Request by byjx

I want to request something where Jongdae always looks out for each member and does anything anybody ask him to do without thinking twice no matter whether he like doing it or not or he's busy. He always look out for others members and being cheerful and happy that when he start falling nobody realised until it’s too late. Please make it super duper angsty (but with happy ending cause my heart can't handle sad ending)

Word count: 3126

His mother was the kindest person he had ever known.

When he was a child he always looked up to his mother. Sure, he looked up to his father as well but he had always been closest to his mother, had always felt safe and comfortable around her. He was a mummy’s boy and he was proud of it despite how much he had been teased about it by his brother and classmates.

When he was asked what he wanted to be, little Jongdae would proudly proclaim that he wanted to be like his mother. When asked why, he would say ‘Because she’s the nicest person in the whole entire world!’ while a smile so bright his teachers couldn’t help but coo at him.

She always went out of her way to help those who needed it and would do so with a smile. Jongdae had never seen his mother well and truly angry. He had seen her upset, had seen her annoyed and even disappointed but never angry. When he and his brother would do something wrong she wouldn’t yell because she didn’t need to. One look was enough to have them bowing their heads in guilt.

Most of the memories he had of his mother were her smiling lips, her soft voice and her kind eyes. She was the most important person in his life and he strived to be like her.

As he grew people would always tell he how kid he was, how much he did for other people, how he always thought of those around him before himself. He was proud of that. Never did he think that being too kind was a thing.

But it was and he was about to experience it firsthand.

~X~

It was no secret that Jongdae was kind, almost to a fault. s knew this better than anyone.

When they would need something, all they had to do was ask and he would be there to help them but not only that, he was there for them even when they hadn’t asked for help. He was a shoulder in which they could lie upon, a structure that would support them.

Jongdae never complained. He would nod his head with his endearing kittenish smile and proceed to do whatever it was that one of the members had requested or had need of him. He enjoyed doing it. He knew they all worked hard, giving their all in group and individual schedules and he felt like it was almost his duty to take some of the weight off of s, even if it was something as menial as getting someone a glass of water or making a meal.

He could be in the middle of doing something and one of the members would ask him to do something and he would agree without hesitation, putting his needs behind those of s. It was normal. That’s what you were supposed to do when you were a part of a team, wasn’t it?

Their comeback was approaching fast, which meant that there were new lyrics to memorise and dances to learn. Jongdae had the lyrics down packed and stored away within a few hours of receiving them, however it was the dance that had him pulling at his hair in frustration. The dances were always the hardest for him. He had improved so much since debut but out of all of the members, he was one of the ones that took the longest to learn them.

He could ask for help but there was a part of him that didn’t want to ask for help. Jongin would be more than willing to lend him a helping hand, so would Sehun or Minseok. Maybe it was pride that stopped him from going up to them and asking for help, or maybe it was because he was the one that was supposed to be providing help and not the other way around. So he resigned himself to many late nights and early mornings clocking in overtime to get it down.

So he was about to do just that. Dressing in comfortable clothes he began on the short journey to the practice room. He was nearly there when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around only to see a downhearted looking Jongin wringing his hands together nervously.

“Jongin, what’s wrong?” Jongdae asked the younger, voice laced with his obvious worry at Jongin’s demeanour.

“Uh, nothing’s wrong… well not really but…” he pauses and Jongdae looks at him kindly, “I can’t seem to get the melody right and I was hoping that you would be able to help me?” Jongin asked hopefully.

Jongdae freezes minutely, so subtle for Jongin to see. He smiles even as there is an inner conflict stirring inside of him. He wants to help Jongin but he also needs to practice the dance. He wants to say no but Jongin is looking at him with eyes full with hope and he finds himself caving. He just can’t say no so instead he smiles widely.

“Of course I’ll help you Nini.” Jongin’s eyes light up and Jongdae finds himself squished into the youngers body as he hugs him tight.

“Thankyou so much hyung!” he jumps and Jongdae chuckles lowly at the others excitement.

It takes a few hours, but by three in the morning Jongin finally has the melody down perfectly and Jongdae couldn’t be prouder. They’re both exhausted but they can’t fight the satisfaction burning inside of them.

“I’m sorry for keeping you up so late to help me hyung.” Jongin apologises as they walk back to the dorms, rubbing his heavy eyes in an effort to keep himself awake.

Jongdae just shakes his head. “Don’t apologise. You know you can come to me when you need help.” He reassured him, ruffling his hair casing the younger to whine.

“Hey hyung?”

Jongdae hums.

“Were you going to practice as well, it’s why you were there, right?” Jongin asks sounding guilty.

Jongdae’s heart skips a beat. “No, I was leaving actually. I left my phone during practice so I was just getting it.” He swallows the lump in his throat. He hated lying but he didn’t want Jongin to feel guilty.

“Oh, okay hyung.” Jongin smiled and Jongdae smiled back.

They spent the rest of the walk home in silence. Jongdae, being the doting hyung that he is makes sure to tuck Jongin into bed despite the youngers complaints that he’s not a little kid. Jongdae just shushes him.

Jongdae smiles when he sees that Jongin is already lost in Morpheus’s halls and quietly backs out of the room. When he closes the door he leans against it and sighs, the smile falling off his face.

Once again, he tip-toes out of the dorm and heads towards the practice room, his eyes stinging from the cold and the strain from being open for far to long already.

It looks like he wasn’t going to be getting any sleep.

~X~

Jongdae couldn’t ever remember feeling as exhausted as he did right then and there. All he wanted to do was collapse onto his bed and sleep for the next twenty years and he was about to do just that when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning towards the offender he sees the tired face of Junmyeon in front of him.

“Hey hyung.” Jongdae smiles softly, the leader just barely lifting his own lips into a smile. It was Jongdae’s heart aching.

He knew how much pressure Junmyeon had been under lately. The constant scrutiny from the fans and the company, plus the groups and his own solo schedules weighing him down and leaving him boneless. But despite of that he was well aware that the leader was about to ask him to do something and no matter how much he didn’t want to do it, no matter how much he just wanted to sleep, he knew he would say yes to whatever he wanted him to do.

“Would you be able to make dinner tonight? I was supposed to but I honestly don’t think I would be able to keep my eyes open.” He emphasised it with a massive yawn, one that had little tears escaping from the corner of his eyes.

“Of course.” Jongdae smiled even as his body and mind were screaming no.

Junmyeon flashed Jongdae a thankful smile as he squeezed him on the shoulder before disappearing into his own room. Jongdae dropped his head and sighed. Thinking, he decided to make spaghetti. It was easy enough to make and didn’t take too much effort or time which right now it what he really needed.

Almost mechanically he took the ingredients from their places and chopped them up. While he was chopping up the vegetables, the mince was in the microwave defrosting. By the time all of the ingredients had been cut, the microwave dinged. Taking out the now soft meat, he deposited it into the already heated up pan and ¾ cooked it before throwing the vegetables in with it. Letting that cook for a little while he quickly races into his room to thrown on some comfortable clothes and when he returned, was met with a sight that he knew was probably going to happen.

“Yah, Byun Baekhyun! Get away from the food!” he called, the offender snapping his head to him with wide eyes at being caught.

“But Dae, I’m hungry~” He whined, hanging off of Jongdae who had an exasperated look on his face.

“It’s not even ready yet. Go and take a shower while you wait, you stink.”

Baekhyun pouted but did as Jongdae said but not before stealing a piece of broccoli from the pot, Jongdae slapping him on the arm in retaliation.

Shaking his head he stirred the mince and vegetables before adding the sauce and letting it simmer. At first making spaghetti seemed like a good idea but now as he waits for it to finish cooking he feels his eyes inching shut before they snap open again.

He slaps his cheeks and drags his hands down his face and groans. If only he had said no then he would be resting now. Another yawn escapes and he does nothing to silence it and it wasn’t like anyone would hear it anyway. Taking the lid of the pot and giving it a taste Jongdae declares that it’s nearly ready and sets off to make the pasta. That doesn’t take too long, twenty minutes at most but by that time everything is ready for consumption.

“Dinners ready!” he yells and immediately he can hear footsteps heading towards him at a rapid pace. he almost smiles but he’s way too tired for it.

He steps back as the members rush into the kitchen as they utter their thanks to him. Jongdae just looks on for a moment before yawning again and decides that he’s too tired to eat right now so with a small goodnight he disappears into his room.

As soon as his head hits the pillow he’s out and when he wakes up, the fact that he hadn’t eaten that night doesn’t even cross his mind.

And it wouldn’t be the last time.

Before he knew it, skipping meals would become a common occurrence. It’s not like he did it on purpose, well…not really anyway, but there was just so much he had to do and so little time to do it in, and he had nothing to blame but his inability to say know when he was asked for help.

He was constantly tired; physically, mentally and emotionally. It was getting harder and harder to get through the day, most of the time not even wanting to get out of bed in the morning. When he would look in the mirror all he could see was exhaustion.

He wondered if he was the only one who could see it. Or was he really just imagining things, being dramatic?

At times he would see the members looking at him and he would smile disarmingly at them and they would smile back, whatever worries they had erasing. His smile always seemed to be able to do that and he knew it. But if he really wanted them to know that he wasn’t fine, then why would he do it in the first place?

Even he didn’t quite know the reason for his decision. But he did know one thing.

He was falling and he didn’t know if he would be able to stop.

Yixing was the first to notice and who brought it to the attention of the members. It wasn’t surprising really. For one, he was more observant than people gave him credit for and secondly, as someone who hadn’t been there as it happened, hadn’t watched the gradual decline of their main vocalist and had only seen the before and after, he was the only one to see it and what he saw didn’t leave him with a good feeling.

“Does something seem, different with Jongdae?” he asked Junmyeon who looked at him with a confused expression.

“Different? No, why?”

“He looks… thinner than what I remember,” Yixing pressed his lips into a contemplative line, “Has he been eating?”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said, then frowned, “I mean, I think so? We’ve all been busy it’s hard to say for sure. You think he’s lost weight?”

“Definitely.” Yixing answered with a confident nod, though this isn’t something he wanted to be right about, “He also looks tired, sluggish, like it’s an effort for him to even walk.”

Junmyeon frowns deeper. Now that Yixing had mentioned it, Jongdae had been looking pretty drawn lately and in the last few weeks he’s looked more than drawn. He looks absolutely exhausted. Junmyeon want to hit himself. How could he not have noticed? He’s supposed to be the leader so out of anyone, he should have been the one to see it.

“Why didn’t I notice?” Junmyeon whispers, though it’s loud enough for Yixing to hear.

Yixing doesn’t know what to say because nothing that he could say would make any difference. He knows how much Junmyeon is already beating himself up because of it so instead he just places a hand on the leaders shoulder who smiles weakly at him.

They both know what they need to do next before it got any further.

However they were too late. Not even a few hours later they found themselves at the hospital, sitting on the uncomfortable chairs, waiting for news on the main vocalist’s condition. None of them had seen it coming but they should have.

One of the dance instructors had found Jongdae collapsed on the ground in one of the training rooms. No one had known how long he had been there for, nor had heard it when he fell, the music being too loud it would have covered up any noise – like the sound of a body hitting the ground – that had been made.

It was there fault. They all knew it. They were the ones who had driven Jongdae to this point all because they expected him to help them. They made Jongdae do too much, more than what he could handle and none of them could even see it until it was too late.

“How did we not realise what something was wrong, what we were doing to him?” Minseok said monotone, it directed at nobody but everyone at the same time.

“We were blind,” Baekhyun said in reply, “Too blind to see when one of our own was suffering because of our own selfishness.”

All of them bowed their heads at that. They couldn’t refute what he had said because it was true and it wasn’t long before they found out the extent of it all.

Exhaustion, fatigue, weight loss, lack of proper nutrients, possible insomnia… the list went on only adding to the guilt they felt. They had exploited Jongdae’s kind and caring nature without thinking of what it could do to him, what the ramifications could be.

They needed to fix this and ensure that it never happened again. But first, they had to apologise and they were prepared to grovel if they had to. They would do anything.

And grovel they did. They waited in Jongdae’s room for him to wake up and when he did, they all dropped to the floor in a traditional bow, apologies spewing from their mouths.

Jongdae was utterly stunned. He didn’t know what to do. What do you do when the first thing you see when you wake up is your best friends bowing on the floor, apologising profusely at the same time that it’s hard for you to even make out what they’re saying.

“P-Please stop,” he squeaks, eyes wide.

They all jump to their feet but none of them move towards him and all of them are looking at him with guilt and tears in their eyes. It’s then that he notices that he’s not at the dorms nor is he at the company, but in a hospital room.

“What happened? Why am I here?” he asks.

s looks at each other before Yixing speaks.

“You collapsed. A dance instructor found you in the training rooms and when he couldn’t wake you up, he called an ambulance,” he explained and Jongdae swallowed.

So if had finally caught up to him, huh?

“We’re sorry,” Junmyeon spoke next and Jongdae eyes immediately went towards the leader, “We’re all so, so sorry. It’s our fault. We took advantage of your kindness and we shouldn’t have.”

“What, n-no! It’s not your fault, none of it is!” Jongdae nearly yelled.

“No, it is,” Kyungsoo cut Jongdae off before he could say anything else, “We didn’t see that us asking you to help us with things was hurting you and for that, we have full blame for.”

“We’re supposed to be there for each other, to help each other when we’re suffering but we weren’t there for you when you needed us.” Chanyeol added.

“And most of all, we were the cause of your suffering.” Junmyeon finished.

“But I never said no.” Jongdae argued weakly.

“We should have realised that we were asking too much of you.” It was Sehun this time.

“We should have realised when you didn’t want to do something but did it anyway.” Came Jongin’s quiet voice.

Jongdae felt tears well up in his eyes but they didn’t fall. Call it pride or whatever but he really didn’t want to cry.

“You took care of us, so now it’s our turn to take care of you,” Baekhyun smiled, “So I hope you’re prepared to be pampered.”

And pamper him they did.

Oh my god I am so sorry for how long it's been since I last updated this. I didn't mean for it to be this long but I've just been so busy with university and work and life in general that it's just been so hard to find time to write. I also just recently started another job so I'm even busier than normal. Being a full time uni student with 2 part time jobs certainly isn't easy but I'm managing it. So, after a month and a half I finally have another chapter for you all! I don't know if it was even worth the wait but I mean, it's something...?

Oh, before I forget I did post a BTS oneshot so if you're interested check it out here!

So much has happened in the kpop world since I last updated this. Stray Kids have officially debuted and I am in love with their album. I've been listening to it on repeat. I'm still getting used to the name changes with Jeongin (I.N.), Jisung (Han) and Minho (Lee Know). BTS have finally release Face Yourself and I have also been listening to that on repeat. Also, the release the Euphoria video and I have no words. All of the questions! They keep giving up more questions than answers but I guess that's what makes it fun, trying to figure out what everything means. I really want to write something about Jungkook pulling Yoongi from the flames. CBX's comeback is just around the corner and I couldn't be more excited. The teasers and the photos have been visually stunning and don't even talk about their vocals. They're as gorgeous as ever. I love how they've gone with the days of the week concept for the songs.

Okay, now for my fellow Idol Producer watchers. It's been a long and emotional road. I've seen some of my favourites leave and some of my favourites make it all of the way to the end. I had grown very attached to many of the trainees and actually enjoyed the show much more that I would have first thought. The mentors were so good to all of the trainees, providing them with feedback and advice and overall just caring about their well being. I'm not going to mention any names in case some of you have yet to find out but overall, I am very happy with who made it into the top 9. I should also warn you that don't be surprised if any of the trainees pop up in my stories, especially Quanzhe, Zhengting, Zhangjing, Chaoze and Yanchen.

I'm going to end this here. I don't know when I'll be able to update next but hopefully it won't be as long as this time. If you want to chat, feel free!

See you next time~