dancing daisy

Talk Me To Sleep by flower-of-may

Posted by: dancingdaisy • request info — Last Edited: 22/01/2016

Author: Flower-of-May

Story Title: Talk Me To Sleep

Main Personas: Taemin and Sulli

Story Genres: Realistic Fiction, Romance

Story Status: Completed

Story (projected) Length: Novel/Novella Length (chaptered)

Story Description: Taemin and Sulli, are two strangers who contact through text messages throughout the month of December up until Christmas eve.

Reviewer: dancingdaisy 

Comments: I took up your request the moment I saw it… couldn't have made a better choice! I loved it so much! You've totally shed some light on Taelli.

Story Title (5/5)

Posted by: DANCINGDAISY • grading — Last Edited: 24/01/2016

I don't know how many times I have to stress that a story title is so important. A title is a story's first impression. I'll share with you, my first impression.

When I first saw it, I thought about two people sharing a discreet exchange before getting some shut-eye. It made me curious then. Which is a good factor when piquing readers' interest – by planting a curiosity and thought-provoking appeal in readers to captivate them. 

With that said, you cannot let your readers down. That is to say that however good your story title might be, the content must prove to have done it justice, like the famous metaphorical phrase says, "don't judge a book by its cover".

Description and Foreword (10/10)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 24/01/2016

I like that you made used of staccato in your description, "One number. Two strangers. 25 days." – very much like the rule of three – it creates a sense of anticipation in readers. There is some kind of expectation that a crucial conversation will take place between two strangers in a short span of a month. You also quoted in an extract from your story, which successfully engaged readers – me, at least  – to read on. Personally, it was like reading a book's synopsis, rather short and sweet.

So, in your foreword, you mentioned that you were writing 'Talk Me To Sleep' for Christmas. I think it really would've been a great read during the Christmas festive. It gave me a Christmas-romance, under-the-mistletoe kind of inkling hehe ;>

Appearance (10/10)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 24/01/2016

• Poster and Background (5/5)

I wish I could give you a 6 out of 5, the poster is absolutely beautiful! It's hands-down relevant to the story, alright. By depicting a conversation Jinri and Taemin, it really links back to the story where Taelli texted each other almost 50% of the story.

• Font-size and Readability (5/5)

I had no problems with readability. The font size and style does not bother in any sense. And the fact that you used different fonts for the normal text and the messaging format helps reading it easier!

Plot Development (37/40)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 27/01/2016

• Originality (10/10)

I've never read anything that is, plot-wise, similar to yours. I can safely say that it was really well-thought and all-rounded. 

• Setting, Theme and Mood of the story (18/20)

The setting/introduction part of the story is almost stereotypical and common, I've noticed; the wake-up-in-the-morning starts. It could have been different if you had approached it from a more distinctive setting.

The theme – as I've deduced – revolves around the major theme of love. Its minor themes are affection, friendship and such. The story touches on the reality and cost of being in love. Examples: Jinri falling out of love with Chanyeol and how she reacted to it, Taemin sacrificing himself for Gianna and he suffered later on, Jinri having a phobia of loving someone again (fretting over her capability of loving a person without a doubt). As for at the sidelines, there are those family, friends, and relatives who are supportive of Jinri and Taemin that keeps them going. By giving them advice and providing the affection they have for them, it develops a sense of security for Jinri and Taemin to make them move on from their past.

The story creates a relaxed and tranquilizing mood through setting.

It’s snowing outside. It started to snow a week before, but it stopped. Now it’s snowing again. Outside, everything is glistening, everything is so bright and cold. I duck under the blanket, turn around like a worm and sigh out when it’s so warm and comforting.

Whereas, there would be times when there is a contrasting mood of slight angst through tone. 

Jinri: I’m not okay, Taemin.
Taemin: what you’re talking about.
Jinri: I don’t know. I have this thing about myself, that I can get too upset that…I hurt myself. I’m numb, I can’t feel anything the way it should. I can’t be sure. I sound crazy, I’m sorry, I probably scared you away. I thought you should know, before you decide anything.

“Yeah, it’s like a phobia…of feelings,” he tries to explain. “It’s called emotional blunting. She knows she feels something in her head, but can’t find it in her heart. And she’s always distressed about knowing that she can’t express it. Or you know, feel it.”
“But I saw her,” I interject. My brain just can’t digest it, it’s can’t be true. “She was bashful, she did feel something. She looks happy, Jongin.”
“I know,” he whisper, but he doesn’t.
I shake my head, denying it. I only believe what I see, and what I saw in Jinri is completely different than what he’s saying. How can she be emotionally blunt when she looks more happier than I am? But, she keeps saying she don’t know, and I lean back at the chair. Maybe it is true after all.

• Consistency and Flow (9/10)

The story is quite consistent if you were to look at it overall. However, I thought it was rather quick and rushing that Jinri and Taemin just leaped right into the act at the last chapter. Perhaps keeping it innocent between them would've been better, in my opinion. Of course, there'll be others who argue that it's kind of realistic in the world that we live in. Still, it would've helped secure the theme of love.

Character Development (13/15)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 24/01/2016

• Point of View Used (4/5)

I think there's just a small note to take over here: I was a bit confused when reading the second chapter, because, since when did Jinri woke up and knew a character named Jieun when the previous chapter she was clearly living with Soojung, Miyoung, Sunyoung? The problem you need to rectify is by stating who's POV you're using in each chapter to prevent confusion. It is only when I was reading one-quarter through the second chapter that I realized that I was reading from Taemin's POV. To give readers a more smooth read, I suggest stating who's POV you're using in each chapter.

• Evolution of the Characters (9/10)

We can all agree that there is character development in your story.

Jinri is someone who was afraid of falling in love, due to some circumstances (I'll not spoil), but after meeting Taemin, she gradually picks up the courage to love again. As for Taemin, there is progression for him as well. He was, as described in your story, a drunkard at a point in his life, but unfolded to be this lively and humorous character he is now.

I also like the fact that you give the minor characters in your story their own story. It is not so protagonist-centered.

Grammar and Writing Style (13/15)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 24/01/2016

• Grammatical Errors (5/5)

There aren't any grammar mistakes that particularly disrupted my reading, which should bring you a standing ovation – I'm usually really strict in this section. Your sentence structures are carried out in the most natural way that doesn't feel awkward but fulfills what they want to convey.

• Choice of words and use of language (8/10)

I really love your writing style! It's so witty and funny at times! Your writing style brings the characters to live.

Diction or choice of words separates good writing from bad writing. It depends on a number of factors. However, your choice of words could've been improved. You used rather simple words – which might or might not do justice to an author's intellectual intelligence – and is comprehensible from an elementary school level. You didn't use a lot of literary devices like metaphors, imagery or foreshadowing in your story, which is the only downgrade in this section. Should you had put in better diction and more descriptive words, it would've been better. 

General Evaluation / Over-all Enjoyment (5/5)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 27/01/2016

Taking everything into account, I really enjoyed 'Talk Me To Sleep'. Other than a few tiny faults here and there, it was an enjoyable read! There are many areas to be improved on, but, it doesn't affect on the whole.

I really enjoyed the story! ;> Though I'm rather a little disappointed with the ending. On the other note, it's always a strategy to leave things as it is and spark the readers to wonder and ponder about the outcome of the story. And, I know how it feels like to have a writer's block. Just one word: horrible. I would definitely read the sequel if there is one! Looking forward to your future writings! ;>

Total Grade (91/100)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 27/01/2016

► 91%

Since your total grade meets the requirement of 90 and above, your story will be added to our shop's archive!

Thank you for requesting! Do request again! It was a pleasure to review your story, it definitely has a great potential. Don’t forget to credit us!

Upvotes and feedback are absolutely welcomed! ;>

AFFILIATES: 001 // 002 // 003 // 004 // 005 // Credit