The car ride to the venue seems to go by far too quickly for Hanbin. Even though he’s been up late preparing, he feels like he’s not ready. But he knows he’s just preoccupied mentally with Mix & Match. He almost finds it funny that he’d thought it would be terrible if the ninth trainee was better than his Team B members. Instead the new guy, Hongseok, has turned out to be his worst nightmare.

Hongseok rubbed him the wrong way from their introduction. He’s the same age as Jinhwan, and the way he tried to befriend him right away annoyed the whole lot of them. Hanbin wouldn’t have been so angry if Hongseok had actually turned out to be good at anything, but he’s been a horrible disappointment so far.

His vocals are severely lacking (the potential is there, but Hanbin doesn’t have the patience to direct him the way he should) but he’s a worse dancer than either Chanwoo or Jinhyeong were on their first day.

Usually Hanbin prides himself on his ability to do what needs to be done despite how much he hates it, but he just can’t bring himself to be a good leader for Hongseok. He gives him minimal feedback and brushes him off to one of the others when he asks for help. It’s not the way he should be acting as a leader, but he can’t help it. Hongseok irritates him, and Hanbin has been irritated at far too many things lately to be polite about it.

Of course it doesn’t help that he’s got Seungjae in his ear constantly, complaining.

Seungjae has never really been much of a complainer. He whines playfully sometimes, but he’s never been one to let himself sink into negativity. If Seungjae doesn’t like something, usually he either doesn’t do it, or he alters it however possible to make it less of an issue.

But ever since their surprise meeting with Yang, Seungjae has changed. Hanbin’s actually surprised that out of them all, Seungjae is the one continually protesting how bull YG’s decision was to only guarantee three of them. Even Junhoe has moved on and accepted it. But every night, after Hanbin has sent the others to bed, he and Seungjae walk home from the training centre together and Hanbin listens to the pure vitriol that drips from Seungjae’s mouth.

He should really put a stop to it, he should force Seungjae to get over it like everyone else.

But the truth is that Hanbin is every bit as angry still, and he listens to Seungjae say all the things that he himself wants to say but can’t force out of his own mouth. Hanbin is angry, and Seungjae vocalizes it all for him.

But it’s not doing Hanbin any favours. He keeps going over his lyrics for tonight but he keeps getting distracted, thinking about Mix & Match.

Why hadn’t Yang warned him about it beforehand? Why had he just dropped it on him at the same time as the others, when Yang knew that Hanbin had more going on. Yang is well aware of his SMTM filming schedule. Why would he have dropped something so intense on him days before a filming?

Hanbin wants to scream about how unfair it is to himself, but he won’t. He needs to be calm, and he needs to be grateful that he even gets to do the shows. It’s on him to deal with the issues. He doesn’t want Yang to baby him, doesn’t want to be treated special.

But the timing is just too suspect to not have been done on purpose and it stings Hanbin.

Doesn’t Yang want him to do well on SMTM? How can he be sabotaging him like this?

Hanbin shakes his head and wills himself to stop thinking about it. Again—not doing himself any favours. Instead he takes a few deep breaths and watches as the company van pulls up to the venue.

If only he could come to the tapings with Tablo and Wu, maybe it would be different. He’d be more focused, and he’d feel calmer. But of course it’s not how things are, and he can’t blame them. It would seem like they’re favouring him, and they shouldn’t.

He slips quickly into the venue, heading for the backstage area where his teammates are. The main area has been made over for tonight, and it makes his stomach churn, thinking about the performance. He’s usually not so nervous, but he’s having a hard time not being able to focus.

“Hanbin!”

He looks up, finding the voice that called to him. There’s Woosung, sitting in between C Jamm and Bobby.

Bobby. Hanbin walks over to them and Bobby pats the chair next to him with a smile, and Hanbin doesn’t even realize he’s smiling back until he sits down.

“You ready for tonight? You look confident.” Bobby asks him, and Hanbin’s expression goes surprised for a moment.

He shrugs and tries to play up the supposed confidence, because he can’t have anyone knowing that he’s going through a rough time right now. “Yeah, I’m excited it’s finally here! How about you?”

Bobby grins and Hanbin actually feels a little calmer now. Which is dumb, because Bobby’s competition. But he’s so much friendlier than anyone else, and Hanbin glances past Bobby at Woosung, who’s facing away from him now, not bothering to greet him after calling out to him. Hanbin can’t help but feel a little bad about that. Woosung’s supposed to be the one he’s getting friendly with, not Bobby.

Still. The way Bobby smiles at him makes Hanbin’s stomach do stupid little flip flops. Dangerous little flip flops.

After a few minutes C Jamm moves to another seat and Woosung turns back to into their conversation.

“Ey Hanbin, you ready or are you gonna flop tonight?” Woosung’s grin seems friendly, and Hanbin narrows his eyes at him and hopes Woosung’s just teasing for fun.

“Of course I’m ready, this is a serious round.” Hanbin replies, and Woosung grins at him.

“Tell Seungjae I’m hurt he didn’t text me to wish me luck.”

Hanbin frowns at him. “Why would he text you?”

Woosung grins back at him. “We exchanged numbers when we met. That’s not against company rules, is it?”

Hanbin remembers well his flaring of jealousy when Seungjae got friendly with Woosung, and he tries to keep it off his face now. “Well text him yourself, then, if you have his number. I don’t control who he talks to.”

Woosung grins and nudges Bobby. “You hear that? Am I imagining it, or is he grumpy that I’m friends with his bandmate?”

Bobby doesn’t want to be caught in between this, especially not because based on Hanbin’s expression, there probably is some truth to Woosung’s comment. Bobby just wishes he knew who Seungjae was so he could understand the situation better.

Hanbin shakes his head and tries not to be annoyed. He can’t let Woosung do this, not in front of Bobby.

Woosung frowns at the way that Hanbin doesn’t follow up on the teasing. He’d been hoping to engage him for longer, and he feels bad that he can’t seem to figure Hanbin out. Maybe he’ll have to ask Seungjae for advice on how to get Hanbin to open up, because despite their on-screen rivalry, he actually wouldn’t mind forming a friendship with him. Maybe Hanbin just doesn’t enjoy teasing banter, though. Because he’s noticed that Hanbin seems quite happy to see Bobby again. What does Bobby have that he lacks?
 

Hanbin’s conflicted after his performance. For the second time on this show he’s forgotten his lyrics. He did a good job of covering it up this time, though, played it off so well that maybe people will think it was on purpose.

But it wasn’t, and he’s cursing himself mentally for it right now. He’d actually been sort of okay before going up on stage. Talking to Bobby had calmed him down, had helped him focus on the show. But getting up on that stage in front of the crowd had only made him think about WIN, which had made him think about his failure on the show, had made him think about Mix & Match. Midway through a sentence his mind was full of Seungjae’s angry retorts and he’d frozen, stuck on his next word.

But he’s nothing if not a fighter, and he’s never allowed an error to put him on the spot. Just like the audition round he’d jumped down from his spotlight, he’d jumped down into the fans this time. He knows the producers must have had a field day with his performance, because it will allow them to paint him the way they’ve been hoping to get him—like an arrogant villain. A soon-to-debut idol who uses his company’s reputation to prop himself up.

It’s good for ratings. He understands.

But it was just an easy thing for him to fall back on. He did it because he had nothing left in his brain. He put on a face on the stage, and on his way back it seemed like the other producers fell for it. He hadn’t meant to catch Swings’ eyes but he had, and the older rapper had given him a high five, telling him he’d loved it, he’d loved the arrogant anger. But that sort of thing works for someone like Swings. It isn’t true to Hanbin, though.

The look of disappointment in Tablo’s eyes is enough to crash him back to ground, though, and Hanbin knows he’s going to be in for a lecture later.

Whatever. The only thing that matters right now is whether or not the audience bought it. They’re the ones he has to impress right now. It’ll be far easier to live with his own disappointment in himself if he progresses to the next round.

Bobby is full of praise for Hanbin when he gets back to his seat, and it just makes Hanbin feel even worse. He can tell by the look Woosung gives him that his teammate saw right through him. But still, Woosung grins at him and praises the ingenuity of interrupting his set to rant about his haters. Hanbin’s not sure why he’s trying to be nice about it, probably just to rub it in his face later on. Or maybe he’s just being nice because Bobby’s here.

It doesn’t matter. Even though they’re teammates, Woosung is still competition. Why bother trying to being friends with someone who’s clearly not looking to be that friendly with him?
 

By the end of the night Bobby’s feeling fantastic. His own performance went perfect, he’d killed the crowd and finally gotten a taste of that thing he’s desperate for. Performing is intoxicating, and he loves it.

Maybe he’s just being oddly caught up again, but when Woosung asks him who his favourite stage was, Bobby’s lips start forming Hanbin’s name. But he chickens out at the last second and chooses Vasco, the safe answer. But he’s quick to say that both Woosung and Hanbin were in his top as well, and Woosung gives him this weird smile, like he knows Bobby’s not being honest.

He’s a little concerned at how quiet Hanbin has been after his stage, though. Bobby had thought he’d be looser after performing, but Hanbin seems even more tightly wound than before. Bobby had been hoping Hanbin would be relaxed at this stage, because he wants to ask him if they can exchange phone numbers.

But Hanbin’s preoccupied and Bobby wishes he wasn’t. He’s not even sure why—Hanbin’s stage had been popular and the audience reaction had been outstanding. Bobby’s not sure where Hanbin pulls the arrogance from, but it’s crazy watching him do it. It almost seems like Hanbin is two different people. Bobby wants to get to know them both.

The results are out soon after the last stage finishes, and Bobby walks up to check them out with Hanbin and Woosung. It’s a given that Vasco will finish in first place, and Bobby’s honestly just hoping he places in the top ten. He’s trying not to expect much, because despite doing well the audience is barely familiar with him, and he performed really early in the night, so people might have forgotten.

They’re all shocked at the results. Vasco is first by a landslide, but there, sitting pretty in second place, is Hanbin.

Bobby turns to give him a hug, not all that surprised but excited and happy.

Woosung’s annoyed. Hanbin ed up, and somehow had the audience so wrapped around his little finger they’d put him in second? Did they not notice he was covering up for forgetting his lyrics?

Hanbin can’t believe the results. While he’d been telling himself it would be okay provided he did decently enough to not be at the bottom, he knows he doesn’t deserve second place. His worries and fears plague him again—does he have Team B fans in the audience? Had they come out to support him, blindly giving him votes out of loyalty?

The others will hate him for it if that’s the case. He accepts Bobby’s hug but can’t bring himself to meet Woosung’s eyes, but he can feel them on him, burning a hole through his chest.

He just wants approval from the hip hop community. He doesn’t want his idol fans here, propping him up. He wants to be able to exist without their support, wants to prove himself. How can he do that with this kind of result?

And that’s when he realizes that even if he hadn’t ed up, even if he’d done perfectly, people would probably still blame his fans for the success. He’s sure they’re all thinking it now. Who let the fangirls into the venue? Did YGE pay MNET to let fans come to the taping?

It eats at him and all he wants to do right now is run to the bathroom to throw up. But instead he forces himself to wear a mask and deal with whatever he hears now. Whatever people say, he deserves it. Whatever criticism he hears, he deserves it.

He trudges along after Woosung and Jidam to their team room, not wanting to face his mentors. Wu will probably go easier on him, he’ll want to focus more on the fact that despite the error, what mattered was the stellar recovery.

But Tablo’s a perfectionist like Hanbin himself is. He’ll focus on the mistake, especially because it’s not the first one Hanbin’s made. Tablo expects more from Hanbin because he knows that he can expect more, and Hanbin knows he’s right to expect it, and he can blame the Mix & Match bombshell all he wants, but at the end of the day the fault lies solely on his own shoulders.

He ed up, and he has no one to blame but himself.
 

(Some real names in the next scene: Olltii = Woosung; Sungmin = C Jamm; Hunchul = Iron; Siyoung = Giri Boy)

Bobby is feeling a mixture of joy and disappointment after the team meeting. He did well for being unknown, but his team came in fourth, and he especially feels bad for Toy, who finished last. Memories of their talk in Jeju come back to him, of that sentiment about wanting something so bad and watching as it slips away. He wants better for her, thinks she deserves more.

But he also feels bad because the producers made a few quips about the voting, and Bobby knows they were talking about Hanbin, attributing his results to fans. He wanted to dispute it, because isn’t it the same for Vasco? Sure, Bobby told Woosung that Vasco’s stage was his favourite, but it wasn’t, it was only the safest answer in between friends. But there were probably people who voted for Vasco not for his performance, but because of who he is.

It’s the same thing, but somehow it only matters when it’s Hanbin. Bobby doesn’t think it’s fair.

But as soon as they finish he looks down at his phone and sees a new message from Sungmin (C Jamm, whose name Bobby finally remembers tonight) inviting him over to his place for a post-show celebratory drink.

Bobby doesn’t drink, but they don’t have to know that.

He bids goodnight to his teammates by the door and waits for the others to show up. But suddenly there’s Hanbin, hurrying down the hall with his head down. Bobby’s grateful that he’s going to get to see him to say goodnight, and he reaches out for Hanbin’s arm as he reaches the door.

“Hey, glad I caught you!” He studies Hanbin’s face, sad when he sees how heavy his eyes are, like he’s carrying a ton of weight.

“Hey hyung,” Hanbin replies, and Bobby’s friendly expression makes him feel a tiny bit better.

“Hey, uh some of us are going to Sungmin’s for some drinks, you wanna come?” Bobby offers before even thinking about it, before thinking about whether any of the others would want Hanbin there. He just doesn’t want to send Hanbin off looking dejected.

Hanbin face wrinkles in surprise at the offer, and he even smiles a little, but shakes his head. “I can’t, sorry.”

“Come on, not even for one?” Bobby asks, because he just feels weird at the automatic decline. “You got some company ban on going out and socializing, or something?” He says it with a friendly grin, because he wants Hanbin to smile more.

But Hanbin shakes his head again and gets a weird look on his face that Bobby can’t read. “Actually yes, but I'm also just really busy.” He looks uncomfortable and Bobby can't figure out if it's because Hanbin doesn't actually want to join them, or if he's hiding something.

“Busy doing what?” He asks. “It's almost midnight, you can't possibly be working at this hour?”

Hanbin offers him a wry smile in return. “You'd be surprised.” They face each other for a few seconds in silence before Hanbin sighs. “Well, I really do have to go, but thanks for the invite. I’ll see you next taping.”

“Yeah, sure, maybe then you’ll come out after?” Bobby asks jokingly, because it’s obvious that Hanbin won’t be doing that. But Hanbin smiles back at him in a way that makes Bobby’s heart flutter in his chest.

“Maybe, but don’t count on it. Have a good time, hyung, and good job tonight.” Hanbin leaves and Bobby watches him, disappointed that he’d forgotten to ask him for his phone number.

“You invited him, didn't you?” A voice at his ear asks, and Bobby turns to face Woosung.

“I couldn't not ask him.” Bobby replies, because he feels like maybe Woosung's questioning his decision.

“So surprising he's not coming.” Woosung replies sarcastically, and before Bobby can ask him about it Woosung's already halfway down the hall. “Come on, let's not keep the guys waiting!” So Bobby follows, and by the time they're outside Hanbin is long gone.

It isn't a long walk to Sungmin's place, and when they arrive Bobby takes a seat between Woosung and Sungmin, and the latter is already pouring himself a second glass of soju.

“There you are, boys! Drink up!” He pours them both glasses and Bobby accepts his. In all honesty he hates soju (he’s only tried it once), thinks the taste is disgusting. But he doesn't want to be rude in front of the others, so he sips at it.

“Woosung, where's your teammate?” Sungmin asks him, grinning when he gets a glare in response.

“I don't know, probably on his way back to his prison.” Woosung says jokingly, and the others laugh.

“Beauty queen needs his sleep.” Hunchul says jokingly, and Woosung laughs at it.

“Do idols have curfews? Did you ever ask him?” Siyoung questions, downing his drink and pouring another.

“No clue, we don't really talk about it.” Woosung answers.

“What do you talk about?” Hunchul asks.

“, we actually don't really talk? Not for lack of trying, he's just, not very friendly?” The others laugh, and Woosung tries to take it back. “I mean he's not rude! He's just...”

“Socially awkward?” Siyoung offers, and Woosung shrugs.

“Nah, he's just quiet. All work, no play, kinda guy.” Woosung says, and Sungmin nods, and Bobby wants to dispute it and tell them all that Hanbin talks to him. But he keeps it to himself.

“Not surprising really, he’s been a trainee for over three years now? And you know YG probably keeps their trainees locked down.” Sungmin says, and again it makes Bobby curious. A few times now he's heard people mention idols and trainees but he still has no idea what that actually means. He doesn't really pay any attention to Korean media back in the US, and he hasn’t gone looking for information since he’s been here.

He's going to ask, though. “So, what do you mean when you say he's a trainee?” He asks Sungmin, and everyone gives him a weird look, like he's just asked a stupid question.

But Sungmin nods and seems to remember that Bobby grew up in the US.

“, that's right, Bobby's American! He doesn't know about idols. Probably never watched WIN!” Sungmin says, and Hunchul rolls his eyes.

“I've never watched WIN either, he's not missing anything.”

Sungmin wags a finger in his direction. “You were supposed to be a part of BTS, don't roll your eyes at idol stuff!”

Hunchul's glare is murderous and he's about to raise a complaint, but Siyoung beats him to it. “Excuse me?!” He squeals. “That group with that dude named Rap Monster? You were gonna be a part of that?”

“It wasn't an idol group originally!” Hunchul replies, annoyed glare directed at Sungmin. “Anyway, this isn't about me! Go back to talking about your precious little Team B.”

Sungmin grins and downs his soju, while Bobby still has no idea what they're all talking about.

“So, what is WIN?” He prompts, because he's curious.

“It was a survival show that YG produced last year,” Sungmin explains, “two groups of trainees competed for the chance to debut as artists. Hanbin was the leader of Team B, but they ended up losing in the end to Team A, who's debuting soon with the name Winner.”

“You're awfully up to date on YG idol groups.” Hunchul says, looking at Sungmin with raised eyebrows.

Sungmin shrugs in response. “My little sister is a fan, what can I say?”

“I didn't know you have a sister.” Siyoung replies, and it starts a fresh round of teasing. Bobby quietly sips his soju and listens in amusement, but in the back of his mind he files away the information. He'll look it up when he gets to his aunt's, because his curiosity's been piqued, and he wants to know more.

Hanbin gets back to the dorm and sits outside, looking down at his phone and contemplating his options. He should just find the others and see what they’re doing, see how training is going, see how poorly Hongseok is doing.

But he’s worried that if he goes to them right now, he’ll just be snappy and angry. So instead he sits outside their building, alone in the darkness and hoping it’ll soothe some of his hurt pride and disappointment.

He doesn’t expect anyone to find him, but five minutes after he sits down he hears footsteps and hopes whoever it is will pass him by quickly, but the steps stop suddenly and he closes his eyes to wait.

“Hanbin-ah, what are you doing out here alone?”

Hanbin turns in surprise—it’s Song Minho. “Hey, hyung.” He hasn’t seen much of the Team A guys (Winner guys now, he has to get used to calling them) since they’ve been busy preparing for their debut. In fact, the last time he did see them it was to give them a song he’d written, originally intended for his own group, but Yang had asked him to give it up, and as much as Hanbin wanted to fight for it, in the ended he’d decided it was better to at least get his name out there in the credits than not have the song see the light of day at all.

Minho comes over to sit down next to him at the picnic table. “How’s the new show going? Heard you have a few new trainees, how are they?”

Hanbin frowns—it really has been a long time since they’ve had a chance to hang out. “They’re good,” he replies mechanically, feeling awkward. How much is he allowed to say to Minho anyway? The producers know what’s going on, but what about his fellow label mates?

“How are they really?” Minho asks, because he knows Hanbin well enough to know when he’s not being honest. Hanbin rarely ever lies, he doesn’t have it in him.

Hanbin slumps forward at the question and immediately Minho scoots closer and puts an arm around his shoulders.

“That bad, huh?”

Hanbin bites back a sarcastic laugh. “They’re good guys, but,” he struggles to find the politest way to say what he wants to say, and settles on “they could be better.”

Minho leans his head against Hanbin’s, and while Hanbin usually loves the contact, right now it just feels annoying. But he knows he’s only feeling that way because he’s upset with himself tonight. Any other night and he’d have been the one initiating the cuddling instead of wanting to push away.

“How’s Show Me The Money going? I’m happy you’re getting to do the show, I’m jealous.” Minho says it honestly, and Hanbin knows he’d love to do the show, but he also feels annoyed that Minho is expressing jealousy over his situation. Hanbin would love nothing more than to offload some of his stress onto someone else.

Instead he gives another half answer. “It’s going well, I actually just got back from a taping. Taking a few minutes for myself before finding the guys.”

Minho sits up and drops his arm, which Hanbin is grateful for, but misses the moment it’s gone. “Let me guess, you won’t tell me anything even if I ask politely?” Minho teasingly asks, and it makes Hanbin smile despite his exhaustion.

“I signed a contract, sorry,” he replies, and Minho grunts in frustration. “I’m still on the show though, that much I can tell you.”

Minho grins and swipes off Hanbin’s baseball cap, ruffling his fingers through his hair affectionately before getting up. “Of course you’re still there, I know you’ll do well and make us all proud. Anyway I’m heading to bed, have an early morning photo shoot. You have a good night though, okay? I know you’re probably tired from all the tapings, so make sure you sleep.”

The brotherly advice warms Hanbin’s heart a little and he looks up at Minho with a softer expression. “Thanks, hyung. I promise I’ll try.”

Minho smiles back and makes his way inside, leaving Hanbin alone again. He wishes he could follow Minho up to his own apartment and go to sleep, but there’s too much to do, so instead he gets up from the table and starts the short walk to the training centre, hoping to find the guys there still.

And maybe, if he’s lucky, Hongseok will a little less.

If he’s lucky.