Joomi momentarily lost her poise. Her smile faltered. Her grip on the spatula loosened then tightened.

“Oh?” she asked. “Well, you usually don’t go.”

“I usually don’t,” Sehun agreed, “but I have no choice this time. I’m going.”

Pressing her lips together, Joomi admitted defeat, “Then good luck. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a second date.”

She turned around and got right back to work, which irritated him the most.

◊◊◊◊◊

“What are you drawing?” Namjoo asked returning to the living room after washing dishes.

They lived in a high-rise condo in the better part of Seoul. Where there was better security at their apartment. Only the tenants had access to the lower parking garage and to the front doors. Visitors would have to be buzzed in or walked through by their friends or relatives who lived here.

Rent cost $600 a month including utility bills. Namjoo always minimized their usage which wasn’t too difficult considering it was just her and her son living here. Moowon’s lights went out at 8:00 sharp. She turned in shortly after. Save as much money as she could and they could live under good conditions for a long time.

One of their walls was a wall-sized window with a view of the busy street below. At night cars turned into lightning bugs per Moowon’s words. During the day people became speckles of dust, like ants.

Her home was considered expensive middle class. Wood paneled walls. Marbled kitchen with a two-door fridge. Its contents always full because she and Moowon could never finish what she bought. Sometimes she gave away food to neighbors or the homeless. She was that well off.

She only made it this far thanks to the 15 grand she was paid for her surrogacy. Luck that had come to her in the hardest time of her life. In a sense, she had used Gunta’s parents for her own gain.

“Mommy, daddy, me,” Moowon pointed to the stick creatures he’d drawn with flowers at their feet. A narrow brown house was squeezed in to the side. He turned around to look at her with a beaming smile.

“That’s so pretty, can I hang it up on the fridge?” Namjoo asked.

“Yea!” he nodded.

Heart warmed from his childish innocence, Namjoo his hair.

“You talk with daddy?”

“No, honey. Daddy’s busy,” Namjoo lied. “Next time I will.”

“Ok.” Moowon nodded and turned back to complete his piece of art.

Lifting her head up to watch the lady on News Nine relay an oil accident Namjoo sighed. Grabbing the remote she switched the channel.

The following morning, she could still hear the woman’s voice in her head. “Along Sunsam road a truck flipped over this afternoon around 2:30 causing a devastating oil spill. The Wildlife Reserve is currently rushing to save the marshland affected by the oil. At this time the highway has been closed off…”

Massaging her forehead Namjoo mumbled to herself. The previous night she had had a nightmare in which she had been chasing her ex with an axe. Kind of hilarious that she was the one out to kill and it had horrified her.

Maybe she should try calling the woman and not her ex today. See who answered first.

“Moowonie!” A voice screamed.

Namjoo’s attention shifted to the little boy jumping in front of the daycare happily waving.

“Mommy! Hurry!” Moowon urged pulling her after him. She nearly tripped over her own feet in his rush. Her son released her hand and accidentally bumped into his new friend. They burst into laughter that she supposed only kids would be able to share.

“You have fun today, ok?” Namjoo said rubbing her forehead still.

“Bye, mommy,” Moowon waved at her then rushed inside giggling. She watched his fading back grow smaller with a sense of nostalgia.

One day he would grow up and leave her like today. In the meantime, she should at least grant one of his wishes. Do what she could for him when he was still with her.

She turned to see Gunta’s father staring after them. His eyes holding a glint of yearning. Maybe he was feeling the same way she was. Unknowingly she offered a smile before walking away. She drove calmly to work and pulled into the parking lot. Turning the engine off she sat very quietly. Going over what needed to be said. Yes, she was upset for her son who loved his father to the moon and back, but what about that man? A dozen times she had imagined all the ways she should have acted differently.

Putting all her trust in one man. Leaving everything behind to follow him for a life she thought would never compare to her parents’. Then she had walked in on him with another woman in their bed while their son wept from hunger in the next room.

Namjoo heard the announcer’s voice in her head again.

As much as she hated her child’s father, Moowon still wanted him. She couldn’t take that away from him. No matter how cold the war got between them, Moowon’s father was still Moowon’s father. Begrudgingly she would accept that.

Driven, she punched his number for the nth time that week. The dial tone rang and rang and rang.

“Goddammit you son of a !” Namjoo screamed into the phone after she was greeted by the woman of the voicemail box. “Our son is waiting for you, you piece of ! How can you do this to him?! After all I’ve been through for you…if you think I’ll let you leave him I will never forgive you! I’ll come after you and make you sorry you ever met me! Don’t think I will ever let you see him again…you jerk.”

Tossing the phone aside Namjoo buried her face against the steering wheel. Slapped with broiling anger, sadness, regret.

“Along Sunsam road a truck flipped over this afternoon around 2:30 causing a devastating oil spill. The Wildlife Reserve is…”

Groaning, Namjoo punched the dashboard.

Han Daehwi had been the love of her life. Five years older he was her ideal. So handsome. So cunning. His humor had her heart flipping over countlessly. She looked up to him in every way, because in a way he was like her. From a rough background with parents who didn’t care. Children were no more than rodents. Her parents’ lives were far more important than the daughter they birthed. Still, no matter how many times they trampled on her esteem she still tried to love.

When they met for the first time she believed they recognized that in each other. That even when life had been hard they still had hope for a brighter future. So she ran off with him. They had for the first time under the moonlight. Then they found a small home and started their family. Moowon came along nine months later.

Namjoo had never been so happy. Holding her baby in her arms. Feeling him milk greedily from her s. The love of her life. This incredible thing that came from her womb.

“You’re disgusting. Do you really have to do that?” Daehwi asked her one afternoon.

“This is what I learned in the hospital. It’s best for the baby. I don’t want to feed him artificial food from such a young age.”

“I’ve said we should just feed him baby formula,” Daehwi argued. “You’re gross!” Tossing his oil stained shirt aside he slammed the door behind him on the way out.

When Moowon fell into deep sleep they spent evenings making out heatedly. Enjoying which may lead to another baby she thought, but then Daehwi would push her away. “I can’t do this,” he would complain then leave her alone the rest of the night. It happened more so than often. Then he stopped kissing her once and for all.

Namjoo should have seen the signs. Should have faced the signs. The lipstick stains on his shirt when she did his laundry. The phone calls he always took outside. His growing agitation when he didn’t like her food.

“How can you do this to me?” she had cried when he walked out half dressed, the woman still in their bedroom. Maybe she was getting dressed. Maybe she was just lying there in her side of the bed waiting for her husband to return. Namjoo couldn’t see because the door was closed.

“Have you looked at yourself?!” he yelled. Throwing his arms out to illustrate her state. “Have you even washed?! You let the baby slobber all over you and you expect me to touch you?! How disgusting is that?!”

“That’s your baby!” she screamed, sobbing; their baby still crying hungrily in the next room. Instead of tending to him, Namjoo shoved over a vase of flowers he had just picked for her yesterday. The crash of glass was silencing.

In that moment she could only hear her breathless panting. Unsure what to do now. Where to go. Who to go to.

She was alone.

The love she had gone after had not been love at all.

Sobbing angrily; the man of her life just watching as she broke down. Namjoo cried harder. “How can you…how can you…why?!” she couldn’t think. The onslaught of tears shattered her, because she loved this man who had shared their bed, their private space with another.

Wasn’t he supposed to love only her?

Thinking back, Namjoo realized she may have lost it that day. It must have been quite a sight for the man who left her. Gave her the house. The divorce papers. Namjoo was left with only a squandering convenience store job. Not enough to live on. Not enough money to feed her precious son.

Then she took night classes, hoping a diploma would lead to a better life. One day she met Yurim whose uncle worked with social workers. She went after Han Daehwi for child support. The court granted her wish, but now he was abandoning her son again.

◊◊◊◊◊

His phone beeped. A text message from his mother with a file attached. Date and location.

Sehun downloaded the message and felt Joonseok’s thick arm touch him as he leaned over to peek. The colleague whistled, impressed.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

Tucking the phone back into his pocket he turned to watch the excavator plow through the yard. They had gone on site today to go over the blueprint of the recreational park with the construction crew. Right now, they were clearing space in the middle of a field to start the awaited project.

“I’ll give you fifty bucks if you do me a favor,” Sehun said.

“Again?” Joonseok raised his thick brow.

“Again,” Sehun said.

“I saw the date. I’m actually busy on that day. I’m going on a cruise on my aunt’s new ship.” Joonseok nudged him playfully. “You jealous?”

“One hundred,” Sehun bargained.

Joonseok’s smiling face faltered. “No way,” he shook his head though his smile slowly grew back.

“I’ll get you a date with Joomi,” Sehun bargained again.

A gasp. “You mean it?”

Joonseok who had been trying to court the woman he’d seen only once carefully weighed his options. A trickle of sweat slid down Sehun’s neck. To be honest, he hadn’t gone on a single date his mother had arranged. It had only been short a year and a half that Yanghwa passed away. His heart still ached. Though his mother kept nagging that Gunta needed a mother Sehun felt it was merely an excuse to pass her son off to a well-known family.

“I really can’t,” Joonseok shook his head a careful minute later.

“Whatever,” Sehun muttered. Checking the time again he made his excuse and left the site to pick up his son.

◊◊◊◊◊

Majority of the children were screaming in the fenced playground when Sehun stepped out of the car. Their high voices traveled as far as the supermarket from here he imagined. From midway through the parking lot he recognized Mrs. Lee supervising in the back with another staff member.

“Hello,” an employee called out to him when he walked in.

“Can I go in the back?” Sehun wondered.

“Gunta’s father?” she guessed. Perhaps she was fairly acquainted with the other kids’ parents that her guess was lucky. He nodded with a smile. “Go on back. The weather is really nice today, so they’re all outside.”

He walked through the playroom glancing at all the organized bins filled with various toys. Portraits of each child was plastered on a side wall. Their wide tooth grins reflected their time here. He searched first for his son. Gunta had taken his picture stiffly though he grinned the silly way he always did. Then he spotted Moowon staring into the camera looking confused.

Continuing his way through the colorful daycare he found his way to the back door. A soft willowy breeze escaped inside through the open doorway. Mrs. Lee spotted him first. They made small talk and she told him that Gunta had drawn a picture of himself. She would give it to him later. He thanked her then she showed him where Gunta was. Playing by the slide with his new playmate.

“They’re inseparable,” she added. “Best friends already.”

Hearing that humored him. Gunta already had a best friend at his age. Sehun headed toward his son when Mrs. Lee excused herself to tend to two children fighting in the sandbox. He heard talk about a dinosaur on TV, favorite colors and cartoons, and someone talking about someone’s birthday on his way to the slide. Innocence he thought. If only it stayed forever…

“Gunta!” he called out to his son.

The little boy turned to look at him and grinned. Jumping up to his feet he ran toward Sehun with open arms.

“Daddy!” he screamed.

“Hey, buddy,” Sehun greeted lifting him into the air. Gunta’s joyful giggle pushed away all other thoughts in his head.

“Spin! Spin!” Gunta shrieked. Sehun spun him around two times before lowering his laughing son. Then he noticed Moowon staring at them. Fidgeting his tiny fingers together. Just watching.

His silence touched a part of Sehun. He felt slightly sorry for him. The child not knowing how to ask or say anything. Maybe he was just shy Sehun assumed.

“Do you want me to spin you, too?” Sehun asked.

Moowon stared at him with his bug eyes and slowly lifted his arms. Taking the invitation Sehun picked him up. Raising him into the air Sehun listened to him happily shriek as he gently spun him.

◊◊◊◊◊

Before stopping by the daycare, Namjoo made a trip to the convenience store. Going through the snack aisle then by the ice cream area. Since she felt sorry for being unable to get into touch with Daehwi some sweets sounded like it would do good. She’d buy enough for the other kids and a lot more for herself when they got home.

Namjoo listened to Moowon’s nursery songs on a CD on her way to the daycare, bobbing her head to the happy notes. She patiently abided the law by the stopping for pedestrians and drove the rest of the way to Moowon.

The kids were outside today. Their insistent screaming was a sure sign. Carrying the cold bag of popsicles Namjoo walked into the building. Smiling as she greeted the staff members inside on her way. She expected the search for Moowon to be difficult among the scrambling bodies of little ones.

It wasn’t difficult at all.

A turn of the head and she heard Moowon giggling. Gleefully.

She watched Gunta’s father spin her son in the air. Set him down gently and lifted his son for his turn. Moowon was smiling like there was no tomorrow. Widely.

Namjoo’s heart melted at the sight. She hadn’t been able to physically play with Moowon because she suffered from backache. He had been growing bigger and the most she’d been able to do was carrying him around. Piggyback him once in a while.

It was Moowon’s turn to go up in the air again. His face spoke of pure excitement. Midway into the air he spotted her and waved. “Mommy! Mommy!”

Namjoo in a breath when Gunta’s father lowered him to let him run to her. Crouching down to hug him Namjoo bathed in the fresh scent of his sweat. “Were you having fun?”

“I play airplane!” Moowon exclaimed.

“Ice cream?” Gunta hurried over stopping behind Moowon to peer at the bag she was carrying. At the word all the children scurried over. Not what she was expecting, but by the time Namjoo was free everyone was hungrily on their popsicle.

Laughing to herself she rose to her feet and stepped over to the fence. Realizing she’d joined Gunta’s father who had isolated himself off to the side, Namjoo reached into her bag. Handing him one she asked, “Would you like one?”

“Sure,” he said taking it from her.

They returned to basking in silence. Watching their sons sit at the bottom of the slide their treats.

“Moowon is his name?” Gunta’s father asked after a moment of silence.

“Yes,” she answered. “He’s my son.”

“How old is he?”

“Four,” Namjoo gave him a glance knowing why he was curious. She added, “I had him before Gunta.”

At his son’s name he glanced at her. Another moment of awkwardness bloomed between them. Turning away Namjoo bit a chunk of her popsicle. When she swallowed the chill, she turned back to look at him, “Sorry but…I forgot your name.”

“Sehun.”

“I’m Namjoo.”

*** ;; they both lost their loved ones