chapter song: let it roll by all time low

It’s three in the morning, and Jihoon can’t sleep. It’s like his body clock is slowly adjusting to UTC+9:00, which is Korea’s timezone. He’s got no idea what time it is back there, anyway, but it to be awake at o’clock when he could be fast asleep in his boyfriend’s arms until the sun is above their heads.

It had been a bit of a fuss trying to wrangle himself out of Seungcheol’s iron embrace just now. Yet the surfer is still sleeping peacefully, hugging a pillow where Jihoon lay earlier.

Jihoon stares out of the window, out to the darkened beach. He can’t even see a thing, but he knows that the ocean is still out there, where it’ll always be. Too many thoughts are crashing in his head, worrying about work and his imminent departure.

Out of habit, Jihoon grabs his phone off the nightstand, unlocking it. The glow from the phone screen illuminates his face as he swipes through his apps absently – he’s got no reason to look at his phone. Without thinking, he opens his work email, and there’s a ton of unread messages waiting for him. It’s been a while since he’d accessed his email, and it’ll be a pain to sift through the hundreds of emails accumulated over his absence at work. One email in particular, sitting at the top of his inbox, catches his eye - it’s marked urgent.

It’s from Boss.

Curiosity get the best of him, and he taps on it, regretting the second the message opens. Jihoon quickly scans through the content, a headache slowly building as he understands the gist of the email.

Congratulations…

Board meeting.

Next Monday.

He’d been gone from work for almost a month, so he’d been expecting demotion or maybe even redundancy…not a promotion.

Life is a mind. He’s getting an advance in his career at the expense of the love of his life.

Jihoon quickly shuts off his phone, putting it back on the nightstand. A hint of a headache begins at the back of his head, the sharp pain of stress greeting him like a familiar old friend.

He glances at Seungcheol, who’s got no idea what’s going on, getting a good night’s sleep. He should get back to bed, and push his worries towards the back of his mind when he snuggles up against Seungcheol.

But there’s no more stalling, besides, he’d made up his mind.

Still, he needs room to breathe, because it’s a lot to take in, and he needs a break from all the stress. Ironic, because he came all the way here to run away from it, but it seems he’d always be tied to his work.

Jihoon leaves the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. The house is quiet, apart from snores coming from behind closed doors. Everyone else is deep in slumber, except for him.

Padding downstairs, Jihoon heads towards the living room. He switches on the light, and slumps onto the plush couch with a sigh.

Soonyoung’s things are scattered on the coffee table - USB wires, adaptors, headphones, and his laptop. All there for the taking…

Jihoon opens up Soonyoung’s laptop and switches it on, waiting a few seconds before the screen welcomes him with Soonyoung’s picture, grinning cheekily at him.

Enter password.

Jihoon takes a chance and simply presses enter, leaving the password blank. The screen immediately changes to Soonyoung’s messy desktop, the wallpaper hidden by a gazillion icons and shortcuts.

Fool, his laptop doesn’t even have a password.

Jihoon quickly logs onto the internet, and it only takes a few clicks before he finishes what he has to do. He feels weirdly accomplished as he shuts the computer down.

“Jihoonie?” It’s Seungcheol, sleepily calling him out.

“I’m here.”

The surfer appears in the living room, his hair a mess. He’s still half-asleep, eyes squinted at the brightness of the light. “You okay?”

Jihoon smiles thinly; guilt washing over him. Might as well tell Seungcheol the truth. “I just bought my flight ticket.”

“Oh, Jihoonie.” Seungcheol pushes his hair back in frustration; he wants to protest against it, but he knows he can’t. “When?”

“Day after tomorrow.”

Seungcheol frowns, flopping down onto the couch next to Jihoon. He wants to go down the beach and think; the sand between his toes, and the sea nearby calming him down.

But really, they’ve got to sit down and talk about it. Time is passing by every second, closer to their separation. Now that Jihoon’s made it clear about his decision to leave, Seungcheol just wants to know where he stands in all this.

“Are you leaving me?”

That sounded confrontational, but it’s straight to the point. Seungcheol assesses Jihoon’s face carefully, watching his expression crumple into unease.

“Cheol, I -”

“Jihoonie, I said it before, I’ll respect any decision you make. I’m not against you going back to Seoul because I know it’s important, but what I really want to know is: what’s going to happen to us?” Seungcheol’s words are grave, even in his gentle tone.

Would their relationship - or whatever they had - end the second Jihoon steps foot on that plane? Jihoon knows his feelings for Seungcheol won’t snuff out that easily; and he’s sure that it’s the same for Seungcheol.

It’s all in his head: that he’d be back home - home, as in here, in Malibu, with Seungcheol - in no time at all, after straightening out all the blurry details concerning his day job. He’d work a bit; maybe try to get in touch with Vernon’s producer friend, and somewhere in between he’ll probably fly back here to visit Seungcheol or something, when he’s tired of life in Seoul. In short, he’s thinking of a long-distance relationship - they could talk and text, even though they won’t be physically together; with occasional visits so they could see each other and spend some quality time.

Would it work?

They’d make it happen, of course.

But it never occurred to Jihoon exactly how long he’ll be gone: it could be a matter of months, to years, even to sort out the mess at the office. It would be presumptuous of him to expect Seungcheol to wait for him for an undetermined period of time, when he could go and live his life without being tied down to an absent partner.

There’s another solution, but it’ll involve a lot of heartbreak, so Jihoon doesn’t even want to think of it. The idea of wiping Seungcheol away completely from his life is appalling; and he doesn’t want them to become strangers after all the time they spent together. Seungcheol would forever have a special place in his heart, and Jihoon hates the fact that fate brought them together, only to force them into a goodbye.

Either way, it’s a losing situation, and Jihoon would never really get what he wants. Of course, he prefers the former over the latter…

Why does he always have the burden of making all the important decisions?

Maybe Soonyoung had been right. He should just quit his job.

Dear Boss, I am resigning from my job so that I can spend the rest of my life with my hot surfer boyfriend on the sunny beaches of Malibu…

“Jihoonie.” Seungcheol notices Jihoon’s inner battle, and reaches out to squeeze his shoulder. “I just want you to know that I care for you, and I don’t know how we’ll do it, but when you leave, I want us to keep everything on good terms.” Seungcheol picks his words carefully, laying his heart out for Jihoon. There’s no way he’s going to let go of the best thing that’s ever happened to him. “I still want us to be together, even if the ocean separates us.”

There’s the answer.

“That’s what I want, too.” Jihoon manages a brave a smile, clasping Seungcheol’s hand, playing with his fingers.

“Good.” The surfer breathes a sigh of relief, leaning in closer towards his boyfriend. “We’ve got a day and half left.” Seungcheol holds Jihoon tightly in his arms. “I’m not letting you out of my sight until then.”

“I’d like that.”

“Come back to bed?” Seungcheol asks softly.

Jihoon responds with a kiss.

Soonyoung’s sitting on the living room floor, cross legged; staring at his laptop blankly. A video editing program fills up the screen; this new project containing footage from Joshua and Jihoon’s performance at Cafe Arredondo a couple of nights ago.

“Juice box?” Wonwoo wanders into the living room, handing a carton of apple juice to Soonyoung, who practically chugs it all in ten seconds. It’s a hot and humid afternoon; even indoors, Soonyoung is sweating.

He crumples up the juice box, setting it on the coffee table. “I feel weird.”

“What’s wrong?” Wonwoo moves closer towards Soonyoung, leaning his chin on his husband’s shoulder.

“I wanna do this, but I don’t want do it anymore.”

Wonwoo laughs warmly, knowing how much Soonyoung hates editing. It’s one the of reasons that makes them a good pair - Soonyoung can film weeks of footage, while Wonwoo could patiently edit it all without complaining. The result: one of the most consistent vlog series on the internet.

“I’ll do it for you. But you owe me a massage.” Wonwoo offers, reaching for the mouse, but Soonyoung stops him, holding his hand.

“Not that.” Soonyoung says. “I meant this whole…spectacle.”

Wonwoo removes his spectacles, placing them delicately on the coffee table, right next to Soonyoung’s empty juice box. The gesture - a corny word play - makes Soonyoung crack a smile.

“Anyway. I’ve been thinking lately.”

“That’s not good.” Wonwoo teases.

“Stop clowning me, Won-won.” Soonyoung pouts, which makes Wonwoo snort, trying to stifle a laugh at how adorable his husband looks.

“Aww. I’m sorry. Let me kiss all the boo-boos away.” Wonwoo leans in, kissing Soonyoung’s pouty lips.

Soonyoung automatically slips his eyes shut, responding to Wonwoo’s sweet kisses - all gentle and warm and wet and longing; he’s glad that they’re still madly in love, making out like giggly teenagers.

Soonyoung finally pulls away, gazing at Wonwoo’s smug expression. “I forgot what I wanted to say.”

“If you don’t remember, we could keep kissing.” Wonwoo mumbles, nuzzling Soonyoung’s neck.

It takes extreme focus for Soonyoung to think, trying not to be distracted my Wonwoo’s gentle touch. “Oh! Remember when you asked me where I want us to settle down?”

Wonwoo nods, encouraging Soonyoung to continue. They’d been cuddling on the hammock outside when he’d asked that question. with the future - their future together - lingering in his mind. He doesn’t expect Soonyoung to remember it, let alone give it some thought, so the gesture touches his heart.

“I’m thinking New York City.” Soonyoung grins. The Big Apple, with its numerous skyscrapers and diverse boroughs, Miss Liberty proudly standing in the harbour - it’d be a whole new adventure for the both of them. “I know you wanna live there.”

“That’s great.” Wonwoo breaks into a smile.

“My parents just got this really nice apartment there, so I thought it would be a great opportunity for you to meet them.”

Meeting Soonyoung’s parents - Wonwoo’s in-laws. What could be more daunting that that? He’s got to make a good impression on them, since they apparently run one of the biggest companies in Asia, with ventures and properties all around the world. He just hopes they won’t run him out of town for marrying their son without their blessing.

“When does the studio need you back?” Soonyoung asks. Wonwoo had told him about the movie deal, so he’s got to stay in California to work when that happens, which might get in the way of their plans to move to the East Coast.

“They haven’t started filming, so not yet.” Wonwoo clarifies. “When should we go?”

“When Hoonie leaves, which might be soon. It might be a hassle for you if you start work again when we’re over there.”

“Then I’ll commute between New York and LA.” Wonwoo says with a confident smile, gazing into Soonyoung’s eyes.

“It would be difficult.” Soonyoung frowns - Wonwoo’s making it sound like the two cities aren’t on opposite sides of a whole country.

“We’ll make it work.”

“I wish Hoonie and Cheol-hyung would make it work, too.”

“They will.” Wonwoo leans his head against Soonyoung’s, pulling him close.

“Woof!” A dog barks from behind them, as if agreeing with Wonwoo. The couple turn around in surprise to see a playful golden retriever panting at them, its tail wagging so fast that it’s almost a blur.

“Why is there a dog in the house?” Wonwoo questions, the same time Soonyoung joyfully exclaims, “Goldie!”

The dog bounds into Soonyoung’s arms, his face. Seungcheol pops his head into the living room, followed by Jihoon and Jun.

“We just had to make the coast is clear.” The surfer jokes.

“But now Soonie’s making out with the dog.” Jihoon says, watching his best friend rolling on the floor with the dog him like a treat. Wonwoo’s doing nothing to help his husband, instead, he’s gleefully taking pictures with his phone.

“Sir Pawston McBarkins! Come here, boy!” Jun steps in, clapping his hands. The golden retriever stops the life out of poor Soonyoung, and bounds back to Jun, barking playfully.

Jihoon eyeballs Jun, who’s petting the dog. “That’s a ridiculous name.”

“I didn’t name him.” Jun shrugs. “He doesn’t really belong to me, besides, I’m more of a cat person.”

“Whose dog is it then?” Soonyoung asks, as he wipes his face, dog saliva sticking to his fingers.  

“He belongs to my elderly neighbour. She’s wheelchair-bound, so she can’t walk him.” Jun explains, as Seungcheol starts playing with the dog. “Sometimes I help to dog-sit.”

“We dog-sat Goldie once, Won-won. When you were in LA.” Soonyoung mentions.

Wonwoo nods - he’d seen the video of Soonyoung dragging Seungcheol and Jihoon and the dog onto a nature walk. He wishes he’d been there, too, but he’d been in LA because of work.  

“C’mon, let’s go hang out on the beach.” Jihoon says impatiently.

Soonyoung instantly scrambles to his feet, going over to Jihoon. He presses a hand against Jihoon’s forehead, pretending to check Jihoon’s temperature, but Jihoon slaps it away, scowling.

“Just let me get my camera, then.” Soonyoung mumbles.

Wonwoo’s already holding the device, handing it towards Soonyoung with a straight face.

“I love you, Won-won.” Soonyoung smiles, kissing Wonwoo’s lips twice.

Jihoon rolls his eyes at the PDA, yet he ironically reaches out to hold Seungcheol’s hand as they head out to the beach.

“It’s you and me today, buddy.” Jun says to Goldie, ruffling its fur. Two couples, and he’s stuck with a dog…

It’s a gorgeous day outside. The skies are a cloudless canvas of azure; a flock of birds soaring in the air. The sand is warm from the late afternoon sun, which shines brightly on them as their little group heads towards Jun’s surf shop. Goldie bounds ahead, running close to the teeth of the water.

“So what are we doing today, Hoonie?” Soonyoung calls out. He’s walking with Wonwoo at the back, happily swinging their hands.

“Hanging out.” Of course, Jihoon’s short with his answer.

“It’s Joshua’s idea.” Seungcheol grins, turning around to find that Soonyoung’s giving Wonwoo a piggyback. He quickly averts his gaze, looking at an unsuspecting Jihoon, wondering if he should also give Jihoon a piggyback ride.

They’re heading towards Jun’s surf shop, where there’s a burst of activity outside it. The atmosphere is lively with chatter, and pop music drifts from a stereo somewhere - it’s like a typical Californian beach party straight out of the movies.

Goldie’s playfully circling around Chan’s feet, as he tries to keep up a conversation with Thomas and Vernon. Meanwhile, Minghao and Samuel are arranging coolers outside the shop as Joshua and Teddy set up a portable barbeque.

“Ooh, the whole gang’s here.” Soonyoung says, from his perch on Wonwoo’s back. “Even Haohao.”

“I invited him over!” Jun says proudly, falling back to walk with them. He lowers down his voice to a whisper, a cheeky grin on his face. “I think he’s falling for me.”

“Really?” Soonyoung exclaims loudly, which grabs everyone’s attention, including those outside Jun’s shop.

Jun shushes Soonyoung when Minghao glances in their direction. “Don’t tell him!” He grins at Minghao, who barely heeds him and goes back to his work, arranging bottles of cola in the cooler. “He’s been super shy around me.” Jun slicks his hair back and puffs out his chest confidently. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

“Go get him, tiger.” Wonwoo pats Jun’s back as he runs ahead, heading straight towards Minghao.

Joshua had organised the impromptu gathering with the help of his butler, Teddy, and they’re beginning to grill some meat they’d brought along.

Over grilled meat and cola, the little gang sit in a circle and talk about everything under the sun - the gorgeous weather, the delicious food; and Thomas leads a debate about the latest movies, trying to pry industry secrets from Jun and Wonwoo, who don’t let on more than they know.

Thomas, Vernon, Jun, Minghao and Chan are particularly shocked when Jihoon casually tells them about his departure in two days, but they don’t probe further. Soonyoung shoots daggers at his best friend, still unhappy with his decision, but he stuffs his mouth with lots of food to keep himself from having an outburst.

Hearing Jihoon’s news, Jun decides to drop a bomb of his own.

“I might close this place down.” Jun says, as he chews his food. A lump forms in his throat - it’s bittersweet thinking about letting his little surf shop go for his acting dreams. He’d been running it for the past three years, learning the way of the surfing business, and before that, he’d been an apprentice under the previous owner of the surf shop, getting his fair share of waves and menial labour at the shop. “I’ll be busy with my movie filming, and business has been quite slow lately…”

Thomas presses his lips together into a thin smile, trying to appear innocent - there had been a few potential customers hanging around, but he’d kept the shop sign to CLOSED, entertaining nobody but Jihoon when he dropped by.

“I love this place. Very convivial.” Joshua says, glancing around the shop, at its numerous trinkets decorating the counter.

Jun shakes his head. “Sorry, Thomas. You’ll have to find a job somewhere else.”

“No big deal, boss. It’s not like you’re paying me well.” Thomas interjects, slapping his hand over his mouth when he realises that he’d said that last part out loud. “Sorry.”

Jun pretends to look offended, then laughs good-naturedly. “I’ll invite you to a movie premiere soon, if you behave.”

Thomas beams, dragging Jun into a bear hug.

The conversation becomes stilted at that point, and it fizzles away as everyone concentrates on their food instead.

Jihoon glances around the circle, trying to imbibe everyone’s smiling faces into his mind. Teddy, Minghao, Jun, Thomas, Vernon, Samuel, Chan. To some degree, they’d made him happy on this vacation, and he’d been blessed to have met them. Teddy, for welcoming him to the Hong mansion when he had private swimming lessons, and making his time there luxuriously comfortable.

Minghao, who always greeted him with a warm smile. He’d never really talked to the dancer, but Jihoon feels at ease whenever he’s around - Minghao’s cool, enigmatic aura a nice contrast to the other chaotic personalities Jihoon seems to surround himself with.

Thomas, an unlikely companion, amusing Jihoon with his antics whenever he dropped by the surf shop. Jihoon wholly hopes that he’d be able to achieve his dreams of becoming a professional vocalist - the epitome of an undiscovered gem, Jihoon wonders why a powerhouse vocalist like Thomas is rotting away at Jun’s surf shop.

Vernon, who’d given positive feedback over his self-composed music, and opened a door of opportunity into the music industry. Starry-eyed Samuel, who’s got a bright future in front of him with his extraordinary talents. And Chan, who seems like a more goal-oriented and less silly version of Soonyoung, hardworking in whatever he does. If he stayed longer, maybe they could all become closer, but alas.

Next to Chan is Wonwoo, who’d become like his brother-in-law. At most times, he’s quiet, and Jihoon wonders how he can put up with Soonyoung’s endless energy when Jihoon himself can’t keep up - it must be love. They’re lucky to have each other, and Jihoon’s happy for that.

Soonyoung, oh Soonyoung. The one who’d invited him to spend some time here in California, dragging Jihoon into doing things he’d never dare to do on his own; and always living his life his own way. As kooky as Soonyoung is, Jihoon wouldn’t ask for any other person to become his best friend - he’s irreplaceable.

Joshua, for being exceptionally kind