something outside of my group, you know? Just escaping for a few hours.”

“I could imagine, you guys must be stressed out. Any news on what’s going to happen without him?” Bobby puts his arm around Hanbin’s shoulders, smiling when Hanbin leans against him.

“Not really. The debate’s still ongoing. They want to try and find a replacement for Seungjae, but that won’t be easy. None of our rap trainees are good enough to join my team, so they’ll probably look at trying to buy off someone from a smaller company.”

“Ah right, a hidden gem somewhere out there.” Bobby knows that has to be tough on Hanbin, to think about adding someone completely unknown to his group.

“But who knows how long that’ll take, or if they’ll even find someone. I keep worrying that they might split me from the group. Make me go solo instead.”

Bobby perks up at that. “Well, that wouldn’t be so bad, right? You could do your own thing, you’re really good.”

Hanbin shrugs. “Thanks, but that’s easier said than done. I’ve only ever trained with the intention of debuting in a group. I don’t really want to be a solo artist. I mean I like having solo performances, and I want a solo album one day, but I need my group. I like being in a group, even if I have to do things I don’t always want to do. It’s lonely being a solo artist.”

Bobby hasn’t thought about that, too excited over the idea of Hanbin making more music for himself. “Ah, you’re right. I didn’t think about that side of it.”

“I don’t want to leave them, either. They’re not ready to debut on their own without rappers, I don’t think. There’s a difference between being vocalists in a hip hop group, and being a purely vocal group. Jinhwan would probably be okay, Junhoe would be okay, but I worry about the others. I’ve never really pushed them hard enough on their own, because they were always going to have smaller parts in the songs. They’re ready for that, but not more. Not yet, anyway. And we were supposed to debut soon, we finally had a group name, a proper one. I don’t want to lose that now that it’s so close. I don’t want them to have to be delayed again. It’s too much after last year.” Maybe he shouldn’t be saying so much to Bobby, because Bobby still doesn’t even know about Mix & Match. But Hanbin feels like he needs to unload a little more, and Bobby has been trustworthy so far.

Bobby listens in awed silence, his respect for Hanbin constantly growing. “You care about them so much,” he says, “they’re really lucky to have you.”

Hanbin looks up at him with a bright smile. “You think so?”

“Yeah I do! I feel like you’d be successful on your own, but you care about them more than you care about your own personal success. Not everyone would be that selfless.”

Hanbin smiles and kisses him suddenly, nothing more than a light peck. “Thanks for saying that, it means a lot to hear it from someone who’s not privy to everything that goes on.”

Bobby’s pleased that his comments seem to make Hanbin really happy to hear, and he hopes that Hanbin gets the same compliments from the people he works with. They switch topics to music next, and Bobby’s surprised when Hanbin pulls out his phone and starts playing him a few songs he’s been working on for his group.

Bobby’s blown away by the details Hanbin thinks about, by the way he describes how each part of his song is for a certain member, the way he decides who should sing what. He puts so much thought into it, so much effort, that Bobby can’t help but feel intimidated by him. Hanbin really is an impressive musician, and Bobby wonders how much he’d learn if he ever worked with him.

But he also can’t help but think about how much fun Hanbin makes the group thing sound. He intersperses his song reveals with funny anecdotes about the members, tells him stories about them all, and Bobby is surprised by how envious he feels. He knows they all work hard, he saw that much from watching WIN. It’s torture at times, he’s sure, but they have each other, and they have a leader that loves them more than anything else.

He never thought it would have been possible, not after watching the show, but Bobby actually feels jealous of them, the more he listens to Hanbin. He feels jealous of the members who work with him, and he feels angry that Seungjae willingly threw it all away.

Hanbin deserves to have someone in his team who truly appreciates him, and Bobby hopes his company finds him someone. But he also can’t help but feel just a little jealous of whoever it is they’ll find. That guy had better kiss Hanbin’s feet on a daily basis. He’d better talk him up and make Hanbin feel like the greatest person in the world.

It’s what Hanbin deserves.