-Kisses-

My short introduction drama went great. It was well received and SM was very happy with it all. Since then, I’ve gotten a few offers for dramas and luckily Jin Ho knew what I wanted and how I wanted to do things. He is seriously amazing.

So now, after almost three weeks since the embarrassing and equally confusing and fun might with Baekhyun, –that for some reason, I keep using as a time marker- I am facing one of the hottest actors, in my opinion anyway.

So, I’m excited today, with my new drama –curtesy of Jin Ho and his amazing skills- started it’s filming a week ago, starting it’s filming a week ago, and today we are filming a kiss scene. It sounds erted maybe, but I have my reasons to be looking forward to it.

 “Okay, Miss Taehee-Ssi! We want you to be surprised when he pushes you back on the wall, no worried or scared looks please.” The director calls and nods at me. I nod back.

“Kang Joon-Ssi, please don’t be too rough, but be strong about it. When she is about to speak, kiss her. We want a few different angles so when we get the right one here, we will work of the others to match it.”

I clear my voice and look up at Seo Kang Joon. He is younger than me but I certainly feel like a nervous young girl under his gaze when he is in character.

“Okay, Noona, you ready?” He asks softly and grins. He has quickly moved to calling my Noona and well…I’m not going to argue. He is too cute for that.

I nod and give him two thumbs up. “Ready.”

“Okay, ready! Action.”

Kang Joon’s face falls into character and so does mine. He walks close and grabs my shoulders tightly, his eyes flashing with emotion before he pushes me roughly into the wall.

I gasp, for real, and watch him intensely. He doesn’t move for a few seconds and I bite my lip, looking at this lips then back to his light eyes.

This is it! I finally get to mask Baekhyuns lips with someone else’s! Who knew you could get so excited about kissing someone when you don’t actually like the person.

“Ki-”

Kang Joon’s mouth crushes mine and I try to hold in my glee.

That is until my mind betrays me and brings memories of someone else for me to enjoy…

More than two weeks since I kissed Baekhyun have passed, but that's not the memory that my evil mind has recalled…

…because I’ve kissed him since then.  It happened on the following Friday and it was a mistake. I didn’t mean for it to happen…

On Friday I meet up with him in his training room, carrying our coffees and some snacks. It was my turn to buy. Having coffees and snacks have become a daily routine for us for a while now and we try to get it done most days, despite our awkwardness from the kiss a short while back. But we're adults, we can get over some kissing...

Chanyeol, as per usual, is sitting by Baekhyun when I enter the room and he grins at me with his bright and totally adorable smile. “Hey! Taehee-Ya!” He stands and cutely hurries over, arms out for a hug and grin still shining. “I’m back!” He calls and hugs me tightly. “You missed me, right?”

I laugh, hugging him best I can with my hands full of hot liquid and foods. “You were gone for two days, Chanyeol-Ah.” When he pulls my back to give me a kicked puppy expression, I shake my head and give in. “Of course I missed you!”

Chanyeol laughs and pulls me in for a bigger hug. He had left to visit his family and go on a night trip with them. He was very excited to leave. I’m surprised he is so happy he is back, really.

“Hear that, Baek! She missed me!” Chanyeol teases mercilessly. I guess Baekhyun has the same thing with telling friends. He couldn’t keep his troubles from Chanyeol, apparently. Now he is paying for it, because Chanyeol loves to tease people.

I smack Chanyeol in the gut and he milks it, pretending that I truly wounded him. With abs like his, it’s more likely I would hurt myself than it hurting him. Ignoring the tall, acting man beside me, I head to Baekhyun as he stands.

“Hey, Baekhyun-Ah…I brought your favorites…” I hand him his favorite snacks and watch his eyes light up.

“Thanks, Tae…” He smiles and takes my hand, leaning close to give me a kind of hug that only involves his cheek resting on the side of my head, his shoulder leaning on me and his breath tickling my ear. Our physical interactions have been all over the place lately. We can either be hugging and grabbing each other’s hands as we talk or be on the complete opposite scale, where we barely touch. We even apologized to each other a few days ago for brushing hands while we walked. Talk about awkward…

Though we have been weird with touching, his hug then might have had less contact and time than my hug from Chanyeol, but Baekhyun has managed to get my heart racing and face heated in that two second touch. Whereas Chanyeols did nothing of the sort.

It’s pretty clear that I am not doing too well with the ignoring feelings and such.

“What did you bring me?” Chanyeol asks as he comes close, interrupting our moment. I am grateful he does, but can’t help but frown for a moment when Baekhyun moves back, rubbing his face as he eyes his friend.

I pull out Chanyeols favorite snack and his face lights out, 10 times the amount Baekhyun’s eyes did. Ever the reaction man, he is. “Yes!” He rubs my head. “I love you, Taehee-Ya!” He rips into the snack and laughs at Baekhyun. “If you don’t get this sorted man, I might have to steal her from you.” He says and winks at me.

I have grown accustomed to Chanyeols open teasing about Baekhyun and I now, but I still feel the need to look over my shoulder sometimes. I know it’s stupid, but it’s like someone might be listening in, or walking by. I can’t help it.

Baekhyun sighs, now eating his snack. “Shut it, man.” He says with no laughing tone in his voice, but he is smiling anyway. “Taehee-Ya, want to chill out today? I don’t feel like doing much…”

“Are you done for the day?”

“Yeah, actually. I was meant to do some things with Chen and Xiumin, but that has been changed.”

“I have things to do…” Chanyeol says and pouts. “I can’t be the third wheel today.” He sounds seriously diappointed.

I laugh at him and pat the tall man’s shoulder comfortingly. “Don't feel too bad about it. You’re the only one who thinks you’re the third wheel.” I say and smile at him. His smile back is telling me he thinks I’m crazy. I look at Baekhyun who is giving me a similar look.

“What?” I ask, looking at the coffee in my hand instead of the two men in front of me.

Baekhyun steps forward again, coming to stand next to me. Close to me. I suddenly feel some static between us, as if something is pulling me to him, wanting me to go to him.

“Have fun, Chanyeol-Ah.” Baekhyun says and gives the man a weird clap hand shake thing that they always do. It seems to only be between the two of them, as well. It’s cute.

Chanyeol gives me a one armed hug and waves his goodbyes. “Don’t be too bad while I’m gone, kids.” He says and winks as he closes the door.

Once that door closes, the air grows instantly heavier. I look at Baekhyun, smiling as normal as I can and he smiles back. Seriously, if I had a knife, I think I could cut the air around us. It’s like the words we aren’t saying and things we won’t do are making a tangible space between us, reminding us that things aren’t normal anymore.

I can’t say I wish they were normal though, because the more time passes and the more I think about what happened, I don’t regret the kiss. I realized I wanted to do that more than I thought after it happened. I realized I liked him a lot more than I first thought. But it’s a problem…

So being here, alone with him and the atmosphere being so…strange, I feel like things should be different. I want to be back to normal with him, back when we were friends and things where easier. When my feelings were easier to keep in check. When I didn’t know he felt the same. That's maybe the hardest part really, that fact that he feels the same and wants me too. It’s hard to ignore it when he stares at me with eyes full of want.

Eyes like now.

Baekhyun lets a slow smile grow on his lips as he watches me. “What?”

His voice surprises me, sounding louder in the stiff and very silent air. “What?”

“Nothing…you look nice today.”

And with that comment, I am instantly hyperaware of my clothing. Is my skirt too short? It my shirt sweater sitting weirdly? It my hair coming loose or something? Maybe my makeup is too heavy? Am I not wearing enough makeup?

Baekhyun laughs. “It was a compliment, calm down.” He takes another unnecessary step forward and his fingers brush my hand. “I was being serious, Taehee.”

What the hell is this? Why is he being so…weird?

Why am I loving it…?

“Baekhyun…”

“Just…Don’t…” He is almost mouthing the words, his voice so soft that I can barely hear him. Oh maybe he is speaking at full volume and the fact that his hands have moved up my arm and on my waist has knocked me around. Because it has. Nothing is processing properly. Nothing but how much I want him to keep going.

He watches my eyes the whole time, waiting for something to tell him to stop. He leans so close and I just close my eyes, leaning into to him. I don’t know when my hands moved, but they are on him too, pulling his closer.

The moment our lips met, the air around us clears, exploding into an electric field and setting my whole body on fire with nerves. I curl my fingers into his shirt before moving up to hold his neck, needing to feel him closer. I thought it was amazing to kiss him that night, drunk and loose with my thoughts and hands. But now, full aware and feeling, I feel like I might spontaneously combust.

Baekhyun wraps his arm around my waist and holds the back of my neck, locking me to him before he deepens the kiss and turning my legs to jelly.

“Lim Taehee-Ssi?!” Was that…the director?

I snap out of it, opening my eyes and pull away to find different eyes, light and very confused, and not owned by Baekhyun.

“Whoa…Noona…” Kang Joon mutters and laughs a little awkwardly. “That was…”

Oh my god...

I slap a hand over my mouth and look around, horrified. Did I just full on make out with Seo Kang Joon…like I did with Baekhyun?! “…”

“Err…so we don’t want a kiss that intense yet…try for more…G rated…Please… A kiss like that will probably be needed later though… so good…at least we won’t have problems later… and Kang Joon-Ssi…That was good…maybe keep hold of Taehee-Ssi’s shoulders though…the waist might be too…” The director wiggles his shoulders and clears his throat. “You two have some serious chemistry though…”

Kang Joon nods and his bottom lip. I keep my eyes on his chest, not able to look him in the eyes. That is so embarrassing… What the hell is wrong with me! How can I get so engrossed in a thought and kiss someone else like that! So much for this helping me get Baekhyun out of my head.

Looks like kissing other people is just going to make it worse.

By the end of the filming, I had racked up over thirteen kisses with Kang Joon and along with them, thirteen reruns of Baekhyun’s. If it didn’t sound so cruel, I’d say the singer is haunting me.

After saying our goodbyes and my awkward, and thankfully well received, apology to Kang Joon, I head back to my home. With what is happened today, I am wanting nothing more than to get in the shower, turn it on as hot as I can stand it, and after go and fall asleep as early as possible.

Though, as if the man is seriously haunting me, Baekhyun calls right as I head into my bathroom.

I think seriously about ignoring it. It’s not like he would know I am ignoring it. I can just message him tomorrow and say it was on silent and I was asleep already. I check the time. 7:34pm. He would know that I wouldn’t be asleep right now… We usually eat around now if we are together…He knows I would be eating around now… Which reminds me, I am actually really hungry.

After some quick judgments, I swipe the phone to answer him.

“Hello.”

“Hey, Tae. What are you doing?”

I sigh heavily, hoping he hears it. “Nothing. Heading to bed soon.” Hopefully he picks up that I am feeling tired. He might leave…

Baekhyun laughs and I hear him chewing. He is eating. I’m hungry too… “That’s early…you feeling okay? How was filming?”

I try not to snort. I feel awesome! Filing was great! I only attacked poor Seo Kang Joon with my mouth, thinking of Baekhyun while twenty-plus people watched as they filmed it.

“Good.” I lie easily, watching a small moth walk up my mirror. “I had a kiss scene.” The second the words leave my mouth, I cringe. What is wrong with me?! Why did I need to tell him that?!

Baekhyun makes a sound, as if he is just acknowledging it, not really caring. “With Seo Kang Joon-Ssi, right?”

I close my eyes, wishing for death to come swiftly and remove me from this painful and very unnecessary conversation. For some reason, I just tend to blurt things out when I’m nervous.

“Yeah, Kang Joon…” I answer and sigh heavily. “Not sure why I said that. Sorry. How was your day?”

“Good. Nothing really happened. Had some EXO CBX stuff to sort out with Xiumin and Chen, but that s was quick.” I hear him tapping something. “Chanyeol says hi.”

“Oh, Hey Chanyeol!” I call out awkwardly and I hear some laughing. “Am I on speaker?” Oh …oh my god please say no.

“Ah…yeah…Actually.”

If I wanted to die earlier, now I want everything to die with me and for the universe to swallow everything up to erase today. How am I so good at making things so insanely awkward.

I nod slowly, trying to except my fate. “Well, I’m glad there was someone else there to witness my brain spasm. Chanyeol, I love you, but if you try and tease me about what I just said, you won’t have your teeth to smile so brightly with. Understand?”

I hear the two laughing at my harsh threat and my nervousness starts to die down. Baekhyun’s laugh always seems to calm me.

“So, what are you two doing? On a nice dinner date?” I try to pass the weird moment further by joking. I am so pleased when they laugh again.

Baekhyun answers, his voice suddenly sounding so clear that I know he must have taken me off speaker. “Sure, we are. Though Chanyeol is eating my half too. Pig.” He jabs at his best friend and yells out as he gets hit for it.

I take a moment to laugh before ripping him a new one now he is not broadcasting our conversation. “Baekhyun, why the hell did you have me on speaker! That was so embarrassing!”

“Well, if I’d known you were going to explain your kissing escapades, I wouldn’t have.” The irritancy in his voice makes it clear that he was a little pissed about it.

I think I have the right to be more pissed since his kisses kept making it so strange to even do it! “I didn’t mean too! I probably blurted it out because you were making to so much worse to kiss him in the first place!”

“What? I made it worse! What are you talking about? We are you explaining how you kissed other people to me?”

“Because all I could think about was you? I was thinking about you the whole time and I pretty much d the poor guy! I had to be told to tone it down! The director told me to keep it G like I was some crazed maniac! I’m surprised Kang Joon didn’t walk out!”

“I’m not.” Baekhyun muttered, obviously still unimpressed with what I am saying.

Again, I don’t know why I am going out about this. At least this time It’s only between us two. I wonder if Chanyeol is giving Baekhyun space after hearing his side?

“Every one of the times we had to kiss, I saw you and I’m pissed!”

“You’re pissed! I just had the woman I have feelings for, strong feelings, say they made out with a guy. A lot. A very attractive guy. You know why he didn’t get annoyed by it, it’s because you're beautiful, Taehee… He was probably loving it. And you know what, you must have been too, if you were kissing him so intensely.”

“Yeah! I was kissing him intensely! But I was thinking of you. I saw you!” I'm almost yelling now. I am yelling at him...yelling about thinking of him…

This is probably going to hurt my case of not moving our relationship into anything more than friends… .

Baekhyun takes a moment before talking. “Taehee-Ah. The next time I see you. I need a straight and final answer. Because this is just stupid.” He sighs. “I don’t want to hear about how you hate scandals and that you don’t want to hurt me. Because you’re already doing that.” I felt tears coming while I was yelling, but now hearing that, there is no stopping them. He sniffs once, making me think maybe he is tearing up too, before clearing his throat. “I’ll talk to you later, Taehee…” I don’t say bye, I just let him hang up.

I sit there on side of my bathtub for who knows how long, looking at my phone, the background a picture of Shin Hye and I. There is no way I can change my answer. What does he expect? For me to suddenly be okay with all this? With risking his career… It’s different for Idols as it is for actors. People don’t judge and boycott actors like they do with Idols when they get into relationships.

But If I’m already hurting him…not if, I am already hurting him. I knew I was, too. I knew all of this is hurting him, just like it’s hurting me… Why don’t I just let it go and see what happens? We could keep it a secret, right?

But secrets don’t stay secret and there are always people who will ruin it.

After some back and forwards thinking that has done nothing but upset me more, I shuffle into the shower and cry silently into the boiling water.

 Shin Hye is going to get an earful tonight…

^{A/N
Two more Baekhyun and Taehee Chapters to go! 
I hope you're enjoying it! <3}

^xxTeeleixx