Second Guessing
A Reason to LiveWheein wanted it to stop.
She wanted to stop the voice in her head telling her that she's always going to be second best.
Here she thought that someone finally saw something in her worth loving; worth staying for. But now she wasn't so sure. Did Byul know all along? She shakes her head, knowing that's not possible. -It is, but Wheein didn't want to recognize it as a possibility.
But she wonders if Byul really loves her, for her. She wonders if Byul only loved her because somehow Byul recognized her heart. Yongsun's heart. She's not so sure she could even call it her own right now. She even wonders if she really loves Byul, or her heart just decided for her. She's so confused as to what she should feel - or what she should think about the whole situation.
Yesterday, after her lunch date with Yonghee, Byul felt awkward when she drove Wheein home. She didn't even stay for a while to have a chat with Hyejin and her parents like she always does. Right before Wheein steps out of the car, Byul told her that she loves her, as if she's convincing Wheein, as well as herself.
And Wheein didn't know how to feel about that. She's not sure if she could believe it at that moment. She's not so sure if Byul was referring to Wheein as a whole or just her heart. Wheein knows it's unfair to question Byul's love like that -but she can't help it.
Wheein was reminded of the time that Byul flashed her their wedding ring on their first meeting. She recalls how she kept thinking of how lucky she is that she had another chance with Byul. She kept wondering about what changed. She wonders if Byul only noticed her now because her wife wasn't in the picture anymore. She pushed it at the back of her mind because it all felt irrelevant just before yesterday. But right now, those questions are all she could think about.
"Am I your favorite person?" Wheein asks abruptly, surprising herself. She sighs, shaking her head at how ridiculous she sounded. She's not sure whether to be happy that she was alone in her room so Byul didn't hear her stupid question, or she's actually sad that Byul's not there to reassure her.
Wheein laughs humorlessly, taking a second for herself before she types out her question and sends it to Byul. It wasn't the smartest move she made; she knows that. But she reasons that she's allowed to make stupid decisions sometimes, then proceeding to hit the send button.
She could already imagine Byul saying that she's her favorite person right now. Right now being the keyword; because they both know that if Yongsun is still alive right now Wheein wouldn't even be in the choices. There would be no other choice.
She's not even sure she'd like Byul to answer that.
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