Jeongguk's mind is jumbled, like the dark murky clouds outside of the plane window, clashing and shifting. Occasionally, a soundless light would pierce through the muddled greys, as he braces for the deafening thunder that follows.

The plane is being tossed around in turbulence - an eerie silence fills the cabin as everyone hunkers down to get through the shaky descend.

Sometimes you just got to know when a little turbulence comes with the territory, and how to weather through it with something resembling composure.

Jeongguk’s thoughts are far away below the clouds, back to home in Manhattan.

Taehyung has been living there for more than a month now. They don't see each other much, and talk even less. Sometimes Jeongguk would hear guitar riffs drifting out of the basement, faint melodies that give him pause. Quite a few times, he spotted Taehyung talking to Jimin in the kitchen, or on the sidewalk out the house, laughing and picking on each other like old friends. It's a sure bet his presence always kills the mood right on the spot - the carefree grin would disappear from Taehyung’s face as he makes a hastily exit.  

Jeongguk would glance at Jimin, at a loss of what to say.

And Jimin would respond with an apologetic shrug.

He knows what Jimin is thinking, don't be so harsh on the kid, give him time. Jeongguk regrets the way he handled things the day they came home from rehab.

But what he does hear from Jimin, is a constant update on how Taehyung is doing when he's not around. His health is getting better, sometimes he can sustain a long stroll to all his favorite places in the city - the rows of tables with emerald green lamps in the public library, grand central station with constellations adorning the ceiling, and a particular bench at east river park to stare into the rippling water, alone.

Jeongguk doesn’t want to admit it but the bits of observation from Jimin brighten his day every time.

If keeping his distance helps Taehyung recover, and eases him into a more regular routine, then Jeongguk is fine with it. It’s not the first time people find his presence intimidating. He’s never been good with words - they always tumble out clumsily, a pale shadow of what he feels inside. Jeongguk relies on his action instead, and keeps his thoughts within.

There’s a grace to a solitary life under perfect control, something that’s especially precious when his responsibilities demand all of his attention.

The plane suddenly rocks, and the weightless drop snaps his thoughts back to the present. Outside the window, the clouds part as they descend, and he can see Manhattan sprawling out under them - skyscrapers straight out of architectural history books, central park covered in winter gloom, and the network of streets congested with the brights lights of yellow cabs. Serenity in chaos. 

By the time the plane lands and Jeongguk walks out of the terminal, the afternoon sun warms his skin. Jimin is standing by the parked car, and waves at him nervously.

“How was the trip?” He opens the door for Jeongguk and takes his small suitcase.

“Same old. How have things been here?” Jeongguk eyes him quizzically.

Jimin takes his time getting back to the driver’s seat, then with a heavy gulp, he turns around to face Jeongguk in the back.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t decide if I should’ve called you last night. Your flight today was early and I figured maybe he’ll turn up this morning -”

“Wait, what’s going on?”

“Um. It’s Taehyung, he hasn’t been home for two nights.”

Jeongguk cards through his hair, “That’s fine, not the first time. He always comes back.”

“Yeah…”

“Jimin, what’re you not telling me, did something happen?” Jeongguk’s voice dips lower, eyes boring onto the driver who shifts in his seat.

“Well… two days ago, I dropped off some groceries at the house, and we ended up talking.”

Jeongguk purses his lips but lets Jimin continue.

“He seemed jitterish, on edge. Said he’s not sure about all this, that it didn’t feel right.”

“What didn’t feel right?”

“All of it, I don’t know, hard to tell what he means sometimes, it’s kinda all over the place. Couldn’t tell if something triggered it, or it’s just withdraw. Dr. Wu did mention to expect mood swings.”

“Yes, I remember.” Frustration bubbles up in his stomach.

“Then he asked about you, um -” Jimin looks at him uncertainly.

“What? What did he ask?” 

Jimin tugs on his shirt sleeve, “He asked me what I thought this whole thing was about, why you would help him, what you thought of him...” He looks up at Jeongguk pleadingly, “It’s really not my place to say. I told him to talk to you instead, Mr. Jeon. I told him you just wanted to help him, we all did. And he deserved a break in life too, just use it and get well.”

Jeongguk sighs, staring at Jimin wordlessly, who’s fumbling and becoming more nervous with each word, “He’s a good kid, you know. I was wrong about him, I thought he would be trouble, but honestly he's never asked for anything. I always have to check through the fridge and peek in the bathroom to figure out what he needs. But something’s always on his mind, like he’s in a daze, somewhere far away-”

“Jimin -”Jeongguk interrupts him and grabs his arm, “Is that all that happened? Nothing else? You’re not telling me something.”

Jimin looks down again, “Well I didn’t think of our conversation much, I figured when you were back you could talk to him. But yesterday when I went to the house, his room was empty. I mean, he never had much in there, but some of the stuff was gone, shirts, toothbrush... And I thought about it, the only other thing that happened two days ago was Mr. Min calling me to ask if you were around.”

“Yoongi?” A frown creeps up between his brows.

“Yes. He said there’s a signed document he needed right away, and it might be at your house. I offered to find it and and deliver to the office, but he said it’s ok, he would just swing by and grab it later.”

Jeongguk slumps back into his seat. Yoongi has the security code for his house. Sole business partner for a decade, and friends for longer, Yoongi is closer than family. But Jeongguk’s heart sinks as thoughts race through his mind. It all makes sense now, Jimin’s nervousness, Taehyung’s disappearance. “Could you drive to the office please.”

Jimin nods and starts the car. As they pull away from the curb, he pipes up hesitantly, “I’m sorry Mr. Jeon, I’m sorry if I messed things up.”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It's my fault that you got stuck in the middle.” Jeongguk responds flatly, ending the conversation.

------

Yoongi’s office is right next to his. He travels frequently, so it’s always a welcoming sight when he pops into Jeongguk’s office, sipping on an iced americano and cursing loudly at whatever is aggravating him in the moment. It’s easy to calm him down though, usually suggesting an impromptu lunch at his favorite sushi joint will do the trick. On the days he’s especially gloomy, Jeongguk would casually bring up Namjoon, how he might have time to join them for a drink after work, and watch as Yoongi’s expression softens and a tiny grin slowly appears.

Today however, Jeongguk is not looking forward to the conversation they’re about to have. He knocks on the office door and lets himself in.

The blinds are permanently down, to block out the glare from the windows that Yoongi hates. He’s sitting by his desk, dressed in a plain white tee and loose jeans, looking west-coast laid back as usual. He’s glancing up towards the tall man standing next to him in a grey three button suit, whispering softly with tenderness in his eyes.

It’s Namjoon. Jeongguk can’t tell if this will help or complicate the situation even more. He approaches cautiously.

“Jeongguk, perfect timing. We were just about to grab a bite to eat, come join us.” As usual, Namjoon has the warmest smile that can disarm almost anyone, as he steps towards him looking pleasantly surprised.

“Hey, haven’t seen you in a while, keeping busy?” Jeongguk reaches in for a half hug but Namjoon embraces him with both arms, the warmth of his lanky figure radiating through. Namjoon’s parents were great attorneys, and Jeongguk remembers playing with Namjoon as a kid, as they schemed on brilliant pranks together. It feels nice seeing an old friend, however strange the situation is.

“Not as busy as you guys apparently, stop spamming me with work email at night please.” Namjoon has a playful twinkle in his eyes. As the main legal representative of the firm, they communicate over emails and phone calls far more than in person. 

Jeongguk smiles, and grabs a seat in front of the desk. His eyes meet Yoongi’s gaze, voice nonchalant, “so I heard you were at my house a few days ago.”

Yoongi pulls off his gold rimmed glasses, taking his time to respond, “Hmm, I expected you to show up, but this is still pretty fast. Didn't you just get back?”

Jeongguk speaks carefully, giving each word weight, “What did you say to him?”

Yoongi wipes his glasses carefully, head lowered and eyes focused on the task at hand, “You mean, your little friend? I'm surprised you've never introduced me before.”

Jeongguk clenches his jaw, “It’s not like you to interfere with my life, Yoongi. This is not like you.”

“No, it's not.” 

The air in the room is tense. Namjoon finds his way to the other chair facing Yoongi’s desk.

After a pause, Yoongi speaks again, eyes fixed on the glasses, “Guk, people like us, we don’t make new friends. Acquittances yes, business allies, definitely, but otherwise our circle is small and -” he gestures towards a puzzled Namjoon, “We stick with the few friends and loved ones we've known since forever. And I think you know why.”

He lets the question fill the silent room before answering, “Because we don’t like the risks, the what ifs.”

“You and I, we’ve earned everything we have. Remember when we opened this office with two rooms and three staffs?” Yoongi chuckles dryly, “People depend on us now, and I refuse to take uncalculated risks on anything. So when I walk into my only business partner’s house to find some shady punk kid living there, you bet I'm going to ask him a few questions.”

He's staring at Jeongguk now, eyes unflinching. Jeongguk flicks his wrist, “You’re way overreacting. Like you said, he's just a kid. And I'm helping him out for a few weeks.”

Yoongi scoffs, raising his voice and inching towards Jeongguk, “A few weeks? He mentioned being at St. Jude since before Christmas, that's not a few weeks. And how messed up was he to have to stay there for that long?” He suddenly stands up and steps towards Jeongguk, stopping just short. There's intensity in his eyes, but also concern, as the tone of his voice changes.

“Look, I know I'm out of my place and I won't ever bring this up again. But please figure this out for both our sake. I've never seen someone live at your place since Victoria left, this is a little more than a random occurance.” Yoongi speaks urgently, putting a hand on Jeongguk’s arm, “You’re my friend, Guk, a very dear friend, and you know we always support you unconditionally. But I don't know, this whole thing, you and him… It just seems wrong. I'm sorry.”

Something in his tone grates on Jeongguk, something resembling disappointment, “You’re blowing this way out of proportion, there's nothing going on. At any rate, he's gone, already left yesterday.”

Yoongi toys with the glasses in his hand and glances at Namjoon before responding coldly, “Well then, there’s no need for us to talk about this anymore, is there?”

Jeongguk sighs and shifts in the seat, “You don't trust me.”

“He always trusts you, we all do.” Namjoon is the one that pipes up this time, as he gets up and comes towards Yoongi. Jeongguk watched as Yoongi’s profile softens.

“Yoongi can be very blunt and oh so stubborn,” Namjoon rolls his eyes exaggeratingly and Jeongguk feels his shoulder relax a little, “But you know he means well.”

“Hey, you're suppose to be on my side.” Yoongi complains, the lines on his face still stiff but his hand reaches out to loop around Namjoon’s arm.

Namjoon gives him a mock disapproving look, “And you! Next time I hear you barging into people's house and invading their privacy, I'll give you a very long and boring lecture on all the laws you've broken in the process.” He turns to look at Jeongguk with kindness gleaming in his eyes, “I'll get him out of your way before he turns hangry on all of us. He’s in town all week, you guys can talk more later.”

Yoongi gives Namjoon a thoughtful nod as they slowly head towards the door. Jeongguk pipes up before they leave, not turning around to look, “What did you say to him, Yoon?”

Yoongi’s voice is casual but tinged with iciness, “I told you, I asked him a few questions. Your friend is stronger than you think, he can handle it.”

------

Namjoon and Yoongi are seated next to each other, in front of scattered plates of skewers and fried snacks. The lights are dim at the izakaya, and their table is partitioned off, creating an intimate bubble away from the world. Just the way Yoongi likes it.

“So?” Namjoon looks at Yoongi expectantly, and fills his sake cup.

“Took you long enough to ask.”

Namjoon laughs, it's hearty and good natured, “Wasn’t gonna bring it up before you were fed.” He gives Yoongi a nudge of the shoulder, “So you gonna tell me what happened with Jeongguk or not.”

Yoongi’s lips twitch, “You heard everything. So ridiculous.”

“What? The fact that you got between those two like some overbearing mom on a daytime drama?” Namjoon teases with a smirk.

Yoongi glares at him, “I didn't ask for this ok, the kid was just lounging around at his house looking all smug and rude, I had to say something.”

“Was he? Or you’re just judging them based on his age.” Namjoon comments flatly.

A sigh filled with frustration. Yoongi takes a sip of the sake, soaks up its warmth and continues, “So maybe I am, but you know everybody will when they find out. God, I don't know what got into Guk, a ing 20 year-old...”

“Well, he said he left. Maybe that's that.”

Yoongi sneers and responds, thumb rubbing on the sake cup, tracing its smooth surface in a slow and circular motion, “I hope so. The thing that worries me about Guk, is the fact that he's so good at lying to himself, sometimes, he succeeds in believing the lie.”

Namjoon leans into his arm reassuringly, “He’ll be ok, not that naive. And you will watch out for him.”

Yoongi glances back at him, eyes softened but voice still irritated, “Of course, I won't let him get hurt. Let's just hope the kid is gone for good.” He takes another sip of the drink, and continues, “Because what's worse, is if the kid is truly not in it for the money. If Guk actually cares about him…”

“Why? You don't think it would work out?”

Yoongi’s gaze is back on the sake cup, finger tracing the rim slowly as if in a trance, “You can't build a life in other people. If you can’t face yourself for who you are, attachments will just make a bigger mess of it all.”

------

The fact that Taehyung is really gone sinks in when Jeongguk gets home later that day and sees the guitar placed right outside of his bedroom door. There's no note, but it's unmistakable who placed it there. And the basement is cleared, things put away neatly. He's gone and took with him the few traces of his presence here. All gone.

The silence makes Jeongguk uncomfortable. His home, every object exactly where it’s used to be, now feels empty as he walks around. No more tiptoeing to the upstairs office instead of working on the kitchen counter, no need to be always properly dressed as he walks around the house, and no more updates from Jimin. Habit is a strange thing - once you are used to a routine, the presence of someone around you, its sudden absence becomes glaring.

Jimin asks him offhandedly a few times if he needs grocery, when he responds probably not, since “you know I never cook at home”, Jimin explains sheepishly, “I kinda miss buying food and feeding someone, silly I know.”  

“Well, I’m sure this is for the best. He’s out there living his life freely now, we helped as much as we could.” Jeongguk adds, unsure if he’s trying to convince the driver or himself.

Jimin speaks earnestly, “Well Mr. Jeon, if you prefer, I could go ask around a bit? The local bars, a few other drivers I know of, maybe we could find him? Manhattan is only so big, if he hasn’t left.”

“That’s alright.” Jeongguk replies, voice barely a whisper, “No point looking for someone who doesn’t want to be around anymore.”

They never speak of it again.

As with most feelings, Jeongguk compartmentalizes all his concerns and pushs  them to the side as days turn into weeks. He avoids going to the basement and travels with Yoongi to the LA office more, choosing to spend the weekends in hotels there instead. Hotel rooms are simple places - white linen, functional furniture, and entirely devoid of scents or objects that would trigger any personal memory. Sometimes, there’s comfort in the predictable simplicity, it clears the mind of meandering thoughts that fizzle to the top in the quiet hours of the night.

The thought that Taehyung is gone. And inexplicably, Jeongguk misses his presence, no matter how hard he denies it.

  ------

The house is dark as usual when he gets back that day. Jeongguk spots the dim basement light in the surrounding darkness right away, followed by the faint melody drifting in the air. His heartbeat quickens, but he reins in the scattered thoughts and makes his way down the stairs. The music is of a melancholic female voice, singing of hidden fears and broken love.

I've seen the world 
Done it all 
Had my cake now 
Diamonds, brilliant 
And Bel Air now 
Hot summer nights, mid July 
When you and I were forever wild 
The crazy days, city lights 
The way you'd play with me like a child

Will you still love me 
When I'm no longer young and beautiful? 
Will you still love me 
When I got nothing but my aching soul?

The bar lights are dimmed in the basement, casting everything in warm glow and fragmented shadows. He’s seated away from Jeongguk, with a half emptied bottle of Glenfiddich Gran Reserva next to him, amber liquid glistening in the tumbler in hand. As he turns to face him, Jeongguk traces the dark silhouette of his face, each feature familiar yet distant.

“Missed me much?” The voice is sharp and teasing as usual, but with a touch of gruff that gets under his skin. Taehyung’s eyes are bloodshot, and there’s stubble on his chin.

“Where have you been?” Jeongguk takes a deep breath and walks towards him, taking stock the smell of alcohol reeking off his body. He frowns when he spots a thin long gash scabbed over on the side of Taehyung's face.

“Oh you know, here and there.” Taehyung gets up and shrugs.

Jeongguk clenches his jaw, feeling something stirring deep within, something he can't quite understand himself. He wants to wipe the weariness off his face and reprimand him for not taking care of himself.

But what angers him more, is himself. All the unspoken things that gnaw at his self control every time he face Taehyung, making him feel irritatingly weak.

Yoongi’s words echo on his mind, deafening and impossible to ignore - this whole thing, you and him, it just seems so wrong.

Jeongguk huffs and speaks sternly, “So you talked to Yoongi.”

Taehyung grabs another tumbler by the bar and fills it with ice cubes. As he pours the amber liquid slowly, the ice crackles in the dim light. The pungent fragrance of the alcohol is mixed with faint notes of oak, and surrounds the two of them as Taehyung hands the drink to Jeongguk wordlessly. The first sip is strong and bitter on the back of his tongue, fuelling the fire within. Jeongguk leans into the bar and stares into his eyes.

Taehyung his head to the side, letting a few soft strands of hair fall haphazardly, “Yoongi? Oh, the pretentious that works with you, I remember him.”

Jeongguk’s voice dips low, “He’s my business partner, a good friend. You could show some respect.”

“, why don't you tell him to back off first.” Taehyung scoffs and stares at him, “You know what he said to me? That if all I wanted to do was to scam some money out of this whole thing, then I could've just asked.”

Why would you care what he said? Jeongguk clenches his fists, “You could've just talked to me instead. No need to run away and get all of us - Jimin all worried.”

“God, stop treating me like a kid all the ing time. There's no running away. I don't stay at a place for long, I come and go, that's just how I am.” Taehyung waves his hand absently and paces away.

Jeongguk slams the tumbler down on the counter. The ice cubes crackle and hiss.

Taehyung runs his hand through his hair frantically and continues, “You know what, if you want me gone forever, I don't have to be here, should've know coming back was a mistake, what was I thinking-” he suddenly turns toward the stairs, words quivering.

Jeongguk’s breath hitches and his mind goes blank. Before he can stop himself, his hand reaches out to grab Taehyung by the wrist. There’s a glint of vulnerability in Taehyung’s eyes, and his wrist is frail, a sharp contrast to the stubborn tilt of his chin. Jeongguk shakes away the emotions wrangling against his chest. 

Taehyung eyes his hand begrudgingly, words slurring out, “Yoongi also asked me if I was a friend or something more. What was I supposed to say, Jeongguk? What am I? Do you even know?”

The dark ambiance surrounding them feels surreal, as the wistful music seeps into his mind. Taehyung's questions dangle in the hushed room, daring, unraveling.

When the words finally push out, they turn into a whisper, “You don't look well. Just stay for the night. Jimin can pick up more meds in the morning. Leave in the morning whenever...”

He loosens the grip and hears a long sigh, as Taehyung pulls back his arm slowly, feet pausing.

They stand in the dark, letting the melody settle upon them, until Jeongguk speaks again, “What happened with Yoongi won't happen again. I give you my word.”

Taehyung scoffs, and his shoulders droop, “Whatever, he can only intimidate people of your own kind. Wasn’t a big deal.”

“So that's not why you left.”

Taehyung bites his lower lip and answers, "I told you, I'm not used to sticking around. This place is...I feel - I dunno... did have a life before this - was ed up but still..."

Jeongguk speaks slowly, "It’s whatevef you make of it, you are still free. If you don't want me to be around-"

"No-" Taehyung's hand grazes by his arm, "No, you are fine... I'm just - too much on my mind." His lips curl into a lopsided grin, head lowers as he withdraws into himself, into the dark.

“It’s ok. Things take time to figure out.” Jeongguk mumbles unconvincingly, and leans in closer. 

Taehyung looks at him, and Jeongguk spots the same small flame that flickered and refused to dim the first time they met. 

Taehyung’s lips quiver, and to both their surprises, he inches closer for a stiff hug. Jeongguk smells the alcohol radiating off him, and feels the tension in his torso.

His hands pause awkwardly midair, before eventually landing gently on Taehyung’s back. Taehyung’s voice is beside his ear, barely a whisper, “Just one night... Haven't slept for so long...”

They stay in the hug as the world slows down around them. Jeongguk closes his eyes and succumbs to the melodic music, sinking deeper and deeper into a haze of dissonant notes and mangled thoughts.