Jessica ran to the bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She looked ghastly. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying, with black mascara-circles smudged under her eyes. Her nose was running and as red as Rudolph's. Too weary to style her hair this morning, she had tied it back in a makeshift ponytail. It looked hideous. With rising panic, she let her hair down and fluffed it with her fingers, but now it stuck out oddly, making her look like some crazy creature in a horror flick.


She couldn't let Taeyeon see her like this, especially if this was going to be their last time together. If he was leaving her forever, she at least wanted him to carry away a pleasing last impression of her. But where to begin? He said he was on his way over. How much time did that give her? Five minutes? Ten? Or what if he had called while he was actually en route? He could arrive at any second.

Jessica washed off the mascara, but she couldn't do anything about her red, swollen eyes. Taeyeon would know she had been crying, and that was the last thing she wanted. He had made his decision to go, and that was that. Let him go. She didn't want his pity.

As she ran brush through her tangled hair, the doorbell rang. She looked down at her oversized tee and sweatpants. She wished she could change into something more feminine, but there was no time.

She hurried to the door, paused to catch her breath, then opened it, praying that she looked more calm,cool, and collected than she felt. "Hi, Taeng," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Hi, Sica.” He looked a little nervous and unsure of himself. "Can I come in a minute?"

"Sure." She stepped aside.

He entered, rubbing his hands together as if debating what to say. “I won't take much of your time, Sica."

"That's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

"Can we sit down?"

"I guess." They took opposite ends of the sofa.

He gave her a closer look. “Are you feeling okay?"

She looked away, but there was nowhere to hide. "Yeah. Why?"

"You look like you're coming down with a cold."

"It's nothing. My allergies must be kicking up."

"You don't have allergies.

"Whatever."Why did he have to catch her looking like this?

It was bad enough that their relationship was ending. At least she should have been able to say good-bye to him with her hair styled, her makeup on, and her pride intact.

He was still rubbing his hands together. “I have some news, Jessica.

She nodded. “You're going to Philippines."

He looked startled, taken aback. "How did you know?"

"Sunny told me. Sooyoung told her."

"News travels fast."

"Not as fast as your travel plans."

He sat back and drew in a deep breath. “I found out about the opening on the team when I got home last night. Then, this morning, everything just fell into place. I was able to sign up, do all the necessary paperwork, and get a plane ticket. I even squeezed in time to take my last two finals."

"How long will you be gone?"

"Two months. I'll be back in time for fall classes." He said. "I'm sorry we didn't get to see those pictures last night.”

She looked away, tears starting in her eyes. "Me, too."

He sat forward and massaged his knuckles. “I came to pick the rest of my things. I don't have much here—my guitar, a few clothes, some books and papers. I assume you won't still be in Hawaii when I get back from Philippines."

The casual way he remarked that she wouldn't be here made her wince inside. Plus, her cuticle was bleeding now. She wanted to say, How do you know where I'll be? But he was right. She wouldn't be here in the fall. “I'm going home to San Francisco in a few days."

"That's what I figured.” He cracked his knuckles—first one and and then the other. “Listen, Jessica. I want you to know I'm not going to stop you if you want to file for an annulment." Fresh tears filled her eyes, but she turned away so he wouldn't notice.
“Did you hear me?"

She blinked rapidly. “Yes, I heard you. Fine. I'll look into it."

He stood up. "I'll go get my stuff."

While he gathered his belongings, she busied herself in the kitchen-washing the same dish over and over. Silently she prayed, Help - Lord I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. Just be I set a glimmer of bope for Jeff and me, it's all falling apart. Hos did thing get so bad between us?

After a while, he came out with his guitar over his shoulder and a duffel bag in each hand. There are still a few things left." He set his bags by the door. The rent is paid until the end of the month. Soo will stop by and get the rest of my junk before you leave."

"Okay."

I'm sorry I won't be able to help you pack up this place. Maybe Soo can round up some of the guys and help you out-you know, packing, cleaning the floors, stuff like that. Jessica hadn't thought that far ahead