◊◊◊◊◊

Sehun watched Joomi walk toward his table with a deep frown, maybe a glare. She was dressed up. Coming from work, maybe.

“Why, Sehun, you called out of the blue,” she commented sitting down. The bracelets on her wrist jingled noisily. “Doesn’t this feel like old times?”

Refusing to be swayed by her sarcasm, he got to the point. “I know you met her. I want to know what you said.”

“Oh? Did she tattle?” Joomi arched her brows.

“Joomi,” he literally growled, ready to rant her head off if he needed to. He didn’t like her meeting Namjoo. She had no right.

Crossing her arms, she said, “Nothing. I said nothing. Why? You don’t have to be so defensive, Sehun. She was like a mouse when we sat together.”

“Leave her alone.” He demanded.

“I didn’t think you could be so aggressive,” Joomi said. “Does she like that about you?”

“What we do is none of your business.”

She glanced at her nails, as if she could be less bothered. “I’m surprised she’s lasting. Must be because she doesn’t know about Yanghwa.”

“Stop it,” he spat.

With a raise of the brow she looked at him. “I see. So you haven’t. It hurts to talk about it, doesn’t it? Do you really think you’re ready to love someone again? If you can’t talk about it, you’re not over it.”

“I’m done with you,” he grumbled standing.

“Don’t rush, Sehun,” Joomi continued. “I don’t think Yanghwa would want you to hurt this woman. You’re simply diving into a pool without thinking about how deep it is. Your girlfriend doesn’t know you like I do. If it’s anyone, it should have been me. Don’t forget I saw everything you went through, but she won’t be able to understand you the same. Do you know why? Because honesty isn’t a part of you right now.”

◊◊◊◊◊

Namjoo was just finishing up a phone call with a client when there was a tap on her shoulder. Yurim was holding a dripping plastic cup of soda and smelled strongly of burgers and fries. She about asked where her food was when Yurim whispered, “There’s someone outside for you.”

Speaking in a hushed voice into her desk phone Namjoo hung up and turned. “What? Why didn’t you get me anything?”

“I said outside,” Yurim repeated before walking off then peered over her shoulder with a sly grin.

Frowning at her friend, Namjoo slid out from her chair and headed toward the elevator. Whatever she was up to Namjoo wasn’t amused. There were many things on her mind. She felt like she was hanging in the air. Having sent a text to Joomi when she arrived at work, but there was no reply yet.

Pushing the door open the fresh sunlight nearly blinded her. A swift breeze wafted her direction making her blouse billow in the wind. Clenching her eyes shut momentarily to adjust to the earthly outside before opening them again to see a tall figure standing by the trees. Eyes landing on those long legs before lifting her head up to recognize suave Sehun.

Blinking confused, because she hadn’t expected him. She hadn’t asked about lunch nor had he said anything about dropping by. Her heart did a little flip as he walked over with a bag of takeout.

“Hi,” he greeted in a low voice that made her blood rush.

A strange tendency overwhelmed her. Touched he had come. At the same time wondering why?

Namjoo managed a tiny smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I figured my girlfriend likes starving herself, so I have to feed her,” he grinned, which at least made her laugh. “Is there somewhere we can sit? I brought really good food, promise.”

Namjoo led him into their upstairs lounge where he unpacked their food. Sehun appeared eager and she wondered what kind of spell had overcome him.

“Are you having a good day?” Namjoo asked.

“So far, but now it’s even better,” he smiled at her.

“What did you do?” Namjoo wondered.

“You don’t need to know,” he sneakily replied. Quickly changing the topic, he began, “So, I’ve been thinking. Lets have a date. The two of us.”

“Why? What about the kids?” Namjoo asked.

“I think we deserve some adult fun,” Sehun said. “Gunta can spend the night with his grandparents. Your friend can watch Moowon, right?”

Uncertainty began sprouting its seed inside her. “I don’t know. If you’re suggesting…”

“Of course not, but maybe that can be in the plans too,” he broadly grinned.

“I don’t know…” She didn’t want to leave Moowon for an entire day. He’d never spent an entire day without her before in his four years of life. What if it felt like mom was abandoning him? She wanted to always be with him, be there for him like her parents hadn’t been for her. She wanted to be that big difference in his life. And she worried. Was she rushing things with Sehun? Was this normal? Would this end up being a whirlwind romance of heartache?

“We can go to the movies. Take a walk, visit a garden, go to a wine tasting event, watch the sunset,” Sehun suggested with a glow in his eyes. “There are lots of things to do. We can have a few drinks, too, to end the night.” He cocked his head, “You know.”

Pressing her lips firmly Namjoo gave him a teeny smile before looking down at the food he had brought.

“You owe me,” Sehun reminded. “I gave you Joomi’s phone number. I want a date with you.”

◊◊◊◊◊

That night, Namjoo sat in bed with Moowon snoozing beside her. Staring out the window at the dark and bleak world. The moon was hidden once again. These days she was feeling differently.

The light Sehun shed on her was so full of love that was all she wanted to drown in, but she knew the bigger denominal between then was Gunta. Gunta and Yanghwa. Something they would always keep hidden in the dark. Something they would never share with others.

Gunta was her secret.

Yanghwa was Sehun’s secret.

What was happening to her was that she was starting to realize this bigger picture they were in. Trying to fill the empty holes in their lives that were never supposed to be whole from the beginning. That Gunta would never have a mother. Moowon’s father would never truly be in his life. She without a husband. Sehun without his wife.

Shattered glass couldn’t be pieced back together. It had to be completely destroyed before replaced by something new. Sehun could never replace Gunta’s mother. And she could never fill up his heart. Mend the broken parts of him when he put his wife six feet deep.

◊◊◊◊◊

Namjoo had begged long and hard for Yurim to give up her vacation day to cover her afternoon shift. She hadn’t told her friend a thing even when she had sensed something troubling was up. Namjoo couldn’t will herself to talk about it either. Aware she was trespassing into a territory she shouldn’t. She never wanted to violate Sehun’s world, but if he gave her no choice Namjoo would do it.

Because…because she wanted to know about Yanghwa.

That morning Sehun had given her a long kiss before they departed. Smiling at her with all the happiness in the world. As if nothing could ever go wrong. As if happiness was still in their grasp.

Stepping out of her car Namjoo stared at the lazy café across the street. The hot sun immediately soaked her back, but it couldn’t compare to the anxiety welling up inside her chest. Joomi finally replied.

Namjoo spotted the woman at once. With a high pony tail sipping tea from a straw.

“Thanks, for meeting me,” Namjoo started sliding into her seat.

“It sure is out of the blue,” Joomi replied, “that Sehun’s girlfriend would want to talk with me.”

Namjoo smiled timidly but more sadly. “I know I surprised you. It’s probably weird that I want to talk with you.”

Crossing her arms as if saying she knew the obvious, Joomi waited for her to go on. The silence was so mulling Namjoo didn’t really know what words to pull out of . Then she realized a moment later she wasn’t looking for someone to sympathize with her. Joomi wouldn’t because she had feelings for Sehun, too. But if there was anyone else to talk about Sehun with, Joomi was her person.

“About…” Namjoo felt clog up. She was still so guilty. Filled with much remorse for even having feelings for Sehun. “About…Yanghwa…I just…”

“She was in a coma for three days,” Joomi cut in. “Three days of hell for Sehun. Then she woke up for six hours. The doctors call it a brain surge. She died that night.”

Firmly pressing her lips together, Namjoo lowered her head. Her heart ached. For Gunta. For Sehun. She probably didn’t deserve to cry for any of them. She was a mere outsider.

“Can I,” Namjoo croaked a little, “know where she is?”

◊◊◊◊◊

The columbarium was always a busy but very quiet place. A stone structure two stories high. Housing over hundreds of loved ones. The last remants of evidence that said he or she was once here on earth. The only place where the ones they’d left behind could come to weep in memory.

The wind churned. Strongly now. Saying if she wanted to go, to go. Leave if she was too weak. Staring past the two heavy concrete pillars Namjoo gulped. Her feet were suddenly dead weight. Her heart was still trembling.

More unsure than ever if she had the right. Maybe the only memory she deserved to have of Sehun’s beautiful wife was when she first met them. The pretty woman with hair cascading down her shoulders. Hand in her husband’s. Smiling at her so gratefully. Saying, “Have a meal with us. Please.”

Biting down on her teeth gently Namjoo about wheeled around to walk back to her car, but she stopped. On a final urge Namjoo pulled the door open. The air conditioner was on. Cooling the entire building. Marbling everywhere. How much did a person pay to keep their loved one’s place?

Tilting her head back she stared up at the second floor. Dismissing the four leather arm chairs in front of her she pressed the button for the elevator. Listening to her heart thump, thump, thump as it brought her up.

This afternoon, the building was pretty much empty. Giving her all the privacy she needed. When the door opened Namjoo hesitated before walking out. Passing rooms of pictures and urns locked behind small glass cases. Each shelf going higher and higher because people lost loved ones every day, every hour. The grief was numerous. Here it was overpowering. Weighing heavily. Forcing her to hold her breath as she approached the designated room.

Namjoo clenched then unclenched her fist. Swallowing, she stepped inside the empty room. Glancing past the dozen rows of loved one’s faces before finding her.

Choi Yanghwa. The name engraved on her pretty white urn in big black letters. A small picture of her, Sehun, and baby Gunta beside it. Behind a wilted baby breath was a portrait of her alone. Another one of her and Sehun on their wedding day squeezed in. Her family. Her loved ones.

Namjoo blinked as Sehun’s wife smiled back at her.

Squeezing the rose she’d come with she placed it on the ground. Wanting to apologize. Needing to say something, anything, but nothing came.

She thought of walking into the Surrogacy Agency. Filling the paper and receiving a phone call. There was a couple. Would she have their baby?

Lowering her head as her shoulders drooped Namjoo hoped that Choi Yanghwa could hear all the things she wished to say in her heart.

◊◊◊◊◊

Moowon wasn’t at the daycare when Sehun picked Gunta up. He had called her on his way home, but no one answered. Stopping by the store he bought some things. Planning to make a sumptuous meal for the four of them. Grinning ecstatically as he pressed the buzzer at the front door. He waited two minutes before it unlocked. Surprised when Moowon opened the door.

Wondering if Namjoo was occupied with something he peered around. She wasn’t in sight. Looking at Moowon, surprised he’d learned to open the door, “Where’s your mom?”

“Mommy tired,” Moowon said. “Sleeping.”

Sehun glanced at the doorway left a crack open. Smiling at Moowon to assure him that it was all right he placed the grocery on the table. Pulling out a carton of cookies he gave the boys milk and ushered them off. Confused why Namjoo was in bed at this time of day.

Approaching the door, he pushed it open to find her laying on her side without the blanket. She opened her eyes when he sat down at the edge of the bed.

“Not feeling well?” he wondered touching her hair.

“Just taking a nap,” Namjoo said sitting up. “What are you doing here?”

“Moowon opened the door for me,” Sehun said. “You teach him to open the door for anyone now?”

“Moowon did?” Namjoo frowned. She sighed. “He’s starting to do everything now.”

“So you better get up, mom,” Sehun teased. “Come on. I’ll cook.”

They glanced at the boys on their way out. Both had left their cookies sitting half eaten on Moowon’s little table and now going through his toys.

“How was your day?” Sehun wondered rustling through his grocery bags.

“Nothing new,” she replied leaning against a kitchen chair.

“I was thinking,” he began, “about our date.”

“You’re still going on about that?” Namjoo asked.

“What?” he asked. “You don’t want to spend time with me?”

“Is it necessary?”

“It is.” He deeply nodded. “We can have a few drinks to end the night. You know, after a really romantic dinner. With candle lights and all. Last time you said no, so we should have a candlelit meal. I’ll dress up and you’ll dress up. Wear the prettiest thing you have.”

He listened to her laugh. “You’re really going all out.”

“Yes,” he pointed a finger at her, “so you better find a sitter for Moowon or I’ll sic you.”

Still laughing amused she rolled her eyes, “Whatever.”

◊◊◊◊◊

Zipping her dress, Namjoo fixated her slip on and gave herself a onceover in the mirror. She’d gone with simple makeup. Not too heavy but enough to make a difference on her face. Since Sehun had requested for it she’d have to oblige.

Tonight would be good.

Tonight was their night.

Grabbing her jacket to match her black dress she found her heels and stepped out. Sehun would be picking her up. Saying he’d planned everything for today and she just had to go along with it. She would love it he promised. She believed him. Everything he did she loved.

“Hi, beautiful,” he greeted pulling up to the curb. Wearing an ironed suit and smelling of cologne. Outdoing himself for the day.

“Are you trying to show off?” Namjoo asked getting into the passenger’s seat.

“For you.” Leaning over he gave her a kiss in greeting. Touching her jaw, “You smell nice.” Kissing her cheek, he returned to his seat and started the engine. “Lets get the show on the road.”

First stop was a three hour long musical with famous actors and a well-known singer. The tickets were provided by Sehun. She had no idea how he’d gotten a hold of the tickets and he wouldn’t tell her. Throughout the show they held hands only letting go when they clapped at the end of it.

They literally walked over to the next building to share a meal on the rooftop restaurant. Gazing over the city and admiring the skyline as they finished their coffee. Feeling him come up behind her to point out the skyscraper in the distance. Telling her a story of how he’d grown up as a shy student at the elementary school – a brick building she couldn’t see from where they were. Resting his head against the side of her face he happily sighed.

Holding his hand, they returned to his car and he drove them to a scenic garden. Enjoying the sight of butterflies flittering together. Sharing the awe of earth’s beauty. Snapping pictures of pretty backdrops. Blending into the crowd of common day couples. Becoming no different than the next married couple who would argue when they returned home. Giggling because they were overdressed for the walk.

Reaching the hilltop, they finally sat down hugging a bench and panting from the extraneous walk. Kissing when they thought no one was looking. It really felt fine in that hour. Like she was just a normal woman who’d fallen in love with her best friend after derailing. They’d had their own share of problems, now straddled with their own kids, but fate had drawn them back together.

If only…

They shared several cups of wine over their candlelit dinner. Laughing drunkenly as they paid and left. Nearly tripping over their own feet as they walked out. Forgetting that they were supposed to watch the sunset they stopped by the convenience store. Annoying the clerk with their laughter simply because they were still overdressed.

It took then almost twenty minutes to fill their basket with junk food. Several liters of soda, six packs of beer, chips, and ramen noodles. Just in case they got hungry later. Giggling over the store clerk’s glare as they left the building.

Namjoo felt winded from the wine. Like she was floating into the clouds. A little high because she didn’t drink anymore. Being the responsible mother Moowon needed, but today…today was their day.

Today belonged to them.

Tonight was supposed to be good.

They got back to Sehun’s place miraculously. Plopped down in his kitchen. Tore the bags of chips apart and gobbled them like they didn’t just have a full course meal an hour and a half ago. After a can of beer, the mood severely shifted.

And Sehun started crying.

***Thank you for joining my crowfund: Mohd Slamat Noor Hayati and Noor Aisyah Udin! Here's an early release to thank you all!