Yoongi looks distant, detached. 

He’s sitting by his desk, glasses in hand, eyes glazed over. Jeongguk averts his gaze, not having the heart to look into his eyes. 

Outside on the street, a thin layer of snow has built up overnight, covering up all the grimes of the street. It all feels so familiar, yet different, in a jarring, nerve wrecking way.

There’s an open folder by Yoongi’s desk, but the content is untouched. 

The silence is stifling. Jeongguk waits, for Yoongi to speak first. And when he finally does, Jeongguk feels a chill within him as he has never felt before. 

“So it’s over?”

Jeongguk clenches his jaw and answers while keeping his gaze outside the window, “hyung, it’s not like that.”

“Feels that way though. You are giving me everything, no more partnership.” 

“Well, I’ll still see you, this doesn’t change anything.”

“Does it? Will I still see you?” Yoongi’s voice is flat, impassive. 

“You know we are still the same. You are like a brother to me, I’ll never forget that.”

“But you just don’t want me as a partner anymore, is that it?” Yoongi retorts. 

Jeongguk forces himself to turn around to face him, “it’s not you, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”

“This? The company that we have dreamt about since we were teenagers? This thing that we poured our life into? You are done?” There’s a hint of frustration in Yoongi’s voice now. 

Jeongguk sighs and walks towards him, “It’s nothing personal. I just feel that - my intentions have changed, it's different now.” 

“Different how? And of all the moments you could’ve done this, you had to pick now. Right when we are about to make a big move.”

Yoongi is referring to the plan for the lobbyists - the confidentially bill is enroute to the senate, and they are ready to unleash all the incriminating intel they have on two of the senators with the swing votes. Infidelity, corruptions, details of past scandals, enough to make both of them cave and beg for mercy.

But also enough to destroy careers and lives. 

Jeongguk blinks hard to rid of the sense of dread, and continues, “I’m sorry, but I think it’s probably the right time for this. I’m…”

He stutters, but Yoongi’s dark eyes bore onto him, so Jeongguk gulps and pushes the words out, brows furrowed, “I started all this to help manage my family’s assets, to help them out. And when more clients started signing on, I didn't mind it. More to help, more responsibilities, I'm fine with that. But I know you agree, somewhere along the way, things changed. Even if we are not greedy, other people are.” Jeongguk pauses and  shakes his head, “no, that's a lie. I'm greedy too, just for different things. Too proud to admit that I started trying to preserve what we had at all cost, even when I no longer agreed with each move.”

Yoongi shoots him an icy glare, “I hate it when you’re being all righteous - if we don’t protect our company, then who will. And what we do is always justified, part of the game.”

“Well, justified to us. But life altering to others, immoral. All along, I kept telling myself that it was the right thing to do, safeguarding people's investments, helping out friends and family that are clients. But at what point did it become just collective greed, to not take a loss, to hang on at all cost.” Jeongguk winces.
 
Yoongi’s eyes are filled with exasperation, “Guk, you know what I think. That's pretty damn naive. What we do is no different than that of all the other firms. I'd say we are much more conservative already, more transparent -”
 
Jeongguk raises his hand wearily and cuts him off, “hyung, it doesn't matter. I'm done. Maybe it's just me, I dunno. I can't do this anymore, can't live in denial and pretend.”

“What you gonna do then, if not this? Something more righteous that this slimy that's below you? Is that what you’re ditching me for?” Yoongi’s hands freeze by the glasses, and his back is stiff. There’s pain in his voice, a sense of betrayal that’s impossible to ignore. Jeongguk wants to walk away like he always does, away from the disappointment that he’s caused, away from all the messy feelings he always fails at handling. But he can’t, his heart is drawn towards the man in front of him, the familiar figure he’s seen since childhood that he can't bear to hurt. 

Every step feels so heavy, and the air in the office is still and suffocating, but Jeongguk moves towards Yoongi determinedly. He stands next to Yoongi’s stiff figure and drapes his arm over him carefully.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I never wanted to disappoint you.”

He feels Yoongi’s body shift under his touch. A long pause, and Yoongi turns to face him. The simmering frustration in his eyes is tinged with sorrow, and it makes Jeongguk stumble. 

“I always dreamed that we would stick together ‘til the end. This is… different.” 

Guilt is making his mind dizzy, and there’s a sharp ache in his heart, but Jeongguk tries, to verbalize his thoughts, to not run away and be swallowed up by the overwhelming desire to clam up. “You have full control to the company now. It’s very much alive, and I have no doubt you will pull through this.” 

Yoongi sneers, hand slamming on the document in front of him, “yeah, this. You and Joon, behind my back. He didn’t even tell me about it.”

“It’s not his fault, I reminded him of the client confidentiality agreement.” Jeongguk responds quietly. “And I’m giving you my share at half the market value, and immediate possession with ten years for payment. Hyung, I want you to soar, to take the company to new heights, whatever you wish. I won’t withdraw my personal investments either, you can have it all, whatever it takes for you to succeed.”

“You’re buying your way out, I can’t believe this. I knew something was up but this - “ Yoongi blinks hard and purses his lips, before continuing, voice suddenly deflated, “I get it. You want out, want some time to yourself. I just wish - I wish - agh . it, you know what, it doesn't matter what I want. Maybe you and Namjoon have always been right, and I'm the selfish bastard all along. …” Yoongi rubs between his brows harshly.
 
“He didn't do anything wrong-”
 
“Yes, ok, I heard you the first time. But I'm still mad at him, ok? Just let me have that much, please?”  The sudden weakness in his voice cuts like a knife. Silence fills the room as the two of them drift off in thoughts.

Finally, Yoongi lets out a long sigh and slides his glasses back on, voice losing its bite, defeated, “what’s your plan after all this anyways? What does throwing your life away buy you, Guk?”

With slouched shoulders, Jeongguk looks away, “a fresh start, maybe, something that’s selfishly my own.”

Yoongi’s voice is distant, “I hope you know what you’re doing. You’re so good at pushing people away, too good. You know, what really kills me about all this - because we both know it has nothing to do with money or even the business… , I could give this all up just to see you truly happy, you’re-you’re-“ he chokes up on the words, but exhales sharply and pushes forward, “-you’re my brother and I’ve always wanted to watch over you, to make sure you’re ok. Somewhere along the way, I messed up…”

Yoongi’s voice trails off. Jeongguk turns and responds, eyes filled with guilt, “hyung, you didn’t. And I understand. It’s just that I’ve realized we only have so much time to ourselves, and I’ve been blinded all my life by doing the right thing, chasing after other people’s expectations. This might be the biggest mistake of my life, but I have no choice but to see it through, now that I’m finally starting to realize what needs to be done.”

Yoongi glances at him uncertainly and shakes his head, “, I really need a few days to process this. I hate this, and I may never understand it. And I hope for both our sakes, you know what you’re doing.”

His hand reaches out and lands on Jeongguk’s arm stiffly, voice a little hoarse, “I hope someone will be there for you through all this, if not me.” 

Jeongguk’s jaw stiffens, but his shoulders remain slumped. His response is quiet, barely audible, “being alone doesn’t scare me, it’s what I’m used to, after all.”

------

By the time Jeongguk and Yoongi leave the office, night has already fallen, and the crowds on the street have dissipated. Namjoon’s car is parked by the street, and Jeongguk feels a pang of mixed emotions, watching Yoongi’s fuming glare slowly turn into reluctant surrender as Namjoon embraces him with both arms. Jeongguk slips away silently without saying goodbye.

Instead of making his way to the car, Jeongguk finds his feet striding towards another destination, somewhere from the past. Two blocks down the street, he sees the imposing outline of the church in front of him, solemn but familiar. Memories of occasional sunday school as a child floats to the top, blurry but filled with a sense of serenity that catches him by surprise. Jeongguk crosses the street and stares at the closed doors, brows furrowed and unsure what his heart seeks. Then he hears ruffles beside the building, from a small courtyard engulfed in darkness. 

Hesitantly, he walks towards it, into the darkness and away from the noises of the street. His eyes adjust and take in outlines of plants and benches, as the sound of a splashing fountain drifts towards him. 

Jeongguk’s feet pause when he notices an elderly figure seated at the bench, who looks up with kindness gleaming in his eyes, “good evening.”

Jeongguk freezes and responds stiffly, taking note of the figure’s attire, “good evening, pastor.”

“Are you looking for something?” 

“No, I mean-I’m not sure…” Jeongguk’s voice trails off. 

“Have a seat, please.” The pastor extends out his hand and gestures at the seat beside him on the bench.

Jeongguk gulps but finds himself complying. He waits, half anticipating the other to start a conversation, but is met with silence. 

Jeongguk feels his heart slow down, as he soaks up the surrounding, and lets the trickling of the small fountain seep into his mind. The winter air is crisp, with faint scent of dried leaves and evergreen. Jeongguk screws his eyes shut and breathes out a suppressed sigh.

The silence is strangely liberating, as his shoulder slumps, and the tight grip on his thoughts finally loosens. Wave of overwhelming emotions float to the top and make him gasp for air. Suddenly he feels dizzy, from the realization and the looming fear, as it all comes crashing down - his actions, past and future, his whole life seemingly spiraling and rapidly losing control. 

“Are you, afraid?” the voice beside him is flat, non-judgemental, a mere reflection of his own thoughts. Jeongguk inhales deeply and stutters through the answer, “yes... I’m - I’m making a mistake, can’t tell anymore. Need to do something that I think I’ll regret forever.”

“How do you know it’s a mistake?”

“Because I’m hurting everyone, pushing them away. They won’t be back, not this time.”

A pause. Jeongguk feels the suffocating dread settling in, like dense fog that permeates his every pore, weakening his limbs and muddling his thoughts. Then the voice speaks again, “I'm sure the ones that love and care about you will stick around.”

The words irritate him. Jeongguk frowns and responds, “I don’t deserve love. All I've ever done is hurt the ones that truly loves me... Using him and ditching him, being selfish. I don't deserve him.”

“Ah, but that’s the thing,” the voice turns soft, “you don’t have to be deserving. Love is benevolent, it’s Grace. And you’ve always had it, always been loved.”

Jeongguk’s breath hitches, the words feel like a punch to the heart. His mind is filled with fragmented memories, of him, always him - the dazzlingly smile that always blooms at first glance, those slender fingers clinging onto him in the dark timidly, the warmth of his presence that lingers even when he’s far away. Mist begins to rise in his eyes, and a heaviness looms in his heart, palpable and achingly so.

“This will destroy him... I want to give him so much, the freedom, the world. Yet in the end I’m just selfish, hurting him either way. We’re at such different stages in life, looking for different things, I'm just dragging him down. His whole life on hold because of me…” his vision is blurred, head lowered.

“Is that your fear? To hurt the one you love?”

A trembling breath escapes Jeongguk, as his head dips lower, torso retracting into the dark. 

The voice continues, contemplative and putting him in a trance, “sometimes, the chance to love alone, to experience it, is already a miracle. It’s enough.”

Something within his heart breaches, and Jeongguk breaks into a sob, shoulders shaking uncontrollably. The tears won't stop, no matter how hard he blinks. The pang of guilt courses through his mind, paralyzing his limbs, but there’s something else there too now, a sense of hollowness, as the realization finally dawns upon him.

It’s true, to finally understand love, the selfless kind that waits with open arms, with nothing in return. The love that warms his heart and makes him believe, that maybe, just maybe, there could be a second chance even for someone like him, trapped by decades of denial.

Greedily, he in the crisp evening air, feeling the emptiness washing over himself slowly, soaking into every cell of his being. His solitary journey, the one that he's been anticipating and preparing all his life, has finally begun. 

Jeongguk thinks of the grace bestowed upon him, the love that radiates through the dark, through all the silent space between them. The one he's so undeserving of, yet fills his heart to the brim no matter how hard he denies it. 

“Thank you.” He exhales slowly and whispers into the air, as the words dissipate into the night.