Chapter 6: Renjun’s Feeling

Betaed by Fubuki, 28/02/2020       

Beta’s Note:

I’m so sorry for the delay! I was sick and busy the entirety of time since the last chapter… I’m both better now and have time on my hands, so expect further betaed chapters!

Love, Fubuki

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Renjun sighed, frustrated at his sixth failed attempt to play the good chord of his zither. His eyes stared absentmindedly at the instrument, as is mind was clouded with the memory of Jeno’s words.

“And if Jeno told something then Daddy would be sad. Renjun-Hyung would be sad too.”

Why do you think it would make me sad? Am I that weak? Or were you afraid I would be sad because those words are true? Because I am indeed not your real brother…

Renjun clenched his hands, his nails digging in the skin. Ignoring the sting of pain in his palms, he swore that if he saw that kid again tomorrow…

The door of his room opened and Mark hyung came in, his eyes looking for him.

“Renjun, Dad asks if you want to watch Moana with them. They just finished an episode of Dragons defenders of Berk on Netflix.”

After their big family hug, Jaehyun-Appa had been forced to leave as he still had to make dinner for Kun-Appa and pick up Jungwoo. Dad had refused letting Jeno go back to his room to finish the punishment homework. Instead he had asked for everyone to gather on the couch while he would make pop-corn. It would be Netflix time, even though they still hadn’t eaten any dinner yet. But Renjun’s mind was in no mood for it so after he had softly warned his dad that he wanted to finish some stuff, he had silently left the living room, trying to seek some peace and quiet from the zither. But in vain; he shook his head, trying to give his best smile to cover up his current mood.

“Ah, I am fine, I want to practice a bit.” He said nodding towards the instrument his daddy had gifted him on his first birthday he had celebrated in the Lee Family. It had been Renjun’s best birthday gift ever, as the instrument reminded him of his mother, who had been an excellent player. It was a pity that Renjun had not inherited her talent.

“I am already rusty, because of not practicing enough.”

Mark-Hyung looked at him, his eyes narrowed in attention, and Renjun knew his hyung was examining him. He smiled but instead of leaving, his Hyung took place next to him on the ground. Renjun knew he had been seen through and he asked himself for the hundredth time how come his Hyung was always able to read them so easily…

“Moana is your favourite. It will not hurt that much to practise after dinner…”, his hyung said while he took a cushion from the bed, making himself comfortable.

“So, what’s on your mind?” Renjun did not give easily either, he may look feeble, but he wasn’t.

“Nothing. I tried to practice a new piece for daddy’s birthday. But I am always stuck at one part, so…”

Mark played along and said: “Really? Which one?”

Renjun’s fingers elegantly plucked a string as he immersed himself in the piece, only looking at the music sheets in front of him. Just as he was in midway of the song, his hand seemed to be lost and he again plucked the wrong string. He grimaced at the sound of it and stopped playing, looking at his brother.

Mark took the music sheets that had been laying on the ground, he hummed the melody, so soft Renjun would have not be able to hear it if it was not that he knew how to listen to his soft-voiced Hyung. Mark smiled, a genuine smile that was reflected in his sparkling eyes, the sight making his cold Hyung look very cute.

“It’s beautiful.”

Renjun blushed, he liked hearing compliments from his Hyung and Daddy the most.

Not to mention he always found Mark’s compositions better than his own.

“Can I try?”, Mark said, and Renjun nodded, excited despite his mood as his Hyung rarely played for him.

Mark took the guitar that was always in his closet and he opened the house, revealing the instrument he had gotten years ago from his Appa.

Mark sat down and played slowly. Renjun could not help but feel the melody had a different feeling. Mark had to try three times, but in the end, he played the piece fully. He smiled.

“I think I got it. Here.”, he said, playing the part Renjun struggled with. He then carefully placed his guitar on the bed before taking a seat behind Renjun, trying to pluck some of the zither strings. He experimented a bit first as he hadn’t played for a long time. He had in the past helped Renjun with the zither. After a while his hands skillfully played the melody Renjun had wanted to hear for a long time.

“You see? Your hands.” And just like old times, Renjun placed his hands above the big hands of his Hyung. They replayed the part a couple of times before Mark took off his arms and to Renjun’s pleasure, his own hands seemed to understand the music sheets in front of him.

Renjun could not help but be happy, his mood long forgotten as he smiled.

“Hyung, I did it!”

Mark smiled as he sat down next to the younger again.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you, Hyung.”, Renjun shyly thanked.

“I heard great music, so I have to thank you too.”

Mark put his guitar back into its place before he sat down on Renjun’s bed.

“Besides, I had to if I wanted to hear what was troubling you, right?”

Renjun’s smile immediately faded when he heard the words, he had hoped the older one would forget.

“That bad?”

Mark softly patted Renjun’s bed, indicating the younger to take a seat next to him. Renjun sighed, he really was not weak… it was just his Hyung who was too strong.

“Hyung…”

“Hm?”

His Hyung’s eyes always reminded him of the sea: calm, yet deep as if it hid away the deepest of secrets. But towards his dongsaengs, Mark’s eyes had a gentle touch of kindness and love, something his classmates would never be able to see. Renjun did not know how to start.

“I…I am angry.”, he finally struggled to say.

“Angry?”

Mark eyed Renjun with worry, as the latter was not easily angered. Renjun looked at his hands while he nodded.

“I am angry at myself… I… I… I think I am…”, he struggled to find the right words while nervously playing with his hands. Mark took them into his big hands, his thumbs slowly the back of Renjun’s hands, away the nerves the younger had.

“Renjun.”, Mark-Hyung’s voice calmed his heart down.

And Renjun’s eyes began to be moisty when he was finally able to say: “I am supposed to be the Hyung, but Jeno thought it would hurt me and…”

Renjun’s voice cracked down and Mark interrupted him.

“Do you not dare to feel guilty, Renjunnie.”, his voice soft yet firm.

“But it’s because I always feel out of place that Jeno… sensed that I would be sad. That he thought it would make me sad!”, Renjun protested weakly, small tears dripping from his eyes.

“You are thinking too much. He never knew you felt out of place as in his eyes, you are his biological brother, and he simply wished to protect you the same way he wanted for Dad. The reason why he did not tell us anything was not only because of you.”

His Hyung wiped away the tears of his face gently, before he hugged him.

“In Jeno’s eyes, you are his Hyung, you are his beloved Hyung. He trusts you and thinks of you just as highly as Dad. That’s why he wanted to protect you and not because of any other reason. It was not your or Dad’s fault, okay? Don’t think so much, Dìdì.”

His Hyung’s words slowly made him feel relieved and he hugged his hyung tightly.

“Really?”, he sniffed in his Hyung’s embrace, just to be sure.

“Gēgē will not lie to you.”, Mark’s reply was soft and loving, enough to calm him down completely.

He slowly detached himself from his Hyung before shyly asking: “Can we still catch up with the beginning of Moana?”

Mark smiled before standing up and gently pushing Renjun towards the direction of the door.

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It was near 9 o’clock, when Mark could sit down on the couch. He had helped out Jeno with his punishment homework as he had felt guilty towards the younger. Even though it had been the right thing to tell Dad and Appa the truth, Mark felt like he had betrayed Jeno by telling them a secret he had wanted to keep. Of course, Mark did not regret his decision as it was the right thing to do. But he could not help but feel guilty, so he had proposed to help the younger with his punishment homework. Besides, Mark thought bitterly, if that annoying rascal Mingyu had not targeted Mark, Jeno would have never had to encounter that brat that was Mingyu’s cousin. So, Mark had helped even though Jeno did not really needed it, he was a very smart boy and good at studying.

Jeno had already joined Renjun to watch the TV, their dad Taeyong was busy in the kitchen, preparing their snacks for tomorrow as it was Wednesday, thus half a day of school. He did not need to wake up early to prepare lunchboxes and could prepare some snacks now instead.

Mark sat down on the couch, eyes looking at the TV even though he did not really see as sleep slowly made his eyes heavy. It had been a long day, and he was tired due to training, so he could not help but close his eyes.

But the darkness could not completely invade him before Mark felt someone that was trying to get up on his lap. He wanted to ignore them and welcome the darkness that called out to him so sweetly. But the whiny sound that came after the failed attempt to climb on his lap made him slowly open his eyes. He was met with a for once very pouty Jisung, his light honey brown hair messy and his big eyes sleepy. Jisung stretched out his hands toward him.

“Up!”, he demanded.

Mark really wanted to groan but the sight of his youngest brother’s pouty lips was cute enough to make him forgive Jisung. Besides Jisung was one who rarely seeked out skin ship, so Mark picked him up and settled him on his lap. The younger one directly nuzzled his face into his chest, his eyes closed and ready to sleep in the warmth of his Hyung’s embrace.

Mark frowned at the sight as it was not in Jisung’s character to do so. Was it that he was too tired? Would another relapse come? Mark tensed at the thought of it.

“Jisung-ah?”, Mark called out.

The younger one whined into his chest as he wanted not to be disturbed.

“Tired?”, Mark asked softly.

He was answered with a tiny nod that he could feel on his chest. Mark sighed as he prayed that no harm would come to his younger brother. He briefly wondered if there would be a day that they would be able to finish Jisung’s grievances once and for good.

“It’s nearly 9, let’s put him to bed.”

Mark turned his head around at the sound of his dad’s voice. Taeyong smiled at his eldest.

“You look tired yourself. Rough training?”

Mark nodded and he slowly stood up, years of practice made him stand up without disturbing, the now asleep, Jisung in his arms.

“Jeno, Renjun. Time to sleep.”

Taeyong slowly crouched down near the armchair, as he gently picked up Chenle who was half asleep now. Jeno and Renjun who had been watching Moomin together slowly made their way towards the stairs, followed by Mark and Taeyong. Renjun directly went to his and Mark’s bedroom, while Jeno opened the door for Taeyong and Mark to enter in his. Mark went towards Jisung’s bed, as he slowly putted his little brother down. But the moment Jisung’s back touched the bed, the younger one whined, clinging onto him. Mark panicked a bit as he was not used to such clingy behaviour from the boy.

“Jisung let’s go to sleep.”, he hushed him gently.

But Jisung’s hands refused to let go of his T-shirt, and he whined even more trying to get into his previous position on Mark’s chest.

“Jisungie, what’s wrong?”

Taeyong who heard the unusual commotion came over, Chenle already tucked safely in bed.

The younger however did not bother to answer, simply whining and burying his head deeper into Mark’s embrace. Taeyong frowned, and following his intuition he slowly tried to pry Jisung out of his eldest son’s arms. But Jisung just struggled harder and Taeyong hushed his son to calm him down, letting him be. He then simply detached Jisung enough to be able to touch his face, it was burning hot.

Taeyong eyed his youngest in worry as he said: “You have a fever.”

Mark looked down on the whiny bundle of warmth in his arms as comprehension finally hit him, sick kids were always clingy. He cursed himself that he hadn’t felt how hot Jisung felt, but kid’s body temperature was always warmer than adults, so he hadn’t be able to tell.

“What to do?”, he asked his dad in worry.

Taeyong hesitated. He had medication for a fever in his first aid kit in the kitchen, but he wanted to see a doctor. Especially since Jisung’s fever could be related to his sickness he really did not want to take a risk. But where could he find a doctor at 9 pm? If he went to the ER, he would have at least 3 to 4 hours of waiting time if he was lucky. A kid with a light fever was not a priority, so they would be on the bottom of the list of urgency. He knew this from experience.

He could also call Kun but Taeyong’s wouldn’t. The man just came home from a busy day full of chirurgical operations, so there was high chance he would be dead asleep by now.

Taeyong decided he would wait till morning. He would first feed Jisung some medication and if it was just a simple fever, Jisung would be better in the morning. If not, he would immediately go see a doctor or Kun.

“Make him stay awake, I will go and grab the medication.”

Mark nodded as he whispered sweet words in his youngest brother’s ear.

The latter one just wanted to sleep already but Mark gently rubbed his back while gently asking him to stay awake. Luckily for Jisung, Taeyong quickly came back with the medication. He knew by heart the right dosage, and the medication was sweet enough for Jisung to accept it without any complaint. However, he still refused to let go of Mark. Taeyong had to use very soft words and lots of kisses to convince his son to come into his arms. When Mark was finally free, he looked worried at his Dad. Taeyong reassured him with a smile, while he used his free hand to ruffle his hair.

“Go to bed, I will come give you and Renjun a good night kiss later.”

Mark nodded but just as he wanted to close the door his Dad called him back.

“Mark, did you have any trouble today?”

Mark’s body tensed, but he had been prepared for it, so his expression was calm as he shook his head.

“When you told Jeno you also heard these words today… That was true right?”

Taeyong’s eyes looked intently at Mark. The later nodded.

“Yeah, an angered boy from class B told me about them.”

Taeyong waited for more, his eyes trying to find a hurt or sad expression on his eldest son’s face.

When Mark didn’t say anything more, he asked: “Why was he angry at you?” Mark shrugged.

“I don’t know why he was angry. He is known to be quite the arrogant boy. You know one of those rich kids who look down on us, honorary students. It happens all the times.”

Taeyong grimaced at the word “rich kids”, and he frowned when he heard Mark’s explanation.

“Did he hurt you?”, he asked softly, his eyes looking for any possible lies in his son’s expression.

“No. He was more words than action.”, Mark said, “He also said some nasty words about Jeno, and that’s how I knew the whole story.”

Taeyong’s frown deepened as he did not like it that both of his sons had been confronted in such an annoying way. He was aware he could not protect them from the nasty ups and downs of life. But that did not mean he had to like it. Maybe he should ask Doyoung to go with him to the headmaster’s office? Taeyong doubted it would help, he was still rather young and clearly remembered his school life.

He sighed: “Nothing else? You can’t lecture Jeno about being strong if you are hiding things from me too, right?”

Mark had been prepared for this question and he slowly shook his head.

“Everything is fine.”

It was no lie, Mark thought. It was half the truth. Things were fine till now… maybe troublesome but still fine. And it would be better to not add worry for his already tired Dad.

Taeyong nodded.

“Promise me you will tell me if something like this happens again?”

Mark nodded, if things were out of his control he would go ask his Dad for help. Seemingly satisfied, Taeyong softly caressed his son’s cheek before nudging him softly to go to his bedroom.

“Good night Minhyungie.”

“Night, Dad.”

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Taeyong sighed tiredly as he crashed down onto his bed. It was near midnight now, and Jisung’s fever had not risen which was a good sign. He had taken the younger into his embrace until he fell into deep sleep, before tucking him into bed while he stayed up at his bedside to be sure his fever wouldn’t worsen. Taeyong knew he should sleep, but his thoughts wouldn’t let him, so he took out his laptop and googled something he had not be able to take off his mind since meeting with Ten.

He found the articles immediately and he asked himself how he hadn’t seen it any earlier. He looked at the dates, and just as Ten had said, it corresponded with the period shortly after their divorce. Taeyong was not someone who followed the news regularly to begin with, but in that messy period Taeyong had cut himself off from the outside world. It was thus reasonable he had not seen it, still he felt guilty about it. He had struggled with a difficult time, but Ten had had it even worse than him. Taeyong clicked on one of the articles, wanting to know more about the details as Ten hadn’t told them. He regretted it almost immediately as the article described the many struggles and factors that had been present at that time. Those people were truly scary, much worse than he remembered!

After reading the article, Taeyong decided he really should go to sleep. He settled his alarm for every 2 hours as he wanted to check up on Jisung regularly, a fever could always worsen, and he truly did not want that to happen while he was asleep. He would wake up every 2 hours, making his sleep a torture, but Taeyong would not be able to sleep at all if he could not check up on his son.

He really wanted to take a day off tomorrow, just to rest. But he couldn’t as he had taken half a day off on Friday for Jeno’s match. He had also skipped his work on Monday when he went to school for Jeno’s fight and today he had taken an hour more during his break. The management team would kill him if he took one day more, making their planning a true mess. He hoped Jisung’s fever would subside so that he could drop him at Doyoung and Yuta’s place. Otherwise, he would have to go to Kun first and be late for work. Taeyong whined into his pillow, he truly wanted a break.

But he loved his kids dearly and nothing could stop him for caring for them. Not even a bit of bad sleep and getting fired. So, with a calm mind, Taeyong drifted off to sleep, he had forgotten to close his laptop, the screen still showing the big title of the article: “Struggle for Thai Throne after the King’s Death: The Battle of  the Crown Prince and his Cousins”

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“Go Jeno! Go!”, Donghyuck screamed with his high voice, encouraging the younger one who was on the field.

Chenle who was in Jaehyun’s arms as he was too tired to standing up for long, laughed at Donghyuck’s antics. With his snarky remarks to the other party and wide gestures, the younger one was even better than a true cheerleader! He had even brought a slogan with “Go JENO LEE” on it.

Jaemin who was in Yuta’s arms (the famous Japanese model was hiding behind a mask, glasses and a big grey hoodie) eyed the slogan with interest, asking himself how mad Donghyuck would be if it were to accidently disappear…

Donghyuck who saw his little brother eying the slogan knew, he had after all tricked Jaemin this morning with a prank, the younger was bound to respond. They both looked at each other with a glint of evil in their eyes before both huffed and looked away.

Doyoung (he too was wearing a facemask and his face was pretty well hidden by a big camera), who was too busy taking pictures, didn’t notice it, but Yuta did and he shook his head. Their kids truly lived to prove who was more of a devil. Why couldn’t they behave like Taeyong’s kids? All angels and sugar. But Yuta knew that even though his Hyuck and Nana had more quarrels than peace, they secretly got along just fine. He truly didn’t want to know how puberty would change those two devils. Jisung who was in Taeyong’s arm had more interest for the ball than his brother but after a while he quickly got bored of watching it. Next to Jaehyun stood Kun, with in his arms Jungwoo who managed to sleep despite the noise.