dancing daisy

the business partner by slategrey

Posted by: dancingdaisy • request info — Last Edited: 14/03/2016

Author: slategrey

Story Title: The Business Partner

Main Personas: Lu Han, Kim Myungsoo, OC

Story Genres: Drama, Humor/Crack, Realistic Fiction

Story Status: On-going

Story (projected) Length: Novel/Novella Length (chaptered)

Story Description: The story goes as your typical arrange marriage and a petty love triangle.

Reviewer: sentimental_android

Comments: I want to apologize for taking so long to give you this review. I have been so busy with school and other personal things that i barely had time to write, so for that, I am sorry. 

Story Title (4/5)

Posted by: DANCINGDAISY • grading — Last Edited: 14/03/2016

I feel like the title really captures the essence of your story, it also give a bit of foreshadowing on the overall plot, with Luhan and Chaelin being brought together because of a business agreement.

Description and Foreword (8/10)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 14/03/2016

The reason for me not giving you a perfect score for this category is almost solely because I find the description rather vague. It would be nicer if it could give more to the plotline, like the other characters and possibly some foreshadowing. I really liked how you organized the characters, giving a clear description and profile for each one. You also explained a little bit about your relation to the story and put a key for color coding, which is really helpful.

Appearance (9/10)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 14/03/2016

The overall appearance of the story is rather nice. It was organized, neat and linear. The only thing I am taking points off for is the background because I wasn’t the biggest fan of it.

• Poster and Background (4/5)

I really like your poster! It captured the theme really well, along with the attitude of the characters. It was colorful and eye catching, the ideal poster for your story’s genre for sure. The only thing I didn't like was the background. This is my own opinion, but I found it a bit distracting, try something a little more subtle and with less blue. (you don't have to though. It's only my opinion.)

• Font-size and Readability (5/5)

The font choice was nice and easy to look at, It wasn’t too large or small, and there was also color coding which I liked a lot. It wasn’t too congested, and well formatted. 

Plot Development (32/40)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 14/03/2016

• Originality (8/10)

I found your story to be super creative. It wasn't the cliche poor girl and rich boy who gets changed for the better type thing, but rich girl and rich boy who both despise each other, but eventually come together and learn to get along. It’s a nice change of pace from a lot of the other stories I have read.

• Setting, Theme and Mood of the story (16/20)

The setting was a bit generic in my opinion, but that's not such a big deal because school settings are really good for a fluff story. The theme of the story wasn’t too apparent until later, which is the only reason i am discrediting you. The story was a little bit slow at first, but as it got into the later chapters sped up with a plot twist. Try to keep the theme apparent, and the mood the same, because at one point it's fluffy, and at the other a fight breaks out. You want to try and keep everything smooth through the whole story.

• Consistency and Flow (8/10)

The story was pretty consistent, until you threw in a bunch of new characters and twists, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it hard to keep up with the story and follow along sometimes. That also might be your preferred writing style, so it all depend on perspective. The flow of the story was kinda slow at first. You want to keep a steady intake of info throughout the fic, so everything comes together easily.

Character Development (14/15)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 14/03/2016

The character development was slow and steady, which is a really good thing. You don't want to do things like a lot of other writers do, which is have the character fall in love and all of the sudden they are a different person. You made the character change slowly, her feelings and reactions etc. Not changing drastically because of one little thing. Character development takes time, just like in real life.

• Point of View Used (5/5)

The point of view was used well, it changed occasionally as to not let it seem boring, giving insight to the point of view from other characters.

• Evolution of the Characters (9/10)

Like I stated earlier, the characters changed slowly and naturally, for the better. They start to realize their feelings gradually, for some personalities, instantly, showing the difference from one character to the next.

Grammar and Writing Style (14/15)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 14/03/2016

Your grammar was excellent, I’m not going to lie. The writing style was different from what I’m used to. It was a bit angry at some points, then fluffiness blossomed at another. The characters had very apparent personalities, which made it easy to see the real feelings of the character and how they would react in a certain situation, which is something you don't see very often. It's nice to see such unique writing style, especially with many stories being monotone and cliche.

• Grammatical Errors (5/5)

I didn't see a single grammar error throughout the entire story, which was a relief for someone like me who is practically a grammar cop .

• Choice of words and use of language (9/10)

Your word choice was excellent, beside the fact that there was swearing. You might want to warn readers about any profanity because it could make some people uncomfortable. 

General Evaluation / Overall Enjoyment (5/5)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading— Last Edited: 14/03/2016

Overall, I really enjoyed your story. It was fluffy and exciting all in one book, plus my two favorite EXO boys are in it ;3. It was well written and definitely one of the better fics that I have read. I can't wait for your next update! You are very talented! Always keep your head up!
This was also my first review, so I hope I did well! Thank you!

Total Grade (86/100)

Posted by: dancingdaisy • grading — Last Edited: 14/03/2016

► 86%

Thank you for requesting! Do request again! It was a pleasure to review your story, it definitely has a great potential.

Please reread the rules and regulations! And don’t forget to credit us and leave a feedback! (not just a 'picked up. thank you.')
Upvotes are absolutely welcomed! c;

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