Jessica said pulsed with pain. Over and over, the words throbbed in her mind: what have I done? What have I done? She lay curled on her bed, hugging her pillow. In the past few hours since Taeyeon had walked out from promising never too return, the apartment was silent. Only her own desolate sobs echoed against the wall. She had never felt so alone.

How could things have fallen apart so quickly? She and Taeyeon had a wonderful day together. Her feelings for him were stronger than ever. He was beginning to see why she had a fallen in love with him in the first place. She was even entertaining the idea that he could happen again.

And then.

And then he demanded more than she could give.

He had taken her by surprise, and instinctively she had resisted.

In no he was going forever.

She didn't know who to be angrier with -- Taeyeon for spoiling there perfect day with his sudden or herself for overreacting and driving him away.

Already, she missed him. How could she be so upset with him one moment and so lost without him the next? Was it possible she was in love with him after all? But even if that was so, she couldn't risk another incident like the night. Her emotions way too fragile, too volatile, too unpredictable. And Taeyeon--- she couldn't bear to see the look of pain and disappointment in his eyes again.

He deserved someone who knew how to be a proper wife.

After awhile, between sobs, Jessica slipped into a restless slumber. She dreamed of Taeyeon. He was holding his arms out to her, beckoning to come to him. Just when she was about to rush into his embrace, he disappears but she will come with me start and called his name. No one there.

She set up an swung her legs over the bed. She was still wearing her black Empire dress. The night it was so warm and humid that the garment clung to her skin. She didn't care. She stared into the shadows and watched the moonlight from the open window cast faint streamers along the floor. She listened to the clock ticking on the nightstand and the others rattling in response to a stirring Breeze.

She welcome the breeze. Maybe it would blow away the gloom and left the heaviness from her heart. With a sigh, she got up, pulled off her dress, and slipped into an old tank top and cotton shorts. It was 3 o'clock in the morning, but maybe she could still catch a few more hours of sleep.

She lay back down and stared up at the ceiling. She was wide awake now, and her mind was running in every direction at once. How hard she come to this precise moment in time? She replayed the Longmont since she had a weight and from the coma. She rslived the past couple of weeks with Taeyeon their dates, love fun they had had. She went back over every detail of the best evening, trying to understand how things have gone so wrong.

She couldn't blame Taeyeon for one thing his wife back. And yet, in her heart of hearts, she still didn't see him as her husband. Maybe if he had given her more time. But she couldn't fault him for his lack of patience. If anything, he had been more patient than anyone has a right to expect. He had stood by her through all the craziness, the ups and downs, when she was learning to walk and talk again, who she herself was. He was always there for her.

Until now.

Now, he was good. For good. He had enough, and she couldn't blame him. No it was time for her to find her way alone.

“But I'm not alone, am I, Lord?" she said aloud, her voice
filling the darkness. “You're still with me, aren't You? I need You so much. You said that You will never leave me nor forsake me
I'm holding You to that, heavenly Father.” She brushed away a tear. “Help me to be strong. Help me to make the right choices
Help me to know I'm not alone."

A fresh breeze ruffled the curtains and brought goose bumps to her bare arms. “You are here, aren't You, Father? I can almost feel You wrapping Your arms around me. I love You, Jesus."

She lay back down and fluffed her pillow under her head. She wasn't alone. Jesus was with her, watching over her. No matter what happened tomorrow, He would be with her every way.

It was after nine o'clock when Jessica awoke to bright, golden sunlight streaming in her window. She got up and stretched.
Her body ached from lack of sleep, but at least her head-ache was gone. It was a new day. Maybe Taeyeon would call. Maybe
he would come back. Maybe last night wasn't as bad as she
remembered. Surely Taeyeon wouldn't leave her after all they had
been through together. Even the memory of his kisses was sweet now. She did enjoy being close to him. If it hadn't been
for her headache and the way he took her by surprise, perhaps the evening would have ended differently.

She went to the kitchen, fixed a bowl of oatmeal, and poured herself a glass of orange juice. As she ate, she opened her laptop
and checked her e-mail. Maybe Taeyeon had sent a note. She sighed in disappointment. The only note was from a lady at church reminding Jessica she would pick her up at two o'clock for her therapy session.

She checked her cell phone to see if she had missed any calls.

She hadn't.

Checking her appointment calendar on the fridge, she let out a groan. She was scheduled to give an oral presentation in her ESL class the day after tomorrow. It was her final project.
Her grade depended on it. And she wasn't ready. She had spent too much time lately dating--and daydreaming.

If Taeyeon were here, he would go over her notes and help her organize her mat