◊◊◊◊◊

Time was ticking. Either he had started prepping too early or Namjoo was running late. The clock read 5:00PM. Dinner should be eaten before 7:00. All day he hadn’t heard from her. Even though he had constantly looked at his phone wondering if she might call. Looking at the mobile device sitting on the counter he debated to call. He might just cave and do it.

Tiny footsteps approached and Gunta held up his empty tube of yogurt, “More.”

Abandoning his station, he walked over to the fridge. Pulling it open he reached inside for another.

“Last one,” he said handing it to his son. He’d save the other three for Moowon. Namjoo would approve. The thought of it made his heart yearn for her.

That morning he’d given in because he didn’t want to be the clingy, possessive boyfriend. Of course, he knew, Daehwi would have to have a place in their relationship. That guy was Moowon’s dad and Namjoo was determined to make his existence a presence in her son’s life. Sehun empathized, understood where she was coming from. He just wished she didn’t have to see him so often.

What if Namjoo and Daehwi rekindled their old flame?

He was Moowon’s father. If he was important to her son, he would have to be important to her, too.

Greedy Sehun wanted Namjoo for himself. All of her. Her heart and body. Would accept Moowon, too.

Was she going to make it?

Eyes on the phone again he wished she’d call.

“Daddy,” Gunta called for his attention. Gripping the dripping tube of yogurt in his chubby hands, he said, “Hunger.”

“Lets wait a bit, ok?” Sehun asked.

Steam blasted into his face when he headed back to the stove. Waving it away from his face he turned the vent on. Feeling a little hopeless without Namjoo. Insecurity was creeping up on him as time waned like a tiger stalking him, ready to pounce when he let his guard down.  

While waiting for his batch of stir fry to thicken, he stared into the combination of vegetables and meat. His mind unduly veering back to that morning. Second place Joomi had said.

No, it wasn’t like that. Namjoo wasn’t a bird who’d made a landing only to take flight the next second. In his life she was more than that. Not like the passing seasons that came only once year-round.

Namjoo to him – he wanted her to stay. Neither of them had seriously talked about the present, the future. There had been no reason to. They had just recently got together, but he sure hoped Namjoo wanted to stay for the long run. If they managed to hang on together, he wanted her to continue to stay.

Wasn’t that only natural?

Sehun reacted as fast as an impala when the doorbell chimed. Leaving the stove, he opened the door feeling his insides burst when he saw Namjoo.

“Moowonie!” Gunta shot past him for his friend. “Come, come.”

He was immune to the noisy chatter of the kids as his eyes settled on her, as if not only a few hours had passed but a few thousand years. Looking no different from that morning she was still a fresh sight to the eyes. Forgetting his earlier doubts, he reached for her hand to pull her in.

“You’re here?” he breathed backtracking as he led her in.

“I keep promises,” she kind of smiled.

A giddy laugh traveled up his throat. “How was your day?”

“It was good,” she answered.

“Daddy,” Gunta interrupted. They turned to hear him slapping the fridge helplessly. The handle was a little bit too high for him to reach.

“Oh right.” Letting go of her hand Sehun pulled the fridge open and reached inside for the yogurt. Handing all three to Moowon he said, “You can have the rest. Eat it sparingly.”

Grasping the yogurt immediately Moowon dashed off with Gunta into the living room where they were bound to make a mess. Returning to Namjoo he said, “Do you want to sit?”

“No, it’s fine.” She shook her head.

Wrapping an arm around her waist he told, “I missed you.”

She looked up at him before smiling amused. “You always say that.”

“I don’t lie.” He teased into her ear making them both giggle.

“So, what’s romantic about tonight?” Namjoo wondered. Peering at the stove she noted, “You’re just making stir fry.”

“Me. I’m what’s romantic about tonight,” he grinned.

“What a joke.” Namjoo elbowed him and stepped away.

“Awww…come on,” he crooned going after her, “you know you liked it.”

Laughing, she playfully swatted him away but let him catch her on his next try. Glancing back to make sure the kids were occupied and not watching he gave her a quick peck. His heart raced when their breathing softened as the air churned with hints of desire. Cupping her face their lips quickly met for an affectionate kiss. Smiling when he withdrew and feeling so alive.

“Namjoo,” he said, “lets spend the weekend together again.”

Her eyes lifted from the ground then turned her head to look at him. Her gaze inquiring for further specification.

“Lets spend the night together again,” he boldly said.

◊◊◊◊◊

“I don’t know,” Daehwi said, “but I hope he does.”

Because what was there about her not to love her ex had said. Sehun could lie that it was his birthday that weekend and she would believe him. Every word that left his mouth, she would undoubtedly believe.

Namjoo was beingly naively innocent again. Just like when she met Daehwi. Falling so hard she had fallen into a slab of concrete. Left bruised and broken. A small part of her knew she was walking the same disastrous road with Sehun.

But whenever she looked into his eyes, she just had to believe he would love her.

And yet none of it felt right.

Flipping onto her side she watched Moowon entertain himself with his collection of dinosaurs. They were home now. She had finished bathing her son. Deciding she deserved to relax she’d lain down on the couch but only to be filled with malicious thoughts that wouldn’t leave her be. Extending her arm out she touched Moowon’s soft hair.

“Moowon,” she called, “do you think of Gunta as your brother?”

Her son paused midway through smashing his raptors into each other. “Gunta not brother. My friend, mommy.” Then grinning, “You silly, mommy.”

“Yea, I’m silly, huh?” Namjoo smiled and withdrew her hand. Sitting up she left him to grab a glass of water in the kitchen.

Of course. That was the plain truth. Gunta and Moowon didn’t share a drop of blood between them. What was she putting her hopes up for?

Glancing up at the ceiling as if God might descend, she reminded herself the kids had nothing to do with each other.

◊◊◊◊◊

“Look! Look!” Gunta screeched pointing at the baby cow who’d just eaten his bundle of plucked grass. Moowon clapped beside him gleefully. Plucked more grass and shoved it into the animal’s face.

They were visiting an animal sanctuary that weekend. Owned by farm owners there was even ponies for children to ride on, with a fee obviously. There was an apple orchard a mile away they planned to visit afterward.

Namjoo was nervous with the farm animals that ran rampant without any fences, even though the owner claimed there had never been any issues. There were two house chickens that walked freely she kept her eye on. She’d heard too many wild chicken stories to be paranoid. With the open land there would be no place to hide if one of the chickens wanted to attack.

Courageously lifting his small hand Gunta petted the cow’s nose. Moowon copied him and laughed giddily. It warmed her heart that younger Gunta was able to bring her son out of his shell. She wanted them to always be close friends.

That morning Sehun had dropped off his duffel bag as he picked them up. It had dawned on her that they’d be spending the night together again. Her place this time.

To be very honest, Namjoo didn’t know if she 100% looked forward to it or not. It was truly a given that she enjoyed being intimate with her male partner. The fact that she wholly regretted the first time with him had ruined her anticipation to immediately want more.

She watched Moowon cover his tiny mouth as he laughed at something she had missed. She had loved him too much to give him a sibling. Sehun snapped a picture of them. He seemed to be enjoying himself, too. Only she stood out from the group. Occupied with her own thoughts.

Had he wanted another sibling for Gunta? Had he ever thought about it?

Then she thought about Yanghwa again. The pretty lady who hadn’t been able to have children of her own.

Namjoo stared across the vast land. The green appeared endless, just like the clear blue sky. Stretching for miles beyond. Hillside mountains appeared like blurry boulders in the distance. How long did it take for a person to make it to the top? How high was heaven from here?

Tilting her head up Namjoo stared up at the sun. She blinked when it darkened and realized Sehun was shielding her eyes from the brightness.

“What are you looking at?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she lied.

“Really? Then come here. We’re having fun without you.” Grabbing her hand, he pulled it forward, jutting her fingers toward the feeding cow’s mouth. Realizing too late he’d stuck grass into her palm. She screamed when the cow’s wet tongue slobbered over her hand.

Yanking her hand back shocked she slapped his arm. Unhurt, he laughed at her. “You looked so funny,” he exclaimed still roaring with laughter as he showed her the photo he’d taken with his phone of her screaming.

“Give me that!” She yelled swiping her hands for it, but Sehun held the phone over his head where she couldn’t reach. Namjoo jumped up helplessly unable to touch it. In her bout she ended up playfully hitting him across the face with her wet hand.

“Namjoo!” he yelled touching his now wet cheek.

Namjoo let out a yelp and started making a run for it when he began chasing after her. She didn’t make it far before he caught her. Twirling her until she felt dizzy enough to begin stumbling when he let her go. Finding her way to him panting with laughter she gave him a whack in the chest. In the end he had to hold her up because she’d lost her sense of balance.

“Stop it,” she panted. “I’m too out of shape.”

“I think you gained weight,” he teased.

Namjoo wanted to spite him, but she was too exhausted from her short run. They made the trek back to the kids before heading toward the apple orchard. Gunta and Moowon were less interested and more focused on eating. Namjoo and Sehun ended up plucking the apples filling the basket they were given. By the time they settled down at the bench area to eat Gunta was already nodding off.

“You should get him. I’ll pack up,” Namjoo suggested.

Gunta whimpered when Sehun lifted his head up from the table.

“Are you tired, Moowon?” Namjoo asked her son who was still gnawing on his slice of fruit. He shook his head just as Gunta cried irritated at being disturbed.

“Come on, Gunta,” Sehun urged him up when his head dropped back onto the table sleepily.

He cried again annoyed. Shifting and turning because he was uncomfortable. Then he snatched her arm whining, “Mommy…”

The air immediately chilled. She and Sehun looked at each other. Suddenly jilted, Namjoo felt everything freeze.

“Mommy…” Gunta moaned again as his weight started slipping toward her.

Namjoo didn’t know what to do. What to say.

Dropping his slice of apple Moowon shoved Gunta away coming in between her, Sehun and Gunta. Exclaiming, “No! My mommy!”

Awkwardness quickly replaced the chill when Sehun finally lifted Gunta and Moowon clamped his hands around her leg. For the duration of the walk back to the car they neither looked at each other nor talked.

◊◊◊◊◊

They made it back to Namjoo’s in a solemn manner. Sehun put Gunta in Moowon’s room to nap. When he got out Namjoo was in the bathroom giving Moowon a bath.

He didn’t know what to say to her. He hadn’t expected this. Gunta had never called anyone mom before. It was a privilege he had never experienced. From time to time it hurt him to know that.

Standing outside of the closed bathroom door he listened to Namjoo talk to her son.

“Did you have fun today?” she asked.

“I have fun, mommy,” Moowon adorably replied. “Mommy have fun?”

“I had fun, too.” Namjoo replied. He imagined she was sitting at the edge of the tub with her pants rolled up. Hands busily massaging shampoo into her son’s hair.

“What did you like most about today?”

“Mmm…the cow,” Moowon perkily told. “I like cow, mommy.”

“Oh, you like the cow?” Namjoo re-emphasized. “Just the cow? There were the chickens, the pig, and the horses.”

“I like cow,” Moowon reiterated. “Cow nice.”

“What about the apples?” Namjoo asked.

“I like apples,” Moowon cutely said.

“Apples are good,” Namjoo said then complimented, “good job. Now, lets wash your back. We have to make sure you don’t smell like animal poop.”

“I don’t like animal poop, mommy. Smell bad.”

“You poop, too, Moowon.”

“No!” Moowon shrieked.

Which brought a smile to his lips. It was pure evidence that Namjoo loved her son. Life with just the two of them. Existence in their own peaceful bubble. Nothing about daddy, him, or Gunta. It saddened him a little, but he knew it had always been just Moowon and Namjoo. Never had anyone else been included in her isolated life.

Sehun looked around Namjoo’s home. There were photos of Moowon as a baby. Photos of them together. Moowon’s drawings plastered on the fridge. More had been added since he’d been here. Proud displays of their family life. Nothing about Daehwi. This was just Kim Namjoo and Moowon’s home. A place they returned to every day of their life.

A home in an upscale neighborhood that not just anyone could rent. He thought about Namjoo’s surrogacy. About the money she’d gotten in exchange for selling herself. He’d never asked why she had done it. It was becoming obvious to him now that all her love for Moowon had led her to that one desperate measure. To him and Yanghwa. And Gunta.

Sehun turned when the bathroom door popped open and Namjoo stepped out. She gave him one glance. Their eyes briefly glued before Moowon scurried out, bumped into her legs, and peered up at him with his huge eyes.

Then shifting away he grasped onto her pants, “Mommy, I hungry.”

Spinning away from him she gently looked down at Moowon wearing a smile. Touching the back of his head she said, “I’ll make you something.” Then she walked away from him. Just the two of them in their own little bubble.

Having never included anyone else. Not him or Gunta.

He thought he had gotten along with Moowon a little better, but he was starting to see now the wall was still high. The boy still didn’t want to share his mother with anyone. Never him. Not Gunta.

There was only one place Namjoo belonged. At his side as his mother.

After he washed that evening Namjoo was already in bed knocked out. She hadn’t waited for him. She had been sweet with Moowon all evening. Fed Gunta when he woke up. Sehun thought he’d get his chance when the kids went to sleep, but he was letdown.

Climbing into the bed he put an arm around her and buried his head by her shoulder, wishing she would at least turn to look at him. Wishing this gap growing between them wouldn’t have to make him feel so far away.

***ouch! Gunta called her mom