He’s in a daze during the meeting, listening but not really hearing, speaking without being fully aware of what he’s saying. He feels an odd sort of detachment from the situation while it’s happening. YG is telling him things, asking him questions, and while he’s aware that he’s answering, all he hears when he speaks is a buzzing sound. Like his ears are stuffed full of cotton. He has no concept of time, no idea how long he’s in the office for, discussing whatever it is they’re discussing. Probably the future of his team. Maybe something else entirely.

When he’s finally dismissed he forgoes the elevator and opts for the stairs, descending them in a fog of confusion. He feels comforted by the pounding of his feet on the steps, though. It’s almost like a song in its own way. An inspiring percussion track.

The rest of his team are in one of the basement dance studios, waiting for him, but instead he heads for the exit. He probably shouldn’t be leaving the building, has absolutely no business wandering the streets alone, but he just can’t face anyone else right now. They’ll have questions for him, but he won’t have any of the answers. They’ll be looking to him to hold them all together, but he can’t even hold himself together at the moment.

He knew what was going to happen the second he’d gotten the call, yet he’s still shocked at the outcome. It’s so official now, it’s real in a way that it wasn’t real when he and Jinhwan were looking down at that first picture on Jinhwan’s phone. There’s no taking it back, it’s going to print, there will be no happy resolution.

Seungjae is out of his team, out of the company, out of his very life.

That thought is what makes him tear up first. He’s just lost his best friend. The person he always envisioned at his side, the only one he ever wanted there. From his first day at YG he’s had Seungjae. The two of them and Jinhwan, two rappers and a vocalist. They’d added more vocalists over time, it had always been the expectation that they’d keep adding more. But they’d both known that no matter how many vocalists they had, they would never add another rapper. He and Seungjae were enough. No one else necessary.

But now it’s only him and he can’t do it alone. He can’t make it work by himself, because it’s not enough. He’s not enough on his own, he needed Seungjae. Needed his energy, needed his attitude. He gets too lost in himself sometimes, he always has, but Seungjae always pulled him back out, always pulled out the best in him.

How is he supposed to find that now on his own?

Panic wells up in him so suddenly that he stops walking and has to lean against a building, has to pinch his arm to control himself before he gets lost. Everything is ed up. Everything. He can feel it in the pit of his stomach, bubbling up like a pot boiling over on the stove, he can feel it coming up the back of his throat, threatening to spew from his lips.

Instead he takes a deep breath, tries not to shake but his limbs feel weird, like they’re all tingly, every inch of his skin is alive with painful little pinpricks and he has to shake them awake again before he collapses. He closes his eyes the second his vision goes blurry.

He’s terrified of his own reaction, unsure what’s happening to himself. It feels like his entire body is going on strike, everything wants to stop working at the same time.

He actually stops breathing for a bit, only becoming aware of it when suddenly he’s drawing in deep and heavy breaths, gasping like he’s just run a marathon. He sinks down until he’s squatting on the sidewalk, still leaning against the building, head bowed and eyes closed, like some old man near the end of his life, gasping for one final breath.

The buzzing of his phone in his pocket somehow breaks him out of the stupor, but he doesn’t look at the phone. Can’t look at it.

What if it’s Seungjae, calling to spit vitriol at him again?

What if it’s his mother, calling to tell him that his father’s just been picked up by the police?

What if it’s his manager, calling to berate him for skipping out of the building unattended?

What if it’s Jinhwan, calling to ask him where he is and when he’s coming back to them?

He wants to break down in tears but he can’t do that, not here on the side of the street with people around. He’d draw too much attention to himself. He suddenly realizes that people might be watching him now. Did anyone follow him after he left the building? Has someone already sent his picture to Dispatch, has his nervous breakdown already been plastered all over the internet?

He tries to clear his head, needs to empty it so he can focus on breathing. Only on breathing, nothing else. He starts counting the seconds in his head, tries to go slowly, tries to make a rhythm out of it. It actually works, he manages to focus on the numbers and soon he’s counting in time with his breathing, four numbers per breath.

He opens his eyes again and everything’s clear. His limbs aren’t tingling anymore, he doesn’t feel like he’s about to throw up. He stands up on slightly shaky legs and forces himself to turn around and look behind him.

There’s no one there. No one standing across the street watching him, no one sitting in a car watching him. No one seems to be paying him any attention.

He quickly pushes away from the wall and starts walking again. He’s still walking away from the building, though. He can’t go back, not like this, not yet. He just wants to walk and keep his head empty, needs time for his body to accept that he’s mentally distraught, so it can at least keep working on auto-pilot whenever his brain decides to short-circuit again.

At least it’s a nice night. That’s what he keeps telling himself. It’s warm out, but not disgustingly hot. He can breathe in without a problem, it doesn’t feel like he’s in smog. It’s a nice night and he’s by himself, out for a walk, wandering around the streets of Seoul, and all he’s going to focus on is his breathing. In and out. In, an out. In…

He should call his mother. Needs to tell his dad not to take the deal. Because what if his debut is delayed now, what if the company delays it because of Seungjae, and they don’t debut for a few years? His dad’s case will be old news by then, won’t it? So he doesn’t have to plead guilty? Doesn’t have to take the responsibility so it stays hushed up?

But what if it’s too late? What if it’s already done? What if he calls her and she tells him that it’s finished, that it’s final, that he’s going to jail tomorrow? What if he hears his dad’s voice for the last time, only for him to finally be released in a few years’ time, just soon enough to finally see his son debut?

He’ll be haunted by it. It’ll come up, it’ll be all over articles about him, about what’s left of his team, won’t it? He can read them all now. YG delays debut of new boy group due to controversy over drug-using former member, only for leader B.I’s father to be released from prison the day of the group’s official debut. Netizens will be screaming for him to be cut, there will be petitions—there are always petitions.

Maybe this is all just a sign. He’s the problem. He’s the one who needs to go, isn’t he? They lost WIN because he didn’t lead them well enough. He failed Seungjae as a leader, and his failure is what led him to his destructive behaviour. Now he’s costing the rest of his team for it. He should be with them, he should be comforting them, but instead he’s running away from the problem. He’s leaving them on their own, without him, where they should be.

It’s for the best. He’s toxic.

He’d been so intent on preserving Team B, so desperate to keep them together and minimize the impact, but all along he was the one who should have left. It’s a blessing for the vocalists, isn’t it? They can go on without him. They should go on without him. He’s not going to go back because he’s a danger to their careers. Seungjae was the test, wasn’t he? He was the test and Hanbin failed it spectacularly.

But now where is he supposed to go? He can’t go back to the main building, he can’t go to the dorm in case Seungjae is still there, he can’t go home because he can’t let his parents see him like this, he can’t go to anyone in the company—he’s got nowhere to go.

The answer comes to him suddenly, like a rush of oxygen after near suffocation, and he pulls his phone out, finger skimming through the contacts until he’s found the one he’s looking for. When the voice answers after two rings he can’t bring himself to speak.

“Hey, Hanbin! I can’t believe you actually called me!”

Bobby’s voice is barely keeping him together at the moment. It’s like an anchor during a violent storm, keeping him rooted to the spot when all he wants to do is lose himself to the tides. He wants Bobby to keep talking, wants him to ramble about anything, just so he can listen to him speak.

“Hanbin? You there?”

He still can’t bring himself to respond, can’t force anything out of his lips except a shaky breath. He feels like he’s rapidly coming apart again and he’s not sure why. He just avoided a meltdown, and now suddenly he’s on the verge of one again?

“Hanbin? Are you okay?”

Sometimes all it takes is a trigger sentence for everything to come rushing out.

“No. No, hyung, no I’m not okay. I’m not okay.” He sinks against the brick wall next to him again, his voice coming out in a low whisper, because even though he’s falling apart he’s still aware that he’s on the street, where anyone can hear him, and he’s terrified that people have found him now, he’s sure that people are about to start recording him and putting it on-line.

“Okay, stay calm, alright? Where are you?” Bobby asks in a confident tone, no panic in his voice at all.

“I don’t know, I’m just walking.”

“Where, though? Do you want me to come and meet you?” Bobby’s offer is exactly what Hanbin wants right now. Yes, he wants to say, yes please come and get me, come and help me.

But his brain isn’t processing things at quite the same speed. “No, it’s okay,” is what comes out. He’s conditioned to exist in his own little world, keeping everything to himself, never asking anyone for help, not unless he’s dripping blood. It’s his knee jerk reaction, to pretend he’s okay.

Bobby doesn’t accept it as an answer. “Hanbin, tell me where you are, go and find a street sign and tell me what intersection you’re at. And then you stay there, and I’m going to come and find you.” His voice is so direct, so strong, that Hanbin does exactly as he’s told. He gives Bobby his address and then he sits down on the sidewalk, back against the wall, knees pulled up and arms around them, shrinking in against himself. He pulls his snapback down over his eyes and pulls his hood up over the hat, hopes that anyone on the street will just think he’s some random kid.

He’s not sure how long he’s there, but he started counting numbers again to stave off any other thoughts. After a while he realizes that he’s counting gibberish, breaking patterns and skipping numbers, and he makes himself start again, but the second he gets to the number six he thinks about Seungjae and that’s enough to break him down again.

Everything he’s worked hard for is on the verge of utter ruination. Here he is, eighteen years old, huddled down on the sidewalk on a street corner, feeling certain that his entire life is over. Not just his life, but Seungjae’s life is ruined too, and by proxy the other four members of Team B are also at serious risk.

He thinks back to last year. About all the suffering. Thinks about the lines he penned down in .

The gods asked me if I wasn’t gonna regret this
But I answer without hesitating
Why would I regret?

He regrets it now. He’s been arrogant, hasn’t he? So arrogant to assume that he was strong enough to do this, that he was good enough for it. He’s never been the type to doubt himself. Even after WIN, he’d doubted many things, but never himself. He’s always been confident, always been certain that he can do it all on his own.

And now he’s being punished for his arrogance. Someone, somewhere, got tired of his cocky posturing and is now out to teach him a lesson in humility. Karmic retribution.

Suddenly a hand grabs his arm and he looks up in surprise and shock and horror, because this is it, someone has found him and is about to stick a camera in his face and expose him for the villain he’s become—

“Hanbin? Come on, let’s get up, come with me.”

It’s Bobby. He’s confused for a moment, forgets that he called him. How did Bobby find him?

Bobby looks at him with concerned eyes, like Hanbin’s a wounded animal near death. “Come on, let me get you out of here.”

And then it comes back to him. Right. He called Bobby in a moment of panic, when he realized that he had no one else. No one except Bobby, who doesn’t know much about the idol side of his life. He called him because he hoped that Bobby wouldn’t ask him too many questions. He’s vaguely aware of the thought that he shouldn’t go with him, that he needs to get back to the company, back to his team, but he shoves that part of his brain into a soundproof room and locks the door.

He lets Bobby pull him up and he follows him into the backseat of a car. The first thing he thinks is that it’s so different from a company van. It’s different than when he sat in the passenger seat of Jiyong’s lamborghini.

Thinking about Jiyong makes him feel horrible, because it’s one more person he’s failed. He’s supposed to be Jiyong’s successor, as much as he hates the title. But maybe that’s another punishment, because maybe he doesn’t really hate it as much as he says he does. Maybe it’s another contributing factor to his arrogance. Jiyong is so far ahead of him in terms of everything—how dare he allow anyone to say he’s the next?

Hanbin suddenly feels an arm slide around his shoulders, and it’s Bobby, pulling him closer. Bobby pushes Hanbin’s hood back and knocks his snapback off so he can pull his head down against his chest, and Hanbin lets him do it. Lets himself get pulled into the embrace that he’s so desperate for. This is what he wants—someone to hold him close. The physical contact unlocks his brain and suddenly he’s got words tumbling off his lips.

“I sacrificed everything for nearly four years and it’s all ed now.” His voice is shaky when he talks, and Bobby a finger over his cheek in response.

“What’s ed, Hanbin?”

“Seungjae. He’s gone, I lost him.” Hanbin is aware that he’s holding his breath again, like he’s waiting for something—but what?

Bobby hugs him tight. “Ah , Hanbin, I’m so sorry.”

“He hates me.” Hanbin hates how it sounds out loud, hates the way it makes him remember Seungjae’s face, angry eyes glaring a hole through his head. “He blames me for everything, and he’s right, it’s all my fault, everything is my fault.”

“Don’t say that.” Bobby pats his cheek again.

“It’s true,” Hanbin replies, “I didn’t realize it until now, though. I sacrificed a lot, I always stood up for him, I always put myself on the line for him, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t do enough for him, I could have done more, I could have helped him do more. I failed him.” Saying it out loud makes him feel so much worse.

Bobby isn’t sure what to say in response. He doesn’t know what’s going on with Seungjae, has no idea why he was kicked out, but he can’t imagine how it could possibly be Hanbin’s fault. But how do you dispute something without knowing all the facts?

“I fought for him for so long, even though he kept sabotaging himself. But I never tried to help him, I just tried to cover up for him. Why didn’t I help him?”

Hanbin sounds so forlorn and desperate that Bobby can’t help but try to assuage the guilt he’s clearly feeling. “You can’t help people who don’t want your help, Hanbin. You’re not responsible for everyone.”

“I am, though, at least with them I am. I’m their leader, Bobby, I’m supposed to be responsible for them and I wasn’t. I should have known what he was doing, I should have known he’d be upset and jealous, I should have tried harder with him. I thought he was okay, though. I thought he was okay, and he wasn’t okay, and that’s my fault.” Hanbin wonders if this is how his father felt when he became aware of what was going on with his company? Is he being punished not just for his own actions, but also for his father’s? Sins of the father fall heavy on the son. Something like that.

Bobby doesn’t know what else to say, so he just lets him ramble on. He sounds distraught, not at all the controlled and collected Hanbin he’s known until now. Bobby looks up and meets his aunt’s eye in the rearview mirror. They share a solemn look, a pact of silence. They both know that Hanbin shouldn’t be here right now, but they’re not going to take advantage of the situation.

She drives them back to her apartment and it’s not until she’s pulling into her parking spot that Hanbin seems to regain his awareness. His head snaps up suddenly and he looks around, wild eyes meeting Bobby’s. There’s a panic clearly visible in them that catches Bobby by surprise.

“, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you.” Hanbin sits back and wipes a hand across his eyes. His demeanour changes instantly. He gets stiff and awkward, like he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself, or with Bobby.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s okay, I promise,” Bobby replies in a soft voice, “what you said stays between us, okay?”

Hanbin shakes his head and tries to be conscious about how he’s breathing, because the last thing he needs is to lose his breath and start gulping for air in a panic again. “No, it was wrong of me, I never should have called you and I shouldn’t have told you anything.”

“I understand that, Hanbin, but you did call me.” He reaches out and takes one of Hanbin’s hands in his own, threading their fingers together. “You called me because you didn’t have anyone else to call, right? You needed someone, but it had to be someone outside your company.” Hanbin sniffles at the comment and his breath comes in a shaky gasp. “Come inside for a bit, okay? You can talk more if you need to, and if not then just come in and have some tea and calm down before you go home.” Bobby’s afraid he’s going to refuse, afraid he’s going to demand to be taken back right away.

But to his relief Hanbin relents and agrees to follow him inside. His aunt heads to the kitchen to make that promised tea for Hanbin, while Bobby pulls him down to sit beside him on the couch. He slides an arm around his shoulders, and while Hanbin’s body is stiff at first, eventually he relaxes into Bobby’s side, unable to resist the draw of a warm body. After a minute he’s got his feet up under him and he’s curled under Bobby’s arm, his eyes closed while Bobby’s fingers rub soothing little circles on his back.

Bobby doesn’t pressure him to talk, and maybe that’s why Hanbin’s willing to stay. He’s desperate for someone to make everything okay, but he knows that no one can fix anything for him. But there’s an allure to being cared for, it feels almost taboo to him because he’s never let anyone do it before. He’s always solved his own problems, but he can’t solve this one. Bobby’s not trying to solve anything, though, and that makes all the difference to Hanbin.

He takes the cup of tea from Bobby’s aunt and closes his eyes when she lays a hand on his head and tells him that he’s welcome to stay for the night if he needs to. She also offers him a home cooked meal if he’s hungry, waving off his concerns over troubling her.

“You have too many troubles of your own for someone so young,” she tells him, “so if you’re hungry I’d be more than happy to cook you something delicious. When’s the last time you were home to see your mom, huh?”

It hasn’t been that long, really, but the last visit wasn’t one for healing, but he’s not about to tell her that. He hasn’t been able to enjoy his mom’s cooking for months, though, the last time he’d gone home to visit under happy pretences had been before he’d started filming Show Me The Money. She makes a clucking noise of sympathy before demanding to know what his favourite food is. Bobby warns him that he’d better let her cook him something, so he relents and tells her his favourite dish, and she pats his head again before heading for the kitchen.

It’s such a nice gesture that it brings him to tears and he’s got his head on Bobby’s chest a minute later, sniffling into his shoulder while Bobby cards a hand through his hair, his fingers soothingly brushing the strands, and despite being sad and depressed, Hanbin actually feels kind of good. Turns out it’s nice to let someone take care of you when you’re hurting.

Even though it’s a terrible idea, and he knows it’s a terrible idea the very second it forms in his head, he can’t help but think it. Can’t help but compare.

Hanbin has spent nearly four years with Seungjae, and despite being older, not once in their history did Seungjae ever try to take care of him. Usually it was the other way around, Hanbin looking out for him, comforting him when things didn’t go his way. He hadn’t been surprised at the time, because while he was the oldest child in his family, Seungjae was the youngest of four, and he’d always been babied by his siblings.

Still, it was no excuse, and Hanbin knows it. Seungjae could have done more, should have done more. Of course he’d had Jinhwan to fill the role of comforting hyung, but Seungjae was a full year older than him, and he never should have put Hanbin in the position he’d put him in.

And now he’s here with Bobby, someone he’s only known for two months, and already Bobby has done more for him in that time than Seungjae did in almost four years and Hanbin can’t help but feel bitter about it. How different would things have been, if he’d had Bobby instead of Seungjae? If he’d been allowed to be the youngest brother of their trio? It’s not that he wants to be coddled. He hates it. But sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes he needs someone to tell him to shut up and let me take care of you and he doesn’t have anyone he feels comfortable giving that power to. His relationship with Jinhwan isn’t like that, but he doesn’t blame Jinhwan for it. It’s all because they’d been more focused on taking care of Seungjae, like parents of a needy child, and that’s what their relationship is like now. Two people who know how to work together, who know how to comfort each other when they’re down, but who never push because they’re afraid of breaking each other. If one breaks, then the other will also break. Neither of them can afford to be broken.

He needs someone who can bully him into submitting, someone strong enough to take on his burdens and not buckle under the pressure. Bobby feels stable and strong, he feels reliable. Hanbin realizes then that despite being a team for so long, he’d never really felt like he could rely on Seungjae for anything more than a good performance.

He needs more in life than just a performing partner, though.

Bobby’s aunt comes out with food for him, and Hanbin wonders what time it is, doesn’t quite know how long he’s been gone for. The others must be worried about him, Jinhwan must be losing his mind…

He sits up and thanks her for the food, and it looks and smells so wonderful but he’s crippled with a sudden guilt. He’s about to eat a good meal, and he wonders what the others are eating tonight? Something far too insubstantial from the convenience store across the street, because no one’s got time to cook these days.

He’s being insufferably selfish right now, and he’s not a selfish person. He’s always sacrificed for s, always done his best for them. The thought of getting a precious gift like this while they’re suffering without him has tears coming to his eyes again, and he wipes halfheartedly at them. He’s never been teetering on a tearful collapse the way he’s been all night. It feels weird, uncomfortable and awkward.

Bobby leans into him and butts his head softly. “Eat, Hanbin,” Bobby tells him, “don’t make me feed you myself!”

Hanbin smiles weakly at him before starting in on the meal. It’s so good, he can feel the warmth of the soup seeping into his bones. He wants to get up and kiss Bobby’s aunt to show his gratitude, wants to hug her and shower her with all the praise he can muster. He finishes it quickly and she smiles at him in that affectionate motherly sort of way when she comes to collect his bowl. She lays a hand against his cheek and god he misses his mother so much right now but he thanks her and smiles and hopes that she can read everything on his face that he can’t actually bring himself to say.

She looks on him with such fondness that he’s sure she understands, and it’s a comforting feeling. She retires to her room and it’s just the two of them then. Hanbin finally looks at the time, sees how late it is, and he’s afraid to look at his phone. He still can’t face going back to the dorm, can’t look any of them in the eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Bobby asks him, can feel the way he’s gotten all tense again.

Hanbin doesn’t answer, just leans against him. He needs to talk to Jinhwan. He’s not just failing as a leader right now, he’s failing as a friend, too. He’s fled the scene and left Jinhwan to clean up the mess, and he’s ashamed at how cowardly he’s being. But the hurt over Seungjae is still too fresh for him to move past. He can still hear his hateful voice, can still see the anger in his eyes. To be on the receiving end of such negativity from someone he loves so deeply is almost too much for him to handle.

“I need to call Jinan.” He sits up suddenly, because he can’t let himself sit around and mope. Not when he has someone who needs to talk to him. Bobby lets him go, doesn’t follow him, and Hanbin slides open the door to the balcony and steps out into the cool night air. He swipes his phone open but doesn’t look at any of the message notifications, just calls Jinhwan directly. He picks up right away.

“Hanbin? Where are you?”

He can hear the desperate worry in his voice and he feels terrible. He should have texted him, at least, should have told him he would be out. He wonders how much they know by now, if anyone has told them everything, or if he was supposed to have done that. It should have been him.

“I’m with a friend.” Hanbin’s surprised at his own answer. It feels so weird to say it out loud, to call someone his friend. He hasn’t had any friends outside of s for literally years now, because he’s terrible at maintaining friendships with people.

“Okay,” Jinhwan replies, partly relieved, and it makes Hanbin feel guilty again, “I was worried about you, we’ve been trying to contact you for a while. We’re all back at the dorm now, Jae’s gone, and, well, I’m just worried about you.” Jinhwan’s voice nearly cracks, and Hanbin wants to break down in tears at being the cause. He wants to tell him not to worry, wants to put on a brave face, but he can’t. He can’t, and Jinhwan knows that.

“Are you coming back tonight?” Jinhwan asks, and Hanbin doesn’t know what to say. He should be there. He should be there with them—he should be there with Jinhwan. He has no business being away from them when they need him the most.

“I don’t know.” But his mouth keeps deciding to say the opposite of what his brain wants it to say.

“It’s okay, stay with your friend,” Jinhwan tells him, “it’ll be hectic and stressful here, so take a night away.” Hanbin wants to say no, wants to go back to the dorm. Kind of. But he also wants to stay where he is.

“I want to be there, with you,” Hanbin replies weakly, wants Jinhwan to understand that he really means it.

Of course Jinwhan understands. “I know you do,” he replies, “but you need to think about yourself. Don’t come back until you’re ready.”

Hanbin isn’t sure what to say (aside from a tearfully stated I love you, hyung) but Jinhwan is sweet to him, tells him to take all the time he needs. Then he hangs up and Hanbin is hit with the sudden desire to crawl into bed and sleep for an entire year. He’s utterly exhausted, mentally and physically. He slips his phone back into his pocket without checking the text messages (because he’s terrified that he’ll see one from Seungjae) and heads back inside.

Bobby’s still on the couch where Hanbin left him, and Hanbin sinks down next to him again.

“So, what’s the verdict? You need me to take you back, or do you wanna stay for the night?” Bobby expects him to leave, but he’s holding out hope that maybe Hanbin will decide to stay. Bobby doesn’t want him to go, doesn’t want to send him off with such a heavy heart.

“Are you sure it’s okay if I stay?” Hanbin asks in a quiet voice, and Bobby fights to keep the smile off his face.

“Of course it’s okay! You’ll have to sleep in my room with me, in my bed, it’s big though, don’t worry! The couch isn’t really long enough to sleep on.” Bobby laughs a little awkwardly and hopes Hanbin doesn’t mind. He doesn’t think he will, since Hanbin seems to enjoy physical contact, but sleeping is a different beast from sitting next to one another.

Hanbin smiles weakly at him. “That’s okay, I don’t mind.”

Bobby smiles back and stands up then, grabbing his hand and leading him down the hall to the spare bedroom he’s staying in. Halfway there he realizes that it’s probably weird that he took Hanbin by the hand, because it’s not like they’re at risk of being separated in the apartment. But Hanbin doesn’t seem to mind, in fact his fingers are locked quite tightly around Bobby’s. Maybe he likes it?

Once they get to his room Bobby looks at him, taking in his clothing. It’s not really sleeping attire.

“I don’t know what you usually wear to bed, but I have shorts and tees, if you want something?” Hanbin nods and Bobby moves to his dresser, rummaging around for his softest t-shirt. “You want a shower? Might make you feel better.” Bobby finds what he’s looking for, the brush of soft cotton on his fingers. He pulls out the red Winnie the Pooh t-shirt and grabs a pair of basketball shorts.

He offers the clothes to Hanbin, who takes them. “A shower would be nice, if you’re sure it’s not a problem.”

“Not at all!” Bobby smiles and leads him to the bathroom, grabbing him a towel from the rack. “Feel free to use whatever’s in there, and take as long as you want.”

“Thanks, hyung.” Hanbin takes the towel and Bobby leaves him be, heading back to his room to get changed. And then it hits him that he’s about to share his bed with Kim Hanbin. His mind flashes back to all those episodes of WIN, remembering how impressed and awestruck he was by Hanbin in particular. He was so strong, talented and inspirational. He remembers the first time he talked to Hanbin, not that long ago, really, remembers how he kept pushing Hanbin to conversation before really knowing much about him, just trusting that feeling in his gut that told him that Hanbin was worth getting to know.

And now he’s about to sleep next to him. He can’t help but think about his fans then, and he remembers those scenes of Hanbin and the others meeting all those screaming girls. He wonders what they’d think if they knew about this, wonders if they’d be okay with their favourite spending a night in the same bed with some American guy he barely knows. He hopes they’d appreciate him for trying to help, at least.

But then he wonders if any of them followed Hanbin. Were they there in the street when he showed up? Did they watch him push Hanbin into his aunt’s car, did they follow them here? Are there fans sitting outside his building right now?

Maybe Hanbin isn’t even famous enough for stalker fans yet. Bobby hopes not, otherwise things might get awkward for him if pictures of them start showing up online. He doesn’t worry about himself, but he worries about Hanbin.

But nothing can be done about it now anyway, so Bobby gets changed and makes sure the pillows are all fluffed up. He grabs his toothbrush and brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink. When he’s done he sits in bed to wait for Hanbin and he does an internet search, nothing questionable, just YG Seungjae and he’s surprised at all of the articles he sees already.

He quickly scans through the first one and it tells him all he needs to know. He looks at the pictures, correlates them to the guy he watched on WIN, struggling alongside Hanbin, spending all night with him making music for their team. His heart breaks all over again for Hanbin, because now he understands his tearful rambling in the car, understands why he was wandering the street by himself, distraught.

Hanbin’s just lost his closest friend, someone who was there with him during the hardest times of his life, someone he thought would be there through the best ones. It makes Bobby think about Robbie. What would he do if Robbie suddenly turned his back on him? How would that feel?

It’s such a depressing thought that when Hanbin finally reappears in his room the first thing Bobby does is hop out of bed and pull Hanbin into a hug. It feels like Hanbin melts into him, and Bobby has never hugged another guy so tightly before and with so much emotion attached. But Hanbin clearly needs to be hugged, he needs the affection right now.

Bobby pulls him over to the bed and gets him inside, pulls the blanket up to his shoulders. He stands over him for a moment and pats his head, asks him if he needs anything before he sleeps. Hanbin shakes his head so Bobby goes to his own side and slides under the covers. They’re lying side by side for a minute but neither of them can fall asleep.

Despite being utterly exhausted, Hanbin’s brain is overthinking again, packing everything into his head. He just wants to blank out and fall asleep, and he’s terrified that he’s going to lay awake all night. He desperately wants to cuddle up to Bobby, because if he were home right now he’d be cuddling up with Jinhwan. He won’t fall asleep with someone so close by but out of reach.

Bobby can’t stop thinking about what he’s just read, can’t stop thinking about how everything Hanbin has worked for is at risk of destruction. He’s angry on his behalf, but he’s also sad to see him suffering, and he’s worried.

They both turn to face each other at the same time.

Bobby reaches out first, laying his hand against Hanbin’s cheek, his thumb rubbing softly over the skin. He wants to do more for him, but what else is there to do? Hanbin smiles at the contact, and that’s all that matters in the end.

“Thank you, hyung,” Hanbin says in a soft and shaky voice, and Bobby’s protective instincts kick up a few notches and before he thinks about it he slides closer and pulls Hanbin against him, tucks his head down against his chest and lays an arm across his back.

“I’m here for you, okay? I’m here, and I promise I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you need me you can call me.” He’s not used to playing this kind of role. He’s the youngest at home, and even when he’d had a girlfriend he’d never felt what he’s feeling now. He feels like he wants to shield Hanbin from everything.

Hearing it does something weird to Hanbin. It’s got his heart beating rapidly and the insides of his stomach fluttering, like it’s home to a thousand little butterflies. He closes his eyes and nestles his head into the space under Bobby’s chin, his face warm against Bobby’s skin. Bobby’s still got hints of an aftershave on his skin. Usually Hanbin hates scents, but this one’s faint enough that it’s actually quite nice. Bobby’s arm is heavy across his back and Hanbin likes how it feels. It’s comforting in it’s protection and it’s exactly what he needs to quiet his brain so he can sleep.

Bobby can feel Hanbin calm down and drift off, and just before he does Bobby presses his lips against his forehead, a soft little kiss on his skin. He’s not sure why he does it, but it feels good. Calming Hanbin down enough to fall asleep feels good, he feels useful. Hanbin falls asleep with a smile on his face.

He’s confused when he wakes up the next morning, forgetting where he is. But the smell of Bobby’s faint aftershave reminds him. He wakes up exactly where he’d fallen asleep—chin tucked into Bobby’s chest, strong arms around his back, legs tangled together—and he can’t help but think about Seungjae again.

Not even after WIN, during those few weeks of his deepest depression, not even then did Seungjae ever reach out to offer him the kind of support that Bobby offered him last night. Neither physical nor emotional.

Bobby made a promise last night, and Hanbin takes promises seriously. He wonders if Bobby does too, or if it was just lip service? He wonders if Bobby would make the same promise under the guidance of a new morning that he made after a long night?

Hanbin lies awake for a while, nestled in Bobby’s embrace, and he takes everything he can from it because he doesn’t know when it might end. He selfishly doesn’t want it to end, he wants to stay here for days, wants to sleep while knowing that someone he trusts is watching over him.

It’s weird how quickly he’s put his trust in Bobby. They’re still almost strangers, but he feels comfortable talking to him, feels certain that he won’t let anything slip. Maybe he shouldn’t be so quick to judge after Seungjae, because Bobby could always just be playing him. Maybe Seungjae’s fall out is part of the problem too. He’s just lost one of the most important people in his life. Maybe he just wants to try and replace him quickly so it doesn’t hurt as much.

Bobby finally stirs after a while and Hanbin waits for him to wake up, waits for his reaction. He’s afraid that Bobby might wake up with a sense of regret. Maybe he’ll feel weird about waking up with Hanbin plastered to him. Hanbin hopes he won’t wake up and hop out of bed, awkwardly running for the bathroom.

But that’s exactly what happens.

Bobby wakes up and remembers what happened the night before. He’s about to check if Hanbin is awake yet but one tiny shift of his body has Bobby realizing that he’s woken up with an . It’s not unusual, of course, but he’s never woken up in bed with another guy before, and it’s awkward. What if Hanbin feels it and gets weirded out? What if it ruins everything that happened last night? Bobby doesn’t want to sour the experience, so he quickly disentangles himself from Hanbin.

But Hanbin’s awake and Bobby looks at him and freezes for a moment before blurting an excuse out. “I have to take a piss.” He stands up and heads for the door, only to turn around and look back at him. “Don’t move!” Then he darts out of the room and into the bathroom, where he runs the taps and splashes cold water over his face.

Why of all mornings did his have to pick this morning?! It’s just a normal, run of the mill morning , right? Nothing special about it? Not caused by Hanbin, not at all.

Or was it? Did his body mistake Hanbin for a girl? Or maybe his body doesn’t care at all that Hanbin’s a guy. Maybe his brain doesn’t care either. Too many maybes, and not enough answers.

While Bobby’s freaking out in the bathroom, Hanbin’s freaking out in the bed. Was the previous night too good to be true? Was it just a tease, is karma still ing with him? Giving him a brief taste of something nice, only to yank it away? It’s because he’d left his team. He’d abandoned them when they needed him, so of course Bobby had leapt away from him in alarm this morning.

He sits up and looks around for his clothes, wonders if he should get dressed. Bobby had told him not to move, but that didn’t mean anything. He meant that he just didn’t expect Hanbin to have to get up and go yet. He was being a polite host.

Bobby finally gets himself calmed down in the bathroom and gives himself a stern look in the mirror. He shouldn’t have flipped out that way. He probably worried Hanbin more with his mad scramble out of bed than he would have if Hanbin had noticed he was hard. After all, Hanbin’s a guy. He probably wakes up most mornings with his hard too. Guys understand about that stuff.

He thinks about it again, thinks about Hanbin, and all he wants to do is climb back into bed, with Hanbin. He wants to cuddle with him again, be damned, and he wants to softly kiss his face again. Maybe it’s just a weird protective thing. Maybe his hyung instincts are kicking in and firing on overdrive. Maybe not. Maybe it’s more than that. He’s just never felt this way about a guy before, so it’s tough to figure out what it actually means.

He finishes in the bathroom and heads back to his room, frowning when he sees Hanbin standing up. No, no, no, he thinks to himself, please tell me he’s not awkward?!

Hanbin notices him and their eyes lock for a second, then Hanbin looks away and frowns. Bobby wants to kick himself for it, but he’s also rooted to the spot at the sight of Hanbin standing there beside his bed, wearing his favourite t-shirt. His heart aches at the sight, and that kind of seals the deal, doesn’t it?

Hanbin frowns because Bobby looks worried when he sees him. Is he wondering how he’s going to get rid of me now? Hanbin looks around for his clothes, determined to not make things more awkward than they are.

Bobby panics when he sees Hanbin looking around and moves swiftly to his side. “Hey, uh, you’re not leaving, are you?”

Hanbin looks back at him in awkward confusion. Bobby’s so close to him, he can feel the heat from his skin. “I should probably get going, shouldn’t I?”

“Stay for breakfast?” Bobby offers, and the panic he feels at the possibility of Hanbin leaving definitely confirms it. He likes him. Not just in a friendly way.

Hanbin watches him for a moment before responding, like he’s trying to gauge how Bobby really feels. “Can I? You don’t mind?” He knows he should be getting back to s, but he wants to stay with Bobby. Especially if Bobby doesn’t actually want him to go. He needs what Bobby gave him last night, he craves more of it. Bobby smiles at him, an eye crinkling smile that makes him look cuter than Hanbin’s ever seen him.

“Of course you can, I’m not rushing you out the door.” He reaches out and lays a hand on Hanbin’s arm, unsure if it’s a good idea. They’re so close right now, and as much as Bobby feels like he wants to be closer he has to remember that maybe Hanbin doesn’t. But Hanbin doesn’t pull away, so maybe, if he’s lucky, maybe Hanbin wants to be closer too?

Hanbin smiles when Bobby’s hand curls lightly around his arm. It’s such a nice feeling, being touched softly like this, Hanbin’s heart is wild in his chest. “Thanks for last night,” he says, because he needs to say something, “all of it. Thank you for coming to get me, thank you for listening, and thank you for letting me get close to you. I needed that yesterday.”

Bobby’s breath is stuck in his throat as he listens to Hanbin talk, and his mind is racing with thoughts, the most prominent one being I want to kiss you so bad right now, but he holds himself back somehow because he just can’t be sure. But Hanbin’s words are the key, aren’t they? I needed that yesterday.

“Do you still need it today?” Bobby asks softly, because this is his way of asking without really asking. They’re so close to each other, barely room for air, and their eyes are locked on one another. Hanbin hesitates before answering, and Bobby wonders if he’s got the same desires and reservations right now?

Finally he nods. “Yes, I still need it.”

Bobby’s hands run lightly down Hanbin’s arms and back up again, over his shoulders and up his neck, until he’s got Hanbin’s face held in his palms, his fingers on the soft skin of Hanbin’s cheeks. They lean into it at the same time, they both lean into the kiss, their eyes close as their lips touch and they both feel a sense of deep rooted contentment wash over them like a soft summer rain.

Their bodies meld together, Hanbin wraps his arms over Bobby’s back, and it isn’t until they slowly pull their heads apart that Bobby realizes with sudden embarrassment that his is back and poking Hanbin in the hip. Hanbin notices it at the same moment and he laughs and nudges it a little, and even though Bobby’s still a little embarrassed he’s more happy that Hanbin isn’t weirded out about it. He kisses Hanbin again, sliding a hand down over his back.

Hanbin’s the one who speaks when they stop kissing.

“We don’t have to have breakfast yet, do we?”

Bobby grins at him and shakes his head. “No, I guess not.” He pulls Hanbin back over to the bed and in seconds they’re sprawled out together, Bobby propped up a little on pillows and Hanbin completely wrapped around him, his face buried in Bobby’s neck again.

Bobby can’t stop smiling as he cards his hand through Hanbin’s hair. It feels so good to have him here like this, and even though he knows it’s not some magical cure to everything, he feels good that he can at least give Hanbin a pleasant morning after a very difficult night.

They stay in bed for an hour, Hanbin drifts in and out of sleep, waking up to Bobby’s fingers lightly tracing patterns on his back. His looming problems are still there in the back of his mind, but he deserves a nice morning, doesn’t he? He needs it so he can have the strength to go back to his team and do what needs to be done.

They finally get out of bed when Bobby’s aunt comes knocking at the door, asking them if they’d like to eat. They climb out of bed, lazily taking their time. Hanbin eats before he even thinks about looking at his phone. As much as he wants to stay here as long as possible, especially because he and Bobby need to talk about what all that kissing meant, his priority has to be on his team. He took one night off because he needed it to sort himself out, and he slept better than he’s slept in years, tucked in Bobby’s arms.

But now he has the difficult task of going back and trying to repair the damage. The longer he stays away, the harder it will be. He texts Jinhwan and tells him he’ll be home soon, and he and Bobby go back to Bobby’s room so he can change.

“Text me later, or call me, whatever you want,” Bobby tells him as he’s pulling his jeans on. He feels weird about just sending Hanbin away without talking about their morning, but he understands.

“I will, I promise,” Hanbin replies, “when I know what’s going on, I’ll let you know.”

Bobby nods and pulls Hanbin into his arms again when he’s fully dressed in his own clothes. He’s feeling weirdly sad about not seeing Hanbin in his favourite t-shirt anymore. “I meant what I said, okay? I promise that I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. If I don’t answer it’s because I’m making food or washing dishes for my aunt.” He grins at Hanbin, who matches his expression.

“That’s okay, I know you mean it. Thank you, again. Even if what happened this morning hadn’t happened, I really needed help last night, and I never ask for help, so thank you for helping me.”

Bobby doesn’t reply, he just kisses him again and hugs him tightly. His aunt has agreed to drive Hanbin back, and Bobby sits in the back seat with him, arm around his shoulders. They don’t talk on the drive back, and Hanbin takes every last bit of comfort he can from Bobby. She finally pulls up outside his building and Hanbin takes a moment before climbing out from the back seat. He holds hands with Bobby inside the car.

Bobby’s aunt is standing outside waiting for him, and she gives him a tight hug that makes him long for his mother again.

“Anytime you need to come over, please come. I don’t know if Jiwonie told you, but I own a restaurant, so if you and your boys ever want a nice meal you come by and I’ll feed you, okay?” She pats his cheek and Hanbin nods before giving her another hug, extremely grateful for her.

She pushes a few bags of food into his hands, makes him promise he’ll feed s well when he gets to them. The gesture chokes him up and he can barely thank her, but she can see the gratitude in his eyes.

He turns one last time at the door to wave goodbye to them before heading in for the elevators.

Time to be a leader.