Request by Tae

Can you do something with BTS having a really tough day or week or something and Tae tried to cheer them up but they end up snapping at him and yelling and him, and he ends up leaving and just hiding somewhere in a breakdown and then he avoids them for the next month and eventually bighit nim notices and scolds the team and they end up comforting Tae and realising they ed up really, really badly (because he’s sick or really thin or has cuts or nightmares or no self-worth, something to show their words affected him?).

Word count: 1682

He had only tried to help. He was the cheerful one, the one that cheered everyone up when they were sad, angry or stressed out. It was his role, a role which he enjoyed and took seriously. It may sometimes take a while but he always succeeded in the end. While they didn’t always voice their thanks he knew s appreciated the effort he put in to cheer them up.

Everyone had been stressed. The pressure of writing songs that were better than the last added with practice and their tour wore everyone thin. They were all tired. They all snapped more easily than they usually would have. It was all in the nature of having an approaching comeback just around the corner.

Taehyung had noticed it. How Yoongi would become increasingly frustrated when the beats didn’t turn out the way he wanted. When Namjoon would come to a brick wall, the right lyrics failing to fall from the pen like usual. When Seokjin, sweaty and tired after hours of dance practice still couldn’t get the moves quite right. When Hoseok couldn’t execute the key move to his solo dance after days of trial and error. When Jimin couldn’t hit the notes he usually could due to the overuse of his vocals. When Jungkook had been struck down with a cold and banned from practice of any kind.

He had his own worries of course but he always put others before himself. So he had had tried to help.

Yoongi was cooped up in his studio again. He had been in there for days with barely any food or sleep.

“Come on hyung, come and eat with me.” He whined, trying to put on the aegyo in his voice.

“No Taehyung.” Yoongi had uttered shorty, his frustrated concentration directed to the screen.

“Hyung~” he whined again hoping that this time it would be enough.

“Taehyung go away! I don’t need you distracting me.”

Taehyung deflated at Yoongi’s words. With his head down like a kicked puppy he walked out of the studio, the elder still fully concentrated on his own work to see the dejected Taehyung leave.

He had been met with similar responses from the others. Jungkook had simply ignored him, something which had hurt him more than it should have, but in the wake of Yoongi’s rejection he was still feeling raw. Namjoon had pushed him out of his own studio, locking the door from the inside so he wouldn’t be disturbed by ‘an annoyance’ again. The drink he made for Jimin to sooth his throat remained untouched, Taehyung telling him he needed to rest before he completely lost the voice that had been giving him so much trouble falling on deaf ears. Hoseok was gentle, telling him that he would rather be alone but it still hurt none the less. It was Seokjin that had hurt him the most. He knew that the words he had spat were done out of pure frustration at his inability to get the moves right but one word bounced around in his head like a mantra.

Worthless…

Was he worthless?

He knew he was the last member to join. He had thought that he was the last piece of the puzzle but had he really been an unwanted part to an already well-oiled machine? It had started to feel more like the truth as he thought about it. He wasn’t the best dancer. He wasn’t the best singer. He wasn’t the best looking and his rap skills were questionable.

Did he really belong?

Was he wanted?

He thought he knew but he wasn’t quite so sure anymore.

That night, wrapped up in sheet and in the dark, he cried in sadness for the first time in a long time, muffling the sounds of his cries into his pillow. Even if they heard he was sure that they wouldn’t care anyway.

He avoided s after that. Maybe the lack of his presence would somehow make them better. They didn’t even notice that he was no longer a constant presence in their lives. He was hoping that one of them would notice, would come and ask him what he was doing, would ask him to hang out with them but none of that happened. Everything went on like normal except he wasn’t a part of it. He had distanced himself.

His appetite had waned. He no longer felt hungry for the hurt settled in his stomach, filling his body with fuel that only served to damage his self-worth. The days and weeks went by and he only started to feel worse and worse and yet s, his brothers, still hadn’t noticed.

Was he really important?

Did he really matter to them?

He felt like an outsider looking in. Like someone out in the cold looking through the window at a family surrounded by a fire in envy, in longing. Where had the warmth gone?

Their manager was starting to become worried. He could see that way Taehyung had begun to exclude himself. It wasn’t like him. Taehyung was a social butterfly. He loved interacting with everyone and anyone. He observed for a few days before bringing it up with Bang Pd-min who then brought it to the attention of the members.

At first they had looked on him in confusion. But when he began to explain what the manager had told him, what he had seen, realisation seemed to dawn upon them all. They remembered how in the past month Taehyung hadn’t joined them for the shared meals they had had. During preparation for their comeback the shared meals always become less frequent then normal but they always made time for a few. The last times Taehyung hadn’t been there. Now that they thought about it they hadn’t seen him at all in the last couple of days.

“Where is Tae?” Jungkook asked but received no answer. No one had seen him.

“We need to find him.” Said Seokjin.

Without a word they all set off, each searching a different room. They had tried to call him but his phone had gone straight to voice mail.

“Guys I found him!” shouted Hoseok from Taehyung’s room. They all came rushing towards the sound of Hoseok’s voice. When they walked into Taehyung’s room their hearts broke at the sight before them.

There on the bed laid Taehyung, huddled up in his blankets, face red and body shivering as if it were cold. Seokjin runs towards him, placing a hand to the youngers forehead and nearly flinches at the temperature of his skin.

“He’s running a fever.”

“His sheets are soaked. Someone help me move him so we can changed his bedding.” Says Namjoon, Jungkook helping the leader lift his body off the bed. Jimin comes over to them and places a blanket over the sick man while Hoseok and Yoongi strip the bed.

Seokjin looks on at Namjoon running his hand through Taehyung’s hair in guilt.

“This is my fault.” He says and they all look at him. “I called him worthless.”

“Hyung it’s not your fault. You didn’t mean it.” Hoseok tries to sooth him but gets shaked off.

“But it is!” he sobbed. “Look at him. He hid away in his room while he was sick because he thought we wouldn’t care. He hasn’t been eating. You can all see that’s he’s lost weight.”

“If it’s your fault them it’s out fault as well.” Yoongi speaks up. “Let’s just focus on Taehyung before we blame ourselves. It’s him we need to focus on.” He said, his own guilt eating him up.

When the bed had been remade and Taehyung’s clothes changed they lifted him back on the bed. Seokjin disappeared for a while to go and make his famous soup, the one he makes when one of the members get sick. Taehyung had still yet to wake, something which worried them all.

It wasn’t until a couple of hours later when his temperature had gone down did he finally open his eyes, the light forcing him to close his eyes again as a throbbing pain made itself known in his head.

“Hey, you’re awake.” Says a soft voice from beside him. Looking over he sees Jimin smiling at him although it’s more subdued than his usual smiles. “Are you hungry? Seokjin hyung made you some soup.” He holds out a bowl. Taehyung doesn’t feel hungry but he takes it anyway, spooning it into his mouth slowly. It warms his throat, that warmth going all of the way down to his stomach.

Too immersed in the soup he doesn’t see as Jimin took out his phone and types before putting it away. In less than a minute his room is filled with all of s who all look equal bits relieved and ashamed.

“Hey…” Taehyung says weakly trying his best to smile convincingly.

“I’m so sorry.” Seokjin said, face crumbling.

“No, you have no-“

“We do. We all do. We were horrible to you when you were just trying to help and because of that you got sick.” Yoongi cut him off.

“You’re not worthless. You’re far from it. I don’t expect you to forgive me for saying it but I’m so, so sorry.” Seokjin cried, his tears finally falling. It was as if he had started a chain reaction for tears started to fall from all of their eyes.

Taehyung stares at them, eyes wide and his own tears inching their ways out. His heart begins to feel lighter, the cuts that it had been dealt beginning to mend. There are arms around him hugging him tight. All of his hurts can’t be mended in a day but they are well on the way. They’ll deal with it and come out stronger then ever.

Please stay at my side, please stay with me

Please don’t let go of the me who is holding your hand

If you go one step further away like this

I can just take one more step and that’s enough

~ V and J-hope- Hug Me ~

Guys, guess what? I'm sick and miserable :( At least my cat knows how to comfort me :) I'm sort of 'meh' about this one. I don't hate it but I'm not overjoyed about it either. It's been cold and raining the last few days, something which I am enjoying very much ^^

BTS's remake of Seotaiji's 'Come Back Home' is sooooo good!! XD I've probably listened to it 50+ times already. Luhan also released his new song 'Set it off' the other day and it's amazing. He releases some really great music (I feel as if he's finally found his sound) though there is a...questionable lyric "Put your hand on my joystick"... Luhan does it again. The animation is great but it gives me some vivid 'Lu' flashbacks that have me breaking down into laughter remembering the first time I had listened to it. I've been getting back into Tao's music. I sort of went on a bit of a hiatus with him, not because I don't like his music because I do, I just stopped actively searching for his stuff but I've been listening to his new stuff and jamming to them. I just need Kris to release some more music because 'July' was such a jam. I'm expecting him (hoping really) to release an album either this year or early next year. I've finally seen an actual video clip of Jongdae with his blonde hair and I'm loving it XD It was only like 2 seconds long and is from his Fantastic Duo preview but I'll take what I can get. He looks like a prince :3

Question: How do you all feel about BTS's new logo and meaning? I have no qualms about it. Like, they're still going to be known as Bangtan Sonyeondan. I love the meaning behind it was well.

I feel like I'm forgetting so much stuff but if so then I'll just mention it next time. You know, I'm curious as to how many people actually read my rambles at the end of each chapter.

See you soon!