That darn Jessica is lingering every corner in my head. I hated that kid's gut so much. I just don't understand why my pretty Taeyeonie likes somebody like her. Jessica is just the rough kid type who willing to screw your car with her homework and people still adores her. 

She reminds me so much to Park, the another Soo Young. 

Bright but annoying to me. And people willing to invest in them.

I hate them. 

I can't let my Taeyeon influenced to rotten tomatoes like that. I am Taeyeon's owner, I bought her from my own money and Taeyeon will only like me. Not this Jessica nor anybody else. Taeyeon belongs to me and only me. 

Yes. 

That's right. 

Go Soo Young. Make yours is yours again. 

Be happy.

Yes Mommy, I will be happy on my own.

Girls in the club doesn't attract me anymore like Kim Taeyeon did. With little body like her, I am crazily impress that she able to entertain me with every skits she did accidentally. The atmosphere at the house is not that bad after she came. She did help the maid and she did almost everything in the house. To the facts that she dare to tell me that I won't be needing another maid due to all house chores are done by hers. 

I personally didn't preferred her to clean and does the chores like those maid. But she insisted and I was in no time to argue. Well, at least she's still in the house and she's cleaning in front of my eyes. There's no side of her talking about Jessica or her school. She have never talk anything personal after I slapped her. 

The slap...

I should really control my anger after this time. Taeyeon is my happiness and I don't want to hurt my her anymore. I shouln't harm her with my emotion and treat her nice. Yes, she deserves the world supposedly. She was the one who willing to stay beside me and turn me less vicious than before. I'm planning to keep her as a family. 

Kim Taeyeon is a family to me. 

My dearest family member who will not betray me for another happiness. 

Right?

"Can you please releases Hyoyeon from the night club? How much my uncle paid you for her? I can try my best to pay back if you allow me to work partime at the convenience stores nearby. You can be there to check in case you thinking I might sneak out and running away," Taeyeon said, pleading on her knees. Her eyes are swollen and her cheeks are puffed. She looks awful, super awful and sad. 

She must be missing her sister so much that she cried. It was not the first time I noticed Taeyeon red eyes. It's plenty but I pretend everything is fine. How evil I am separating a sibling from each other. It's not my fault that my happiness is only Taeyeon not Hyoyeon. Not my fault that my instinct fall onto Taeyeon. I'm sure Hyoyeon could manage well in the night club. 

Those visitors wouldn't dare to lay a finger on an underage kids like her. 

She didn't have any skills as a stripper (as far I recall on the owner said) but she dances very well. Those visitors love when she started dancing on the stage. She burns the stage with her charisma and stage presence. I think she's doing great at the club, without no doubt. That kid is a real talent. Taeyeon shouldn't worried about her.

But tonight, Kim Taeyeon is begging on her knees for her sister. 

"You do have a younger sister? Do you have those fluttery feelings when you hugged your sisters back then?" Taeyeon asked about the younger Soo Young. The Park Soo Young. The second Soo Young that everyone loved. The second born from another mother who dare to steal my spotlight. The second girl whom everyone thought will rule the world. Don't dream the biggest when you can't even tackle a wind.

That's a wisdom from Uncle Yong, and I keep that in mind. 

We might have the same name but we're different in terms of appearances and power.

Choi Soo Young is unbeatable. Choi Soo Young is unstoppable.

Choi Soo Young rules the world.

"I don't have siblings, Taeyeon." I said, grifting my teeth. Taeyeon was speechless when she heard that but she quickly recover from it.

"I just want to see Hyoyeon, Soo Young. That's all. I'm asking a permission from you since I thought you would understand me. But you don't. It's okay, I don't expect you to understand either." Taeyeon replied. heads hung low. 

"My mom killed herself when she caught my dad cheating. 5 months later, my dad back with a widow and also a baby named Park Soo Young. He insisted the baby will be a great influence to his fortune because basically, girls named Soo Young is fantastic in things she do and manage. They treat me like an outcast in my own estate for 8 years and Park Soo Young never consider me as a sister at the first place. She treated me like an outsider and the strange things is, my dad never got my back. Not even once." I told Taeyeon. 

I don't know why did I told her. But I just wanted to explain things. At least, she understands. She have to understand that I hate my own siblings. We are definitely not from the same blood and I couldn't forget on how she treated me before. 

To me, she deserves everything she have now. Karma. 

You are paying twice for the pain you purchased before.

Agony. 

"They made me. They turned me into a petite monster. And yet you asked me the feeling of hugging? What's the point of understand her feeling when she don't even considerate mine before?" I asked Kim Taeyeon, for the first time out of range. I was this close to slap her again, but I hold myself. 

Do not hit her, do not hit her...

"Everyone did mistakes Soo Young. And I'm sure she must regret it right there, right now. You can't fully blame her for the damage. Those blame shall be put onto your dad and your stepmother. She was just a pure mistake that taken things for granted. You and her, share the same cells. You can't dodge her." Taeyeon warmly put her hand on my palm. She caress my hair like she always did and I admire her braveness. No one dares to caress me when I'm mad as . 

Kim Taeyeon always did. 

She always known which spots to attack me. 

And that's why I love her. Always. 

"I'm sorry if I hurt you... I didn't mean to. I just--I just wanted to see Hyoyeon, to see how she's doing with her life. I don't have anybody else. My uncle sold me and she's the youngest one that should be protected. If something bad happened to her, I don't think I deserves to breath." She said, begging once again. 

She was so helpless. 

I hated it. 

I hated it so much.

"I will try. She shouldn't cost much. I mean for her breed." I sigh, flipping through the files. 

"Y--You do?"

"I said I will, not I do." I replied, courtly but Taeyeonie immediately throw herself on me. I could felt her tears ticking on my shirt. She is crying. 

Did I hurt her?

"Hey. Don't cry... You know what Taeyeon, I'm sorry." I said, awkward.

"You are no longer a monster, Soo Young." She replied, but she never failed to amazes me with her toothy smile yet the natural pink tainted on her cheeks. She looks adorable. Kim Taeyeon is so adorable. 

"I do?"

Taeyeon nods.

"You are finally a human." Taeyeon reminds me again that I used to be a human. I used to love somebody. I used to have a heart. I used to have a family. And Taeyeon did. Taeyeon did have a family that she really missed. As a keeper or supposed be lover, I shall help her to overcame her fears of being separated from her family member. And who knows, Hyoyeon might helps me to get closer to her sister soon.

Fine. 

I will just get Hyoyeon in the house. 

"Do you like Jessica?" I remember asking Taeyeon about Jessica when I caught she's been staring at some fashion magazine. She had been staring at some odd looking Victoria's Secret model named Jessica. I don't quite remember how Jessica look like (I tore her picture 2 years ago) and I still think Jessica is a great influence to Taeyeon. 

I was waiting for Taeyeon answer but she didn't said anything after that. 

So I asked her again. 

"Do you like Jessica? I'm curious. And I don't get it why you have to fall to that kind." I said, sipping my warm tea. I still wanted to hear the replies. I wanted to know what does it felt to fall in love with the right person. 

"She used to be a world." Taeyon replied, smiling softly. I saw the dreamy eyes again.

"Do you still think she will love you after 2 years passes?"

Taeyeon shrug. The way she hold-no, not holding, more like she's grabbing the poor lifeless paper around. The magazine paper creased from all the grabs and tosses. 

"I don't know about that Soo Young. But she may have everything in her life now. She's been in the accident before. And she too, have the bestest person in her life before. I perfectly sure she will be fine." Taeyeon said, doesn't seems confident with her statement. 

"That's not even answering my goddamn question. Whatever." I rolled my eyes as I notices Taeyeon is not going to answering any of my questions regarding Jessica. What was that so hard to even to answer? If really Jessica is a soulmate, she could basically say it out aloud. Why on earth she have to be shy about it? I'm not going to hit her, any where.

"Why are you so interested to know?" 

"I just wanted to know how it feels like to fall in love with somebody. Mine's dead a long time ago."

Taeyeon heaves a sigh.

"She used to be a world. To make the best coffee in the school was everything I had in mine back then. To compete among the students who's the one who shall be the queen to Jessica Jung. She's hot and cold. She was that kind, that kind that everyone wish to have. She's a muse to everywhere. As a president myself, I think it's perfect for Jessica to be the one whom I attracted the most. Blame it all on me. Hyoyeon was the one who obsessed with her but it's me, who make the first move."

"There's a lot that Jessica Jung can bring to me. She promised me everything, everything that she capable of. She said, she will be always there to love, hold and cherishes me whenever I'm sad, hurt or broken. For a year, I believe her. I believe, she's going to rescue me from you. She's going to snap you into two by the time she came here. She will saved me from this beasty moves."

Ouch. That hurts. 

"But however..." My ears perk.

"I have given much time than an average person should get for a second redemption. She isn't here, she wasn't here to save me. I figured out that I need to save myself from this misery. Hell, I can't even save myself out there if I'm not living with you. I'm grateful that you decided to keep me with you, Soo Young. My uncle will probably sell me to another club just to save his ."

None of the human I met before feel that. But only Taeyeon does, and yes. She hold the  bestest place in my heart from the first day I laid my eyes on her and till now. She always there and always there. 

She teach me how to be human and loving yourself is important but don't ignore the other half. It's not humany, she used to said.

"I'm sorry if I'm not the right person to teach you how to love properly. My love life is messy and I don't want your upcoming love life is messy as mine. You don't deserves any of the pain after everything. You shall get the best love out there. And you will." 

I nodded. I don't know if I agree with her or what, but I don't want to find anything near perfect. It sounds vanilla. And vanilla equals to boring. A relationship is like a huge deals of riding thousand roller coaster with microphone on it and screaming your favorite songs. I want my partner to be extra-ordinary and outside the box. Can I have a partner that suits my descriptions and request?

No.

"Can you make the coffee again? Imagine me as Jessica." I asked her. 

Jessica loves bitterness, that's I concluded when I sips down from the cup. Taeyeon didn't want to show her face after she's done with making the coffee. She quickly excuses herself from the room and hide. That's the usual of her. I could get use to her doing that. I don't mind. 

It must be hard to move on from the first love. 

I don't remember I cried after Sunny's. Not even slightest tears. 

Does that mean Sunny is not even a first love? Maybe she's just a hint of crush that I wrongly digest it in my brain? Did I accidentally killed a wrong person that not even worth my time and my love?

Love is so messy, I agreed. 

I don't remember how to love after Mother left. I was fill will raged and for a young kid, the posession of not being able to love properly is scary. Dad wouldn't mind back then. Aunty Seo Hyun and Uncle Yong were the one who extremely concerns with the result. They treated me like I am actually a family member to them. I felt a slight love whenever I'm with them. And it's weird I felt human again when I'm with Taeyeon.

That's absurd, I always thought. 

Dad don't even reacts when he sees those 'awful and creepy' results from my mental health calculation. Deep inside there, I wanted my dad to show his loving and cares toward me. I wanted to let him know that I'm alone and I need him at my side. 

But he's a Choi, with a trick under his sleeves.

"Send her to the Yong's. They would know how to control her," was all he said before excusing himself to meet Park Soo Young's mother. I stood there, feet froze to the ground when I heard that. He doesn't sound like he cares at all about me. He never wanted me at the first place. 

I chuckled darkly. 

That's when everything dark about me started. We all have one point in life that turns us either a monster or an angel. Mine was a monster. A beasty monster at one. 

"What was that again? Calendula ? Calendook?" I murmured to myself while trying to remembering what Taeyeon ordered for the groceries. I'm at groceries shopping but Taeyeon always make fuss about it. I don't want anyone to pull their long face. I just go and tried my best at the mart. 

I was about to reach those boxes of Calendula before one of the girl came and snatched them from me. 

"I believe that was mine and you saw that I was standing in front of here for 5 minutes to decide whether should I take that or not." I said, smiling. 

The other girl is actually tall. I didn't use to met somebody who's close to my height and it's pretty impresive for me to met somebody like her. 

"While you were deciding whether to take that or not, me on the other hand was so sure about it and I decided to grab it. It based on first come and first serve. Besides, I am a regular here. If we wanted to fight about a Calendula, we should really ask the cashier who's the real regular here." She said, going a wrong turn against me. 

"What do we gain from fighting for a Calendula, really?" This is so nuts. I can buy thousand more from another convenience store, not big deals. Why she wanted to pick a fight? Jeez people...

The girl nodded, chickening out. 

"I didn't mean to pick a fight with you. But I need really really need this." Politely.

"Okay, go take them with you."

"Yoona! Have you found those yet? We're paying!"

Yoona.

"Will be right back! Hey, I'm sorry for today. Next time, let's meet again and I will treat you for a coffee. It's on me. Thank you and oh yeah, you are very pretty." She said before running to the cashier with the box of Calendula. She's rushing that she's almost trip on her feet. I heard she's laughing out loud when she realized that she almost tripping and the sound of her laugh send me flutters. 

I chuckled. 

What a cutie...

"Have you found Calendula?" 

"No... Not yet Taeyeon. They're out of stock."

"Then, nevermind. Come home now."

Weirdly, I was anticipating for my next groceries shopping. 

Taeyeon didn't say anything regarding the Calendula or why am I late from my errands. She puts an equal amount of foods in my plate and hers before sitting down at her designated chair beside me. She keeps everything in check and cleaner, as usual. But why I'm examining her workflows when I usually don't give a damn about how she's working and stuff? And why the the Yoona girl is playing in my brain? 

I can't seem to get rid her out of from my mind. 

Describing Yoona, she's probably is the prettiest girl that I've ever met in my life after Taeyeon. Don't get me wrong. Taeyeon is the type whom I wanted to protect (I realised) while Yoona, is the type that I wanted to stand beside her whenenever she lost in a game or she's winning a bunch. Yoona gave me emotions that Taeyeon never gave me before and I never experience that. 

Life is truly fascianating. 

The way she smiled back then is so intoxicating. She's maybe far from league from Taeyeon, but there's something about Yoona that can make me smile without excuses. Yoona is someone that should be special. 

I shall really thank Taeyeon for her Calendula.

And coffee. 

"Taeyeon?"

"Yes? It doesn't taste that good isn't? Sorry for the awful food. We can order delivery if you want. Or a pizza." Taeyeon quickly sums up when she heard I'm calling her. She was always so worried that I will hated her cooked foods. 

I'm confused. 

Do I like Taeyeon but I fall in love with Yoona?

That's impossible. If I fall in love with Yoona, do I considered as cheaters like my dad? Am I in the same par as my dad?

"No no no! The foods taste wonderful, no wrong with it. You cooked lovely as usual. I don't have any thought on that." I replied, smiling. 

"Thank god. I thought the Calendula will make a huge differences for it."

"No, hold up. I think this dish is good with Calendula." 

"Then... I will go buy Calendula tom--"

"I will go buy them!"

Taeyeon widen her eyes at me when she hear me scream almost shouts loud. 

"Err yeah, sure," she replied awkwardly. 

Damn, I don't need a good lies to lie to Taeyeon. I can meet Yoona tomorrow. 

I will verify this feeling to Yoona is just a flirt, not love.

But first coffee. 

Author's note : At first I wrote the same when I was under pressure. I decided to abandon all of my readers back then (2017) just to focus on myself and this year, I made it. Thank you all for waiting for me. This update, is specially writen made for you guys. I love you. 

My  beta-reader has gone :( I will beta-ing the chapter once I'm done. See you soon again. Maybe another year. 

jk.