xxiv. "The Ice Princess"

“He looked at her, the mysterious image of Cinderella, the Ice Princess, was no longer there.”

“You’re form Yonsei, right?” She asked, her voice filled with a shy confidence as she didn’t wait a second for a response.

She simply took a seat, setting her food tray in front of her as her glass was simply filled with water. She quickly took a sip after clearing , it looked like she was filled with nerves that were making dry.

“What’s it to you?” He asked, his voice aloof and bothered, he didn’t know what she was doing nor why it interested her that he was from Yonsei.

“Because I’m from Yonsei, and it’s my first time abroad. I thought, why not make friends with someone from back home to make this program less scary,” she spoke, her voice light hearted and gaining confidence.

She simply looked at him, her eyes looming brightly into soft crescent moons as a bright smile challenged the radiating sun. She looked sincere enough, but the fact that she was from his own university made his shoulders fall heavy, that means she could easily be a stuck-up idiot.

“I don’t make friends,” he spoke, his voice cold and harsh as he sighed heavily and moved to retreat.

“No, please don’t go. I have no one to sit with and I thought that as my senior, you could take care of a fellow Yonsei student,” she pleaded, her voice rushed and slightly whiny as she didn’t want him to leave.

He had frozen on the spot, his hands flat against the table as his impending thought on leaving was suddenly withering away. She looked at him, her eyes glowing like glass marbles as her baby fat gave her face a softer look. It was annoying, he hated when girls did that, it was another form of control.

It was used with hidden motives by both genders, even dogs used it. It was a way to control the outcome, to manipulate it and he hated when someone was trying to control him, regardless of the manner.

“How do you know I’m your senior?” He asked, his attention catching on with a delay that she called him his senior, she knew he was an upperclassman.

His eyes looming around as he wondered how many people heard her, but the idea felt ridiculous after a while.

There weren’t many students from Korea who could understand. It was a relief, but it didn’t stop her stupid words from making him lean towards the edge. He didn’t want anyone to know he was a Senior who was there trying to get his last three credits to graduate.

“Open House, I was there when they pulled you in last minute to talk about your project.” Her voice was sweet and friendly, she took a deep breath and began to dive into her burger, comfortable enough in the conversation to start eating.

He wanted to cuss, the memory of that day trickling back as he begun to feel agitated and angered all over again. He was forced to present in front of an entire freshman group about his project, they didn’t let him get prepared, nothing. He was thrown into the fire and it took his entire will power to not lash out and break the projector on the student who force him.

“If I sit with you, will you promise to not tell anyone I’m a senior?” He whispered, his head leaning in as he didn’t want to take his chances of someone overhearing.

“But why? There isn’t anything bad about it,” she spoke, her head jerking backwards as she covered as she spoke, her manners seeping through clearly.

He took a seat, his heart racing as he was trying hard to stay calm. He didn’t know if he should disclose his personal reasoning, but she looked at him with a bright puffy face. She took another bite, making sure not to take in too much, and she looked at him with attentive eyes. She didn’t know who he was, and after this program is done for, he doesn’t have to see her again.

“I had a tough time getting through four years of people high on stupidity. I don’t want to let my summer be filled with idiotic foreigners who will not keep my name out their mouths,” he spoke, his words spoken spitefully through gritted teeth.

He hated how much his name was thrown around the last four years of his life. It was gross, everyone was equally infatuated with him, what he was doing, what classes he was taking and who he talked to. The media didn’t talk about him, but those idiotic people at his university sure loved to put his name and his life on social media.

He simply didn’t want a repeat of it all, that is why he came here for the summer semester, to get away from the gossiping mouths back home.

“So, what is your name? I’m Song Jiwoo, I’m going in my freshmen year,” she spoke, a bow being executed, as deep as the table would allow her to go, before she stretched out her hand towards him.

He looked at the hand, reluctant to take it. He has never had anyone approach him this directly, no one with this much confidence. Everyone was presented to him by his family and workers, and the idiots at his university who did try and approach him, were like mice trying to steal cheese form a trap. Timid and scared, ready to take the gold or run off in fear.

“Jeon Jungkook,” he spoke, his hands reaching over, his will giving in before even realizing.

He rolled his eyes, scoffing as he saw the look that overcame that baby-faced visage. She has heard of him, just his luck.

“Jeon Jungkook as in the Jeon Jungkook, heir of J.S. Corporation. Dude, you are famous, my tour guide wouldn’t stop talking about you during open house,” she gasped, her hands extended onto the table as she leaned in as if she was trying to get a better look at him.

“Why am I not surprise? I can’t even keep my name out of university tours,” he shook his head, annoyance tinting his words.

Of course, he was currently the pride of the university, why did he ever think that he could come abroad, and take the class he needs to graduate, in peace.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t think I’d ever meet you. I hope someday my name is known like yours,” she spoke, her voice full of hope and admiration as she simply looked at him and smiled.

Jungkook looked at her, the baby-faced Jiwoo he meet that first day of the summer semester was far from gone. She had entered her first year in Yonsei that year, and she was entering as the naïve freshman everyone enters as.

She looked at him now, the same brightness in her eyes still lingering there. University makes one hope and dream of something bright ahead, of having freedom and the sweet high that comes from taking charge of one’s own life.

She dreamed of becoming something big, someone great. He looked at her, the mysterious image of Cinderella, the Ice Princess, was no longer there. All he saw was the bright Jiwoo who dreamed to be known for her hard work.

“What’s it like, to have the power to change the world?” She asked, her moral was slightly on the low, the news of Yonsei’s increasing tuition made her worry she wouldn’t be able to keep up with it.

He looked at her, their conversations over dinner never really reaching much. She mostly talked about the classes she was taking. She would ask for help with her economics class, and over days, Jungkook had found comfort in her presence. She mostly kept the conversations to school work, she never overstepped her line.

Jungkook didn’t want to talk about himself, or anything related to his company. She never pushed it, she never talked about anything that can make him angry, she was just a calm dose of Vitamin C. When she asked him that, he had no idea what she was talking about.

He had no power to change anything. He couldn’t even change his own faith, let alone the future of the world where he had no charge of the people in it. For the first time, that entire summer, her words were making him slightly annoyed. He felt like he was mocking him, but she looked so innocent looking at him with her cheeks filled with food and eyes glistering with delight.

“I don’t have such power,” he spoke, his voice hinting at annoyance as he quickly sat up on his seat, becoming stiff on the thought.

“Indirectly yes. I’m becoming a neurosurgeon to help people, I want to be able to find new research on the human mind and be able to help overcome many of the challenges we face today. Your company has been investing a lot in innovative technologies, you have the power to invest in something that can really help someone. Mine involves research, you have the resources to actually take research like mine and execute solutions,” she spoke, her voice soft yet full of admiration.

She looked at him in awe, not believing that a person with that power was before her. He has the power to do something with his tech, his company can invest into something that can really change the lives of many.

“My company invest in new tech that will beat our competitors, nothing more,” he spoke, his voice thick and hinting at a slight warning to tell her to stop.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m overstepping but don’t you dream of making something, leaving a mark. The name Jeon Jungkook lives in a shadow, but you can change that. You have the power and the resources to leave a positive mark, you should think about doing it,” she spoke, her voice being muffled by a grape she pushed into her lips to stop talking.

He looked at her, her eyes simply looking at her drink as she tried to smile and pretend like she didn’t just overstep the line Jungkook had mutually drawn.

The thought never left his mind, she had told him he had the power to leave a mark, to change the world. That he was able to make something of himself that wasn’t in the shadow of his father, and she didn’t even know how much she rustled his mind.

Jungkook looked at her now, realizing that she has undoubtedly made the same comment now as she did back them. She had tried to give Jungkook wings, to try and get him to dream of something more than just becoming an heir that does the normal.

He didn’t know then that what she was trying to do was to get him to dream of something more than just going through every day. She must have noticed it way back then how miserable he was. He never talks about himself nor his work, and she was able to see right through him.

“Freshie Jiwoo, it’s been you this entire time?” He asked, still in disbelief that that same girl from summers ago was the one who had been pulling him through every day.

She smiled, that radiating smile that she had always wore on her visage was returning. The traces of Cinderella were far from gone, the professional and mysterious countenance she always wore was ripped away the moment she took off the mask.

“Yes, I know this is all weird and I didn’t plan anything to happen, it just did.” She pushed her hair back, her eyes shining through as if they were the sun after a storm.

She was always like a vitamin c, bright and simple. She loved laughing, meeting people, loved talking about dreams and goals. It made him wonder how she survived that summer with a black hole to keep her company during all the meals of the day.

“How? Why? I can’t believe it,” he spoke rather exasperated, his tongue stumbling on the words as he tugged a giggle out of her.

“I have been working in the club for a year now, but you must know that I didn’t come to you out of coincidence.” She looked at him, an apologetic aura enveloping her words as she looked away, peering at the door and suddenly, sighing as if she was defeated. “Your brother, he is the reason why I’m even here,” she spoke, her head falling once more.

“Jin?” He asked, the words clawing at his throat as he felt his stomach sink more and more as the seconds went by.

“I need to be brief about this. Through the recommendation of my mentor, Dr. Kwon, I took up the job as a Hostess at the club and upon her suggestion, created the persona of Cinderella. She is my mentor because I am double majoring as a Phycologist, and she said it would be best for me to learn to talk to people and see if I can put my major to practice,” she spoke, her hands grasping onto her mask a little tighter as she looked at it as if she was saying goodbye to it.

Jungkook felt oddly calm, it must be the sedation that was working deeper into his body. He couldn’t feel angry not frustrated, which he wanted to after realizing that the doctor that was there was her mentor, he just felt at ease. It must be for the better, he would hate to yell at her, to throw a tantrum and hurt her because he can’t keep his anger in check.

“Cinderella is the code name I use for people who really need someone to talk to. For people who are showing signs of mental distress and disorders and they just need someone to make them understand they aren’t crazy and they can be helped. One day, Jin had come to me through a recommendation, and he poured his heart out about all the stress his life has caused him, especially a little step brother of his,” she spoke, her words gaining confidence as she looked like a realization hit her.  

“Me?” He asked, the words clinging onto his lips as he didn’t want to believe that Jin was stressed enough by him.

She nodded, her back straightening as she simply took a deep breath and continued with her confident and professional voice. She looked like Jiwoo, radiating, yet still had the dark mystery of her Hostess persona.

“Yes, he was struggling a lot even talking to you and simply interacting with you. You were so hot and cold, and it stressed him out. He came to me to just talk and an idea hit him, he asked if I could talk to you. I didn’t know he was your step brother, but I agreed.”

He felt his chest fall heavy as if there was a weight that was thrown at him and simply crushed him in one second. He didn’t know he was giving a hard time to his precious step brother, he must not have, the disorder didn’t let him.

The more he thought about it, the more the diagnosis seemed to fit him like a glove. Black and white, he didn’t see nothing but bad and good. He never recalled all the love he had for Jin. When his mind changed and labeled him as bad, he didn’t see anything else, that must have been so hard for him to deal with. 

“He saw that the time to do it was right after the engagement party. He had planned the whole thing, he took you to the bar and Junhong gave you my card, trying to convince you to go. He wanted to know if you were dealing with something else. He was diagnosed with depression after his father’s death, and he knew how serious mental health was, and he wanted to just help you because he was scared you’d do something crazy.” Her voice had cracked, emotions suddenly pooling into her words as she still had a difficult time talking about the suicide attempt and brush if off as if it’s far behind them.

Jungkook felt his heart race, hearing it all and trying to rule it as a simple hoax. Part of him wanted to believe it was all a lie, that this wasn’t happening, and he didn’t know why. It wasn’t until that thought at the back of his mind yelled for life, its voice loud and clear. The part of him that still longed for a dark, endless sleep was indeed the reason he still struggled to believe it all.

But who wouldn’t, he thought. The freshman he meet over a summer abroad program, and his beloved step brother, were behind the big scheme that diagnosed him with a mental disorder. It was hard to even swallow one detail, let alone a vast amount of ideas at once.  

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his words leaving his mouth although there were a thousand different ideas in his head.

She looked distressed, a hidden sadness in her eyes as her lips simply spoke with no more brightness lingering behind them. She smiled, a forced smile that tugged on her face in an unflattering way.

“Mr. Jeon, you have been my client, my moves have been heavily monitored by my mentor and she realized I had grown too attached to you. My profession forbids me to do so,” she spoke, her words released in a sad realization as she took a quick glance at the mask.

Jungkook’s words were caught in his throat. He didn’t know what to say nor how to respond. They have been nothing but friends, was being friends too much of an attachment? What kind of profession doesn’t allow her to get close to him? The questions turned into a jumble in his minds and banged against his chest, he didn’t know what do say, he was just frozen and speechless.

“I have grown too close to you Mr. Jeon, and that can be dangerous. That is why the club has us wear masks, you befriend our hostess persona, but not our true selves. It is a club that pulls fantasies, nothing more. We are people, with names and lives and simply knowing us can become dangerous and messy. And now, you know who I am,” she spoke, her words spoken with a slight chuckle lingering behind her last words.

She was right, as much as the words felt like paper cuts against his skin, the truth was inevitable. Possessive people, jealous people, even the elites like him can use the hosts and hostesses to tare down each other in public, and the workers can be targeted.

“I can keep a secret,” he spoke, his words being pulled out of his lips by the idea of her loosing her job because she revealed herself.

She laughed, a genuine laugh that was true and meant to defuse the tense atmosphere in the room. She nodded, taking the mask in her grasp and simply standing up before him.

“That is true, but if I want to continue in my profession, to help people, I need to start following the morals of it. Mr. Jeon, the solution I offer you was simple, a diagnosis. Now we know what the problem is, it’s up to you if you want to go through therapy to get better and become the Jungkook you want to be,” she spoke, taking a step closer as she spoke.

Her warm presence towered over him and embraced him, but this time, it was colder than he thought. He gulped, feeling odd at her words because if there was something she hinted at during their session was, his ever-changing persona.

“Like that’s possible. I am the head of the marketing branch, my weeding is nearing in a month and a half, and when I finally get married, I am the CEO. This is all useless,” he spoke, with every word, anger seeping through his lips.

He didn’t want to take that as the solution, that was no solution. Therapy? He has no time to even get out of the company. His life is a company, his meal is paper work, he can’t just put it all aside to go to therapy.

“It is possible, your step-brother found a way. He has a solution for CEO Jungkook, I have a solution for you, the Jungkook you want to be. One thing that Borderline Personality Disorder did was distort your self-image. You struggle to figure out who you are, at times thinking that who people want you to be, who you should be, who you want to be, and who you are as the same thing. You have control of your life, never let anyone tell you otherwise.” She handed over her mask, her words lingering in the room without escape.

He looked down at it, feeling his stomach stir as he looked at it. He felt his body turn cold as his palms were frozen at the touch of it. It was as if she was handing over the persona, her character of Cinderella. It made his heart stop for a second, it was like she was saying goodbye.

“You know Mr. Jeon, you try and adopt personality traits from anyone you meet, because you struggle to realize who you are. The engineering student who was determined about her work, the janitor who took a stand against the system, the assistant who plans control for his life and, the bartender who is confident in who he is.” She smiled, a bright radiating smile that held something more than just felicity, it held hope for him.

“Don’t go,” he spoke, not realizing that he had.

She bit her lip, reaching over and throwing her arms around his neck. He dropped the mask, his stiff body reaching over and pulling her a little closer, the smell of cherry blossoms indulging his senses. His heart fell out of his chest, the heart monitor beginning to pick up as he didn’t want to believe she was leaving.

“I have to go, I have grown too attached to you and I cannot give you the therapy you need. I need to go abroad for a year or two, I must finish my profession, but I’ll be back. And I hope to see you healthy and recovered. I am your friend, but I am not your only friend. Take control of your life, until we meet again,” she spoke, her voice soft and sad, yet they still held an optimism to them that was trying to soothe things over.

She pulled away, Jungkook wanting to hug her for longer. She took her leave, not even looking back once. She held he head strong, her shoulders firm and she left.

The girl that came to Jungkook’s life, the friend that simply became like his reason to wake up every day, had walked away. He got up, his instincts telling him that his friend, the first true friend that he’s ever made, couldn’t slip away.

He ripped off the IV strips, the heart monitor starting to go off as he just wanted to toss the thing out the window. He rushed to the door, but it didn’t open. He struggled with the handle, pushing and pulling, grunting and yelling because the person who showed him control of his miserable mind, was leaving him.

He can’t be left alone, he can’t be abandoned, he can’t be forgotten. No, not again.

So, from the start, I didn't plan to make Yein be Cinderella, I wanted the hostess to be Jungkook's first real friend that tried to get him to dream.

I thought it would be crucial to make her his first real friend because relationships are hard for anyone with his mental disorder, and to have someone become a true friend for him was a special person. Who else to be the one to tell him he isn't crazy, that he can be cured, than his first true friend?

With that said, I am not done with Yein just yet, and if you are wondering how I will pull that through, wait until Sunday.

Second thing, I was going to make Jiwoo leave from the very beginning, it wasn't out of the blue, it was planned from the start. The reason will be explained in the next chapter, but it has to deal with abandonment issues that people with BPD have.

Third of all, if you want a pop culture example of BPD, it is said that Anakin Skywalker suffered through BPD, causing his split into Darth Vader.

With that said, I hope the last chapter, The Solution, will be able to wrap this story up and with the epilogue, leave you guys satisfied.

Have an amazing day you amazing human, thanks for reading!!