◊◊◊◊◊

“So pretty, mommy,” Moowon complimented when she picked up the baby breaths on the counter. He had browsed through the florist shop with her. Smelling roses and pointing in awe at other flowers, but she’d only come here for one kind.

Baby breaths.

Wishing the store clerk a good day she took Moowon’s hand and walked outside. It was a pretty day. Big white clouds among a pretty shade of blue. The sun was shining full force as if it was happy the earth’s people were up and about. The weather was perfect for a picnic. There was enough shade. The air wasn’t too thick or cool. It was…just perfect. For families, loved ones.

A perfect day for people to fall in love.

These days her son had grown taller. Outgrowing his clothes, so she’d taken him on a shopping trip the other day. He had fussed over pants and wanted new shoes instead, because Daehwi kept upgrading his styles.

Daehwi was more involved in their lives, but that didn’t mean she loved him. He hadn’t touched her since they slept together. He’d been upset with her since it happened. She could tell by the way he ignored her sometimes, even giving her the cold shoulder. His only goal each time he came over was to continue making peace with her, but the bigger part of it was to be in his son’s life. They argued now and then but learning to forgive was still in the process. A rough road still remained ahead for them, but they would slowly work it out for their son. That’s what mattered most. That Moowon’s father wanted to be in his life.

They were no longer an abandoned pair.

Hearts could heal. The days ahead could also be happy ones.

Moowon still wanted no one other than his dad to be with her, but on several occasions, he had also asked about Sehun. Wondering if she didn’t love him anymore, because he no longer came over. Namjoo had just smiled in response.

To explain love to a child was beyond her words. Her experiences hadn’t always amounted to beautiful ones. She also never wanted Moowon to learn about her heartaches.

The complex relationship between adults would never be something a child would understand. If two people wanted to be together, what’s so hard about that? Moowon would ask, but she would tell him there are a lot of factors involved that makes it complicated. He had looked at her quizzically, but Namjoo didn’t explain further.

And Sehun…remained tucked inside that precious place in her heart. He was a kind of treasure she only looked at with yearning whenever she was alone.

They weren’t really friends, but today they were meeting. Gunta wanted to play with Moowon. Her son would enroll in kindergarten in five months, which meant she would take him out of daycare. Daehwi would watch him after learning classes were over then she would pick him up after work. Together they had worked a system that would work for them. Hoping it would allow Moowon more time with his father.

“Where we going, mommy?” Moowon wondered from the back seat when they drove away from the direction of the park.

“To see someone,” Namjoo replied.

Sometimes when she dropped Moowon off at the daycare she would make small talk with Sehun. He looked well. Still able and healthy. Once in a while he would smile at her, but they would go no farther than that. No walking each other to their cars. He didn’t pull her inside his car, so they could secretly kiss. At night she no longer fell asleep to his voice in her ear. In the evenings, her time was spent without him.

Today was his idea. Most likely not because he missed her. She hadn’t come out because she missed him. They weren’t a pair anymore, but two people drifting along the coastal waters until they found home again.

Pulling up to the columbarium, Namjoo stepped out and reached in for the baby breaths wrapped in pretty translucent plastic. If Sehun came to mind Yanghwa was right behind him.

Namjoo wouldn’t forget.

She never would.

Climbing the steps with Moowon she opened the door. The air conditioner blast into their faces instantly washing the day’s warmth away. She hadn’t been here since her first visit. Today, she felt like she should come. To thank her for bringing Gunta and Sehun into her life. For making it possible for Gunta to be the little boy he was. For giving Moowon a friend. For being there once in Sehun’s life and giving him the best he ever had.

Finding the familiar room, Namjoo walked in. The beautiful, smiling face stared back at her. Namjoo wasn’t upset or jealous. Instead, she felt a little more complete as her reflection merged with Yanghwa’s face.

Once long ago this woman had been alive. In flesh and blood. Namjoo wouldn’t forget her. That was how she would honor her.

Placing the baby breaths on the ground Namjoo stared at Sehun’s wife again. Sullen when she remembered Sehun crying as he told her his tale.

Does she know, Namjoo wondered, how much her husband misses her? Wondering if Yanghwa was waiting for the day Sehun would reunite with her.

Reminiscing the night Sehun broke down in front of her.

Pain was something she understood well. It was a ground to be untouched. Something that belonged to only that person, and no one would understand the true depth of it.

Since the night that changed everything for them, Namjoo knew Oh Sehun did not belong to her.

He never would.

Time would pass. The seasons would wane, but she would never truly have his heart.

She was coming to terms with it. She believed she was.

Sehun was a lonely man.

He needed a lot of time to cope with his loss, because Yanghwa wasn’t just someone to him. Namjoo wouldn’t let her emotions weigh on his shoulders. She wanted what was best for him. Until the day he was no longer lonely, maybe then things could change, but Namjoo knew not to put her hopes up.

Sehun deserved time and peace.

Quietly from afar she would love him.

Namjoo stared back at the woman who had left this world too early.

A tug on her sleeve made her look down. “Mommy, are you done? I’m bored.”

Touching his hair Namjoo gave one last glance at the woman behind the glass. That was right, Moowon had a play date to get to. No matter what had happened, she still had to move on because she was the living.

◊◊◊◊◊

It was noisy where he was on the grass. They were playing a game of catch. Gunta missed the ball for the hundredth time. As he scurried off after it Sehun glanced back into the flourishing parking lot. Watching out for Namjoo’s vehicle.

They hadn’t had an outing with the kids since they broke off a few months ago. Once in a while he let himself wait intentionally at the daycare for her. Just to get a glimpse he promised himself. Curious to see what she looked like now. She was still pretty even after all these months, and it made his heart flutter.

“Daddy!” Gunta came running back. Stretched his arm back and tossed the ball forward. It landed straight into the ground making them both laugh.

Today the park was populated with lovely families and babies. Fathers teaching their children how to fish at the pier. On the other end parents were swimming in the waters with their families. It was a regular day out for people with their loved ones.

Today, he would be spending a portion of it with the ones most important to him. Sehun was looking forward to it, but he wouldn’t let Namjoo know.

These days he was living a quiet life. Just him and Gunta at home like it used to be. Gunta had asked on more occasions than necessary if they would be going to Moowon’s after daycare. Many times throwing a tantrum because they weren’t. Sehun let him get upset because truly he was also upset deep inside.

No more pretty Namjoo. No more accidentally touching her in ways that made him want to make love to her. Evenings consisted of his body floating in an empty space waiting for the minutes to tick. He could no longer tease Namjoo, watch her make faces at him. He would no longer be able to hear her laughing because of him.

That things were still hard. His emotions were still in conflict and nothing ever seemed to work out. How many times a night did he pick up his phone to stare at Namjoo’s name just to put it down? How often did he turn to stare at Yanghwa’s portrait? He was still unable to explain to Gunta that he and Namjoo were no longer seeing each other. Still unable to tell his son that his mother was never coming back home.

There were so many things on his list to cross off, but he hadn’t. Doing it was always easier said than done, and maybe that was why Namjoo had left him.

“Auntie! Moowon!” Gunta yelled when Sehun threw the ball. He turned to see Moowon and Namjoo taking their time approaching them. The boys were still the same height. Moowon was a little skinnier but they were still best friends. That lightened his heart.

This was the first time they were out together since Namjoo let him go.

Sehun tried not to stare with too much yearning when Gunta ran forward to give Namjoo a hug. Just like the old days. When the four of them were together, like a very happy family. A smile contained his lips when he reminisced the way Namjoo always crouched down to pull Gunta into her arms like he was her own.

She was simply beautiful in a shirt and jeans. Sehun wanted to pull her into his arms, breathe in the scent of her. Cry because he missed her, but he just stood here looking. He couldn’t let her know he always waited at the daycare for her. Just to talk. Hear her voice. So many things he intentionally did to be near. Did she know?

“Can Moowon play with me? Playground over there,” Gunta chirped. After the kids went off running, Namjoo headed his way.

“It went well?” Sehun wondered trying to keep his racing heart at bay. Namjoo would run if it became obvious. He didn’t want to be rejected again. “You said you had somewhere to go before coming.”

“Yea, it did.”

They walked toward a nearby bench to sit and supervise the boys, who were giggling and running. They sat with a gap between them, a sign that they were worlds apart already. It saddened him that it was this way.

“Want some water?” He handed her a bottle. Namjoo took it but just held onto it, like the day when she lost Moowon. How long ago was that?

“Gunta was excited for today,” Sehun started. “He picked out his own clothes and put his own shoes on.”

“What about you?” Namjoo asked. He glanced at her, caught the small gleam in her eyes and missed her gravely. “You’re not excited?”

But he no longer had her. They couldn’t even hold hands now. “Well…” he looked away, “you know.”

A lot of things went through his mind. How long did they have before Namjoo went off with someone else? How long until he would be ready to love her with his all? How much time would Namjoo be willing to wait for him? Until they were old and gray?

Changing the topic, he asked, “How is Daehwi?”

It still hurt that he had found Namjoo in her ex’s clothes, but he was more aware now that she had done it to hurt him. It had worked, but if she thought it would drive him off it hadn’t.

“He got a new job,” Namjoo told. “It’s near the school Moowon will be attending.”

“Yea?”

Going quiet they switched attention to their sons. He would always think about the quiet woman he’d seen. Namjoo with a protruding belly. Gunta inside and probably attached to her like he was today, because she was a good person.

Should be their person, but she wasn’t because he had messed up.

“Gunta says they’re brothers.” Sehun mentioned. Looking at her, “Is it ok if they meet again?”

He wanted the boys to keep seeing each other. A year apart wasn’t that big of a gap. He could still see Namjoo from time to time if Gunta and Moowon remained entwined. Wasn’t that a part of fate? Wasn’t that what brought them together?

Maybe, he wanted to believe, it was what the world had planned for them. For their sons to bring them together.

That Gunta was the denominal between them all.

This was all meant to be.

Somehow, some way.

“Sure. They can meet whenever.”

A part of him brightened at her agreement. Namjoo would still be in his life. Even if she was an island away, drifting farther from mainland he could still see her. That was enough to satisfy his needs. For now.

“Have you seen her lately?” Namjoo asked.

Sehun wanted to look at her, but he couldn’t. Sometime in the interval of their breakup Joomi told him Namjoo probably went to see Yanghwa. He hadn’t known. He had felt guilty Namjoo had gone by herself.

What would have happened if they visisted his wife together? Would he have cried? Would Namjoo end up comforting him like she had that night?

He didn’t want her to hurt because of him. Don’t cry for me he always wanted to tell her.

But she had.

The tears she had shed by his side were perhaps more for him than herself.

He should be guilty for everything he’d done to her.

Growing solemn, he replied, “I took Gunta the other day. He doesn’t really understand staring at a picture.”

“One day he will,” Namjoo promised. Her kindness still moved him. Urging him to put an arm around her.

They went quiet again. Hoping not to let their time die out, he said, “I bought a car collection for Moowon. If you don’t mind.”

“I mind.” Namjoo said. They shared a small moment of laughter that had him feeling happy for a long second.

It had been so long since they’d shared some space like this. It touched his heart. Namjoo had stopped sitting with him long ago. Stopped sharing a meal with him. Stopped talking altogether.

“I’ll give it to you sometime.” he said.

“Drop it off at the daycare with Gunta and give it to Moowon.” Disappointment flooded him to hear this. It was obvious Namjoo wouldn’t want to meet him elsewhere. She wouldn’t want him going over to her place.

She would never come by his house again.

Another cruel reminder that she was no longer his person.

To hug and to hold.

To kiss and touch.

Thin air was all he had.

Did Namjoo know? Did she miss him the same but wasn’t able to say?

“Ok.”

There was a strange moment that fluctuated between them. Tenderness. Also the tension that drew the thick line between them. The kind of love that honored respect that kept them in their own space.

“What’ll you do after this?” Namjoo wondered.

“Get ice cream. You?”

“We have a date,” Namjoo said then added, “with Daehwi.”

Of course. He was Moowon’s father. He had all the right.

Sehun couldn’t help feeling jealous. He tried smiling, “You think we can have dinner sometime?”

Yet he still yearned for time alone with her. When the kids weren’t present. A place alone with Namjoo, where maybe they could try to patch up the shattered pieces. If not that, share a meal or something of the like.

“I’ll think about it,” Namjoo said, which meant no. She wouldn’t give him an opening. Regret consumed him. He hadn’t meant to bring her into his world for this to happen to them. He had never wanted Namjoo to feel like she had lost out to his wife.

His feelings had been sincere. He’d prized every moment he spent with Namjoo. Kept each second tucked away in his heart. The first time he noticed her. Hoping, wishing she would give him a sign that she felt the same about him. Always replaying the moment she came to him. How they kissed for the first time. The one day when their feelings blossomed.

“I don’t…I don’t look back on it with a frown,” Sehun told her, hoping she heard his heart in his words. “We’re not something I regret.”

Their eyes met. He read the gentleness, the understanding in her eyes but nothing that said she would open her arms again. It made his heart sore, but he would believe that like the moon rotated around the sun; someday Namjoo would come back to be his.

“Maybe after some time, Sehun. A lot can still happen, right?”

“Right,” he agreed with a small smile.

A year from now could be very different. He could hope.

Because loving Namjoo also meant respecting her wishes to be alone. Not burdening her with his feelings. Waiting for her and the day when she wouldn’t be hurt because of him anymore. Time could make a difference.

One day, he would be able to move on. One day he would be able to love her with all his heart.

As he watched Namjoo walk away hand in hand with Moowon he felt at least happier. He looked down to see Gunta smiling up at him cheerfully. Tilting his head back to look up at the sky he was ever more grateful. That Yanghwa had helped him make Gunta possible.

And Gunta had brought Namjoo into his very empty life.

Someday, love would be possible again.

***Ok, that's the last of it. I left an open ending with still more possibilities to happen. They could still come back together one day in the future, right? It's sad but we can hope. There's always hope.

***I gave the last point of view to Sehun because Namjoo had her point of view in the oneshot (which you can find in my story section). Sehun wasn't ready to love again. They did regretfully dive into a relationship that went by really fast, and Namjoo realized that after their first night together. Although they were really happy despite everything else, the emptiness was still hanging above them. And in the end, they both ended up hurting each other more. Sehun would have never let her go, so Namjoo did it. But you see, their feelings are still there painfully underwraps. Yet just because you love someone doesn't mean a happy ending is gauranteed. Life is complicated like that.

***That's all I pictured for this story. Sorry for any mistakes I made throughout it. As I said in the forewords, I watched something on Netflix that made me cry so I wanted to write a story, and it became this. 

***Once again, thank you for waiting on this story. For reading and commenting. I hope it touched a part of your heart. Remember, the end is not always the end. I'll see you all around! Now, I have to think of what else to write.