Jun: I can't go today. Sorry.

The text was simple and short, not wasting any words. But the prick in your heart was the same as if he had sent a longer message. It's been ages since you were able to hang out with him, with him being busy with his schedules and all--but today was supposedly the day he had set apart for you. Well, apparently not.

You typed a reply with difficulty. 

Me: Why?

Jun: I'm tired. I want to sleep tonight. Sorry. Let's go out next time.

He must have been really tired, because his normally long, romantic messages were mercilessly short and concise. You didn't want to bother him any longer because you knew how demanding his line of work can be, especially since he was being offered acting projects aside from his idol duties. He was filming a drama at the moment, in fact, and he had said that the role was a little challenging. When he called you, you could hear the tiredness in his voice.

Me: Okay. Be careful on your way home. I just miss you though...

Jun: Miss you too

The text irked you. Maybe it was because you just a bunch of lemons. Maybe it was the strangely humid evening. Whatever it was, it drove you to reply in a way that you didn't usually do. It was like your fingers had lives of their own.

Me: You sure about that? You really miss me?

Jun: Yeah

Me: But what? You're tired?

Jun: Yeah...

You should have hesitated. You should have thought it over first. But no--your fingers went ahead and typed what came to your mind first.

Me: Liar. You don't miss me.

After a moment, you began thinking that he had given up replying to you or that he had fallen asleep, and so you tossed your phone away and prepared to go to sleep. Just then, it started ringing, and when you checked who it was, it was him. You bregrudgingly swiped to answer it, but before you could utter a word, you heard his choked-up voice say your name. At once your anger dissipated and your protective instincts flared up.

"Why is your voice like... Are you crying? Have you caught a cold?"

He sniffed and breathed deeply twice before responding. "I'm sorry... I really do miss you... I really want to see you but I'm not feeling well today. I had an anxiety attack during the filming today and the director and our manager told me to go home to sort myself out first. I've been home since lunch and I know I promised to be with you today but the attacks just kept coming and I didn't want you to worry."

You were stumped. He never told you he had anxiety issues, and none of the other boys ever told you either. There was indeed days where he would call you up to tell you that he cannot go out, saying that he had a sudden schedule--you just assumed that whatever guesting they were in was the schedule. He never said anything about catching colds or being sick, probably for the exact same reason:  he didn't want you to worry.

But this was another thing. Suddenly all his absent days made sense, especially the ones where there didn't seem to be anything scheduled but he avoids meeting you with the same excuse anyway. You felt guilt settle in your stomach and your chest felt heavy; you were inconsiderate that maybe all he wanted to make you happy.

You bit your lip, not knowing what to say. It was not the first time you've proven yourself selfish of only thinking about him not wanting to be with you just because. You didn't know about any pride issue, but you did know that his pride is also sky-high, especially when it came to showing his very best to others, particularly to you. He always made sure to always show his best, happiest side, and this made him your sunshine. But even the sun can get overshadowed by clouds sometimes. You've forgotten that just as you needed him, he needed you too. And right then, he needed you more.

"Jun... I'm sorry," you said, fumbling over your words. "I'm so stupid, I didn't realize that. I'm sorry. I'm here for you, love. You can tell me anything."

"Y-you didn't do anything wrong," he said in between sniffs.

You shook your head even if he couldn't see you. "No, I was wrong for being selfish. Of course you have to rest tonight. I'll just visit you tomorrow, is that okay?"

"I was wrong too: I should have told you that I was having a problem. It's like I didn't trust you--and I do, love."

"I know you do. I'm sorry for being dense."

"I'm sorry for not telling you. I promise to tell you everything from now on."

"I'm sorry for not knowing how to listen to what you don't say."

Then there was silence for a moment, then Jun sniffed and laughed lightly. "Why do we keep saying sorry?"

You chuckled along. "I know, right? It seems like there's nothing better to say at the moment."

After a moment, Jun said, "Yes, there is."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I love you."

Your heart stopped. He rarely said those words, choosing more often to express his feelings in other ways like telling you to be careful, to remember to eat, to not get sick, or to sleep well. On rare occassions when he blatantly says them, it never fails to make you swoon. You recovered from the shock and chuckled again.

"Say, Jun?"

"Hm?"

"Can you spoil me about your drama?"