It felt like everything was moving around me.

Somehow, like a steady heartbeat. The trees grow, the birds fly around, the trains moves endlessly without stopping for long. It felt like everything was a rolling film playing around, leaving me standing alone to witness it.

And in a moment, I realized I barely did anything in my life.

My mind was only filled with work and studies, that I don’t think I ever witnessed the sun shine brightly in front of me. Like an artist trapped in her own cave, the only thing I could drew were dark lines, that simply didn’t mean anything to the world outside. My masterpieces were left in the nightstand, seemingly untouched and unfinished. Every morning, I woke up, just staring at the art I drew for five years now. It was a dream… a dream I never finished.

I still had that dream, a few times. Nope, it was actually frequent. Some days goes by as if I was me, the usual me who could smile and work for my family.

Some days I just sit up and stare at it blankly, hoping to get an answer from my uneasy heart. Some days, well… I wake up with tears streaming from my eyes. I would wake up sometimes screaming a name, a person I was calling out for. However, I can’t remember the name once I got my senses back. The tingling feeling remains at the tips of my fingers. It lingers for a long while after I wake up. I didn’t know what I was searching for. I was just simply lost.

I had no one but my mom. I was lost, broken… I didn’t know what I was looking for. Or rather, will I ever find it?

I was an unbeliever. I didn't believe in a sheer luck and a twist of faith. However... maybe, just maybe, I could try.