They quickly removed their hands suddenly focused on looking in different directions. Namjoo discreetly moved to the left to leave a gap between them. The silence pounded crazily in her ears. Or maybe it was her heart. She couldn’t tell.

“Do you want a cracker?” Sehun asked.

Namjoo glanced at the bag he held out to her. “Oh…thanks…” Grabbing a broken piece she nibbled on it nervously trying not to let her eyes roam his way. She heard him biting down on a cracker, too. Possibly to destroy the moment of tinging awkwardness.

But why should it be like this? There was no reason. She was a mother. He was a father. And he had a date later.

Right, Namjoo mentally nodded to herself. They needn’t be like this. Their kids were friends, so obviously they had to make things work by meeting and all. It wasn’t like their children were at the stage to be independent yet. And it wasn’t like he was the only man she was around. There were her co-workers.

But a topless man a voice chided. She flushed. Another voice retaliated: Daehwi had been topless. She had seen her ex-husband in all ways. Thinking about him suddenly pissed her off, but she felt better.

“So, uh…when did you two get here?” Namjoo abruptly turned to ask.

“H…huh?” Sehun wondered surprised. A piece of cracker slipped from his mouth onto the mat between them.

Namjoo suddenly flushed again. Sehun quickly wrapped his hand around the fallen treat muttering an apology. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok…” Namjoo timidly told looking away. Silence buzzed. Their eyes slowly gravitated to meet with a strange uncertainty trying to smooth out the atmosphere. Shrouded by a sense of confusion now Namjoo thought about the cracker suddenly falling out of his mouth. Unable to help it she laughed. Then she heard Sehun laughing as well.

An hour later they pulled the boys out of the water. Sehun offered to take Moowon with him and Gunta into the men’s restroom to get cleaned, so she handed him her tote bag and waited outside. While waiting she watched the families paddling in the water. Parents playing with their children, teaching them to swim, helping them stay afloat on their inflatable boats.

She was a little jealous. How different would it be if Daehwi had manned up to his role of a father. Instead of taking Moowon with her into the woman’s restroom his father could show him into the men’s restroom. Not with someone else’s father but his own biological father. Would Moowon wonder about the subtle difference between Sehun and his own father? Namjoo wondered.

“Mommy!” Moowon ran out of the bathroom toward her and clutched her hand. A smile brimmed on his face brightly. She touched his damp hair feeling sorry for him.

Gunta’s loud footsteps as he ran up to them made her look back. Also running up to them he bumped into her and warmly hugged her thigh as if he’d known her for ages. Namjoo couldn’t help but smile and touch his head, too.

Like the boys Sehun came out with his hair still damp but he was freshly dressed. Tidied up and neat for his date. They headed toward her car where she watched Sehun buckle Gunta’s booster seat in. Plan was that she’d take the kids back to her place. Watch, feed, and let Gunta nap. That was the favor Sehun had asked for.

“Ok, come up, buddy,” Sehun stepped back to pick his son up.

“I go?” Gunta asked.

“Yes, you go home with Moowon today,” Sehun replied buckling him in.

“Yea!” Gunta exclaimed cheerily. “Go wid Moowon.”

She watched Sehun rub his head and step back to close the door. “Don’t worry about him,” Namjoo assured.

Sehun pressed his lips together. Looking at her, “Sorry to dump him on you like this.”

“It’s ok. Moowon needs someone to be with, too,” Namjoo said. They stood in momentary silence. Calculating what else needed to be said. She came up short with nothing but, “Enjoy your date.”

“Yea…” his eyes darted away.

Namjoo looked at him once then turned to get into the car. Glancing into the rearview mirror she saw Sehun watching as she drove away.

◊◊◊◊◊

One more thing his mother would chide him about. Not sending Gunta to them to babysit. Sehun had thought long and hard about it. He was unhappy with them. For bringing up Gunta’s birth. Using that against him. In short, this was his way of telling them he was upset. He would go see Saemi if that was what his mother wanted, but that was simply all. Sehun wouldn’t seal the deal with her. Although she was an impressive woman her ambitions deserved better than to be with someone half-heartedly prepared for a relationship.

If they thought Gunta needed a mother figure; well, Sehun figured Namjoo was the best choice. For one reason, she was already a mother. She was prepared for the strenuous work it required daily to take care of a child. She was aware of the sacrifices that a mother needed to make. Most of all, Gunta liked her. Whether it was an innate instinct or not Sehun didn’t mind. Namjoo had made Gunta possible and he should be ever more grateful she’d made Yanghwa’s wish come true.

Saemi was all prettied up when she arrived. Tonight, they were having dinner at an all Italian restaurant. French cuisine was all the romance wasn’t it? They would have wine to accompany their choice of dinner. Talk and get to know each other per his mother’s words. Then he would leave to get back to his regular life.

The drive here had been long enough to help get his hair dry. Along the way he had opened the window a little as he blasted the heat. It was unforgiveable to show up at a date with wet hair. Sehun had never heard of anyone who’d been so rude, and he wasn’t about to become the first one.

“Sorry for making you wait,” Saemi apologized sitting down in the luxuriously cushioned gold emblazoned chair.

“I didn’t wait long,” Sehun said. The waiter handed them their menus and left them to decide. “I heard the food is really nice here. Choose what you’d like.”

“It’s cozy and romantic here,” Saemi commented. He hadn’t noticed the painted floral portraits decorating the deep red walls. Strange that he hadn’t noticed the details when he first walked in.

“How is your friend?”

Sehun glanced up from the menu to look at her. Saemi smiled flustered that she had spoken about it first. “The friend who lost her son.”

“She’s good.”

“I’m glad,” Saemi noted then set down her menu. Deciding that he’d made his choice he put down his menu as well. The waiter returned to take their orders and left as quietly as he arrived. In another second a waiter arrived to fill their wine glasses and left as silently as he came.

“Actually, I was surprised you called,” Saemi started. “I didn’t think I would hear from you again, but I’m glad. I would have been disappointed if I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to make a confession or any silly kind of thing. I think you’re a really nice person. You were really impressive when you took charge looking for your friend’s son.”

“That was nothing.”

“I still think it was impressive,” Saemi smiled. Directly gazing into his eyes she said, “I think, whatever your reason is for being here tonight doesn’t matter, but I’d like to get to know you.” Lifting her wine glass, she suggested, “Why don’t we toast?”

It was then that Sehun decided he really didn’t understand her at all.

◊◊◊◊◊

Namjoo was tucked between the boys after feeding them. The dishes were piled up in the sink unwashed. Toys splayed around the room. She had planned to do the dishes after putting the kids to bed; clean up the house, but instead they had pleaded to watch Finding Nemo.

That was what she did. Midway through the movie they were both asleep on either side of her. Gunta slumped on her lap snoozing peacefully while Moowon’s head drooped over her shoulder. And now she was about to drift off, too. Only the doorbell rang jerking her awake. Alert that the boys might wake up fussing and crying Namjoo gently eased Gunta’s head off her lap while lifting the lower half of her body to set his head down. Then she proceeded to removing Moowon off her shoulder and laying him down. Doing this all so gently but as quick as lightning.  

Sehun should have called she chided if he was going to come early. Then she stopped short. Security-wise no one could get in unless they paid rent in this building. She wondered if he had snuck in with one of the other tenants but of course, Sehun wouldn’t stoop that low. Only one person would sneak in.

Wrapping a hand around the brass knob Namjoo inhaled to steady her heart. Yanking the door open she saw Daehwi on the other side.

Pursing her lips, Namjoo stared at the ex-husband.

“Can I come in?”

Namjoo quickly debated. She could kick him out. Tell him he was never allowed here again. In the end it didn’t matter. She hated his guts. Predictably, they’d probably fight again. If not now, later. Noting the bag he’d come with she had to decide fairly as Moowon’s mother that he’d probably want that from his father.

Stepping back, she let him in with a warning, “Be quiet.”

“Why?” he loudly asked.

“I said be quiet,” Namjoo warned.

He snorted walking in, “You’re so weird, you know.”

Closing the door Namjoo in a breath. Turning around as Daehwi made his envoy over to the couch. He didn’t know about Gunta. Didn’t know she had been a surrogate mother. Had no clue that his abandonment had led her to it.

The bitter fact that it happened because of him made her heart heavy. That everything Daehwi had done to her led her up to this point. Seeing him only made it more relevant each time.

Daehwi glanced from his son to the child sleeping opposite him. Confusion stirred his headstrong expression before looking at her.

“Whose child is this?” Daehwi asked.

Namjoo only silently glanced at him with increasing animosity then turned away. Making herself look busy she the kettle and reached into the cupboard for a tea packet. Walking over intent for an answer, Daehwi set down the gift bag he’d come with and stood behind her. Standing silently like a growing shadow intimidating her for an answer.

“Did you have someone else’s kid?” Daehwi accused.

Namjoo would have burst out laughing. She didn’t. She looked over her shoulder, “How stupid are you?”

Daehwi pressed his lips together belittled. “Then, who is he?”

“Are you so damned that you don’t think Moowon should have a friend?” Namjoo whirled around. Her voice full of spite.

He exhaled surprised, “No. Of course, not. So, that’s Moowon’s friend. You could have just said so.” He scratched the back of his head succumbing to his stupidity.

Namjoo wanted to shove everything into his face.

“I suppose if you were involved in your son’s life you’d know,” Namjoo bitterly said.

“Hey,” he warned, “I was working.”

“It wouldn’t have killed you to stop by,” Namjoo’s eyes blazed upon him. Then she accused because she could, “Or maybe you were working in someone else’s bed.”

Shocked, his eyes widened. “Namjoo!” he raised his voice. He stepped forward to touch her arm but Namjoo swung it out of his reach.

“Don’t touch me,” she hissed.

He turned to take a breath then look at her pained. “You really…I told you, I left her.”

“I can count on the tip of my fingers the promises you don’t keep,” Namjoo began raising her hand up. “Should I start?”

“Do you have to do this every single time?” Daehwi asked frustrated. “Do I have to bow down to you? Kneel? What do you want me to do? Just tell me, Namjoo. I’m really trying to make this work.”

Namjoo felt her insides shake. And she thought about his text on Monday. That she had let herself wait for him to show up only to be disappointed.

It had been a big freaking deal to her.

Because for once in her lifetime, her ex-husband had done something. He’d given her the overdue child support. He had come to see his son.

“One,” Namjoo started driving the stake into both their hearts, because reminiscing the past only hurt the present, “you said you’d love me forever. How many times did you say that when I followed you?” She stared into his eyes. “Two, you’d do anything for me. Three, we’d be one team forever. Four, I was everything to you. Five, you’d protect your family.”

Namjoo felt start to clog up. She became more resentful at his each sigh. I gave you everything! she wanted to scream.

“Six, you’d never leave…”

The bell chimed signaling that someone needed her to open the door to allow them to come up. A lasting second transitioned into five. Continuing to stare at Daehwi wishing with all her guts she could keep driving that stake further in. Until he was on his knees pleading for mercy. Until he ever regretted loving her.

Five seconds ticked by. Once more Namjoo dared him to cross that line to come to her, but his gaze softened with remorse and she was ever angrier. She didn’t want him to be sorry!

The bell chimed again. One of the kids shifted on the sofa.

Aware that she was being a nuisance she stepped to press the buzzer by the door and stared at the solid white coated barrier that separated her from the rest of the world. Mentally and physically she was quivering. Afraid for the first time in a long time that she could forgive him.

At long last the doorbell rang. She listened to the boys mumble and moan behind her, upset that they were being woken up by all the noise. Her putrid emotions sizzled down when she opened the door and looked up at Sehun. His presence being a blessing in disguise. She wanted to collapse because Daehwi made her feel too much.

“They just woke up,” she said as he stepped in.

She could feel Daehwi hotly eyeing Sehun before he even noticed her ex-husband. Pretending he didn’t notice Sehun made no turn of his head. Steadily walking toward his son Sehun gently hushed him before lifting him up carefully. Gunta clung onto him drowsily.

“The car seat is still in my car,” Namjoo recalled when Sehun slipped Gunta’s diaper bag over his shoulder. “I can get it for you.”

The perfect excuse, because she didn’t want to be with Daehwi right now.

She hurried over to the keys hanging on the hook by the door. Making sure she did all this without looking once at Daehwi. Aware that the pending awkwardness was filling up with questions that needed answers, Namjoo hurriedly opened the door.

◊◊◊◊◊

Namjoo walked briskly leaving him ten steps behind. Whatever had happened in her apartment it was obvious she was running. Unable to say anything Sehun comfortingly patted Gunta’s back lulling him to sleep. The gap between them and Namjoo decently widened. Needing her space. Needing to be alone. He thought he could relate.  

Gunta breathed softly into his ear while they trekked down to Namjoo’s car. She worked swiftly to release Gunta’s car seat and they turned to head outside to his car. Moving so slowly that night could have stretched into day.

When they finally reached Namjoo helped him set up the car seat. Her silence was so loud that he nearly wanted to tell her he had left his dinner date to come early. Subtly tell her that nothing was going as planned for him either.

Stepping back, she gave him space to put Gunta into his car seat. His small head rolled back but his eyes remained closed. Sehun completed buckling him in and quietly shut the door. Now he and Namjoo stood in momentary silence again. The air increasing with weight. Their hearts heavy and yearning. Standing like stone statues because leaving from here meant an unwanted tomorrow.

Then…

“Thanks,” he said.

“No problem,” Namjoo said.

Then…that was all. He took a step back and turned to get into the car. As he drove off he glanced into the rearview mirror to see Namjoo watching him leave.

◊◊◊◊◊

The first words Namjoo heard when she walked back in was, “Who is he?”

“Where’s Moowon?” Namjoo asked.

“I put him in bed,” Daehwi answered walking up to her from the kitchen. Stopping right in front of her he questioned again, “Who is he?”

Namjoo looked up at Daehwi, challenging him. Wondering who would have done the worse. Sleeping with someone other than your spouse? Or just seeing someone outside of your marriage?

“Is that all you care about?” Namjoo asked. “You come here to ask who I’ve been seeing?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Because you can’t.”

“You are ridiculous,” Namjoo muttered then turned to walk away. Since he had turned the television off and picked up Moowon’s toys, she went into the kitchen to turn on the kettle again. Left with nothing to do her hands felt itchy.

Daehwi spun her around upset. “I mean it, Namjoo.”

“Does it hurt you?” Namjoo taunted. Daehwi’s lips split apart taken aback. Shrugging him off, Namjoo told, “You ran me over a thousand times in my head. This should be nothing to you.”

She could be a . She could be crueler to him, but she was holding herself back. She was emotionally drained. The leftover emotions she had for him overpowering the hatred that drove her to constantly fight with him.

Now she just wanted him to go.

She didn’t want to be soft because he already disappointed her too much.

“I’m sorry.” He regrettably apologized.

“Just go, Daehwi. I can’t stand you right now.” Namjoo turned to stare at the boiling water.

“You’re still mine, Namjoo,” Daehwi determinedly said. “I’m not letting you go again.”

***d'awww he didn't want to go on that date and she didn't want to go back home