“I like you. Jongin, I like- no, I think already love you. I had these feelings for you for a long time now. When you said that you asked Sarang out, my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I can’t bear to not say this. I-”

“Eun…Sorry.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t know that you’ve been feeling that way. Sorry. I…don’t share the same feelings. I mean, I like you but…just as a friend. Sorry.”

“Jieun.”

“Jieun.”

“Choi Jieun.”

Startled, Jieun looked at Junmyeon who was looking back at her. “Let’s go. The bell just rang,” he stated as he grabbed the book on the table. Still out of her senses, Jieun stood while holding unto her crutch. Walking beside her, Junmyeon matched his pace with hers despite knowing that they’re going to be late if they keep walking like that. “Was your dream a sad one?”

“Huh? What…”

“You looked like you were going to cry while you’re sleeping,” he answered. “Was it a sad one?”

“I like you but…just as a friend. Sorry.”

Jieun could feel her heart being torn apart. Even her dream’s that sad. She’s not sure if her dream’s like a preview of what will happen if Jongin learns that she likes him. She knew from the start that confessing to Jongin would be like putting an end to their years of friendship. She couldn’t throw that precious relationship for something that’s not even sure. She’s sure that she’s going to lose him if she chooses to be selfish.

“Yes, it is a sad one,” she replied after a long pause. No words can explain what she’s feeling at the moment. Setting his curiosity aside, Junmyeon remained silent. The two of them quietly walked to their room. Luckily, their teacher’s running a bit late. As Jieun stepped inside the room, her eyes met Jongin’s. The latter casually smiled at her. An awkward smile came to her face.

Sitting on her own seat, she noticed that Sehun’s slumped on his desk. His hair’s messy as usual. There was a weird urge of wanting to pat his hair which looked so soft.  

“Seeing you cry…makes me want to protect you.”

After what Sehun told her, she was not sure of how to interpret it. She’s just sure that he’s looking after her as her orange wall.

“Jieun,” Chanyeol called out and she quickly looked at the giant.

“Why?”

“You’re going to teach me tonight, right?”

A small smile crept on her face when she remembered that she promised to teach Chanyeol for their coming examination. She nodded. “Baekhyun’s going to join us,” Chanyeol chimed with a cheeky smile before looking at Jongin. “How about you? Are you going to join us?”

Jongin stayed quiet for some seconds before shaking his head. “I don’t think so.”

Chanyeol stared at his friend with a blank face. “Are you serious? If we fail this examination, we’re doomed.”

Even without seeing Jongin’s expression, Jieun could already imagine that same face that he makes when he makes excuses. Out of the person who knows Jongin, she knows him the best. She knows the reasons why he’s acting like how he acts and that’s the reason why she can’t make selfish moves. She wants to be there for him when he needs help and when he needs someone to tell him that everything’s going to be okay.

Setting her feelings aside, she decided to be that friend for him. She took a deep breath before lifting her arm in the air.

“AH!!” Jongin yelped as he looked back at Jieun. “What was that for? That hurts,” he whined as he rubbed his arm.

“You better not fail the examination. You need to study. You’ve been slacking off for a long time now,” she replied without batting a lash.

Jongin pursed his lips before a sigh escaped his mouth. “What for? Nothing will change anyway,” he muttered in a soft voice. Jieun caught those words and she knew right away what he meant by that. Reading the sudden change in the atmosphere, Chanyeol just stared at the two before looking at Sehun’s direction.

“Sehun,” Chanyeol called out with a loud voice. Sehun flinched before lifting his head. He slowly turned to look at Chanyeol. He still looked like he’s floating in dreamland. “We’re going to have a study session at Jieun’s place tonight. Jieun’s going to tutor us. Do you want to join us?”

Jieun couldn’t help but look at the orange head’s reaction. He just looked lost because he was interrupted in the middle of his beauty sleep. He blinked for some seconds before nodding. Jieun felt a weird tingling sensation when she saw him yawn before ruffling his already messy hair. Sehun propped his arm under his chin while looking at her. He held her stare before a small smile came to his face. “It’s okay for me to join, right?” he asked with a hoarse voice.

Another tingling sensation ran through her spine and she stopped herself from shivering. “Y-Yeah,” she muttered, looking away. From the corner of her eyes, she swore she saw Chanyeol grinning to himself.

What did I get myself into?

Jieun stared at the mirror in front of her. She’s looking at her own reflection. She’s staring at her – at the fat Choi Jieun. She has lost some weight but it’s not even visible. She looked exactly like how she looked before losing weight. How would it feel to have a slim body? How would it feel to fit into those nice pieces of clothes? How would it feel to not be this fat?

Unconsciously, she started touching her arms, cheeks and belly. How would it feel to not be me? Will someone like me if I’m not this big? She’s starting to fall into that dark pit again. It’s not easy to stay positive all the time. She’s been doing a good job being confident with herself but after the incident with Ara, she’s been doubting her own decisions. She’s not ready to be hurt again but everytime somebody points out her outward appearance, she ends up swallowing everything like a sponge.

She’s been searching for sunshine all her life but all the dissing, the hatred and all those malicious comments about her have been trapping her into an endless pit of self-pity.

Staring at the mirror once again, she forced a smile before taking in a lungful of air. “Nothing will happen if I stay negative like this. Let’s try and change,” she muttered to herself. “Baby steps.”

“Jieun! Your friends are here!”

Upon hearing that, Jieun hurriedly wore her jacket before getting out of her room. She could already hear Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s voices from the living room. “Oh! It’s teacher Jieun!” Chanyeol chirped when he saw Jieun walking towards them. The two beagles bowed at her. “Please take care of us!” they stated in unison.

“Stop it. Just sit,” she said with a smile. The two sat right away and they started bringing out their notes, pens and books from their bags.

“Where’s Jongin?” Baekhyun asked, looking around. Jieun looked at her phone. She texted Jongin a while back but he hasn’t sent a reply yet. She’s sure that he’s either sleeping or playing inside his room. Deciding that she’s not supposed to put her feelings first, she dialed his number right away.

“Why’s he not answering his phone?” she asked herself. Sighing, she put her phone on the table before opening the book in front of her. She was about to say something when she heard the sound of someone entering the pass code. As she turned around, she saw Jongin entering. She internally sighed in relief.

“Where have you been? I’ve been calling you,” she asked and Jongin fished his phone from his pocket. He stared at it before giving her a lopsided smile.

“Sor