red velvet

Ice Dreams by coldlights

Posted by: dancingdaisy • request info — Last Edited: 11/04/2016

Author: coldlights

Story Title: Ice Dreams

Main Personas: Bae Joohyun (OC) x Oh Sehun x Kim Jongin

Story Genres: Drama, Romance

Story Status: Completed

Story (projected) Length: Short Story (not longer than 20,000 words)

Story Description: Bae Joohyun’s only Holy Grail and aspiration in her whole life has been to figure skate. She has been training at the top rink in town not long ago alongside hockey skater Oh Sehun and childhood friend Moon Gayoung, whom both affluent parents are business partners with Joohyun’s wealthy progenitors of the Bae’s noble family.
From her inescapable matrimony with Sehun, Joohyun’s glory future has been fairly foretold and envisaged throughout the eighteen years of her existence – that is, until she meets the new boy in town, Kim Jongin, whose very presence changes every aspect of Joohyun’s life and future plans.
Under the repressing stress from her condescending mother and the pressure of rivalling the reigning superstar, Soojung, who’s an Ice Queen in more ways than one, Joohyun is standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take. With a citywide competition only a few weeks away, what will Joohyun do to make her ice dreams come true?

Reviewer: sentimental_andriod

Comments: Hey! About the whole kaistal thing, no worries, there are worse things that could happen. And I will name that worse thing that happened to me. So, one day, I went online, and saw that the K-pop side of the internet was talking about Luhan leaving exo. Luhan at the time was my ultimate bias. I didn't believe the rumours, so I did more research. It was true. Turns out that the day that he left was also my birthday. Yeah…. I cried for awhile. Then, I decided to get over it by thinking positively. “At least I’m not getting eaten by a bear right now,” and “At least he isn't dead.” So, the lesson learned is that my luck is awful (nah jk).  Also, do you play an instrument or skate yourself? I play the flute personally, so… Yeah. Btw, sorry for taking forever to write this, from school to flute lessons, I had little time to write this. Hope I did well and didn't contradict myself or anything!

Story Title (5/5)

Posted by: DANCINGDAISY • grading — Last Edited: 11/04/2016

Your title was great! It really captured the theme and feeling of the story, which made it perfect for what you were writing about. 

Description and Foreword (10/10)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 11/04/2016

The description was what it should be, descriptive. It gave a me a great idea of the storyline, and the foreword was awesome, giving you a taste of the future of the fic, enticing people to read.

Appearance (10/10)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 11/04/2016

The overall appearance was very pleasing, with the nice winter theme and pretty snowflake details.

• Poster and Background (5/5)

I loved the poster! It was really beautiful, and with a nice background to boot, it was the right match for your story, capturing the drama and light angst with the faded colors and dramatic angles of their faces.

• Font-size and Readability (5/5)

The font size was a bit on the small side, but it's fine because there is so much text. It was really well formatted with time lapses and such things being indicated along the way.

Plot Development (36/40)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 11/04/2016

• Originality (8/10)

I found certain parts of your story a bit cliché, stuff like her being really rich and the whole mean girl and cute new kid thing. The rest however, I have never really seen in a fic, things like her being a figure skater and taking ballet, but some of it I was a bit unsure of. 

• Setting, Theme and Mood of the story (18/20)

The setting was your normal, everyday school setting most of the time, which makes me seem really hippocritical considering that I write in a school setting a lot. There was also the fact that she was at the rink half of the time, along with other places like the mall and a dance studio. The theme was a bit of angst from her own personal problems and some romance and a tad of fluffiness mixed in, which seemed to be what you were going for. You wrote well, using flashbacks to reveal more about the mood and personality of the characters, giving it a darker feeling at times, and in the end blossoming into a beautiful romance. It was a bit hard to figure out the mood until the end, when everything came together, because at times she (the main oc) was sad, and at others happy or angry because of the impacts the other characters had on her at different times.

• Consistency and Flow (10/10)

Overall, I believe that the story fell in place very well, the events being sequenced and well written, forming a really nice ending and feeling that you are left with at the end. 

Character Development (14/15)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 11/04/2016

• Point of View Used (5/5)

It was in the classic first person POV, you really can't go wrong with that!

• Evolution of the Characters (9/10)

I already stated some stuff about the character development and such, but why I didn't give a 10/10 is because some characters did not really seem to develop that much, their personalities stayed very similar to me, but these were the supporting characters, whose personalities you see help the main characters grow, and that is also important.

Grammar and Writing Style (15/15)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 11/04/2016

May I just say, your writing is really amazing! I can't write half as much and well as you, with your excellent descriptions and great word choice, you have an natural and obvious talent for writing that I thought I shared all this time, but no matter, this is about you, not me.

• Grammatical Errors (5/5)

I saw no grammar errors at all if my memory serves correct, and you seem to beta read your chapters too to avoid any mistakes.

• Choice of words and use of language (10/10)

Your word choice was very broad and sophisticated, you should be proud for writing so much while still using technique and different word choice. Your writing style was really nice too, definitely up there on my favorites list.

General Evaluation / Overall Enjoyment (5/5)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 11/04/2016

I LOVED your story, it was amazing, and a definite must-read for any Kai stans. You have a clear talent for writing, so never stop! Hope to see any other works in the future!

Total Grade (95/100)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 11/04/2016

► 95%

Since your total grade meets the requirement of 90 and above, your story will be added to our shop's archive! 

Thank you for requesting! Do request again! It was a pleasure to review your story, it definitely has a great potential.

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