xxv. "The Solution"

“Jin has made all these plans, thought of everything and simply gambled on this one final solution, just for Jungkook.”

“How did your exam go?” He asked, his words being pulled out of his lips without much thought, he didn’t even have time to try and get them to stop.

She smiled, her eyes curving upwards in an amusing manner as she looked at him with this look of satisfaction. He never initiated the conversation, he never asked her about her classes, it was something she did herself. Yet here they are, at dinner and he had initiated conversation due to his curiosity.

“Aced that , thanks to you,” she spoke, her smile radiating brighter as she simply stuffed a fry into .

Her words were confident and bright, they had enough power to knock out everything negative in that instant. She raised her hands, making half a square with them and simply hitting the air with loose fists. She was extremely happy, it was evident that she was overflowing with felicity, and it was contagious. The happiness that leaked out of her body got a hold of his lips and tugged them into a smile.

“Good, I didn’t want to know I wasted my time helping you only to have you fail,” he spoke, his voice light hearted and filled with amusement.

She giggled, throwing a fry at him as she whined. She begun to ask why he would ever think she would fail and simply bantering him with questions that just spilled out of her lips one after the other. All he did was laugh, he complained that she had her dumb moments, but he simply looked unbothered by her child like behavior. In fact, he was mirroring the same childlike behavior very well, and it only made her laugh louder and smile brighter.

She was truly different than anyone he’s ever meet at that point in his life. She was simply just trying to make a friend. The sun of the universe was trying to befriend a black hole. She was unbothered when he was not engaging in much conversation, nor initiating it, she simply kept appearing. She never complained, and she was truly just a warm presence he became rather fond of.

Jungkook stared at the ceiling, the blotches of paint becoming more and more apparent. He remembered how much he hated her optimist the first few days. The world was , it never let him laugh nor smile, but she didn’t let it stop her.

How did I forget her? He asked himself, not knowing at what point after that summer, after he finally got the credit to graduate and went back home, he had forgotten her. He went back home and started working on his admittance for his mandatory military service, nothing changed, nothing stopped, the world kept spinning and he forgot about her.

“Jungkook, how are you doing?” His voice rushed into the room as if it was a rush of cold air.

He didn’t know anymore how he was doing. He was just lost. His mind wandered off, thinking about everything and anything. The diagnosis made his head spin and simply understanding it became a riddle on its own. The more he was alone with his thoughts, the more memories that were tossed away kept reappearing.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, his hands clutching onto the bed sheets a little tighter.

Jin cleared his throat, his presence still frozen by the door. One quick look and Jungkook could tell he was an utter mess. His dress shirt was creased, his tie was crooked and not tightened as much as it should be, his cuffs were messy, one was not folded properly and the other was folded properly but not button correctly. His hair was a bird’s nest, it looked like the man simply ran his fingers through them a million times and the bushy mess didn’t even budge. Dark circles tinted his under eye, decorating the tired and red tinted eyes he wore.

“I know, I had a similar experience. We need to talk Jungkook, we need to figure out what we’re going to do,” he spoke, his voice shaky as his lungs were having a hard time grasping onto his breath.

Jungkook felt a knot form on his throat, his heart began to ache as he didn’t know what was about to come. He just didn’t want anything else to be reveled, all this information came at him like a hurricane on a bright sunny day. It grabbed him and tugged him into an ocean of emotions that just tossed him around and suffocated him with no mercy.

“What can we do except go to work, drink and fall asleep.” He looked at him, his eyes beginning to glister with sadness as Jin’s eyes were already red from tears.

“Jungkook, we both know that after the wedding, you will become the CEO. You can’t go through with this disorder, you need to fight and get better.” His words sounded desperate, they were thick and pleading.

Jin suffered a lot, he was the main target behind his own mood swings and anger tantrums. It was enough for the older to land in the club, talking to Cinderella, the hostess that was meant to help people with mental distress. It was hard to swallow that fact, that it was all his fault, that he was able to leave that much damage with his actions.

“Get better? Can I get better? I tried for many years to get better, but the world keeps letting me down. I gave up trying to get better,” he spoke, his body suddenly getting a small dose of anger as the thought of control entered his mind.

He wanted to punch himself, now that he had some time to think about the diagnosis, he can’t help but notice all the little things that further back it up. He saw the way Jin flinched at the sigh of his anger, and he felt a heavy pressure against his chest as the disorder was taking over once again.

Jungkook took a deep breath, sitting up as he simply placed his face against his hands. He didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He can’t control anything, the disorder has two hands on the steering wheel, and he is simply in the back seat, waiting for the car to crash into a wall or a lake.

“No, you didn’t. If you gave up, you never would have returned to the club.” Jin stepped forward, a deep confidence taking over his words as he sat at the edge of the bed. “Jungkook, life is worth living. We weren’t so lucky in the aspect of choosing our future, but we’re luckier that most. We have money, a big house, food and people to tend to the littlest things. You haven’t even started living, why would you give up now?” His words were clinging into desperation as he reached over and pulled Jungkook’s hands away from his face.

“I don’t deserve to. I’ve been a ty person, the world doesn’t need me,” he spoke, his voice high pitch and whiny.

All the emotions that have been bottled up inside for the past hour finally reaching him and he cracked. A tear rolling down, staining his cheek as he felt like he deserves nothing but darkness. He isn’t a good person, and he doesn’t deserve life.

“I need you.” Jin was on the verge of yelling, the broken Jungkook before him serving as a reminder to him. “Ever since my father died, I had no one. And when we became step brothers, I finally had someone. I have friends and people around me, but nothing compares to the person I’ve considered my brother from the very beginning.” Jin’s voice was thin and overstuffed with emotions that it was hard to control them.

Jungkook looked at him, remembering that Jin was and always will be like a big brother to him. When they were little, Jin would always take care of him and do anything he could to cheer him up. And when they became step brothers, Jin took on the official role of an older brother that looks out for him.

“I’m sorry, I never meant to put you through so much.” Jungkook didn’t know what to say other than apologize.

He knew that Jin went through hell because of his ever-changing emotions and impulses. His reckless behavior drag racing in Itewon, his constant up and down of motivation due to depression, Jin went through it all with him. And it all took a toll on the other, Jungkook felt like he was nothing more than a burden.

It must have been a lot for the older, for him to devise a plan to have Jungkook meet Jiwoo, who was studying psychology. He must have been very desperate to help, and he never stopped being a burden to the older.  

“Dr. Kwon devised a treatment plan for you to get better, recovery can be reached. But it can’t happen unless you try,” he spoke, his voice pleading again as he squeezed Jungkook’s hands a little bit, as if to urge him to do so.

Jungkook gulped, not realizing that Jin has tried to do so much that he already has Dr. Kwon thinking about treatment. He was broken, that much he had come to realize, his mother who never stopped abusing him had broken his mind and his will. His father, who never did anything to acknowledge his son’s problems worsen the situation, and now, he needs mending.

But once his mind traveled to his father, he begun to think about the company. He can’t recover when the thing that stresses him out the most, the thing that makes him want to just tare his hair out was the company itself.

“What about the company?” He asked, remembering that Jiwoo had said that Jin had a solution for CEO Jungkook.

“I have it all figured out. The day you tried to take your own life,” he paused, taking a deep breath to get courage to continue, “we had a fight. I was trying to work something out with you, about trying to divide the CEO position among the three main branches of the company and you took it as if I was trying to get rid of you,” he spoke, his voice spoken softly as he simply pulled away his hold on Jungkook’s hands.

Jin, regardless of how calm Jungkook was, still felt like he was walking on egg shells. Jungkook’s breath hitched, taking notice at the way Jin spoke in a soft and timid way, as if he was still watching his words.

It just reflect how much Jungkook has affected him, that his mode of talking to the younger is with much precaution.

“My father would never approve of that,” he said, knowing very well that the man has too much pride over himself to let the CEO chair be broken up into three.

“No, he doesn’t have to. Jungkook, the engineering worker you gave the individual project to, Ms. Kang, is our ticket to the top.” Jin’s eyes begun to glean with hope as his back straighten and his voice became more confident.

Jungkook’s brow curved, not understanding how Ms. Yonsei Top Five was their ticket to the top was. He didn’t even know what ‘the top’ meant in this context.

“She found a way to adapt a highly developed lithium ion battery to various hand-held devises, including heavy hardware, meaning, we can sell it to anyone. The project made many new investors, making the executive board have more power than the CEO. If we pitch our idea on spitting the chair, they can vote your father out,” Jin spoke, his voice picking up in excitement.

Jungkook forgot about the project, it seemed like a highly developed battery. Form what he saw, adapting the battery to every day devises and technology was easier than eating. That is why he gave the project to Junhong to review, all they needed to see was how a commoner would react to having a battery that can power anything and everything.

Having a battery that be adaptable and highly functional meant that other companies around them will have to pump their tech up or buy from them. It was a brilliant project, but the only problem was that if they split the seat into three, Yein’s father would be in one of them.

“What about Yein’s father?” He asked, not sure if Jin has through about that.

When the wedding is officiated, Jungkook’s father was going to place Mr. Jung as a head of the Human Resources branch of the company, and his own company would merge into J.S. Corporation. That was always the plan, and Jungkook knew that Mr. Jung was too greedy to let them do anything that could disturb his own throne.

“He will have to deal with it. We can persuade the board to have Yein as the head of the Human Resources before your father signs off on the deal. They will not be able to do anything once the board puts Yein as the head.” Jin spoke, his eyes sparkling with delight at the thought of having complete control over the company.

Jungkook looked at him and saw nothing but determination. It was a long shot, but a well thought out plan. If they can manipulate the board, then the seat will be split into the head of each main branch.

Jungkook gasped, realizing where Jin was taking this big move towards. He wondered if it was a mere coincidence or if it was a part of his plan all along.

“The children of the three men who started the company as the head, was that your plan all along?” He asked, not wanting to let the doubt linger for any longer.

Jin smiled, answering the question before he spoke. As the head of the Technological branch, and the head of the Marketing branch, Jin and Jungkook will fill two thirds of the seat. The other has to go to the Human Resources branch, which Jin plans on giving to Yein. Making the three childhood friends who were brought together for business and pulled apart because of the same business, would be on top.

“Yes, we lost a lot of our childhood, a lot of our decision because of this stupid company. With us as the main overseers, as the CEO’s, we can finally decide what to do with it and have control over the sole thing that ruined us. You know Yein will have no problem taking care of her share, and with us in charge, we will be able to handle the work and give you time to go to therapy. We stand behind the treatment plan and will be able to give you the freedom you need to recover,” he spoke, bringing the entire plan right back to him.

Jin has made all these plans, thought of everything and simply gambled on this one final solution, just for Jungkook.

It was odd to think about, how much trouble Jin was going through to simply come up with a way for Jungkook to receive treatment, for him to have the opportunity to recover. Even Yein was being involved. The person who was ditched aside because of her gender would finally be able to show her father she was not just a pretty face.

“Yein, does she know?” Jungkook asked, the question tugging at his mind as he didn’t know if Yein was aware of everything that was going on.

“Yes, your diagnosis is supposed to be confidential, but Dr. Kwon ruled you too unstable. She was able to disclose your diagnosis to us. Yein was shaken up from the fight, but she’s been stronger than ever. She’s currently at the company, Junhong and her are currently pushing Mr. Kang to create a presentation so we can start with the plan to take over the company,” Jin said, his shoulders falling heavy as he took in a deep breath.

There was so much going on, so much to do and so much that Jin wanted to get done. They had less than two months, the wedding date has already been set and if his father wanted to punish him after his outburst, he can move the wedding closer.

They were all going through so much because of this company. All three of them have suffered a great deal because of the company. If that Busan man would not have convinced his two best friends in starting J.S. Corporation, none of this would have happened. It made him angry and frustrated, everything that went wrong with his life was all because of it.

“I hate this company,” he murmured, his words only tugging a chuckle out of Jin.

“I know Jungkook, we all do. But if we don’t take care of it, all the workers, their families and everyone will be jobless. We can’t just cut it, we’re good at this, at least we now can have the choice to do what we can with it.” Jin looked confident in his plan, he sounded ready and committed in making it all come true.

But Jungkook couldn’t just buy into it, he didn’t want to think that it was in fact that easy. There are many things that could go wrong, many external factors that could stop them before they even move a finger.

“We still run the chance that the executive board will kick us out if they don’t like our projects,” he spoke, his mind grabbing onto the flaw before he could even think about anything else.

It was a long shot betting on the executive board. Especially when Jin just said that they have more power than the CEO. Even if the chair is split into three, they will have more power than the three of them. They can still take them out if they decide to.  

“Yeah, but if the head of the board is on our side, they will be moved. The moment of the engagement party, I had Moonbin start buying off shares of the company with my money, he worked as an investor. Yein helped with some share of money and with your help, we can make him be the biggest shareholder.” A smile curved from wicked satisfactory tinted his visage, he was fully prepared for everything.

Who knows how long Jin has been thinking about this. It was hard to say how long he planned to give Jungkook the card to The Kingdom Club. It must have been a long time, especially if the idea of making Moonbin the head of the board hit him since the engagement party.

“This is a lot to deal with for one day.” He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t even know how to react anymore.

There was so much information thrown at him every single time someone walks in through the door. It was hard to bite his tongue and remain calm through it all. His mind would always ask a thousand questions, it would scream at the top of its lungs only to be shut off in a second.

“I know, rest on it. You will be here for another day or two. Think about the offer, Yein will come in later with Junhong to see how you are doing.” Jin got up, his voice was apologetic, but his eyes looked hopeful.

When Jin left, he felt more alone then ever. The silence in the room wrapped around him and didn’t let him go. It was cold, and it made his body shiver at every second that passed by.

He laid down and closed his eyes, his heart beating at a normal rate, but the beat was simply ringing in his ear. He felt defeated, like he had just fought a war only to lie at the end of the battle awaiting death. There was so much going on for him to take in, and at the end of the day, the person he would call to make him feel at ease, was gone.

He tried reaching her, but the call never went through. He had no one to reach out for, he was all alone. She left him all alone, and he hated her for that. She knew how much he needed her, he had no one to talk to, no one to help him sort out his thoughts and make him wonder about the world outside of his bubble.

Recovery, it seemed like something unreachable. He felt so out of control with his own mind and body, could he really take control of it again? He never even had control of it, his entire life was one big move already decided for him. He never had control of his life, why was therapy suddenly going to let him decide his own course.

He can’t do it anymore. Yet the more he kept thinking about the dark embrace, the peaceful and eternal sleep that death could offer, the thought at the back of his mind shouted again. The thought shouted for life, it shouted with its lungs bursting and with all the life that it had left. Did he want to try and start living? Was it even possible at this age, with so much of his future already being taken away.

“Have you eaten?” The sweet and soft voice lingered into his thoughts.

“No, the food here is terrible,” he whispered, his heart falling at ease as he realized who it was.

He didn’t realize he fell asleep, by the time he opened his eyes, it was already dark outside. There was a food try at his bed side, he never recalled the nurse coming in to try and wake him up to eat, but then again, he screamed at her the last time it happened.

“I assumed, I brought you some broth, that’s why I’m so late, Junhong accidentally broke the stove.” She approached him, her soft voice simply filling the room whole as she smiled gently at him.

“How does one accidentally break the stove?” He asked, not being able to think of anything else apart from how odd it sounded.

“By making it catch on fire. Don’t ask, I still don’t know how,” she spoke, her voice still as gentle as ever.

She put the tray of untouched food on a seat, and simply begun to pull containers out of her bag. She opened up the broth, the side dishes and the smell simply intoxicated the room in sweetness. It made his stomach rumble, but as she approached him, his heart fell out of his chest.

She looked bright and casual. She had simple white high waist pants and a light peach colored button up blouse. Her black blazer restricted some of her movements as did the business casual heels, she looked tired. She was at the office all day and she still went home to make food and bring it to him, and all he had to show for it was having hurt her the day prior.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry for hurting you yesterday. I’m really sorry.” He felt like he was going to choke on his words as he never thought that he’d have to apologize again to her.

“I understand Jungkook, just eat, you’ll feel better,” she spoke, her voice still gentle and understanding.

She pushed food towards him, her body finding and edge of the bed to sit at. She pulled out a bag of cut up fruits that she nibbled on, it was clear she had already eaten and wanted to keep him company.

He tasted the broth, it wasn’t too thick, it went down so easily, and it was rich of flavor. The fact that the food tasted amazing made him realize he doesn’t deserve to have Yein in his life. He never did, but it made him feel more like for it. There is someone out there in the world that was supposed to love her unconditionally, but that couldn’t happen because she was stuck with him.

“I so sorry. You didn’t get to fall in love with someone, you are stuck with an unstable jerk.” The words clawed at his throat and he felt like he couldn’t just swallow them.

“Its not your fault Jungkook, your parents created an unstable environment for a kid to grow up in. And for me, I would have been worse off if you never agreed to help me many years ago.” She didn’t seem to waver at his apology, she simply smiled and reached forward to grab the spoon of rice.

She grabbed a spoonful of rice, dipped it in the broth and offered it to him. The gesture only made him feel worse, she was caring and always kept to herself. She must have suffered a lot through his constant mood swings and complex behavior, and she still treated him nicely.  

“Do you agree with Jin’s plan?” He asked, finally being able to talk since the food was basically all gone.

“If it means getting you the time you need to recover, yes,” she spoke, her face as neutral as her words.

She sounded so sure of her words, she sounded like at that point, she’d do anything to help him recover. It says a lot about a couple of thing, especially about how much hope she has that he can recover.

“Do you believe I can recover? Do you want to go through a wedding just to help me recover? What if it is all a waste of time?” The questions came one after the other, the previous one simply tugging at the next and suddenly, he was full of doubt again.

“Hey, it isn’t. I don’t mind going through with the wedding, we can always get divorced once we have control of the company. Besides, we talked to Dr. Kwon and Jiwoo, they said that you can recover and if we drive through the treatment with full force, two years is all it takes. By the time Jiwoo comes back, you should be healthy,” she spoke, her eyes meeting his as she spoke.

“You meet Jiwoo, is she coming back in two years?” He didn’t even think a second longer, when Jiwoo’s name came up, his mind was lost.

She left him, and promised she’d be back. But she was clearly not intending in keeping touch with him. Making him wonder if she will truly be back, and if she truly meant to come back and continue to be friends.

“Yes, she is. She wanted me to tell you that she must leave for now, that the entire reason you forgot about her is because you hate being abandoned, and when you guys parted ways years ago, you erased her memory, like you did with your mother.  She left to give you a final test, you need to fight to remember her, because your disorder might try and make you forget her again.”

Yein’s words echoed in his hurricane of thoughts, and it cleared up the darkened sky. When they came back that summer, Jiwoo had told him that if he wanted to meet with her for lunch, she’d be at Yonsei for the next six years.

She left it all up to him, she didn’t try and approach him nor contact him. She must have felt like it was best that way. Considering Jungkook’s constant mood changes, he realized that Jiwoo must have felt like if she tried to approach him, he’d get annoyed and simply end up hating her for the constant attempts.

“I can’t believe I’m this messed up,” he spoke, not even realizing he did.

His mind was so twisted, it must have made him believe that she simply left him. It was easier to believe that, considering he was going off to the military, he must have just labeled it abandonment and moved on.

“No one can, no one saw the signs because our families keep everything locked behind closed doors. But Jungkook, we are here for you. You have a friend in me, in Junhong, in Moonbin and in Jin. We will do everything we can to help you recover, never forget that we are all here for you,” she spoke, her hand reaching over and creasing his hair.

She looked so determined and sincere. He felt a warmth reach the bottom of his stomach as she combed her fingers through his hair. He wanted to just live in this moment, his life was , he has a mental disorder that makes it hard to even talk to a person without getting angry, and Yein simply made him feel like he was fine.

It was a warm feeling, a feeling he felt he didn’t deserve for everything that he has done. He wanted to hold on to this warmth comforting gesture, something he never through he could feel when Jiwoo hugged him one last time.

He had friends, she wasn’t the only one. She was just the first, the first that showed him how bright and happy one could be. The second person to teach him that, was talking through the door, simply holding bags of junk food. The tall boy wore a bright smile behind a bruised cheek bone. Jungkook felt his body shiver at the sight of the bruise, it was all his fault.

The warmth feeling was suddenly being challenged by guilt. Everything was his fault, but he wasn’t in control of himself, it was his disorder. And simply thinking and trying to take the fault away from himself, made the warmth more apparent.

Junhong smiled, acted like nothing was wrong as Yein greeted him and asked him to say why he took so long.

How do they do it? He asked himself, smiling as Junhong began explaining how exactly he set fire to their electric stove. How do they wake up every morning, and tackle every day with energy and optimist? The world took something from both, yet they got up every day and went through the exhausting routine.

Junhong had to struggle through life, being tossed aside because he didn’t come from money. Yet he still joked around, acted friendly to anyone he meets and quickly winning over everyone, including Yein, who the world was the most unfair to because of her gender. She was brought up like an animal, she needed to be the perfect size and have the perfect face to be sold to the most powerful man. And here she was, tending to him, making sure he was eating and smiling brightly all throughout it.

What is it that makes them like this? He kept on asking himself.

Life.

The thought shouted one last time, his mind suddenly shutting off at the thought of life. It was said as if that was the answer to all his questions, all his doubt.

He’s hurt all of them, every single one, one way or another. He had no remorse at the time, but he does now, and all they have to show for it is a smile and the encouragement of recovery. He hurt them, and not a single one hated him, not a single one wanted him to chose death. They all wanted him to live, to recover and become a healthy Jungkook.

Life.

This time, it was his own voice echoing inside his mind. The idea becoming more and more bright as he looked at the two friends before him that were full of it. He was always a black hole among them all, could life change that. Looking at it, it seemed like life was just laughter and joy, taking in the bad and simply pushing out only good, and feeling unstoppable. That’s how he saw it in Jiwoo, the first person he met that was full of it.

She looked determined, to challenge the world and not let anything stop her. She felt free, and he wanted to feel the same. Feeling free is all he ever wanted, that is why he jumped off that bridge. That freedom was painful, but this freedom felt easy and looked better.

“Life,” he whispered, for the first time, choosing his path that he will walk on because he owes it to his friends to live, he owes it to himself to finally take charge and take flight without hurting them all and himself.