“Ken-ssi!”

“I'm sorry!”

“Ken-ssi!”

“I'm really sorry!”

“Ken-ssi!”

“I'm so sorry!”

As if a message tone was recorded and played repeatedly, the words ‘Ken-ssi’ and ‘I'm sorry’ were booming louder than the music from large stereos itself. The choreographer left saying they should continue their practice. Hakyeon who has been sitting at the corner only watches them because this was his last rest day continuing from yesterday before he could go back to his schedules and can't do anything about the situation.

He wanted to stand up and teach personally the younger vocalist until he can make the steps right but then again glued himself to the chair as the hurt prevented him from doing so. He could still remember how Jaehwan shouted at him, yelled at him. And Hakyeon was pained enough to not feel that anymore. He had enough of Jaehwan pushing him away just to avoid scoldings because of repititive mistakes.

The five continues their practice as Hakyeon would only stare at them even Jaehwan or any other would make mistake but he'd only stop the music and play from the start again indicating them to dance from the top.

Even his heart that almost jump out his chest and wanted to hug the younger to comfort him from mocking himself (Hakyeon could see that in Jaehwan's face) and exhaustion, still Hakyeon remained sitted. He's not yelling at Jaehwan for his mistakes instead he looked away as if he didn't actually saw the younger stumbling on his own foot, or unsync from the other members.

As much as Hakyeon wanted to finally stood beside the younger male and teach him step by step, the hurt was still there, it wouldn't vanished. He realized he wasn't still ready to forgive. But his heart was aching too to see the Jaehwan he always would care for especially in times like this hurting on his own because of his own self-proclaimed stupidity, again and again, Hakyeon refrained from helping.

The memory was so vivid in his mind, in his heart.

So instead of helping the younger correct the steps, he just dismissed them and let them rest. But he didn't expected the younger to insist and keep practicing.

“I'll follow!” Jaehwan announced. “I still need to improve myself...I keep on messing up.” Jaehwan said faking smiles, smile that he hopes would facade the guilty feeling inside him.

Everyone stopped as soon as Jaehwan said that he'll stay up for practice. Hakyeon could sense it. The younger was looking at his eyes directly. Conveying messages he couldn't understand.

Halyeon shook his head. Before, the leader would understand hidden messages from s' eyes and faces. Yes he could comprehend some like the mocking expression of Jaehwan a while ago, but now even he stared at the younger the whole day, he really could not read the telepathy.

Jaehwan might have understood that Hakyeon weren't reading his messages because the leader his heel and started walking to the doors. So Jaehwan said it out loud even he himself is dying from shyness within him.

“Hyung...” Jaehwan started. “Can you stay up for a while and watch over me?...You-...you don't have to actually teach me the dance moves...you can teach me verbally?...if that's okay with you?” Jaehwan asked pleadingly, calling out all the gods who could help him for Hakyeon to say ‘yeah sure’.

Hakyeon turned around again to face the younger vocalist. Even without the mention of the name, Hakyeon knew it. It was him the younger is calling out for.

“I can't. I need to rest Ken!” Hakyeon said firmly.

“Please hyung?” Jaehwan pleaded with his two hands combined in front of his face. “Just this once hyung please?” Now Jaehwan popped out his right pointer finger in front of his eyes while his two hands were still connected. To mention, with a foul-trick of puppy-dog eyes, wishing the leader would give in.

“The last time I did I can still remember you stormed out...you know Ken, you can do it by yourself...you don't need me.” Hakyeon answered turning on his heel now and a step away from the door.

“Okay...” Jaehwan exclaimed. Hakyeon stopped dead-at-trance by the doorframe from Jaehwan's quick give-up-okay. “Hyung can you please...stop calling me Ken.” Jaehwan confessed dejectedly. “It felt so...so distant.” Jaehwan sighed, stopping his forming tears to come out. “We're not in the front of camera...and you know hyung...you used to call me Jaehwannie...just to remind you.” Jaehwan finaled his words and saying the last sentence somehow in sarcastic tone and finally letting his hot tears to rolled down his cheeks.

Hakyeon turned around again for the nth time and looked at Jaehwan's eyes. Gathered all the courage he ought to have existed in every fiber of his existence, not caring if everyone else where present.

“Jaehwannie, oh how sweet! I remembered him being kind, respectful, obedient, well-manered, well-disciplined...just to remind you.” Hakyeon said back using the tone Jaehwan used. And by that, Hakyeon stormed out from the practice room and walked to the van and pretended asleep.

The seconds Hakyeon disappear from sight, Jaehwan let his head fall down his neck and hide his face with his two hands, barely standing as he felt so weak in the knees. The other four immediately group-hugged the crying vocalist ‘shh-ing’ him sweet nothings.

Wonshik offered Jaehwan he could teach him if he still wanted to practice and the latter quickly accepted and so they did practice for more couple of hours while the others head back home for rest and in thought of at least making a dinner for the two.

Soon enough, Jaehwan flopped his worn-out fresh-from-the-bath body to his fluffly bed and directly looking up the ceiling. He reminisce all the events Hakyeon would always be there for him when he needs the leader. Would actually run a mile to just be there like a flash for him and comfort him, and cheer him, and give him confidence, and reassured him of no matter what the outcome is, Hakyeon would always be there for him. And now was the complete antonym of what had been in the past.

Every words sting in his heart.

‘You don’t need me.’

I do need you Hakyeon-hyung…so much like my life depends on you.

‘Jaehwannie was kind...respectful...obedient...well-mannered...well-disciplined.’

Was he really like that before?

All he could remember was him emotionally killing his leader, ignoring him in the conversation, intently casting him out of the group's unity, being a brat over practice, demanding of the support (he now knows he didn't actually deserved because of what he did) from the leader in no matter what way like messages, calls and to the extent of actually being there for him physically at the place.

All he could really knew was that he finally, fully, completely realized on how must Hakyeon have been hurt so bad to the point of he can no longer hide his hurt and said it directly to Jaehwan. Because, the usual, the most of the time's, the everytime's, Hakyeon would conceal his hurt deep inside the very corner of his heart and smiled at the youngsters and tell them ‘I'm fine’, ‘I'm good’, ‘I'm actually great’, ‘It's okay’, ‘Don't worry’ while the truth was, he never really was fine...was good...was actually great...was okay...that he didn't mind...that he's truthfully hurt, deep down inside in the very core of his heart.

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A/N: VIXXLR ‘Whisper’ Music Video is out! Let’s stream~