THANK YOU

Have you ever had that feeling of anxiety yet you couldn’t pin point the exact reason that triggered the feeling? You just felt some unidentified baggage weighing your chest, made it hard to breathe normally. The feeling will lead you to some ugly uncertainty and it wasn’t pleasurable at all.

That was what happening to me at this exact moment. I couldn’t chose whether it was because of me and Jiyong sleeping in one bed and one room, or because his grim expression when he learnt about the possibility of Mr. Im had ruined our journey. My heart wouldn’t stop running a mile per minute ever since I stepped out from the bathroom. Reluctantly knocked the bedroom door before entering it, I found Jiyong sitting on a chair, typing something on his phone with his frowned face.

That frowned, did nothing in comforting my heart beat because it sure stretched long until our dinner ended. Not that Jiyong appeared all sulky in front of Joohyun ahjumma because he had toned it down for the sake of politeness. When Joohyun started to collect the dishes – and her refused my help – I could witnessed the frown coming back to his face. The fact that he didn’t even say a single word toward me during the dinner wasn’t giving me any sort of relief either.

My mind wandered backward, reciting his warm gesture inside the car that had me seeking for his comfort. Now he seemed to be back to his usual mode, I had that dreaded feeling of being left behind. A big, ugly lump started to form inside my throat while tears started to sting my eyes.  I had to mentally warn myself to be back to my usual persona. Unaffected and independent.

Not that it was easy with Jiyong’s body sleeping beside me on this mattress.

I glanced at his direction. Though his back was facing me, I could felt the tension radiating from his posture and reached to my body. It seemed that he wasn’t even relaxing even when the ups and downs of his shoulder had showed me otherwise.

Silently sighing, I tried so hard to bury down my anxiety and closed my eyes. Hoping to the highest power that it would put my nerves in comfort.

But apparently, my wish hadn’t been granted.

Because my conscious had stubbornly stay despite my tired body’s begging to give up to the unconsciousness.

I was half awake when I heard the thunderous sound of a thunderbolt. The scary sound of heavy rain greeted my ears as soon as I opened my eyes. But it wasn’t the only thing that greeted me. The loss of warmth beside me had me turning my head toward its direction.

It was empty.

Before I even woke up from the bed, my eyes caught a shadow near the door. When I actually caught the form clearly, my eyes widened.

There was Jiyong, sitting on the floor with arms hugging his legs, head buried down between his knees.

“Jiyong?” I walked closer to his direction. He didn’t even look up, not until I scooted closer, gently touched his right arm. “Jiyong what’s wrong?”

The moment his eyes met mine, there was thick emotion that catching me off guard. While it was seemingly out of focus, his eyes held the mixture of fear and pain, a clear of anxiety screamed out and created some sort of sadness within me. Jiyong’s brown orbs looked pale and lifeless compared to its usual radiance. There was no color on his face at that moment. Lips pressed into a thin line, slightly quivering.

My hand gently touched his cheek, eyes searching his own. “Jiyong, what happened?”

“Taeyeon.” Jiyong took several seconds to respond.

“It’s me.” My eyes was still on his when it finally regained its focus, “Are you alright?”

“I’m just…” he stuttered, “I’m alright.”

“You can tell me, it’s okay.” I smiled a little. To my surprise, Jiyong scooted closer to my direction, touching his forehead onto mine. His hand covered my hand that rested on his cheek.

If I said before my heart running a mile per second, it was tripled now.

Jiyong didn’t say anything for a minute or two. The only sounds that audible to us were the pitter patter of heavy rains and thunderbolts. While my eyes hadn’t closed and kept on looking at his closed ones, I had witnessed how he flinch at every sound of thunder.

I moved my other hand to touch his free one, squeezing it gently. “Let’s move to the bed, Jiyong. The tile is getting cold.” I coaxed.