The sea is on his mind.

Foamy waves lapping and chasing each other, making their ways to the shore. There’s something serene about how the horizon meets the edge of the water, the way it stretches into infinity, timeless and forever, as the world morphs and changes around it.

He pictures the sound of the waves crashing and colliding, rhythmically and calming to the mind. Some nights, when he’s too frazzled to sleep, he draws upon the thoughts on his mind, zooming onto the sensations and losing himself in the process.

Taehyung makes a mental note to detour by the beach on the way home. Glancing towards the window haphazardly, he can see the blue sky of the picture perfect autumn day outside. Maybe he’ll catch the sunset for once, the thought brings a smile to his lips.

It’s already been three years since he moved to Ventura, but the thought of being so close to the ocean still makes him feel grateful every single day.

“Ok, all done. Finally!” the female voice suddenly exclaims next to him, snapping him out of the trance. “Here’s the schedule for tomorrow.” She hands him a printout and smiles sheepishly, “long day again, I’m afraid. A few parents booked makeup classes last minute. The weekend, what can you do, always a mess.”

Taehyung shrugs, “it’s fine, whatever, not like I have plans at night.” He absently makes a list of preparations to do as his gaze scans through the different classes scheduled.

Joy’s eyes remain fixed on the computer screen, but her voice is teasing, “you never have plans. What a frigging waste of that pretty face. Lemme guess, you gonna flip through some textbooks and walk the cat instead.”

“Wait, what’s wrong with walking Chims -” Taehyung feigns indignation, tapping his red converse on the floor.

With an eye roll Joy cuts him off, “nothing. Nothing’s wrong with it, except you’re what, 26? Not frigging 62. I know Ventura is boring but c’mon…” With a flick of her hair, and a resounding click of the keyboard, she breathes a satisfied sigh. “Whatever, we are all set up for tomorrow, you get an early finish today. Don’t chug too much water at home or something, you old geezer.”

Taehyung folds up the schedule carefully and slides it in his pants pocket, and asks, “are you mad at me, maybe?”

“Of course not!” she scrunches up her face mockingly. “It’s not like you turn me down every time I ask you to come out, or that every time I try to set you up with a friend, you end up being all flaky and ditching at the last minute. Oh no, not mad at all.”

Taehyung tries hard to suppress the giggle that threatens to burst out - watching Joy work herself up always cracks him up. While she’s a perfect manager for this little music studio they run - friendly, upbeat, organized - she’s transparent and warm to a fault as a friend.

And Taehyung wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s nice to have a friend, in this little solitary existence of his, so much that sometimes he forgets that she’s the boss.

“Joy,” he inches closer and bats his lashes, “Joy, I’ll come out tomorrow night after my shift, I promise. If you’re not sick of me by then. We do spend practically every day together you know…”

She pouts, but eyes gleam with softness, “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I know you hate the bars.” With another flip of her hair, she adds, “maybe we can just grab some food. And talk.”

A small smile spreads on his face, “I’d like that. Food, and talk. Very much.”

Moments later, Taehyung walks by the beach on his way home. The dusk sky is tinted with vibrant warm hues, and the air crisp and filled with the scents of the ocean. Bikers swoosh by him, and he can hear the clamor of kids by the playground up ahead.

It took him a long time to figure out how he prefers life, but now that he’s got it, settled into this quiet little existence of his, Taehyung can’t seem to remember how he ever survived without it.

Joy is right, it’s boring, really. His day job as an assistant at the music studio means doing a bit of everything, from setting up all the instruments for private lessons, to chatting with all the little kids and cheering them on when they are discouraged. The days are long and the pay barely enough to cover all the bills, but Chim Chim and he live a simple life, the tiny apartment of theirs is sparse but always filled with music and random sketches Taehyung likes to work on.

Namjoon calls him a few times every year, voice kind and thoughtful, asking how he’s doing and gently reminding him of the funds Jeongguk has left for him, if he ever needs it. And once in a moon, his phone would flash with a text from Yoongi, asking odd questions, checking up on him in the most random and roundabout way.

It’s funny how life works, the collective loss of the one person they all miss bringing them together. Taehyung reflected on the thought a month ago, at Yoongi and Namjoon’s engagement dinner, while watching the two of them dancing under a starry sky, both their eyes glimmering with enough love for a shared lifetime.

Fairy tale endings do exist, even if they don't belong to him.

And maybe Taehyung does stay away from the crowds a bit too much, but he can’t help it. It’s the only way. Life is messy as is, he wants to safeguard this little bit of freedom and independence with everything he’s got. He thinks of Jeongguk’s words. He was right, it took a long time to build a life of his own, to no longer be waiting for someone else, vying for their attention, needing their approval. Now every decision he makes is entirely his own, and there’s immense satisfaction in that. He has a past and a future now, feeling grounded but also hopeful. It’s lonely, his life, but also never felt so right. Taehyung is exactly where he wants to be.

His body is relaxed, strolling and slowing down, as he inhales the ocean mist. The waves are visible beyond the sandy beach, the rhythmic motions blending in with each beat of his heart. Crashing and receding, a constant amidst the ever changing life.

The sun has dipped by the horizon, painting the sky and water with a kaleidoscope of crimson and golden hues. There are people walking on the beach, and Taehyung spots a figure facing away from him, towards the glistening waves.

His heart trembles at the sight, the outlines of the silhouette achingly familiar - the stubbornly stiff back, simple white tee that drapes the toned torso, and short black hair that he’s dreamt of ruffling through endlessly. Exhaling slowly, Taehyung allows himself to succumb to the alluring illusion, and imagine walking towards the figure, wrapping his arms around the back and inhaling deeply the familiar scents.

Then he shakes his head and laughs inwardly. It’s not him, it never is. In every crowd, Taehyung always catches himself searching absently for him. A familiar gaze, black tousled hair, or the way the head is lowered while deep in contemplation.

A silly little habit, just his mind playing tricks on him. He’s made peace with it, the initial heartache slowing turning into inexplicable reminisce over time. A little reverie never hurts anyone, Taehyung justifies it that way inwardly, not wanting to admit he doesn’t have the strength to let it go, that final thread of attachment tethered to the past. A small voice echoes deep within, you made a promise, remember?

He shakes off the meandering thoughts. Chim Chim is waiting for him at home, he should get to it. As Taehyung averts his gaze and starts to stride away, the figure turns around, his face cast in gilt by the setting sun. The golden shimmers of the waves blind his eyes, and Taehyung blinks hard, as a soft sigh escapes his lips.

THE END