Seokmin can’t hide his disappointment when Yuna texted him this morning – cancelled their meeting today. She said she has something urgent to do, and she said sorry. After that, she is nowhere to be seen and left Seokmin’s messages unread.

He missed her so much and he won’t be able to see her – again. Seokmin couldn’t even get a reply from her or further explanation of why she suddenly cancelled the meeting. He worried of her, he missed her, yet he can’t do anything about it.

“It’s so frustrating.” He sighed, as he looked to the fallen snow outside the window.

Actually, Yuna lied. There wasn’t something urgent she had to do like what she told to Seokmin earlier, it’s just she doesn’t ready yet to meet him – in her current condition.

She spent last night reading her mom’s diary, and crying silently right after. She actually want to scream and cry as loud as she could, but she can’t since she didn’t want to wake up her mom and let her know that she finally knows the truth. She is about to cry again, but her tears already dried. She felt dizzy and weak because she didn’t sleep and eat yet, but she can’t sleep, eat, or doing anything now either. Although her body is dead tired, her mind now is like a swirling storm.

She didn’t think that the truth will be this hurtful. The love that her father and mother shared was forbidden yet it was so beautiful, but it ended tragically and the only reason for that was because of her. Her father just realize that his love wasn’t as big as her mother has, and after the pregnant report, he left and married to someone else that his family approved. Yet even he left her mother heartlessly, her mother still love him the same. She even made named Yuna similarly to famous ice-skater Kim Yuna and made Yuna into ice-skater just because his father likes ice-skating so much. Yuna just can’t accept the fact that her mother shaped her into someone only based by her love for someone who left her.

Today… today is the day when he finally agrees to meet Yuna. But… but Yuna got into accident. She injured so bad. She doesn’t wake up yet. She’s in coma. He should see her when she’s shining under the light, when people stand and clap for her proudly, when she smiled so wide, when she is dancing on the ice… but he looked at her when she’s lying helplessly, and she didn’t even get to see him… her own father… and yet he just… leave… again….

After years passed, after the effort I put to make her shine, to make him regret for leaving us… it… it all wasted…

Yuna, please wake up. Don’t leave me like he did. You should show him that you’re okay and grow up just fine without him. You should show him…………………………………

“Yuna? Are you inside?” her mom knocked Yuna’s room, but there’s no answer. Her mom knocked it again, and the door finally opened, revealing Yuna that looks so pale. The dark circle under her eyes could be seen clearly, and her eyes are puffy. For some moment, they just look at each other in silent – because her mom appearance is just the same.

Yuna couldn’t bring herself to utter a word. The pain is coming through again, like a wave, drown her to death. She looks at her mom’s pair of eyes, searching for some love for her. After all things she read on her diary, what’s hurt her the most that it seems that her mother doesn’t have a slightest love for her, since her mom made her own life dedicated for him, based on the huge, unrequited love for him. Yuna knows that her mother already apologized back then during their vacation – now she understand why she apologized – but then again she feared that the love for his father still way much bigger than for her.

And what if her mother actually didn’t want her existence? If she didn’t born, they could be still together and her mom would be so much happier than she is right now. So, what is she doing here, right now? Why is she still alive, why she is even born in the first place anyway?

“Yuna?” her mom called her, “what’s happen?”

“Mom, do you love me?” she asked, and her hoarse voice shocked her mother.

“Yuna, what’s happen with you?”

“Nothing.” She answered coldly, “Do you mind to answer my question?”

“Of course, Yuna. Why do you even have to ask? I love you so much, you have no idea.”

“Yeah,” Yuna sighed, “I really have no idea.” Yuna added coldly. She comes out from her bedroom, going straightly to the bathroom. Her mother look at her back, totally confused.

“Yuna, what do you want for breakfast?”

“It’s already evening, mom. Don’t mind me, I’ll go outside and eat with my friends since we have nothing in the refrigerator.”

Yuna lied again, since she went to the ice-ring where she was trying her first ice-skate shoes ever instead of eating with her friends like she told earlier. In this place, she skated for the first time, while her mother holding her hand, asked her if she want to be an ice-skating athlete. She said that would be cool, and said yes without thinking much. She just felt so happy at that day. Her mother gave her present – the ice-skate shoes – and took her outside after a long time.

She sat at the bench and look at herself back then, when she practiced for the first time. When she said yes, she didn't think that her mother is dead serious about that. After that day, her mother suddenly stopped from her job and paid someone to train her. She is clueless back then, but she just did what her mother told. She is so clumsy and fell for hundred times, her feet bruised and frozed. But her mother was there – so she stood up again. 

Yuna knows now why her mother never left her during practice. It was merely because her ambition.

Yuna remembers every bruises and cut she got, remember how her feet were lumpish after hours of practice, remember of every sleepless night under the falling snow – keep dancing on the ice ring. She remembers that she started to drift away from her friends due hectic practice schedules, she remembers every food that she couldn’t eat because the strict diet. She remembers she cried alone at Han River while ate rice-cake that her Coach strictly told her not to eat it, but she just freaking desperated and lonely - she remembers the pressure that older's athlete put on her and how she feared them. She remembers then, the joyful, happiness and adrenaline that running through her body when she did the ice-skating, she remembers the music, the clap, the ambience, everything about it. It was all her life, anyway.

Yet, it was dedicated for someone else, for someone who didn’t even acknowledge her effort, for someone whom she didn’t even know. For someone who left both of her and her mother.

She can’t accept the fact that her dreams and passion is used for that. She can’t bear the fact that she is no longer ice-skating athlete which is mean that her mother can’t no longer fulfill her ambition. She hate that she can’t meet her father just because she is ordinary now, because she is no one now.

Yuna sobbed – she didn’t know when her tears fell. She just knows that she is in great pain. She isn’t brave enough to tell her mom that she already knows it all, yet she can’t bear her pain alone.

At that time, someone suddenly wrapped her neck with scarf. She quickly wiped her tears and lift her head, only to found Seokmin looked at her full of worry.

He didn’t say a word. After wrapped her neck with his scarf, he is taking down his gloves and wearing it to Yuna’s hands. Yuna is too shocked to see him, so she didn’t even move when Seokmin did that all.

Lastly, Seokmin took off his coat and wearing it to Yuna. He finally sighed and said something. “Look, you can cry here in the night when the snow is falling heavily, but can you at least put thick jacket or coat, use gloves and scarf, also a beanie or something? You can cry, but can’t die freezing.”

“Why are you here?” was her only reply.

“Because of you.” Seokmin replied. Yuna is totally confused, but she can’t find word to reply.

“It’s okay, don’t mind me. I’ll just sit here and you can continue crying, deal?” without waiting her respond, Seokmin sat beside her, and uttered this before he turned silent, “and I could listen to anything, if you wondered.”

Yuna sighed and felt a bit guilty about her lie to him earlier. She has no idea why Seokmin could be here out of sudden. Since Seokmin is here anyway, she is about to tell the boy everything that upset her, but for some unknown reason, remain shut.

There’s a silence between them, filled only with indistinct sound of traffic bustle and faint sound of falling snow. Yuna couldn’t bring herself to look at Seokmin, or say something to break the silence. She’s just really clueless and helpless.

“If you didn’t want to share your story yet, do you mind listening mind first?”

Yuna look at him, and Seokmin smiled at her. “Just listen, okay? You don’t have to say anything.” He told her softly.

“So, you asked me earlier how could I be here, right? And you probably confused over my answer. But for your information, I always come here whenever I need to spare my thought.”

“This place has been my favorite since I was child. This place has so many memories… When my father died, I came here crying out of loud. I was mourned over my father. I really can’t take the fact that the person that I love the most left me when I needed him the most. I was so scary, I was lost.”

“But there was a girl sat beside me, asked what’s happen. I told her that my father died and I was sad and scary, but the girl patted my shoulder and told me that everything’s okay. You don’t need to be sad and scared. I don’t have father too. But I’m happy. Of course, sometimes I feel sad too, but I’m okay. You can through that too.”

“I didn’t believe her, but she gave me a reassuring smile. Told me that everything’s going to be okay and she’s going to prove it. I’m going to be a ice-skating athlete even without a father. I’ll be a national athlete and he will see proudly at me somewhere. So you should just do the same. You have to show your father that you’re strong enough to walk alone. And he will stop worrying you and watching you proudly up there. That was her word that make me able to smile again, that was her word that make me pass every difficulties and struggles in my life. I was so thankful for her, and I couldn’t express my happiness when she really proves her words. She really becomes a national athlete, and she made whole of South Korea proud of her. Something happened and both of the girl and the boy are sitting in the same bench again after several years passed, but right now, the girl is the one who’s crying. So… I’m here to listening to your story now, like you did back then.”

Yuna look at Seokmin in tears, she couldn’t believe that Seokmin was that boy. She almost forgot that memory, she almost forgot the boy that keep crying alone on the bench when she practiced. She almost forgot that he was the first person ever that she told about her secret, also her promise. She forgot that during her rough times of practices, she stood up again because she remembered the promise she made to the boy that she’ll make it no matter what so he could really believe that both of them are going to be okay without a father.

Yuna couldn’t utter a thing, in the end she just let all the pain voiced through her crying. Seokmin know whatever the girl hold, it must be really hard for her. So, Seokmin pull her gently and hug her, let she leans on her shoulder and cry in his embrace.

“Whatever you hold there, let it all out. Just cry as loud and as much as you wish. Everything will be okay……”

“Here.” Seokmin handed her a cup of hot chocolate that he bought from the nearest shop. Yuna hiccupped a yes and Seokmin laugh at her.

“Ish, sh.. shut up.” Yuna hiccupped again.

“Drink it, you’ll feel way much better, I guarantee.” Seokmin told her, and it was indeed true.

Yuna could finally smile a bit when warm sensation running through her body. She breathes deeply and the cold air makes her heart feel lighter. And, of course, his existence is the one who make her feel way much better.

“I still can’t believe you’re that boy. Why don’t you tell me when we first met, huh?”

“I didn’t think you’ll remember me, so I’m kind of afraid to tell you, ahaha. I keep looking for right timing, but yeah, it turned out that today is the right timing.”

“So, you’re really watching me as ice-skating athlete, right? I prove my word, right?”

“Oh, of course, I did my promise! I never missed your performances and I’m a big fan of yours and I always be. I’ll said this whenever you want me to.”

Yuna chuckled. “But I’m the one who break the promise. It’s not true. I’m not okay, Seokmin. I’ve lied.”

Seokmin look at her and clear his throat, “So… mind to tell me what’s happen?”

Yuna look at her empty cup and sighed. “I don’t think I’m able to tell you all. But… I’ve been thinking that my whole life is such a waste. I spent my most of my life in ice-ring for someone didn’t worth to. But… I’m thankful that the boy exists. I’m thankful that he managed to stood up from his despair because I didn’t stop become a better ice-skater back then. I’m also very grateful that he keep supporting me, and being here with me right now. You know, Seokmin? You really just saved me.”

“And it was all because of you.” Seokmin hold her hands, smiled at her, “I won’t be here if it weren’t because of you. So don’t ever think that your life is a waste because you just save me.”

Yuna look at him and returned the smile. She feels his warmth that his hand and his smile radiated lessen her pain and disappointment.

At this moment now, Yuna feel that the only person she can truly believe is only him.

aye I'm back! I hope you like this part as much as I do sobs. anyway, I'm still busy with some campus event and finals, but the holiday is also coming near! I hope I'll update more often during holiday and finish this before school started again...

and yeah, really, thank you so much for all of you who didin't drop this story yet and keep reading it. I REALLY love you guys you have no idea!! you are the only reason why I'm able to continue this;;