◊◊◊◊◊

“Don’t touch me,” Namjoo muttered when Daehwi tried rubbing her back.

She was calm now after releasing her emotions. She was waiting for the electronic kettle to boil; Daehwi waiting for another opening. That she wouldn’t give him.

She was still pissed at him.

For showing up unexpectedly the other day. Again today.

He snorted exasperated. “Then what was that earlier?”

Namjoo pressed her lips together.

Pissed off, she chanted to herself. Pissed off.

“You wanted me,” he victoriously stated.

She turned to him with a glare. “Wanted. Wanted. Past tense.” She grumbled with tightly wound lips. “Right, I wanted you but not now. Not tomorrow or the day after.” The anger rose like a tsunami. “Do you understand?”

“You are so incredulous,” he hissed.

The corner of her lips perked up, amused and more irked by him. “At least I’m not clinging onto you.”

Daehwi gasped in disbelief. “For a moment, I worried.” Regret in his voice. Then he took a step back. Namjoo felt a pang of hurt. “I just wanted to see my son. And the person I care about most.”

Backing away he walked over to their son to give his tender goodbye. Embracing and kissing Moowon on the cheek. Then the door closed and Namjoo was alone again.

◊◊◊◊◊

Sehun set the gallon of milk into the cart and mentally went over his shopping list. Gunta curiously watched him from the children’s seat clutching the box of crackers against his small build.

“That, that, that,” Gunta had pointed to earlier.

Today’s shopping trip was Gunta’s idea. Sehun only provided transportation and the full service of his card. Sullen after yesterday’s trip Gunta had said in his gibberish language that he wanted to give Moowon something to cheer him up. His boo-boo would make him sad per Gunta’s words.

So be it. Sehun needed to do some grocery shopping as well.

Milk. Water. Biscuits. Donuts. Ramen noodles. Various vegetables. Eggs. Fresh beef. Sehun turned into a random aisle and paused to think. He looked around him. Band-aids. First-aid kits. Ointment. Pain relief patches. One look at Gunta to see him smiling goofily, as if saying this is it daddy! He had wanted something for Moowon’s mommy, too.

Sehun recalled Namjoo wincing because of her back. He didn’t know what else to give her. The moment he grabbed a box a voice called out. From around the corner Joomi pushed her cart their way.

“Why, isn’t it Gunta?!” she shrieked.

Sehun looked out of the corner of his eye wondering what luck he was blessed with.

“Aunty Mi-Mi!” Gunta called happily jumping in his seat. Reaching over Joomi pinched his cheek.

“You are so cute!” she screeched. “Aren’t you and your daddy the pair out shopping like this.”

“Well, you know, there are errands to run,” Sehun flatly said. “We needed food.”

“Ah, you could have said something. I’d come right over to cook.”

“No, it’s fine,” Sehun rejected the offer. Couldn’t imagine asking her to cook for him, ever.

“Oh?” she said noticing the box in his hand. Suddenly concerned, “Are you hurt somewhere?”

“No,” Sehun said glancing at the box. “It’s for someone.”

“Who?” Joomi wondered. “Your mom?”

“Really, Joomi. We should go. It’s been a long day,” Sehun started.

“You’re really not hurt?” she whirled her cart around to tail them. “I could come over if you’d like. Make some food for Gunta if you’re unable to.”

Sehun stopped short, “No. I’m fine. Continue with your shopping.” He purposely made a show of looking at his watch. “We’re going to check out now.”

Gripping the handle of the cart he hurriedly walked forward. He paid for their grocery and along the drive home Sehun decided to stop at a friendly family restaurant. Gunta had a joy out of splattering his food over himself and singing happily when he got ice cream for dessert. Then they were on the way home.

His parents joined him for dinner that evening. His father, not much of a family man, actually stopped by for once. Unlike his mother, his father didn’t so as much care if he remarried. He was merely along for the ride.

“Look at you,” his father teased Gunta. “You’re still not big!”

But Gunta didn’t understand so he laughed like he always did. Sehun accompanied his mother in the kitchen. Dinner preparation already halfway through.

“How food looks is very important,” his mother lectured. “Setting the table makes an impression, you know.” She tasted the curry in one pot then the braised chicken in the other. Nodding satisfied she ordered, “Get the plates.”

Sehun’s job was to set the table, which he did neatly according to his mother’s standards. Then he prepared Gunta’s high chair and set him down to eat. His father had already wrapped a bib around his neck.

“I heard you left the picnic early,” his mother got down to business after filling her plate up.

“It was a fundraiser,” Sehun reminded feeding Gunta.

“You must have looked rude,” his mother said. “I heard there was another woman with you.”

His father glanced up from his plate.

“She’s Gunta’s friend’s mom,” Sehun explained.

“Still, how could you in your right mind invite a woman to the picnic?” his mother asked unhappily. “Have you considered Saemi’s feelings?”

“Mom,” Sehun frowned trying not to be annoyed. It wasn’t like he was dating Saemi. Saturday hadn’t been a date.

“Do you know how many women would consider a man who is with a child?” his mother lectured. Raising her voice a notch, “None!”

Ignoring her, Sehun handed his son a drumstick. Wrapping his sticky hands around it Gunta lifted it up to his mouth to gnaw. Attention back to his uneaten plate Sehun picked up his spoon and fork. Mixed up his food without lifting any of it to his mouth.

“You must apologize to Saemi and make it up to her,” his mother nagged.

“I’ll think about it,” Sehun said.

“Do it!” his mother insisted. “She is a good woman. You can’t lose her. Think about Gunta, too. He will need a mother. Someone who will care for him as he grows up. Aren’t you afraid that he’ll feel different when he starts going to school? He’ll see other children with their mothers and wonder why he doesn’t have one. You can’t let him grow up like that.”

A bundle of conflicted emotions twisted up inside Sehun’s chest. Unable to accept the truth, yet aware that Gunta may really feel left out. Imagining his son being lonely because he didn’t have a mother hurt him too.

“Your mother is right,” his father spoke up. Sehun’s eyes darted the old man’s way. “Look at what you had to go through for Gunta. Don’t forget that we helped you.”

It was a painful truth. He and Yanghwa wouldn’t have been able to afford the surrogate if not for his parents’ aid. A lot of the money had come from them. Their support, their hard-earned money that made Gunta possible in his life.

He had to be thankful. He owed them.

“Call her,” his mother finished. “Go to dinner. Spend an evening together. Leave Gunta to us. Don’t worry about him. You understand?”

That night Sehun lay in bed with the bedside lamp low. Gunta had crept into bed with him and was sleeping soundly curled up at his side. Gently running his fingers through his son’s soft silken hair Sehun thought about the first time he and Yanghwa had stepped into the center to sign up for a surrogate.

His pitiful wife had been so sad but hopeful for this new beginning. They would have a child who came from another. All that mattered was that this child belonged to them. Clutching his hand so tight after they filled out the paperwork that her knuckles went white and her eyes brimmed red.

Truth was his parents had been unhappy that Yanghwa couldn’t conceive on her own. Looking at their depressed daughter-in-law they never really said it aloud, but Sehun always knew they never liked the idea of a surrogate. It’s demeaning to a woman; exploiting her body, using her for her bodily functions. It’s merely selling her body like ion. Reproduction is something that should be respected between a mother and her child. In all ways, it was unethical. In the end, his parents had no choice but to help.

The end result was his son even if he lost his wife. Would now be different if he didn’t have Gunta? How sad a man would he be without either Gunta or his wife right now?

◊◊◊◊◊

“Give Moowon, give Moowon,” Gunta sang beside him Monday morning. One hand in his, the other holding tightly onto the box of crackers from yesterday. Instead of waiting by the front of the daycare they waited by his car watching for Namjoo to drive in. After spotting her he walked Gunta over.

Namjoo first spotted them by the back of the car when she got out of the car. “Oh, Gunta. Hello!”

“Hayllo!” Gunta greeted. “Moowon?”

“He’ll be out soon,” Namjoo promised opening the back door, unbuckled Moowon, and let him down.

“Moowon!” Gunta in his overly excited voice called out running toward his friend, clumsily bumping into him.

“Gunta, Gunta, Gunta,” Moowon exclaimed then took a deep surprised inhale when he saw the crackers. “Cookie?!”

Sehun watched the exchange as Namjoo closed the back door and lock the car before joining the crew. He felt a twinge of awkwardness, but held out the bag of pain relief patches to her anyway.

“Consider it from Gunta,” Sehun said.

Namjoo took the bag and glanced inside. Laughing a little, smiling a more when she saw what it was. “Gosh, you didn’t need to.” She rubbed Gunta’s head as they started toward the daycare. He glanced up at her with his big eyes and grinned. A second later he took her hand with his tiny fingers and hopped beside her.

“That was thoughtful of you,” Namjoo said, which made him feel embarrassed. “I’ll put it to good use. And about Saturday, I forgot to thank you. Everything happened in the spur of a moment I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“It’s all right,” he assured.

“I start to lose it when I know I lose control of something,” Namjoo apologized. She swept her hair aside timidly at her confession. Quickly changing the topic, she said, “Ah, and…about Saturday, I’m sorry for interrupting your date. I wasn’t aware you were meeting with her.”

His eyes jot toward her, again feeling a whirl of embarrassment. “It wasn’t…a date.”

But Mrs. Lee’s over gracious greeting overpowered his voice and Namjoo wasn’t listening anymore.

“Isn’t this so nice? Seeing you all come together,” Mrs. Lee smiled bending slightly to greet the boys. “I see everyone here have become friends.”

“We ran into each other in the parking lot,” Namjoo explained. “And it seems like they’ve become best friends.”

They chatted a bit. Mrs. Lee explained they would be updating portraits today. When more parents started arriving with their children they excused themselves.

“Say,” he perked up, “on Saturday, do you want to bring Moowon out to the beach?”

“Is there another fundraiser?” Namjoo wondered.

“No,” he shyly answered. “I was planning to take Gunta out to the beach or the park. And…actually I have a favor to ask.”

◊◊◊◊◊

“What size clothes does Moowon wear now? I’d like to buy him some clothes.” Read Daehwi’s text.

Namjoo threw down her phone and rubbed her face. Her mobile landed on the bag of pain relief patches she’d set down in the passenger’s seat. Glancing at the bag she wondered why Sehun had gotten them for her. It was peculiarly thoughtful of him, but she hadn’t needed those things for a while.

She glanced at her phone again.

“I just wanted to see my son. And the person I care about most.”

For a moment she thought about Daehwi again. She still despised him. Never forgetting his form in bed with another woman. Always unable to bear the thought of him touching her the way he had touched that woman.

But…

Namjoo despised herself, too. Wishing that he still loved her the same. Yet when he proclaimed his feelings she still couldn’t believe him. Telling herself she only kept him near because he was Moowon’s father, but when he showed up she dared him to cross that line to her. Only she couldn’t stand it when he did.

Picking up the phone again Namjoo stared at his text. Her heart shook with both fury and love.

But…

He was Moowon’s father.

So she texted him.

◊◊◊◊◊

Today was picnic/beach day.

“Beachy, beachy,” Moowon had sing-songed along the drive.

Namjoo glanced into the rearview mirror smiling at the sight of her excited boy. When she told him he’d be spending the day with Gunta he had jumped up and down. If he had a sibling, he wouldn’t be so lonely. Stuck with her, a working mother who had to leave him at the daycare daily then bring him to a quiet home where she tried to keep him company, yet knew it wasn’t quite enough.

If he had a sibling, would his father had chosen to stick around to take responsibility instead of getting bored of her? When she thought of the things he had done and said to her back then Namjoo still felt resentful. But Daehwi had said he was back now; that he wanted to come back, so since Monday she had waited for him to come. With what? Clothes he’d promised for Moowon?

Namjoo wanted to laugh at herself, because what promises had Daehwi ever kept? Why had she waited for him?

Now she was angry with herself. She was pissed off at her ex-husband. Today was supposed to be a good day. Moowon was supposed to have fun. She was supposed to be happy for him, but she was angrier than overjoyed that her son would be seeing his friend.

The day was blooming with white fluffy clouds. The beach popular with swimmers. Overflowing with colorful inflated tubes and boats. Many screamed and chatted joyfully as she walked with Moowon across the gold sand warmed up by the sun. Her feet sunk with every step. Grains dipped between her toes as she searched for Sehun and Gunta.

Moowon was in swimming shorts as he planned to get in the water. Namjoo had simply thrown on a tee and shorts. No water for her as she planned to steam under the sun and sweat away the most of her temper. She had brought along a tote bag of extra clothes, a towel, snacks, and water because she knew that her son would definitely get hungry.

“I see Gunta!” Moowon pointed. “Mommy, hurry!”

Yanking her with force he tugged her forward. They wound their way through the throng of people toward the shallow area. Releasing Moowon when they neared she listened to her son splash through the water to his friend. Gunta was splashing in the water with a plastic shovel. The little bucket beside him was overflowing with wet sand.

Namjoo searched for Sehun but didn’t see him. A second later she spotted him stealing Gunta’s bucket of sand and dumped it over to create the perfect mold for a sand castle. His son dappled in the water beside him. She noticed Sehun wasn’t wearing anything but swimming shorts.

Walking forward Namjoo wondered if she should have been better prepared for today. Certain that she would feel like the odd one out. Not playing with them in the water. Would it make her look moody?

She recognized Moowon and Gunta’s excited screams when the waves rushed in destroying the sandcastle. They jumped in the water. Eyes squeezed and jumping on their little feet. Moowon’s face was exploding with superb joy. This being his first time really playing in the water with a friend sharing the same happiness.

If he was so happy, why wasn’t she? Guilt flushed through her. Moowon glanced her way and waved. As she thought she should have taken his shirt off Sehun helped tug the shirt up over his head so that he could better play. Then he looked around and spotted her. He jutted his thumb toward the left and it took her a moment to realize he was telling her to go sit on their mat.

Sehun had placed their things nearby the water but not so near that they could be splashed on. Namjoo recognized a bag of cookies sitting out as she sat down thinking Gunta must have snacked early on. She turned when Sehun joined her. He was dripping wet from head to toe. She tried not to watch as he dried himself next to her.

It was honestly awkward, but it made her heart beat fast because he was made up of a solid male structure. And she was a woman.

“Moowon’s shirt,” he handed her her son’s shirt squeezed dry and neatly rolled up.

“Thanks,” Namjoo quietly uttered glancing up to take it from him. She caught the sight of his broad chest, the collarbones stretching out into square shoulders. Namjoo turned away sweating a little more than she thought she should.

She gulped as Sehun towel dried his hair then finally slumped down beside her. Their fingers touched. Her heart did a little flip as her head lifted and she felt on instinct that he noticed, too.

***kekekeke