Aom

What was I thinking? I was so damn furious. The siege of jealousy and rage devoured my inner soul. My mind was determined to fight for what is rightfully mine but doubt swept through me. Was I ready to leave Kimhan without a fight? I was terribly hurt. Bruised and bleeding. The pain burned like hell, squeezing me inside. My rational thinking has left me a moment ago. My eyes were all blood-shot red crying all day long. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. And definitely, I don’t deserve this.

Oh…her distraught look as I try to evade her attempts to calm me down, reaching out for me. I was so cruel…shocked by the savagery of my words. Will she forgive me…will I forgive her? I couldn’t stop crying. My mind was all haywire and jumbled. My inner goddess is nowhere to be found. Even Sherlock Holmes was no help to find her.

It was supposedly a surprise. I was on my way to the airport when she’s calling me all along. I purposely didn’t tell her about my sudden visit, but yes, I didn’t lie that I was on the set the last time we spoke. I intended to go to LA that same day after the last shoot. And I did. But to my dismay, I was the one got surprised. I didn’t expect that would also be there. And most of all, it was appalling to bear witness to that abhorrent moment. It wouldn’t be such a big fuss if I haven’t known what she’s up to all along. And besides, who wouldn’t get jealous to see such scandalous scene? If you consider it as one, though, but I do. Yeah! I have all the right, ain’t I?

I don’t have trust issues. It wasn’t a big problem before that. I believed Kimhan would never cheat on me. Perhaps, we’re just caught in an unexpected moment and in the wrong places. Nonetheless, it was over and done. I couldn’t stay mad at her that long. I wouldn’t even last a day without talking to her. How much more if losing her? I love this beautiful person to hell and back. Well, it’s much easier to go to the moon nowadays. Even Elon Musk can go to Mars when he wanted to.

I awake with a jolt. My head is fuzzy and I felt warm. Eventually, my eyes roamed around the moonlit room. The digital clock resting on the bedside table displayed 3:59 AM. It’s almost dawn. I can’t possibly go back to sleep like this. I am curled up and under the duvet beside her, my arm spread across her almost flat bare chest. Our legs tangled together, with my head nuzzled at the crook of her neck, inhaling her intoxicating scent. We’re splayed over the white covered bed sated of and sweat. That’s how it works, we fight, and then we make up. And the latter is way much better than the last one we had. It always gets better everytime. Trust me, they do. She always gets me way higher than nirvana.

My throat felt dry. I need a glass of water. Kimhan grumbles in her sleep as I slip out from her arms, but didn’t wake up. I swing my legs out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. Realizing I was bare-, I have put on Kimhan’s shirt lying somewhere on my way out.

Suddenly, I felt cold. The chilly ocean breeze gently crept though the open door making my body trembles lightly. Maybe, Kimhan forgot to close the door again. At this rate, she would get both of us pneumonia.

Wandering to the great wall of glass, I look out to the darkness of the horizon where the calm sea kissed the sky. There were few stars left twinkling above. The crack of dawn is almost here. It was beautiful…and magnificent. This is Kimhan’s fortress. Her comfort… Could I live here, married to Kimhan?

Marriage. Ahhh, the thought of being married. It’s almost unbelievable and overwhelming. I place my back against the glass and slide down to the floor. My lips smirk with irony of this reality. Who would have thought I would fall in love with the same ? To Kimhan Jittaleela — my greatest love.

“Baby…” she stirs in her sleep.

Her voice, I don’t know. But my body reacted too fast, rushed to her side.

“Hush, I’m here… go back to sleep.” I caress her face.

The touch of hand on her face made her bats her eyes open. Deep brown eyes met mine.

She smiles. “Why aren’t you asleep yet?” she asked, concerned.

“I was watching you sleep.”

“And why is that?” she asked, amused.

The bed sunk with her body shifting facing mine. She plants swiftly a kiss on my lips.

“I missed your love,” she murmured, recapturing her lips on mine.

I couldn’t get enough of this y human being everytime. I always thank the heavens she’s mine. She smiled boyishly as she pulls away missing the warmth of her kiss.

“Uh-uhm…” I smiled.

“Stay with me,” she murmured. Her smile slowly fades away but the look in her eyes sincerely begging me except I find it was more of a statement.

“I’m here, am I not?” my hand caressed her face.

“Yes. I mean…” she stutters, tucking a few strands of lose hair behind my ear and pecks light kisses on my lips.

“Uh-huh, I’m all ears, baby.” I teased. I knew exactly what she means. I’m just playing her, though.

“Um, I know, the wedding is a few months from now…” she looks away from me rolling on her back. She stares on the white ceiling. The air seems so thin inside the room that she heaves a lungful of air. “…but I don’t want to be far from you anymore. I couldn’t take one more day without you near me. Please stay with me…” her heartfelt plea that tugs my heart. I laid my head on her flat chest. I could hear her hurt beating on to the sound of my name. I smiled to myself.

“I always love to be beside you. You know that.” I tilted my head up, looking up at her beautiful face. I was sincere. Absolutely.

“Yes, I do.” She heaves. “Am I asking too much?” she asked, her eyes were sad.

“No baby… I know you’ll ask that sooner or later.” I assured her. What can a woman say? Practically, I need to move in with her. We’re getting married. Soon. Might as well get used to it, don’t I? But a lot of things have to be come first. That she know it clearly.

“Can we settle it then?” she asked me excitedly, getting her body to sit.

“Wherever you are, there I will be...”

“I love you…” she whispered at the top of my head, hold me close to her.

___________

I could hear the piano playing downstairs, soulful and sentimental. I knew it well— Kimhan. She’s on it again playing a few pieces just to past the time. It’s just 15 past 2; she’s been waiting for me for quite some time now. Women. I know. I’m a woman in every aspect of me. And I love it. I need a whole day to prepare for this wedding. The girls and I have gone to the spa to do the nails and hair. I’m so excited and at the same time queasy meeting all friends and families. ‘Oh Pie, get a grip. You’re the maid of honor, not the bride.’ My inner goddess nudged me again holding her ‘Get Your Together’ copy and gave me a scorn look beneath her half-moon spectacle. Oh, she’s back from her wanderlust. I examine myself at my vanity one more