Episode 20

Kim Taeyeon stood nervously outside Tiffany Hwang’s hotel room door as she waited for the woman to come out. Her mind was still a bit hazy and her heart is about to break out of her rib cage when the realization finally hit her that she’s really taking Tiffany to an official date. The last time she felt like this was during high school, when she tried to set up her grand scheme Valentine’s Day surprise for the woman, hoping she wouldn’t be caught.

The memory seem to have struck a nerve since she found herself smiling as she walked down that memory lane. “Who would have thought she’d really go out with me?” she chuckled to herself.

“Everyone who knew, except you I guess.” Startled. Taeyeon blinked and was surprised to see the woman she’s been waiting for standing in front of her with a toothy grin. “H-Hi!” she greeted. “When did you come out?” she frowned, surprised by the fact that she didn’t even hear the door.

Tiffany chuckled, “A few seconds ago. What were you thinking about?”

Taeyeon shook her head, “Nothing, I just thought about high school.”

“Ah, that explains the ‘who would have thought she’d really go out with me?’ then.” Tiffany teased.

“Yah! Didn’t you know that it was rude to eavesdrop?” The shorter woman glared.

Tiffany shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t mean to. It was your fault for voicing your thoughts that loud.”

Taeyeon sighed, “Fine. Let’s just go?” she asked, coming back down to her senses. She cleared and fixed her attire, which reminds her, she finally looked at Tiffany from head to toe and the smile that crept upon her lips just made the woman giggle.

“I must look pleasing to your eyes judging by that smile.” She comments.

Taeyeon shamelessly nodded her head, “Pretty”

Tiffany chuckled, “Same goes to you.” She says. “Come on, let’s go before we miss our reservation.” She hooked her arms with Taeyeon’s and dragged the woman to the elevator.

...

They arrived at a roof deck restaurant that wasn’t very fancy but had a view of the ocean, there weren’t that much people since it was already passed lunch time and the two just haven’t had theirs. Thanks to their breakfast that was prepared by Yuri and Tiffany, they were able to plan a much later lunch date, specifically thought by Taeyeon who just asked Tiffany to go out with her officially that morning.

Their meal came by quicker than usual due to the lack of customers at the certain time of day but needless to say, the food was still good like what Taeyeon’s research reviews. “How is it?” asked Taeyeon, confirming if Tiffany liked what she was served.

“Really good” the woman nodded her head. “Do you come here often?”

Taeyeon shook her head, “This is the first time I came here.” She chuckled. “I just saw it in when I did my research, ‘where to take your girl on your first date’”

Tiffany let out a hearty laugh. “You’re kidding.”

“Want to see my search history?” the shorter girl challenged while the taller one just shook her head still grinning on her seat.

After their meal they took a walk by the seashore since the sun is ready to set. Their steps were slow and careful which reminded Tiffany about the day they went to Daegu. “Do you still doubt me?” asks Tiffany.

Taeyeon glanced at her, “Pardon?”

“Do you still doubt my feelings?”

“No, I wouldn’t have asked you out if I did.” Taeyeon smiled.

Tiffany nodded her head. “For some strange reasons, I’ve always been attracted to you when we were in high school. I get so curious when you go out of the room so I follow you. I keep wanting to talk to you but you seem to always be in your own little world and it kind of fascinated me.” She confessed.

“You mean, whenever we met? It wasn’t just coincidence?”

Tiffany nodded again, “My favourite one was when I followed you out and found you under that tree and you lend me your ipod.”

“The one you lost?” Taeyeon grinned.

Tiffany pressed her lips together, “Yeah about that, I have a confession to make.” Taeyeon raised a brow but kept shut, urging Tiffany to go on. “I never lost your ipod. I just didn’t return it.”

That definitely shocked Taeyeon, “W-what?”

“I still have it with me. I never lost it, I just couldn’t give it back because it made me feel closer to you.” Tiffany looked down, feeling shy at her confession. “I still listen to your songs, whenever I’m troubled the sound of your voice is the only thing that keeps me sane.”

Taeyeon couldn’t utter a word, surprised at the sudden confession.

“I’m sorry I lied to you but that ipod, that was the only thing I had that’s left of you within those ten years we were apart and it made me so glad I didn’t return it—because I could at least still listen to your voice whenever I miss you.”

“I’m sorry I had to leave you.”

Tiffany shook her head, “No, you were right. To be honest, I never completely understood your reason back then but as I grew older and experienced so much, I came to realized that you were right. I was young—my passion for my dream was burning, I was sure I’d give up anything for it. I was so sure I’d go lengths to reach it. And I fell in love—that it hit me so hard to the point where I asked myself—hadn’t you left, would we have survived? Would I have hurted you for my selfish desires like you predicted? Would you have regretted loving me? Would you have told me, ‘I told you so’ because I was too stubborn and only thought of what I was feeling back then?” she paused. "How did you even knew all that?” she looked at Taeyeon with frown on her face.

Taeyeon smiled at her, “I told you, it was because of my parents.”

The sadness and anger that reflected in Taeyeon’s eyes made Tiffany realize that she might’ve asked the wrong question. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to—“

“Its okay” Taeyeon assured her, averting her gaze to the ocean. “I think I’m just going to need some time to accept and understand her reasons. It’s not like I’m asking her to come back and cradle me in her arms, I did come find her to ask her the reason why she didn’t come back and I got my answer.”

The sad look on Taeyeon’s face made Tiffany feel bolder and reached out to hold the woman’s hand, “There’s no need to rush Tae, I understand that you were hurt and it’s okay to take time to heal especially if the scar is too deep. No one’s rushing you to forgive fast, everything takes time and you should take yours. Just know that I’m here every step of the way.” She squeezed the woman’s hand.

Taeyeon looked at their hand and intertwined them, “Thank you.” She looked at Tiffany and smiled, “For being in my life.”

“Cheesy” Tiffany stifled a chuckled not wanting to make the mood any more solemn. “Come on, let’s go walk around somewhere. There are so many beautiful places to see here, it will be a waste to not at least try and come see them.” She said, pulling Taeyeon again with her.

“How did you know where to find me?” Yuri raised a brow looking at the woman who is seated right across her. The woman smiled, “I have my ways”

“Yeah but you didn’t seem to want to use them to approach your own daughter.” Yuri responded in pure hostility. She still feels bitter about this woman who claims herself as Taeyeon’s mother when she found out that she didn’t come see her daughter on purpose.

The woman frowned, “It was for her own good.”

Yuri scoffed, “What part was any of it good for her?”

“She’s grown up to be an independent woman, she’s stronger, wiser and a lot more successful now.”

“Yeah, no thanks to you. Did you ever think that Taeyeon can also be that person if you were beside her? She needed you but you weren’t there. You could’ve been her strength when she was weak but you were just—a selfish person who does not deserve to have her in your life.”

The woman looked down, “There’s nothing that could justify my choices and make them seem right but all I know is I wish for her to forgive me and that’s why I’m here, I want to ask for your help. What can I do for Taeyeon to forgive me?” she looked in to Yuri’s eyes.

At that moment, Yuri’s protective mode decreased because she saw the regret and helplessness in the woman’s eyes, she sighed, looking down at the coffee table. “I’m sorry Mrs. Kim but I can’t do anything to help you nor am I in the position to tell you what to do. If you want Taeyeon to forgive you, you must do it your way. You must find the answer on you own, that way, you could at least pay for those times she took blindfolded steps towards you. Taeyeon had nothing and knew nothing but she was able to locate you, as a mother who gave birth to her and saw her grew up even just for a short while, you should at least know what to do and not find shortcuts to find them.” She frowned. “I’m doing this for Taeyeon because if you can’t find a way to make her forgive then I guess you really don’t deserve to be in her life.” Yuri stood up from her chair.

Mrs Kim looked at her and smiled, “You’re a good friend Yuri. I’m glad Taeyeon met you—and I’m sorry for taking your time.”

Yuri bowed and left without another word.

The three of them are all back at the suite with Taeyeon in the bathroom taking a shower while Yuri and Tiffany were watching a movie in the living room. “So how was your first date?” Yuri started.

“Good” Tiffany smiled.

“What did you guys do?”

Tiffany shot a look at her and found her smirking, “What’s with that smirk on your face?”

Yuri shrugged, “Nothing, can’t I just be happy for you two?”

“I don’t know Kwon?”

“What base did you reach today?” she joked and was soon met by a pillow thrown at her face. “Yah!” she growled.

Tiffany rolled her eyes, “ert”

“I was just joking.” Yuri hissed.

“Knowing you, that’s highly unlikely.” Tiffany scoffed.

Yuri sighed, “Whatever.” She paused. “I have something to tell you by the way.” She almost whispered which caught Tiffany’s attention. The tanned woman stood up and headed towards Taeyeon’s room to make sure she was still in the shower and went back to living room, sitting next to Tiffany.

“Why do you look so suspicious right now?” Tiffany narrowed her eyes at her.

“I met Taeyeon’s mother today.” Yuri began.

“What!?” Yuri immediately covered the woman’s mouth. “Keep it down will ya. Taeyeon might hear.” She warned.

Tiffany nodded her head and Yuri finally released her. “What did she say?”

“She was asking for my help on how to appease Taeyeon.” Yuri sighed, she knew what the next question will be so she repeated everything she told the woman to Tiffany who frowned at her.

“I feel bad that you had to do that but I can’t really say that it was wrong since Taeyeon is still in the process of healing. She said she just needs time to accept all of it and I guess its just right to give her time and not shove it to her. It might not be good.” Says Tiffany. “But on the other hand, I want to help her mother too.”

Yuri furrowed her brows, “Why? Are you forgetting that she left the love of your life and didn’t come back for her on purpose?”

Tiffany shook her head, “I know, but it won’t be healthy to keep a grudge against her. She’s still Taeyeon’s mom and if she’s willing to take a step this time then maybe it’s a good sign. They’ve lost so many years already, should they wait for one of them to lie in their coffins ‘not that I’m wishing for it’ before they realize they could’ve patched things up and look ahead instead? If Taeyeon is willing to forgive her and her mom is willing to do whatever it takes to earn that forgive then I think they deserve a chance to fix things. Then maybe Taeyeon can have a real family again.”

Yuri was quiet for a while until eventually, she just also nodded her head. “I guess your right but the decision is still up to Taeyeon. All we can do is support her and be there for her.”

“I know” Tiffany sighed. “I just want her to be happy you know.”

“She is happy, she’s got you.” Yuri grinned.

Tiffany bowed her head blushing, “I wish I am enough to cover up all the pains of her past but there are certain scars that only certain people can heal.”

“Believe me hun, you are enough. Taeyeon is happier now and she’s happiest with you. As long as she’s got you, I bet my nothing can bring her down.” Yuri proudly stated making Tiffany smile.

“I’m happiest with her too.” Says Tiffany.

After their short stay in Jeju, the trio decided to come back to Seoul because of their jobs. Taeyeon personally sent Tiffany home, to make sure she arrives safely and because it’s now one of her pledged duties as Tiffany girlfriend and then she headed home to get the rest she needed. The apartment was empty once again since they got back in the morning, her housemate is probably already at work which reminds her, she needed to talk to Tiffany about Sunmi since it might still be bothering the woman that they live together.

She sighed, she was able to locate her room and plop her body on her bed feeling tired all of a sudden. Her mind flashes back to how she finally met her mother and everything she found out about her. The tears in her eyes seem to perfectly portray how she was feeling because right now that she’s finally alone, everything just seem to dawn on her. All those feelings she was able to suppress because she was with Yuri and Tiffany are now coming out in the form of muffled sobs and tears. It hurts, it still hurts—

To know that she’s left out on purpose, that no one looked for her while she kept looking around just for any signs of her, that she was meant to celebrate every occasion in her life by herself without any congratulatory messages from her parents, she felt unwanted. She feels unwanted.

All her life, she wanted to be successful so she can at least hear them acknowledge her, praise her for being a good kid despite everything she’s going through—she just wanted a validation from people who meant the world to her, the sole reason why she wanted to succeed but whatever she does, whether it was good or bad, none of it seem to really matter because to them—she didn’t seem to matter.

Taeyeon was curled up in a ball crying on her bed until she just got so weak and fell asleep and she hopes that maybe when she wakes up she won’t be this hurt anymore.

Taeyeon was working on a new song as requested by her boss for the comeback of another one of their artist. It has been a week since that trip to Jeju and she’s still taking baby steps to get to where she wants to be. As much as she would like to dwell on her emotions, the presence of Tiffany in her life keeps her from feeling lonely. Everything is going smoothly between them. They always make sure to have meals together every day if possible. Before they head home after work, they make sure to get coffee and talk about how their day went. Tiffany would shower her with so much stories that she drown in the woman’s voice that lifts up her mood. Sometimes she would feel so grateful towards the woman that she just randomly send her gifts and notes that reminds her of the girl or she purposely buys gifts that Tiffany likes. “Just like high school.” Tiffany told her with a smile one day and Taeyeon felt jelly just thinking about how her first love now belongs to her.

She knows she’s genuinely happy, as days pass by she forgets the unwanted feelings in her heart that were replaced by love from her friends whom she considers her family. They all decided to meet at least once a week so they won’t feel outdated with each other. Taeyeon was able to share to them everything that’s happened in Jeju and all her friends held her hand conveying their sympathy to her. She smiled at them and told them that it’s okay, that she’s okay which is partly true, she’s really in process of being okay now.

She just got inside the studio when she found a paper bag filled with food in it. There was a note attached telling her to eat well and the words ‘fighting!’ at the bottom part. She raised a brow, feeling suspicious at who could have sent the lunch and the only person that comes in her mind is Tiffany. So she fished out her phone and sent a ‘Thank you for the lunch.:)’ text to the woman but didn’t get any reply. It was her working hours so she really didn’t expect one.

Taeyeon just shrugged and started to unload her stuff to work on her new song, she focused on her job first until the time to have that meal came. She unloaded the paper bag and saw home cooked meals that immediately got her drooling. Most of the dishes there are her favourites which made her even more excited to eat. She grabbed her chopstick and started to dig in, when she felt everything around her stop.

Her eyes widened as soon as the food reached that she had to chew ever so slowly. Her tears unknowingly began to stream down her eyes, she was frozen I place, she recognize that cooking, she can’t be mistaken. She swallowed the food in and drop her chopstick running down to the desk in the lobby of their building.

“Hi, do you perhaps know who delivered the lunch in my studio?” she asked the woman in the front desk.

The girl tilted her head, “A middle aged woman came here this morning and handed that paper bag Miss Kim. I just asked one of the staff to send it to the studio because we weren’t allowed to let a visitor in because you weren’t here yet.”

“Did she say her name?”

The girl shook her head, “No, I don’t think so. She just came to drop the paper bag.”

Taeyeon sighed. “Alright, thank you.” She smiled at the woman and went back to the studio where she saw her phone and finally saw a few replies from Tiffany.