I watched Park Dongsun walk in the Salon de Café with a small box of CDs being carried by both of his hands. He swayed across the room as he shouted as if there were no customers in the shop. “And finally, the mixtapes are here!” People looked at him but he didn’t care and just continued his dance until he gets to the counter.

“It took forever, I know, but this is by far the longest mixtape we ever created!” He excitedly announced once he placed the box in front of me. “15 tracks, that’s like a full-length album, dude.”

I ran my hands on the box and flipped its flaps open to see the cover and the track list of the new mixtape. The past two mixtapes we made were only composed of four and six songs, so I was kind of surprised to know that 15 were produced for the new one. Unlike the previous mixtapes, the new one didn’t have the track list written on its cover. The cover is just a picture of an empty street that is probably taken by Nahyun since she has been into photography lately. The photograph doesn’t look special at all, it’s just a plain picture of a street covered with boring buildings and illegally parked cars, I’m not sure why it became the cover.

“Where’s the track list?” I asked as I picked one of the CDs.

“Inside,” Dongsun answered before opening the CD case for me, and there it was.

Fifteen titles were listed down along with its producers and featured artists. There are 4 producers in our crew so it was kind of a surprise when I read six different names on the track list. I didn’t know the other two, the names were unfamiliar. It used to be only me, Dongsun, Nahyun, and Chul Moo.

“Gook, and Joshua. Who are they?” I asked.

“Ah, you’re kinda busy so you haven’t got the chance to meet them,” Dongsun snapped. “They’ve been hanging out with the crew. They’re pretty cool.”

I nodded. I haven’t been with them for quite some time already and it’s a bit conscientious whenever I think about it. Honestly, I have a lot of time for them. It’s easy for me to just go to the studio after work and fall asleep there since that’s what I used to do. But ever since I moved to a new room, which is closer to Salon de Café, I’ve been too lazy to go back. I didn’t want to go there and do nothing, I’d rather just use the rest of my time sleeping.

“You should take them here sometimes,” I suggested. I had no idea who those people are, of course I’d like to meet them.

“Sure,” he nodded as he closed the box again. “You joining us? Dickids are having a show this Friday and I guess we could distribute these babies there. What do you think?”

“Dickids?” I chuckled. I didn’t really like them and it kind of hurts my pride to be in a children’s show just to promote our barely-breathing crew. “Man, you know I don’t like them.”

“Come on, they’re good,” he replied. “The whole crew’s gonna be there. You’ll meet the newbies.”

I just replied with a displeased look but he took it as a yes, he always does.

“We got 70 copies in total,” he grunted when lifted the box from the counter. “There are 20 in this box and I’m leaving it here. You do the rest.”

I wrote COOL MUSIC FOR $5 on the mini board and placed it right beside the cash register. I stacked four CDs in front it just so people could look at it while they wait for their coffee. I already talked to Mr. Han about it and he’s totally okay with it. “You know that I’m your number one fan so why not?” he said as if he actually enjoys listening to some of our songs.

I inserted the CD in the stereo and played the whole playlist on loop for the whole day, hoping that someone would just walk to the counter and ask what song I’m playing. But that’s less likely to happen since most of our customers are men in their 40s or older who just need five-minute coffee breaks.

My days have been boring. Wake up, go to work, listen to our mixtape through the whole work hours, go home, go to bed, repeat. At some point, even I got so tired of our own mixtape so I had to eject the CD and listen to music other people know. It has been days but no one approached me and asked what song was playing. It has been days but no one cared about the mixtapes stacked on the counter.

“You know what, I’ll take one.” Kihyun said as he dug down his pocket. He waved the money in front me once he got it. “They’re hella catchy, I gotta put it in my playlist.”

I smiled and snatched the bill in his hand. “Thank you,” I said.

“I don’t understand you guys,” Kihyun picked a copy from the CD stack and examined it as he talked. “You could just put it up on SoundCloud and share it. That’ll make the work easier. CDs are over, it’s 2017.”

“Yeah, we could do that. And I guess it’s already on SoundCloud,” I answered. “But the thing is, people ignore it when they see it in their feed. Unlike when they have a physical copy, they’ll feel like they have to listen to it because it’s literally in their hands.”

“I still don’t get it,” he replied and just walked away.

I stared at the stack of CDs and kind of felt relieved since one was already sold. But then it occurred to me, nothing was happening. It was Kihyun who bought a copy and he bought it out of pity. People won’t really care about it because let’s face it, most of the songs aren’t that great and the quality is just . That’s when I felt regret for letting an opportunity slip through my hands. I didn’t realize how big it was and I was in no place to turn it down. I was rude when I knew nothing. I should’ve said sorry.

~~~

It was pass 10 o’clock and I was walking to a boys’ dormitory. I’m pretty bad with directions so I don’t really know if I was going the right way. But I continued walking anyway and just hoped I’d end up in the right place. I’m not really the type of person who would get too scared to walk in the streets in the middle of the night since my life basically only starts after work, my life is literally a night life. Seoul can’t always be safe though, so I always make sure I have my anti keychain my brother gave me and a pepper spray in my hand.

Fortunately, I didn’t get lost. I easily found the place.

I pressed the doorbell and hoped someone would answer right away. It was colder than usual, I wasn’t really prepared for it.

“Someone just ing buzz me in,” I said under my breath as I continuously pressed the doorbell when no one answered after one ring.

“Aren’t you… Ah Reum Noona?” I turned around and saw the maknae, Jeon Jungkook. One of his hands was tucked in the pocket of his hoodie while the other carried a plastic bag full of instant noodles. I don’t know much about this kid since I’ve never interacted with him at all so I was kind of surprised when he called me and addressed me as ‘Noona’.

“Is Yoongi inside?” I tried to talk straight, not making how cold I was so obvious. But I guess I failed when he replied that we should just get inside first before answering my question.

“All of the boys are inside, so it’s loud in there.” He mentioned politely as we took the elevator to their floor. He’s kind of shy and awkward, which I didn’t really expect from him. According to people, he’s one of the crazy ones but my first impression of him isn’t close to crazy.

“I didn’t see you when I spent the night here,” I said just to break the silence off.

“Ah, I was probably out.” He timidly answered.

Once the elevator opened, faded noise by a bunch of boys could already be heard. As we walked closer to the door, it got louder. It sounded like there were 20 people in their dorm. No wonder why they couldn’t hear their doorbell ringing.

“I told you they’re noisy,” Jungkook said as he unlocked the door.

He waited as I took my shoes off and leaded the way as if I’m not familiar with the place.

Everyone was in the dining room, probably waiting for Jungkook’s instant noodles. They were all laughing about whatever happened earlier that day. Their laughs were so loud that they didn’t even hear Jungkook and me walking in the room. Even Yoongi was laughing, which is something I barely witness. I gotta admit, his gummy smile is my favorite thing to look at.

“Yoongi-ah,” Jungkook called as if he’s older than Yoongi. That’s the kind of attitude I was actually expecting from him. “You have a visitor,” he shouted just so his voice could overpower the laughter of the boys. When they noticed I was there, they all stopped laughing and gave Yoongi a look. Jimin was the only one who gave me a smile and a small wave.

Yoongi glared at Jungkook in disapprove because of how he called him so Jungkook just returned a cute grin, which I guess is more like a sneer.

“In my room,” Yoongi pointed his finger to his room as he pushed himself up from his seat. Everyone continued with their business and filled the house with laughter once we were inside his bedroom.

“I’m sorry, I was wrong,” I quickly went to the point. I don’t know Yoongi well so I have no idea how he takes apologies. Yoongi looked at me with his eyes piercing, which caused my voice to shiver a bit. “I’m still ignorant when it comes to these stuff so-”

“Did you know, you’re not allowed to just come in here whenever you want?” He said, ignoring my apology, which kind of annoyed me. But of course, I didn’t have to show I was annoyed since I was there to apologize.

“Um, no.”

“Just because I took you in once, doesn’t give you the right to barge in our house,” he kept the same straight face. “We were having a great time, and you just came in and it up.”

“I’m so sorry, I…” I didn’t know what to apologize for anymore. For going there without him knowing, for ruining his night, for screaming at him, or for turning his boss down. “I don’t know anything. Okay? I don’t know how your life works. I don’t know , I’m just a waitress.”

“Obviously. Stop tolerating your ignorance,” he replied.

“I am not!” When I realized I was shouting, I sighed and continued with a calmer voice, “Listen, if you take me back, I’ll learn.”

He mumbled something uncomprehensive, he looked extremely annoyed.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.” He sighed and his lips, a habit of him that I just recently noticed. “The whole office is talking about it and the president won’t shut the up about it.”

“Yoongi, I’m sorry,” I said again. This time, I looked straight in his eyes so he could feel my sincerity. “Just tell me what to do to make it up to you.”

“Just go, I don’t want to stress myself with this ,” he said. I didn’t want to though. I want to make up with him, I came all the way from work just to see him. I was so tired and I almost got lost, I did not want my visit to be pointless. So I just stood still as he gazed at me. He’s obviously still mad but I really wanted him to realize how sorry I really was. “Go,” he repeated.

I didn’t make a single move, I just kept my eyes on the ground as I think of a more convincing reparation. Honestly, I was a bit scared of him that’s why even though I already have thought of another way of justifying myself, I just kept my mouth shut.

Halfway to lifting his fist, he groaned and just punched the nearest wooden furniture around him just to thresh his anger out. “Just go!” He exclaimed, once again raising his voice to me. “You’ve got some guts, don’t you?”

“Come on, Yoongi! Can’t I say no? Don’t I have the right to turn it down?!” And yeah, we were screaming at each other again. “You should’ve told me so I wouldn’t have to meet him in the first place!”

“I thought it’s what you wanted!” He answered.

“I never asked you to sign me up! You just popped up in the shop and told me to see him!” I forgot why I was there in the first place. I barely swallow my pride, so it kind of outraged me when he didn’t accept my apology. I gotta admit, it was really immature of me. But what can I do? I’m not really the type of person who could easily control his or her anger. “You just planned on your own, don’t expect that it’ll go your way.”

“You were happy when I told you that,” he replied, now in a calmer tone. When I looked him in the eyes, I could feel his pity. It was belittling but I knew I needed it. Well, yeah, I was happy. And I probably obliterated that feeling because of anger and pride. I was a complete mess, even I couldn’t understand myself anymore.

“I was,” I admitted, now in a composed tone. I did not want to keep my mind closed, I wanted to appreciate how he gave me a chance to change my life. “I’m sorry,” I said again.

I walked out of his room just to find six boys in front of Yoongi’s room snooping. They tried to act cool, pretending they had their own businesses, but it was apparent that they were eavesdropping on our argument. I was so embarrassed for stumbling in their house without any warning and eventually ruining their night so I just ignored them and walked out as fast as possible. I guess I wasn’t just embarrassed for that night, I was possibly also ashamed of all the drama I’ve caused ever since we all met. Doubtlessly, I will not leave a very good impression to all of them.

I was so upset, I did not notice Namjoon follow me. A faint smile was painted across his face, making his dazzling dimples visible. “Vent it out, maybe?”