November 4, 2018 [3:46 PM]

An hour after lunch, Woojin, Guanlin, and Jihoon decided to play soccer to beat the cold weather. One by one everyone joined except for Ong oppa and Jieun eonnie who both at sports. I also wanted to sit this one out but I got pulled in by the one and only Daehwi to join the game. So now we're a total of 6 per team. 

"I feel like I'm going to die." Jisung oppa shouted from behind me. "Oppa. Just one more game." I half laughed and half pleaded. Panting he just waved his hand at me and nodded. "Let's take a break. Please." Jisoo oppa also exhaled, resting his hands on his hips. "Okay! 10-minute break it is!" Sungwoon oppa announced walking out of the court first followed by...well almost everyone. Sungwoon oppa must've been keeping that in seeing that he was the first to leave and the fastest to sit.  

I pulled Woojin to the side after he secured his shoelaces, making sure that no one was eavesdropping on us. "Woojin-ah, Can you keep an eye on him, please? I feel like he'll be doing something any time during the game."  I pleaded, pointing at Daniel oppa who had a hardened look on his face since this morning. Woojin nodded his head and patted my arm, "I will." 

I tried to talk to Daniel today. Ask him why he's been quiet but he just smiled at me and said to not mind him. He said and I quote, "Just a little tired that's all." Then he left to be with the guys while I also distanced myself to group with Jieun eonnie and the others until lunch. Events from last night came back to mind. We were talking just fine. We even had a moment by the beach. Yet, why is he still not okay?...

I was just about to go to say goodnight to the boys in their room when I saw Daniel sitting alone, outside in the cold. He had his padded coat wrapped around him as he sat on the sand looking at the view of the night sky's reflection on the sea. It was dark, but the reflection of the big white moon glistened against the water which provided enough light to be able to see. And there are outdoor lights so...

I quickly ran to the kitchen, grabbed a few beers then also grabbed my coat before walking up to him. 

"Aren't you cold?" I asked. "Aren't you sleepy?" he asked so calmly. He didn't even look at me. He just patted the space beside him telling me to sit beside him and I did. I set aside the beer then I turned to him. He had tears in his eyes but none fell on his cheeks. 

I was in a mental debate with myself whether to ask him why he's crying or to let him willingly tell me why. I mean if he wanted to let me know why he's sad, he could've just come to me. But he didn't. So maybe he wanted to keep this to himself. 

"You're awfully quiet." He spoke. I flinched in shock when he also talked. "I...you're crying." I voiced out my observation. He didn't seem shocked that I knew. Instead, he just leaned his head on my shoulder and snuggled closer. "Why?" I asked, caressing the side of his head as I whispered to his hair. 

"You." He whispered so softly that I almost didn't hear it. But I did. And without a second thought, I felt guilty. "Sorry." I unconsciously muttered. His shoulder shook once when he chuckled. "Why are you sorry? Do you even know what you did?" He asked, grabbing my hand that was on his head and holding that by his shoulder. He locked our fingers as well and that's when I knew, he's really upset. 

" Well do you?" He asked gently. I shook my head no, but spoke up and said "Whatever I did to make you sad, I'm sorry. I don't like making you cry. And you don't cry easily.". I meant what I said. I did a lot of things that could upset him. But none of those he knew about. 

My constant talking with Wonwoo. The things we talk about are a lot deeper than when I talk with my own partner. The way I once asked myself if it was too soon to reject Wonwoo... I know. I'm a horrible girl. But the heart can't lie. So I did instead. 

"Choi Eun." He turned his head to look up at me. "Why is Jeon Wonwoo here?" He asked. Everyone knows how bad he is at hiding when it comes to how he feels. He thinks he can just pull out a smile and everything will seem okay but I've been with him everyday for over a year. To me, he has no facade. 

"You're not jealous. You're sad." I blurted. He blinked at me then quickly looked down but I lifted his face to meet me in the eye and confirm what I just said. He's not just sad. He's heartbroken. 

"Should I... Ask him to leave first thing tomorrow?" I asked out loud. I couldn't believe I just suggested that. And neither did he. His eyes widened and he sat up suddenly. "What? You'd do that?" He asked, honestly shocked with me. "If you want me too. I think I can." I confessed. 

Me, an ordinary girl, an introvert, a person who overthinks and worries about other people more than herself, will be asking her own visitor to leave, without hesitation. 

"Yah. You don't need to do that."  He said, alarmed all if a sudden. "I just can't fully accept that he's your friend, even though everyone knows he likes you..." And so he spills. 

I looked into his eyes, as he stared at mine. Suddenly I felt the urge to lean in for a hug. He didn't immediately hug me back, but slowly, he wrapped an arm around my waist and snuggled by my shoulder. 

"Sometimes, I wished that you should just try and be friends with Wonwoo. But when you're like this, I wished that I should've been tough enough to turn him down altogether."  I muttered. "Teach me how to reject someone firmly," I said lastly. 

The way he reacted caught me off guard. I turned my eyes to look at him but he didn't budge when he let out another laugh. "You're so weird," he said, in a much brighter tone than before. "Figure that out on your own. My ways don't match with your personality." 

"I can be mean when I want to be." I proudly said. "Oh is that so?" He cooed. "Be mean if you want to then." He let out another baby coo while he patted the back of my head. "You're making fun of me," I said, lightly hitting his hip. "Yes, I am." He laughed. 

"But seriously, don't do that." he paused. "If you do, I'll feel like I was a bad influence to you. As much as I'd want to reject Wonwoo for you, I can't. Because his feelings are for you. And your feelings are yours. I can't hold you down. And I don't want to." 

Times like these that it occurs to me. That he's mature despite his kid like behavior. It's one of the first things that made me fall in love with him. The way he talks to me like I'm not some kid and instead I'm a woman. And how rare these moments come between us is a reason why I hold on to these talks. I remember them vividly. And on some occasion, I go back to his words and think about them. 

We spent another hour or so sitting in front of the sea. Not caring how cold the wind is, or how late it is already. We just sat there together either talking or becoming lost in our own thoughts. I sat in between his legs, his arms wrapped around my waist, his chin on my shoulder and my hands clasping his. You could say it was enough to keep us both warm and cozy. We almost fell asleep there and when we really felt like our eyes were closing, we both went back inside.

This morning, I woke up earlier than the others. When I went down to prepare breakfast, Daniel and Wonwoo were talking. I did not dare eavesdrop nor join in their conversation. So very cautiously, I went back up my room and stayed bothered, thinking just what could they possibly talk about that they're both so calm. 

I tried to shrug the anxiousness away. And I did, for a moment. Just when we were playing that is. Other than that, I kept thinking about those two. I wanted to ask Daniel or Wonwoo what it was about at the same time I didn't want to know. I just wish I had never seen them talking alone, then maybe I wouldn't be this nervous. 

At some point this day, I tried talking to Daniel. But whatever sweet moments we had yesterday felt like he totally forgot about it because he wasn't even looking at me. Of course, I felt like crap, so I sat with Seungkwan and the others while he also distanced himself from me. 

Yesterday, we were fine. He even kissed me goodnight, just what the hell did Wonwoo tell him? 

On the second game of basketball, Woojin, Guanlin and Daniel oppa teamed up while Seungkwan, Jisoo oppa, and Wonwoo teamed. At first, it was fun to watch, because it wasn't as crowded to look at like before. Though It was pretty obvious that it was getting intense between Wonwoo and Daniel that it made me really nervous at how hard they were playing. The others must've felt it too because, for the 2nd half, everyone wanted to sit this tension out.

"Let's play again. One on one." Wonwoo oppa said, pulling back Daniel oppa by the arm. The said man cracked his neck and without a second agreed. 

So they played. I was watching by the side, my mouth shut and feeling unamused by this. Why are they playing so seriously? It's just a basketball game. Maybe it has something to do with what they talked about?

"Don't go playing rough on me now. I'm slower than you." Wonwoo chuckled, drinking his water when they both took a break at the bench beside us. "I play rough?" Daniel asked, also sipping on his drink, before totally downing the whole bottle. "You don't know?" Wonwoo asked, also downing his bottle. Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "When I go fast, I probably start getting rough or too focused." I heard him say. "It must be a natural thing for more now. You know, ever since I started dating Eun that is." 

The next thing I know, I was standing in front of Daniel oppa glaring at him. The anxiety and fear vanished in a snap and all that was left was my growing anger. "We need to talk," I said through gritted teeth. He turned to me, and with his eyes, obeyed. We both ignored the flustered and shocked look on Wonwoo's face as we walked past him in silence. Trying my best to keep calm and not bu