Chapter 4: Taeyong’s Worries

Betaed by Fubuki, 28/05/2019

Taeyong had always been able to claim proudly that he was a professional person, separating his work from his private life. Or at least, he thought that had been the case, so why? Why did he find himself cursing at himself when he caught a glimpse of his unfocused state in the mirror: Eyes unfocused, pupils clouded and his movements not sharp enough? Try again. And again. This would be his 5th time in less than 3 hours. Good job, Taeyong. Very professional.

He had been lucky that he had the rookies today, because if it had been his boys, they would have noticed. UNITED would have stopped their rehearsal to interrogate their favorite (and only since debut) choreographer. Granted, the boys would have made fun of his sloppy movements in the beginning but then they would use all their power to make their Hyung confess, even using their puppy-eyes. And of course, shameless Aegyo. The rookies however were not that familiar with the choreographer, nor did they have such a close relationship with him as it had been only the third lesson Taeyong had given them up until now. Which was better because even if UNITED had asked, Taeyong wouldn’t know where to begin with.

First, his precious son Jisung.

And that oh so annoying (Taeyong would swear if he could but he was a responsible father) unknown disease that was torturing his precious son’s body. When Taeyong had finished to prepare breakfast yesterday as usual, he had been in a good mood, even though it was 6 in the morning and he had been wide awake for 1 hour, to make his kids lunchboxes. Placing the last bowl of rice on the table, he had gone upstairs, as usual to wake up his kids.

Yet, his good mood disappeared instantly when he entered his youngest bedroom: Jeno had been the only one is his bed. Taeyong’s eyes scanned the bedroom again and again, even lingering on Jeno’s bed, but he could only hear one person’s breathing. Panicked, Taeyong had lunged towards the door across, into his eldest son’s bedroom. Thinking of the worst, his eyes scanned the room quickly before looking straight at the bed of his eldest son, where he found the source of his panic, wrapped in an extra blanket while sleeping soundly into his Hyung’s chest. Taeyong let out his breath, he even didn’t know that he had been holding it in. But although it was okay because it could have been worse, Taeyong’s heart was still racing. He knew it. Even if the blanket didn’t scream it hard enough at him, Taeyong knew it. If it had been a nightmare, the youngest would not have bothered to come to his Hyung, he would have just snuggled into Jeno’s bed who was just a few meters away from his own bed.

But whenever that annoying disease came, whenever he had one of those “little relapses”, Jisung would not bother those extra few steps and he would just go towards his daddy or his Hyung. And Taeyong did not remember any lightweight on his chest when he woke up so clearly Jisung had opted yesterday to go towards his Hyung. Taeyong’s heart hurt at the thought of his son’s grievance that he had to went through last night. Taeyong wished his son had come to seek him, instead of his Hyung; he had wanted to be at his son’s side during those painful moments.

He looked at his main pillar, his first main source of strength that had been by his side for 13 years and sighed. Mark, dependable Mark had nearly the same position in his Dongsaeng’s hearts as his. Jisung who had probably not dared to wake his poor daddy up had chosen to go towards his Hyung whose room was also closer than his daddy’s.

Taeyong’s brain also decided to think about the possibility of “What if”? What if last night his son hadn’t had “little relapse” but a “big relapse”? What if that “big relapse” had happened and Taeyong would not have been on time to the hospital? Or what if the “big relapse” is even more incurable and takes his son away from him?

Taeyong nearly cried right there, in the middle of Renjun’s and Mark’s room, if it had been not for the latter. The light sleeper slowly woke up because of the noise Taeyong had made when he came in, barging into their room.

The second thing that drove Taeyong crazy was that he had no choice but to go to work.

He had a comeback to prepare for UNITED and that day was their first day of rehearsal. Worse, he even had an 8-6 schedule, meaning he would only come home late in the evening. He could not just let UNITED rehearse by themselves (as the boys didn’t know the full choreography yet) and the management team would kill him if he delayed their meticulous planning of the comeback. He could not even ask for half a day because he had taken half a day off this Friday for Jeno’s football match. Taeyong wished he could take the day of taking care of his youngest properly, yet he was in a situation where he couldn’t. Not for the first time, Taeyong asked himself if his career choice had been the best.

Of course, it had been just his luck that no one else had time. Doyoung and Jaehyun both had their work schedule cramped and even Yuta who worked half time, had a shoot. Jaehyun asked if he wanted him to take the day off, but how could Taeyong accept that? He had refused and after a lot of internal debate, he had still decided to bring Jisung into daycare. The decision alone had pissed Taeyong off. Luckily, he had been so busy with the comeback at work, that the boys of UNITED hadn’t noticed his mood.

But what had been the cherry on the top, was the sudden call Taeyong received yesterday afternoon. The school had called.

Taeyong had nearly jumped in fright when he heard the secretary ask him to come to his children’s school. A cloud of possibilities had flashed his mind. An accident, illness, a problem with his child’s ability to learn…? And then the secretary had told him that Jeno waited for him in the principal’s office. Taeyong’s mind went blank as he was trying to process what she was saying… A fight? Jeno? His Jeno? He…What?! Taeyong nearly wanted to laugh at her. Sorry that’s impossible, you got the wrong kid. But not even two minutes later when Taeyong had ended the call, still siting with a dazed mind, Jaehyun had called. Jaehyun said the school had just called him too. He had cancelled his meeting to go as he knew it was impossible for Taeyong to go. Taeyong protested, never mind the management team, he would go to school, fired or not it was a serious situation that concerned his kid for God’s sake!

The issue with Jisung was different as Taeyong knew he would be fine anyway, it was only him being protective and wanting to stay to smother his child with love after his “relapse”. But Jeno? His sweet Jeno had a fight! The principal had said that Jeno had been the one initiating the fight, but both parties had fought! Besides Taeyong couldn’t believe what he heard. His Jeno, sweet always eye-smiling Jeno.

Taeyong knew and had too much faith in his boy to believe Jeno had not fought without being wronged first. So, he bowed, apologizing to everyone and explained he had an urgency before leaving the work floor, arriving earlier than Jaehyun.

The good news was that Jeno was fine. Only his left cheek seemed a bit red, with some scratches here and there, but compared to the boy across him who had a blue eye and swollen lips, it seemed that Jeno was a better fighter than Taeyong ever imagined. Okay, maybe it was not a good sign that his child who (except soccer and dance) never practiced any sport was able to injure a boy who was at least 2 years older than him. But hey, secretly Taeyong was proud, and he would always protect and defend his kids just like other parents would. When Taeyong arrived alone, Jeno stood up and hugged his dad. The woman, who he supposed was the mother of the other kid, glared at them. Taeyong glared back, one of his glares that could kill anyone if looks could kill as he would not allow the woman to look at his son like that. He was a 7-year-old for God’s sake, and she was an adult. The woman backed off, still giving him looks from time to time with a face that clearly stated she was not pleased with him. Taeyong ignored her weird glances, as he was already used to the looks. He always received them. He was young, looked like the bad boy next door with his work attire (dance clothes: a cap, a black hoody and black ripped jeans) and he was divorced. Twice. So yeah, not the typical look of a parent. Or at least a parent you would trust.

After hugging his son, Taeyong took a seat, with Jeno sitting on his lap. The director explained that they had been in the play court during lunch when suddenly Jeno had attacked the older boy out of nowhere. The boy had fought back and soon a crowd had surrounded the two boys. Renjun, poor Renjun, who heard the kids say there was a fight with his brother involved, had panicked and since the crowd was so dense, he had called a teacher to separate the two boys. When the teacher had asked why the boys had fought Jeno had shut his mouth, silent. The other boy had said he only had defended himself. The teacher knowing Jeno was acting out of character, suspected there was something else, but the boy stubbornly shut his mouth. As for the other boy, he claimed to be the victim and that he hadn’t done anything to upset Jeno.

During the whole story, Jeno who was sitting on Taeyong’s lap, lowered his eyes, refusing to look at anyone, even his dad. Maybe people would interpret this as shame, yet he refused to apologize to the boy. The woman demanded a formal apology. Jeno didn’t say anything.

Taeyong was lost. He then took Jeno off his lap, kneeling in front of the boy before grabbing his shoulders with both hands.

“Jeno, will you tell daddy why you did this?”

His son refused to meet his eyes, and Taeyong finally understood what kind of expression his son had been showing this whole time: It was determination.

Taeyong sighed before nodding.

“Alright, you don’t have to tell daddy. Daddy trusts Jeno had his own reasons. However, daddy wants you to apologize. Your reason was right but the way you responded was wrong. We never respond with violence, Jeno-ah. Daddy does not say, you were wrong, but you should not have fought. Do you understand that?”

Jeno nodded, his eyes still refusing to look at Taeyong before he turned towards the other boy.

“I am sorry for fighting with you.”

He bowed slightly and turned towards his daddy, ignoring the other.

Considering that Jeno had also received some injuries, Taeyong also asked for an apology. Something to which the mother of the child refuted with anger. Taeyong pointed out that in the end both had fought and that her child was two years older than Jeno. Furious, she nearly cursed at Taeyong, but the principal calmed her down, saying that in an education point of view both parties had responded wrongly. It wouldn’t hurt to apologize. Moreover, Jeno would have to do some extra homework as punishment since he was the one who started the fight. She glared at Taeyong before asking her son to apologize, leaving the room at a furious pace.

When Jaehyun came two minutes later at the school portal he found Taeyong coaxing their son to tell him what really happened. Jeno stayed mute and when he saw Jaehyun he ran to hug his Appa.

What bothered Taeyong was that no matter what kind of words he used, he couldn’t convince his son to tell him the truth. Renjun was also helpless and Mark had been in the other building (He had left the primary building last year as he was now a Middle school student), thus making him clueless too. Taeyong saw Jeno being sulky the whole evening but he could do nothing but to smother him with love and attention since the boy didn’t want to talk to him. Taeyong had never been in this situation, his children always told him everything. Except for his eldest son, who was a very quiet person by nature, he had always heard every little secret his sons had in hearts. Taeyong’s heart couldn’t help but worry.

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“Okay, that’s enough. A 15-minute break!” Taeyong said when the last notes of music sounded in the practice room. The rookies collapsed on the floor, complaining and sighing contently now that they could rest. Taeyong subtlety rolled his eyes, they complained at this stage, were they truly ready to debut? Taeyong sighed as his mind was still reeling with all the events of yesterday. Because after giving goodnight kisses yesterday (Taeyong gave Jeno more, whispering sweet words to him) he received a message on his phone from an unknown number.

The content of it however made him jump in surprise. He stared at the familiar name at the bottom of text for at least an hour, his thoughts jumping from left to right. He then snapped out of his daze and called Doyoung. They talked until early morning; which he of course regretted because had to wake up early but hey, he needed it.

Taeyong had pondered for a while before he sent a reply. He gave in the address of a fancy smoothie place near his work. Afterwards he went to catch whatever amount of sleep he had left.

The timer of Taeyong’s phone went off and he clapped his hands.

“15 minutes are over! Regroup!”

The rookies were too scared of Taeyong’s fierce appearance to complain (if only they knew…UNITED would laugh at them) and Taeyong went to put the music on, the dance taking his worries away as he poured all his energy into every movement.

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It was noon. Taeyong hurried out of the building, towards the fancy smoothie place. He had only heard of it because Ren (one of UNITED’s member) liked to go pick up his Detox-smoothie from there, the boy giving so much attention to his skincare. The others had accompanied him there as well and Taeyong had the impression they had enjoyed it.

He had finished his practice with the rookies earlier (because they had nearly collapsed, which made Taeyong question the decision of the management for assigning them to him), which gave him some extra time to prepare himself. He had changed his clothes (nothing too fancy just his spare clothes as he didn’t like to go outside with sweaty clothes) and had made his way out of the building.

When he arrived at the place, he took a seat next to the window, waiting. His legs moved underneath the table, a sign of nervousness that he tried to stop.

Taeyong took a deep breath. Alright. How long had it been? Almost 8 years? Taeyong had changed in those 8 years, he was more mature, more experienced with life, and he had developed in more in some ways than others: His personality, his career, his family… All those factors had shaped Taeyong into who and what he was. The shy, sickly in love, naïve and self-doubting Taeyong from years ago was gone.

Taeyong was so much in his thoughts that he didn’t see the person approaching him, until he took the seat in front of him. Taeyong looked up. There in front of him was the person who had once been the beginning and the end of his life, the one who he had pledged to love until his death at the altar, his first love… Ten.

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Taeyong cursed his damn alarm for not being able to wake him up, he also cursed himself for thinking he could drink more than one tiny cup of soju to celebrate his Noona’s birthday. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! His Math teacher was going to kill him, and Taeyong did not want to get detention as he had a dance workshop this evening. Taeyong was out of breath, running in the halls. In his haste he didn’t notice the person who was coming the opposite way. They bumped into each other, making said person drop his books and Taeyong flushed in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry! I mean, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you… I mean, I didn’t mean to...”

Taeyong stumbled on his words, trying not to offend the person while grabbing the books from the floor. He heard a chuckle and he blushed a bright shade of red while looking up. Taeyong gasped. There in front of him, Taeyong didn’t think it was possible to… but he did. He fell in love at first sight.

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Just like years ago, Taeyong was stunned by the beautiful man that sat in front of him. His features hadn’t changed a bit, his golden-brown doe eyes with big blond whispers could stun anyone, his snow-white smooth skin made his expression soft, yet his smile was dangerous.

They looked at each other for a while before Ten said: “You are as beautiful as ever…It’s been a while, Taeyong.”

Taeyong snorted. Who is talking? He wanted to say.

But instead he said: “Please keep those sweet words for your boyfriend.”

Ten smiled, his eyes looked a bit worried: “I can’t even tell you that anymore?”

Taeyong looked at him, there was a time he would never be able to refuse anything to the man in front of him asked. But now Taeyong only shook his head without a trace of guilt.

“Don’t misunderstand me, I am not doing this out of anger. It just doesn’t feel right...”, Taeyong said.

Ten nodded: “Of course, I understand. Too fast of me.”

The waitress came and asked for their order: Ten smiled at her (which made her blush. He truly was as charming as ever.) and ordered: “For me a Melon Delight and…”

Ten looked at Taeyong with eyes that asked permission, “...A Strawberry Berry?”

Taeyong was secretly smiling that the older had remembered his usual order.

However, he shook his head and said “… Strawberry Milk Tea, please.”

Ten looked surprised before he nodded towards the waitress to finish the order.

When the waitress left, Ten smiled: “You changed.”

Taeyong raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was ‘as beautiful as ever?’”

Ten laughed, a real laugh that had been once the source of Taeyong’s happiness.

“You are… But before you didn’t care about those details. Whenever I asked what you wanted to drink you just ordered the same as me. The only thing you ordered differently than me was the Strawberry smoothie.”

Taeyong blinked and he smiled at the sudden realization.

“I never cared about the food. I always taught the person who accompanied you was important.” Ten’s eyes saddened a bit. He knew it of course. It was regretful that he had hurt such a precious