◊◊◊◊◊

Namjoo didn’t often wear a dress, so seeing her in one tonight was exemplifying. Having done nothing out of the ordinary, but she was especially pretty. Worry slighted him when he spotted a man talking to her. Concerned if he was interested in her.

The moment he arrived he hung around the front doors. He had decided against setting a time to meet. Anxious that he would make it out to be a date. And he’d already made it clear that it was no date with Saemi. He would worsen the situation if he made it appear like a date with Namjoo. She would think of him as a two-timer. That he only yearned for women’s attention. He wanted to show her no, he wasn’t leading Saemi on. Tonight was no date for him.

Yet he had felt special anyway. For once they were left with an evening by themselves. No children. The stars had burst honoring them solitude. Until Saemi found him.

Sehun sat in his car regretfully. Imagining that by now Namjoo was already on the road home. The mood had already gravely shifted when Saemi approached them earlier. He’d known it when they pointlessly walked around. When they sat silently for the auction like strangers.

Earlier, he sworn he’d seen the horizon in her eyes. That the end was just beyond if they walked a little further. The sun might have set if Saemi hadn’t found him.

This wasn’t how he’d wanted to end the night.

Forcing himself into the present he started the car and drove off. Saemi had reserved their dinner at a majestic restaurant. They had their own table in a private room with a scenic view of the flowers hard to see under the fading skylight. He ordered the first thing he saw and expected they’d be paying separately like usual.

“Gunta must be with your mother tonight,” Saemi said after their food arrived.

“He is.”

“Have you decided when I can meet him again?” Saemi inquired. When he glanced up from his plate she went on, “I’ve only met him once. I’ve also mentioned him on a few other occasions, but I haven’t gotten an answer from you. I’m sure he’d like me.”

“Gunta would like you,” Sehun spoke up. Adding intentionally, “He likes everyone.”

He didn’t want her feeling special if Gunta smiled at her, laughed at her stints. Enjoyed her presence.

“You’ve been awfully distant with me,” Saemi noted. “Why are you so guarded?”

“I’m not interested, Saemi.” Sehun said.

“Is there something you don’t like about me?” Saemi wondered. “Do you like a woman who’s more submissive?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” he started flustered.

“I think we should date, Sehun.” Saemi dropped the bomb. “We’ve had one too many dinners not to be considered acquainted by now. I want to get to know you more. The intimate side of you no one does. If you give me a chance, I think you’d like me, too.”

She held his eyes refusing to let him break off contact. It was disturbing, like being watched by a crouching tiger.

“I think you’re making a mistake,” Sehun told. “I honestly don’t think we’re suitable for each other.”

“I’m sure that’s up to me to decide,” Saemi smiled. “Why don’t you pick me up next time? Think of it as paying me back for not telling anyone that you constantly leave early.”

◊◊◊◊◊

Try as she may Namjoo couldn’t sleep. She listened to Moowon’s breathing as she leaned against the headboard of her bed staring out the window. The empty sky looked like an empty pit. Hollow. Deep and dark. She couldn’t see the moon from this side of the city. She wondered if it was hanging low like her heart. Also hiding like her heart.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the longing in her heart. It was a silly thing to experience. The claws having come out of nowhere without a warning. Namjoo was angry, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the way Sehun made her feel.

The way he often looked at her when it came to his date with Saemi. The way the young woman had destroyed the spellbound moment she had shared with Sehun.

“You look pretty tonight.”

It stirred her heart a thousand times. He had smiled at her like a smitten man shy in love.

Closing her eyes, she squeezed her pillow. She was so lonely.

◊◊◊◊◊

Monday morning, she felt kind of better. She thought. Hesitance fluxed through her core when she saw Sehun at the front of the daycare speaking to Mrs. Lee.

“Gunta, mommy,” Moowon announced their presence. He gave her a quick hug before running off. She watched Gunta exclaim something to him with a scream then they were off into the building.

Namjoo planned to leave, but Mrs. Lee’s eyes were quick. Calling a greeting out to her and causing Sehun to turn. Namjoo was unable to meet his eyes. Still stuck over Saturday evening. Recalling the horrible way she’d felt that night and how it had lasted all the way into Sunday.

“Hi,” Sehun greeted coming toward her.

“Hey,” she forced herself to return the greeting. Telling the obvious, “I just dropped Moowon off.”

She immediately wanted to dunk her head underwater. She didn’t know what to say to him. She didn’t even know herself or what was trespassing through her mind.

“How was the rest of your weekend?” he wondered as they stepped back into the parking lot.

“Fine.” She rubbed her arm. Actually, she was being worn down by her conflicting emotions. She couldn’t stop thinking. She couldn’t stop feeling. Did he notice the battling emotions crossing over her expression?

She hoped not.

God, she needed to get a grip.

“How was yours?” she asked.

“Fine, too.”

That was it. Their conversation would end there she expected then she’d walk away, drive off, head to work and drown in her own heart.

“I was thinking if you’re free Wednesday,” Sehun began. Namjoo felt her heart hike up into out of anticipation.

Was he asking her on a date?

“Yes?” she asked hoping he wouldn’t detect her excitement.

“If you could watch Gunta.” He finished.

What a fool she was! Namjoo wanted to ram a hammer to her head.

“Another date?” she asked cooling herself down while at the same time her heart sank.

Sehun darted his eyes away. The way he always did.

“Yea…” his voice was so quiet she could barely hear him.

“Ok.” She relented refusing to feel disappointed, but the feeling came on so strongly she was afraid he’d sense it, so she turned away from him.

◊◊◊◊◊

“Oh, look at her,” his mother noisily crowed that evening. Placing a newsletter of the fundraiser onto the dining table where he was prepping dinner, she continued, “She is just beautiful! No one has her credentials. She was the best dressed that evening.”

“Mom, I’m trying to cook here,” Sehun mumbled shoving the newsletter away.

“So, I met with Saemi for a cup of tea yesterday.” His brow twitched at the fact that they’d met up. Behind his back.

“Seriously, mom,” he hissed underneath his breath.

“So, I hear you two have a date Wednesday,” she beamed. Her big round eyes directed on his face. “God, don’t take her to any of the tourist famous areas. You need to go to a place where you can be alone. There are so many rooftop restaurants in the city. I can help you find a romantic place for the evening.”

She sounded like an ecstatic high school girl about to go on her first date. If she wanted to plan an itinerary, Sehun thought she should go in his place.

“Liven up, son,” his mother lectured. “Don’t lose Saemi. I worked hard for this. Think about Gunta’s future. You’ll need someone to help take care of him as well as you. Gunta could use a younger sibling, too.” She called out, “Don’t you, Gunta?”

Too absorbed in his show Gunta only peered over his shoulder with a wide tooth grin.

Attention back on him his mother snapped, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” he replied turning around to switch the stove on.

“You’ve been moping the entire time I’ve been here,” she pointed out, hands on hips. “If it’s about Saemi, I don’t want to hear about it unless it’s about you two dating.”

“Mom, please,” he wheeled around frustrated. “I met her already. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“She’s perfect for you,” his mother pressed on. “Saemi is knowledgeable. She’s smart, well educated. She’s willing to accept you as you are.”

“Did she say that?” he asked.

“Well…” his mother shrugged a little while staring elsewhere. Now he was annoyed. If Saemi told his mother she was interested in him, that was the end of him.

“Anyway,” his mom brushed off the pending silence, “go on your date Wednesday. She’s really a sweet woman. She’s good for you. She’s good for Gunta.”

“I’m not marrying her, mom,” Sehun blatantly blurted.

She smacked his arm. “Don’t say that. Go on that date. Leave Gunta to me.”

“He’s going to his friend’s.”

“What?” she asked. “What friend? Why?”

“I figured why can’t he enjoy himself for an evening while his father is out on a date?” Sehun bitterly said.

His mother gasped. “Who’s going to watch him?”

“His friend’s mother.”

“A woman?” That was the only thing she wanted to nitpick about. After a moment, “It’s that person from the daycare.” Shaking her head profusely, “No. No, no. Don’t you dare leave our Gunta with her.”

“Mom!”

“So you have another woman in your life? What will Saemi think of you?” his mother went off. “How can you do this to her?” Doing a quick 360, “This is why you keep refusing Saemi. Who is this woman? That…that…Gunta’s friend’s mom….who is she? Is she divorced? How often do you meet her?” Raising her voice a bit, “Oh, you fool!”

He listened to her scold him. That he would be dragging himself through the mud because of this woman. Tarnishing everything gold Gunta could have. What was he thinking. What was going through his mind? Did he not care about his son’s future?

He thought about Namjoo pregnant with Gunta. He thought about her hurling her shoe through the air in the rain. Screaming angrily into the cold. He thought about her and Daehwi. He thought about her and Moowon. Of her crying in his home. Wondering why he felt much more connected to her.

“Gunta’s friend has a dad, ok?” Sehun interrupted her. “So, I’ll see Saemi tomorrow. We’ll go on a date. To wherever.”

“So she’s married,” his mother concluded cooling down. “You could have just said that.”

He felt her brush by feeling like he’d doomed himself more than he’d intended.

◊◊◊◊◊

“What are you doing here?” Namjoo asked closing the door behind her as she stepped out into the hallway.

“How is he?” Daehwi wondered.

“Quiet,” Namjoo told. “I’ve been told nothing’s been different at the daycare.”

He breathed relief. “That’s good. Do…do you think I can see him?”

“I don’t know,” she wished she didn’t have to say that. “Gunta’s coming over in a bit, so I’m going to take them to the playground. Moowon’s happy around him, you know.”

“You still see them?” Daehwi asked.

“Well…” Namjoo glanced away, “yea…”

“I just came to drop this off.” He handed her a bag. She glanced inside to see the latest edition of a Gundam.

“You didn’t need to.”

“Boys like it,” Daehwi proudly said. “And if he’s my son, it’s what he’ll like.”

Something about what he’d said brought her lips up. That father still cared about his son. Moowon still mattered to him. And Daehwi was trying.

“I have to get back,” Daehwi excused. “I’ll see you later.”

She watched him turn to head down the corridor and about headed inside when he called her name. “We’re ok, right?”

“Yea.” She watched his smile turn broad. Handsomely. The way she used to know him.

Lifting his hand to wave he turned to leave. For a few seconds Namjoo felt nostalgia barrow into her. To the days when Daehwi had been her everything. When he had truly loved her.

Closing the door after her she walked over to where Moowon was coloring his activity book. “What you doing?”

“Coloring puppy.”

“Good job,” Namjoo complimented. Placing the bag on the table beside his book she said, “Do you want to know what this is?”

His boyish eyes lit up. “Toy?!”

She grinned as he fumbled for it and pulled out the Gundam. His jaw dropped open in awe, the excitement churning through his small body.

“Thank you, mommy!!” he leapt into her arms to hug her.

She his hair as he withdrew. “Actually,” she slowly started, “it’s from your daddy.”

Her ecstatic son robotically froze. Still gripping the toy, he turned to her blankly, “Daddy?”

“Moowon,” she scooted closer to him. Cupping his small head in her hand, “Daddy loves you, you know? He misses you.”

His small lips glued together into a slow drawn pout. “Bad man.”

“No, Moowon. Your daddy isn’t a bad, bad man,” Namjoo gently tried. “Daddy…is just trying. He’s trying very hard.”

Moowon stared at her but said nothing, as if he couldn’t believe her when she had never believed Daehwi either.

Guilt flooded through her. Now Moowon was just like her. Unforgiving.

What did that make her as a mother?

The doorbell interrupted them. Giving his head a last touch as she rose to her feet she buzzed Sehun and Gunta up.

“Auntay! Auntay!” Gunta screamed hugging her legs before running inside on his choppy legs as he brought over crackers for Moowon.

Namjoo glanced behind her to see Moowon had ditched the Gundam his dad had bought for him. Instead he was mulling over the crackers Gunta was shoving into his small hands. The both of them greedily chewing as crumbs fell like dust onto her floor.

“You’re dressed up,” she commented looking at suave Sehun. Donned in an ironed dress shirt and black dress pants. Even his shoes seemed polished. His hair was neatly parted to define his cheekbones.

“Thanks.” No smile.

He didn’t look excited.

Not the bit of a happy man about to go on a fashionable date.

What’s wrong she wanted to ask. You look gloomy. You look miserable.

She didn’t.

“Going somewhere fancy, huh?” she asked.

“Seems like it.”

What an ambiguous answer. Yes? No?

Namjoo observed him a bit longer. He wasn’t making an excuse to leave. He wasn’t even checking his watch. Merely stood there waiting for her next move.

Truly, Namjoo didn’t know what else to say. He was with Saemi. It was only right to wish them luck. At least, shouldn’t Sehun look excited about that?

That was what threw her off.

He didn’t.

So glum, like he’d been shackled.

“Namjoo,” he said.

“Yes?” her heart beat a little faster looking up to meet with his eyes.

She waited.

Waited.

And waited.

“Never mind.” Sehun withdrew. Looking, again, lost and weary.

Biting the inside of wondering what she was even hoping for, Namjoo said what she always did, “Enjoy your date.”

***Ok, so here's a few things: Sehun uses his dates with Saemi an excuse to be able to drop Gunta off and see Namjoo. It's his only method of seeing her. He's drawn the line with Saemi before but Saemi likes him so....and his mom is all for it. So if it's not Saemi it can't be anyone. Sehun's full of hesitance because his parents will 100% disapprove of Namjoo. Remember they weren't all game for the surrogate and they use that against him to get him to do what they want; it was their money after all that made it happen and their money Namjoo walked off with so it's kind of messy there. The moment his parents find out it's not Saemi but Namjoo BOOM and once Daehwi finds out what Namjoo did to make Gunta happen whoop

***Anyway, sorry for the delay in this update. Oh god, I had to get the flu shot and the pneumonia shot for health's sake. The pneumonia shot literally incapacitated my entire right arm. I couldn't move it and I can't sleep, go to the bathroom, shower comfortably and just fml It's so sore but I feel kind of better so I decided to write