vii. "The Question"

“The fact that he couldn't answer the question irritated him further, he just couldn't.”

“First of all, I am forced to go to a meeting for a new project. I am not even in that dam department nor am I in charge of overseeing or approving the project, so why the hell am I there?” he paused briefly to take a gulp of the wine, “because of my father,” he spoke, his voice spoken in slight despise as he looked away.

She nodded, taking in every detail that he spoke of as she stared deeply at the bottle of wine that sat in the middle of the table. She wondered many thing, like why exactly he looked beyond relaxed at the moment than last time. He looked like a completely different person.

But then she seemed to remember he was a moon stone, chancing mood constantly. She shouldn’t be surprised that he came in like this, but it was still interesting. That he found so much comfort to let all of his ideas and thoughts spill out, when she knew he still hated that place.

When she knew his thoughts about her have not changed.

“I am asked my opinion, which I gave and I get this whole garbage of a speech that I am being childish because I hate the dam project. I’m told I’m being childish by a man who took an opinion to heart,” he scoffed, his words trailing into a smile and a chuckle fabricated by disbelief.

It was still ridiculous, a man who should be very professional at work and simply take his constructive criticism with a nod and think critically about it, threw a tantrum. That was it, it was a tantrum because someone disagreed with him and Jungkook was the fool who gave him the satisfaction of throwing his own tantrum.

He just felt the memory bring back so much anger again. But e was holding back, this much she could pick up.

He was holding in so much of his anger because he found the need to, he felt like punching the wall, like grabbing the nearest thing that fit into his hand and throwing it. But he simply sat there, letting his anger be fed alcohol to calm down because in the past few years, alcohol was his own medication.

“Then, one of the engineers tells me she can do better, and that she promises she will. So, what do I do? I take charge, like everyone said I should and I grant her permission to work on a project and everyone blows their top. And Jin-” he stopped, his voice almost chocking as he spoke the name and he simply sunk onto his seat, biting his lip.

He got so stiff remembering his step-brother acting like the people he hated. He couldn’t believe someone he loved so much had turned into someone he never expected. He felt so agitated that Jin knew how much he hated being told what to do, and simply told him what to do.

He can’t even breath without being told how to breath.

“What did he do?” She asked, intrigued at how quickly he was to stop his rant once he was going to explain his step-brother further.

She looked at him and he felt like those dark alluring eyes were grasping his words and reeling them out. His mind deviated slightly, and he wondered if her eyes were black or a dark brown, he seems to always get lost in that question.

“My step-brother blew his top and tried to give me a trash lecture that I didn’t need. I hate him for not trusting me, and then saying he does trust me, he obviously doesn’t. I am not the idiot he thinks I am. I’m not a child he needs to control,” he spoke, his voice clinging into hate as his eyes looked directly at her with that same hatred.

However, she felt like the hatred was feign, he didn’t mean to hate him at all. He looked like he himself didn’t believe that hatred but he somehow convinced him that is the only thing he could feel.

He looked rather conflicted himself, she didn’t know the step-brother nor knows the full story, but Jungkook doesn’t look so convinced himself.

“I’m sure he doesn’t think you’re an idiot, do you usually hate him?” She spoke, her voice softer as she begun to feel like she was entering that land mine again.

Last week, the smallest comment or word would trigger an instant explosion of anger, annoyance and hatred from the man. She felt like she was entering that same land mine, and the explosives were in completely different areas.

He may seem more relaxed and cooperative, but she could just see the fury leaking out of his skin.

“No, I don’t remember so well at the moment,” he spoke in a hush tone as he dropped his gaze.

He couldn’t quite remember, he felt like he had hated Jin for a long time. His blood simply boiled as his mind just told him that this anger has been planted a long ago. But simply seeing the watch on his wrist was enough to confuse him. Jin had given that to him, and Jungkook knew he loved this watch so much, so there was a point where he did love Jin.

He simply could not separate the hate to one point of his life, he could not remember clearly. He knew he loved Jin but when that love suddenly shifted to hatred, he could not differentiate.  

“Who do you not hate?” She cleared , wondering if the man has held a hatred towards every single person around him.

His head snapped almost instantly at her, his brows curving in shock and annoyance as he looked beyond offended.

“What are you implying, that I hate everybody?” He snapped, his voice harsh and cold as his eyes glared at her in a way that was almost malicious.

She bit her lip, feeling her words backfire as he felt insulted. He hated way more than the majority of the people surrounding him, but he was not someone who hated people unreasonably. He hated people when they revealed their greedy and heartless faces, not everyone who appears before him.

“I’m not implying anything. I apologize, I meant to say who is the person who seems to make you the least angry?” She spoke, her voice slightly shaking as she did not dare look at him directly.

The first mine had just exploded and she felt like an idiot for not thinking her words through. She wasn’t even sure if her fixed sentence was better because he seemed frozen, he was not moving nor saying anything.

He simply sat there, staring at the cherry blossom that sat on the table next to the wine. A beautiful flower that blooms only once a year and released a mesmerizing scent. It was delicate but it was sure impactful, just like Yein.

“Yein,” he whispered as he cleared his throat once he caught himself staring at his engagement ring.

She smiled, noticing how he looked at the ring and shamefully looked away. She has had clients who had partners, were engaged or married. She’s even meet some of her client’s partners, because the club had a good reputation. Therefore, so it wasn’t shocking seeing that ring on his finger the first time he came.

Just from the manner he looked at it and shamefully looked away, made her feel uneasy. She just wondered if his relationship with her was just like the dramas depicted, fighting like cats and dogs. Where there was no peace and both just dragged each other down with pure jealousy and hatred.

“Is she your fiancé?” Sha asked, reaching over to grab the pitcher of water and pouring some for herself.

The ice crashing against the glass echoed a little too loudly, emphasizing the silence in the room. Jungkook noticed how she didn’t even hesitate asking, nor did she get awkward asking.

“Yeah,” he spoke softly, his hand reaching out to pour some more wine as he felt a desire to do something while the conversation turned cold.

She held back the desire to smile, she simply felt this relief wash over her. His fiancé must be able to handle his mood swings and impulsive attitude, she must understand him more than anyone. It was a least a sign that there was someone who could be patient with him.

“Why is it that she makes you the least angry?” She asked, finding this need to know a little bit more as to why she was the only one.

She wondered what exactly she did or how she acted that she’s never made the man angry. She has made him get angry at least five times on the first session, it was rather easy to set him off. But what was so special that his fiancé never set him off?

He his lips, wondering why there was a sudden interest in his lack of anger towards Yein. The girl has never managed to make him angry, but in retrospect, he seems to forget a lot of things. But from his current memory, Yein was simply someone who deserved kindness.

“I don’t know. I just don’t have any memory of her making me angry. Ever since I’ve meet her, she’s been polite, nice and she never tries to tell me what to do nor teach me a lesson,” he spoke, finally realizing that’s why the girl never makes him angry.

She always nods and brushes off any judgmental comments she can have, any criticism or controlling ideas. She never tried to force him to act a certain way, she never even suggested it.

The hostess nodded, her lips stretching in satisfaction as she seemed to understand more about what triggered his anger than before. She simply could not stop staring at the ring in his finger, it was luxurious, but it was the band-aid on his palm that made her brows curve.

“You found yourself a keeper then, but what happened to your hand?” She dared ask as she noticed it looked like a wound.

“I don’t know, I don’t remember. Jin tried to tell me I slammed a mug too hard on the table and it shattered, cutting me. But I don’t remember, I don’t believe it because I can’t remember,” Jungkook spoke, his voice full of determination as he refused to believe that’s what happened.

He must have gotten cut while cooking or simply walking through the engineering laboratories. There were many things in his daily life that could have cut his hand, and he simply doesn’t remember shattering a mug.

She looked at his determination and noticed how convinced he was that what he was told didn’t happen. But she got caught on the memory thing. Throughout the night, he kept mentioning that he has no memory of something or he could not quite remember in that instant.

He seemed to be blocking out some events or he genuinely had trouble remembering.

“Do you usually have a hard time remembering?” She asked, feeling the need to ask because it was slightly weird.

“At times,” he spoke, slightly distracted as he looked at the small menu that was folded under the vase with the cherry blossom.

He didn’t eat, he was too busy trying to finish up all his work because he couldn’t take any home. He was hungry, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to buy the expensive food there.

She looked at him attentively, he seemed to get off topic so quickly. He got distracted in an instant and he didn’t seem interested at all at what she asked. His reaction simply made her wonder so many things.

“Can you tell me what times?” She asked, knowing she cannot get all the answers to her questions, but that was a start.

“Why is it important?” He asked, his voice curious as his mood shifted oddly to another.

He pushed the button in the top of the table, knowing it will call a waiter. He could only think of his empty stomach and he didn’t really understand why his memory was so important. It shouldn’t be, but she sure seemed very intrigued at the subject.

“I’m a curious person, I just got curious if this is something that happens periodically or at certain times,” she spoke, her voice soft and almost easing in the details to prevent another explosion of anger.

He nodded, wondering if the sooner he answers that, the sooner he could eat. But the more he thought about it, the more he could not answer it completely. He recalled the day before, where he was house shopping with Yein and all of a sudden, he was already in the project presentation.

His mind as weird, and she will never understand how normal it was for him to just forget. She will never understand how easy it was to not care about forgetting.

“I can’t answer that fully, there are times that I can’t remember nor recollect. Times where I blank out half of the day, I start at one place and somehow end up at another later on. It’s normal for me, the least I remember about my ty life, the better,” he spoke, his finger running along the rim of his wine glass as he waited.

The sudden knock at the door turned the room stiff and quiet, the worker who had shown him the room last week walked in. Jungkook never got the server’s name, he didn’t really care to get it.

“Hello, my name is Taehyung, what can I get for you sir?” The man spoke, his sleeves rolled up and showing off his muscular arms.

He stood there, waiting for any word as Jungkook couldn’t help but notice the glance the hostess shot at the boy. She looked rather timid when the server spared a glance at her, she looked away with a lingering smile.

Something was going on and it made Jungkook rather uncomfortable. They looked rather childish and it made Jungkook wonder how much the two did this on a basis. They were at work yet they found it appropriate to shoot flirty glances as if they were teenagers.

“If I’m not interrupting this flirting fest, can you just bring the sushi from last time,” Jungkook spoke, his words spoken rather coldly that made both stiffen.

The hostess simply bit her lip and looked away as the server simply cleared his throat and looked away too. Their faces falling into a formal and more professional one. Jungkook wondered why they were so comfortable getting off their professional façade that one must keep at work. He wondered why it was so easy for them to act so childish as if nothing mattered.

“Taehyung, it’s the grade A sushi dish,” she spoke, her smile showing slightly as she realized Jungkook didn’t know what the sushi was last time.

“I’ll fetch that for you right away, anything else?” He asked, his voice soft but very low as his dark eyes only looked at him.

Jungkook simply shook his head and the server bowed to his fullest and took his leave. He walked towards the door with his hands clasped behind his back and the hostess simply begun to drink her water and figure out what to say.

“You seem to really hate your life to want to blank out most of it,” she spoke, her face very relaxed and neutral.

She simply pressed her lips into a thin line and tried to pick up from where they left. Jungkook noticed her aura from last week returned. It was very mysterious and rather alluring, a professional one where he could not even tell her emotions.

“Wouldn’t you? I hate everything that surrounds me, I don’t even know who to be half of the time and who I am becoming, I’d rather not remember, that’s why I don’t try to remember,” he spoke, the words rolling off his tongue at ease.

He didn’t know that’s how he felt, he never even thought about it. The question just brought a whole new side of him that he never even thought out. He really hated his life, that’s a reason why he never thought about remembering. He hates his life so much he’d rather not live it, let alone remember every little minute of it.

She looked at him with alluring eyes decorated with a curved brow. What he said grabbed her thoughts and simply stopped her from thinking of anything else.

He didn’t know who to be half of the time. He was sure that he was the boss at work and a terrible son at home. To the world, he was a walking bank but he wasn’t sure who he was when he looked at his own reflection.

He stopped caring, stopped trying to be what he wanted because in the world he was born into, he had to be one person. And that was an who only cared about money, but his heart told otherwise  

“Who do you want to be?” She asked, her voice trying to speak the question without stumbling.

He looked rather confused at the question, as if it was something he was never asked. But that was the thing, he was never asked who he wanted to be. His entire life, he was told who to be and how to act, but no one dared ask him what he wanted.

He had no answer for it because thinking on his own, and planning his own life was a luxury that was never offered to him. It was something taken away and it was never returned. She stumped him and he had no idea if he could answer that question.

And the fact that he couldn’t answer it irritated him further, he just couldn't. Why was she asking so many questions? Why did she find the need to figure out who he wanted to be?

I apologize, I had written this chapter and it was ready Wednesday but as I was reading over it, I decided I did not like it.

So, I scrapped it and started over again, I am more satisfied with this one.

I have another one in the process, which will be my no.1 priority for tonight and tomorrow, so, hope you like the story enough to be anticipating that.

Heads up, I’m showing a lot of the symptoms in this chapter and the next. If you can pick at what problems Jungkook is showing, do tell me because that’s telling me I’m doing good enough to portray them.

I did a lot of research and do know people who have some of these distinct mental problems, but, there is only so much I can do. It would mean a lot to get some feedback.

Happy reading and have a good one!