It’s the fifth day of holiday and snow is falling for the very first time. The canteen-group chat is suddenly turned lively. Eunha is the one who bombed the gc in early morning with numerous self-taken beautiful sceneries of Japan that already all white – covered by the snow. But the picture that makes most of them – who is usually a silent reader – turn lively is no other than the last picture. It’s Eunha’s selca – that has Mingyu smiled so wide in the back.

How the heck that giraffe suddenly in Japan?! – seokmin

Excuse me, but giraffe’s is my girlfriend’s nickname! –seungcheol

Tell me it’s because photoshop, please. –sinb

That’s right. Giraffe is mine. He’s giant. –sowon

The pictures are so beautiful…. I want to be there too TT –yerin

Sorry but that’s not the problem now, Yerin-sunbae. –seungkwan

I hate to say this but I’m agree with seungkwan. That snake, I can’t believe. –soonyoung

seok, you should leveled up your game too –seungcheol

yea, you should  -mingyu

shut up –seokmin

“Oh my god.” Seokmin throw his phone away – can’t stand the emoji that Mingyu inserted. He covered himself back with the blanket, and groans in annoyance under it. “Oh gosh, he’s so annoying! How come he comes with her to Japan! That jerk!” Seokmin can’t help but let out his frustration. He’s clearly envy of Mingyu’s lucky . He’ll spent half of his holiday in the same country with his crush, and there’ll be literally no one to bother them. He is almost sure that Mingyu would not let this golden chance to miss his confession to her before their Japan-holiday ended and the possibility of Eunha accepted his confession, with that beautiful scenery and all, is high. And in the end, he’ll win that stupid bet. 

Meanwhile here he is, stuck at his cold bedroom. He doesn’t have holiday plan to go anywhere because he has to take care of his grandma, and he doesn’t have enough money either. But anyway, he has some savings for the planned-supposed-to-be-date with Yuna during holiday. He’s been thinking to ask Yuna out since the first day of holiday, but he keep postponed it. First, asked in the first day would be too obvious. Second, he didn’t have a reason to ask her yet. Then third, when finally he has a reason and asked her last night, she said sorry too much because denied his offer. She said she’ll spend several days with her mother outside the town, because her mother’s holiday just started. And in what world Seokmin could against that?

He stared at the ceiling and sighed as he realized that he miss her. He miss her so much, he doesn’t know how to put it in words. He hopes Yuna reply his personal chat, or appeared in the group chat at least, but she’s nowhere to be seen. Maybe she’s clearly having fun with her mother. Seokmin let out a small sighed, force himself to stop being so selfish. Yuna and her mother’s relationship aren’t that good, so those days where they’ll spend whole days together will be means a lot to her. It’ll make her so happy – and Seokmin shouldn’t ask more.

With that thought, Seokmin get out from his bed, go outside to his backyard. He takes a picture of the falling snow, and sends the picture to her.

Today the snow is falling for the first time. This is how it looks in my home. How about you? Anyway, I hope you have a lot of fun with your mother.

Yuna felt her phone keep ringing since early morning, but she doesn’t have much time to check it as she busy help her mom to prepared the super early breakfast – then hurriedly went to the airport. It’s such a relief that they didn’t miss the flight. Yuna fell asleep almost immediately, because she stayed up last night to packing her things – and also replying the chats – mostly was Seokmin’s chat.

Yuna woke up as soon as they arrived at their destination. When they stepped outside from the airport, Yuna stunned for a while. opened as she amazed by the beautiful scenery of the falling-snow. She smiled as she opened her palm and wait for the snow falls to her palm. When it fells, she smiled even wider. It’s so beautiful – she breathes heavily in awe, and stared at the pale white sky once again.
“Oh, c’mon, dear. We won’t spend a whole holiday at the airport, right?” her mother shouted.

When they finally seated in the back of taxi, Yuna could finally checked her phone. She gasped when she saw the notification. The canteen group has 999+ chat and she hardly scrolls the chat from the start. She smiles as she saw the beautiful pictures that Eunha sent, and finally understand why the chat suddenly blew up. She saw the shocking Eunha-Mingyu selca and giggled. “They’re cute.” She laughed as she read the salty yet hilarious reactions. When she scrolls down again, she found more of the Eunha-Mingyu selca – at the ski’s resort, at the restaurant, in the cable-car – and they basically made the whole members of canteen-group chat mad. 

Just look when I arrived Jeju later. I’ll send more pictures, you snake! –seungkwan

Please anticipate our lovely selcas once when we arrived Nami later<3 –sowon

Oh please guys just keep it for your self –soonyoung

Yuna then laughed as soon as Soonyoung sent a picture of him and Seokmin wrapped in blanket in front of TV as reprisal – posed like they’re about to cast some jutsu – and Yuna understand why when she read the caption; Naruto marathon for life. 

“What’s happen? You seem have a lot of fun.” Her mother smiled.

“No, it’s just… they’re too funny.” Yuna giggled again, and started to join the chat. 

You guys seems having a lot of fun, I’m so happy by just seeing it! -yuna

YUNA! I missed you alreadyTT how's your holiday going? -eunha

seok, yuna is here, for your information –soonyoung

there's someone else who missed you too yuna -mingyu

My holiday is great! I'm spending it with my mother! -yuna

who is it mingyu? -yuna

Oh you’re finally here –seokmin

He’s been searching for you and whining to me every 2 minutes –soonyoung

That’s a lie –seokmin

The truth is he’s searching for you every 30 seconds –mingyu

Shut up you ain’t even here –seokmin

Why are you searching for me, though? –yuna

Soonyoung about to type because he misses you – but Seokmin who is sitting beside him stopped him in the right time (anyway, the Naruto itself is abruptly paused upon Yuna’s appearance)

Nothing, I just wondering why you didn’t appear in the group –seokmin

What he means, check his pc, Yuna –soonyoung

Seokmin’s eyes widened as he saw Soonyoung’s replies. “HYUNG!” he screamed, makes Soonyoung jerked in instant.

“Don’t you realize your shout could make me deaf?!”

“Why are you saying that!” he scratches his head. “Oh indeed, telling you about this only made it worst.” Seokmin just told Soonyoung he likes Yuna when the older boy arrived at his home to do the Naruto marathon earlier – since his family is too lazy to go anywhere and he’s deadly bored. Soonyoung asked what bother him so much that he didn’t even smile when bought many new episodes of Naruto that he never watches. But after his gloomy confession, and his short-word of encouragement, he finally back to his crazy himself and finally watch Naruto in glory.

But Soonyoung know he will back to his gloomy self again – because after Soonyoung’s reply ordering Yuna to check Seokmin’s personal chat, the girl didn’t read Seokmin’s chat yet and she also disappeared from the group again. The other are teasing them what kind of personal chat Seokmin sent to him that it needs to be replied, but because Seokmin is too sad to reply their chat, Soonyoung is too afraid to reply anything again and Yuna is nowhere to be found, the group turned dead again.

“Is she mad or something? Why she disappeared exactly after you replied that?” Seokmin wondered.

“Geez, it’s really bothering me to see this kind side of you. Get your sense back. She’s just probably busy right now.”

Seokmin only sighed and decided to resume the manga. But the atmosphere is so gloomy that it feels like they’re watching funeral videos.

“Oh God, we supposed to be happy and have fun. Why the situation turn like this.” Soonyoung mumbled under his breath. “Ah, I can’t stand it anymore. I’ll cook some ramen for us. You can go watch it without me.” Soonyoung rose up and went to the kitchen. Seokmin could only sigh and cursed himself for being like this.

Yuna was about to check Seokmin’s personal chat like Soonyoung told her, but they arrived right before Yuna could do it. After that, they were busy check-in to the resort and all. Yuna herself forget about it when they arrived – because she is too amazed by the beautiful scenery. She can’t believe her mother take her to Yongpong Resort – the biggest ski’s resort in South Korea, also the same place where she joined her first competition ever. She doesn’t know why, but she is too busy taking pictures and remembering the old times she was here. She clearly remembers this resort, the night before the competition where she walked alone and worried so much. Her mother found her and hugged her, told her everything is okay and she will pass the competition just well. She was 9 back then, made her the youngest athlete ever. Everything went well like her mother said. In fact, her performance indeed went so well that it made the juries showered her with amazement and compliments. 

That was the time when she felt so happy, everything felt so right. She practiced real hard for every performances, she always goes against her limit. In only short of time, she already became one of official South Korea’s youngest ice-skating athletes in history. But, she quit as quick as she started being an athlete. It’s saddening fact, but somehow, it doesn’t hurt her that much anymore. Maybe – she really hopes – she already let it all go? 

“What are you doing here, again?” her mother found her  - again, sat on the inn’s backyard bench. Yuna smiled while her mom sat beside her. 

“It’s pretty, right, mom?”

“It’s indeed, pretty.” Her mother let out a deep sigh.

“Why are you taking me here?” Yuna suddenly asked. “I’m not really sure you remember but this place was – “

“ – Was where your first competition held.” Her mother continued. Yuna smiled and nodded.

“Of course I remember it. My heart thumping so hard and I believe I’m more nervous than you were. I felt like going to die at that time.”

“Really? But you look really calm.” Yuna chuckled. 

“I tried my best not to show it, you know.” Her mother also chuckled. “I still can’t believe you did well more than I could imagine. Sometimes, I regret my decision asked you to be an ice-skating athlete. But… you won the competition and show a very great performance. So, I thought I made a right decision. Ah, anyway, it still felt unreal.”

“I’m sorry, Mom. I can’t do it anymore. I should take care of myself better, but…”

“Shh. It’s okay.” Her mother cut her. “It’s not your fault. Nobody want to get into an accident, right? It’s inevitable.”

Yuna looked at her mom and realized that it was the very first time she said those words. It’s exactly the words that she really wanted to hear from her long time ago. She didn’t really get why it feels like harder for her mom than her to accept the reality, but nevertheless, she is really glad that her mother finally reassured her that it’s really okay.

“Mom, is it okay for me to be ordinary again? I feel like I’m not really good at studying, but I won’t give up, I promise! But, I’m really confused all this time. Since young, I only know ice-skating and everything about it, so right now when I don’t belong to the ice-ring anymore, I’m struggling so much to find what I’m good at. I feel like I’m not good at anything besides ice-skating. The thought really haunted me. But I’ll try to find it and continue my life. Even so, I don’t have much confident to be really good at whatever I’m going to do later. So… is it okay for me to be ordinary, mom?”

Her mother look at her and Yuna can’t read her expression. She turned quiet for a little while before broke into a sad smile. “It’s my mistake, Yuna. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t ask you to be the ice-skating athlete for the first time. You should do whatever you want to do since the first time. It’s my fault.”

“Mom, what are you talking about?”

“You don’t have to try, Yuna.” Her mother cupped her cheeks with both of her hands. She’s staring at Yuna with sad eyes, “You’re always extra-ordinary for me. You’re precious. You’re the endless blessing for me. Maybe I’m late to realize – such a fool of me! The one I really love is you, is you.” There tears streaming down her mother’s face. Yuna quickly wiped it gently. She hugged her mother and mumbled ‘I love you more’. It really hurts her to see her mother’s sad expression – her mother looks really sad and hurt and Yuna must be the only reason behind it. 

She sobbed along with her mom. Now that her mom told her clearly to do everything that she want to do without thinking too much, she feels a greater regret than before. 

If only I didn’t get into an accident, Mom would still see me dancing in the ice-ring. Mom really loves to see me in ice-ring, I should have known that. If only……………………

Yuna look at her mom who already fell asleep. She already forced her eyes to shut but it’s no use – she is fully awake. Although her body is dead tired, her mind won’t let her to rest.

She takes her phone to avert his thought, and sudden realization hit her. “Oh my God! Right, Seokmin’s chat!” she cursed herself internally for forgetting it. She’s checking the chat and seeing the falling-snow picture that Seokmin sent her. Her smiled broke as soon as she read the caption. She then sent Seokmin numerous pictures that she took earlier as the reply. 

I’m sorry I’m replying it way too late! I’m busy checking the resort, keke. I’m at Yongpong now! The first falling-snow here looks really great. The scenery is soooo beautiful, right? I take so many pictures, but I only send some of it. I’ll show you all when we meet later. Anyway, I’ll try the ski and also the hot bathing place tomorrow! Yeah, I’ll have a lot of fun with my mother. It’s my very first time to have this kind of holiday! I’m so thrilled! 
How about you? You look having so much fun with Soonyoung sunbae, though. Kekek. I really want to watch Naruto too with you guys sometime.

Seokmin – who is still wide awake and still watching the Naruto with frowned expression – now feels like his mouth going to break from smiling too wide when saw her reply. 

The scenery indeed so great, my backyard suddenly look nothing compared to it. Ah, I hope I was there too! I always want to try the ski. Waah, your first holiday will be so great, it already sounds like that! I hope you enjoy your holiday to the fullest! Anyway, when will you comeback to Seoul? Let’s meet and watch Naruto too, haha. 
My holiday is nothing, but I’m glad Soonyoung didn’t go anywhere and brought me many Naruto episodes that I haven’t watched. Anyway, we’ll do the movie marathon tomorrow. Soonyoung, Yerin and MInghao will come to my home again. My grandmother is so happy about it. 
    

**

“Yuna, why are you look so sleepy?” her mother asked her, looking at her daughter weirdly.

“Ah, it’s because I can’t sleep yesterday.” 

“Why, what’s bothering you??”

“No, nothing. I just chatted with my friend till the dawn.”

“Eh, really? What are you two talking about?”

Yuna smiled a bit. “Nothing. We just talked about…everything.”

“Male or female?”

“Male.” 

Then her mother smirked. “Is it your boyfriend then?”

Yuna surprised and quickly shakes her head. “No, it’s not like that. And stop smiling! We’re just friend!”

“Really?” her mother , “yeah, let’s just see. If you two already in relationship, tell mom, okay?”

“Ah, mom! It’s not like that!” her mother laughed when she saw her flustered expression. “Why deny it so hard, Yuna? It looks really clear that you like him so much.”

“Do I really look that?” she asked in surprise. “Okay, I admit it, I like him – but not in that way! He’s a friend that really helped me a lot so I cherished him. He’s my tutor, mom.”

“Oh, that boy! I should thank him in person. Ask him to visit our home sometime. Mom will cook many delicious foods for him. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be my future son-in-law.”

“Mom why are you being like this?? Aish, seriously.”

Her mother just laughed. “You reminds me of myself when I fell in love back then.” 

“With father?” Yuna blurted out. Her mother realized then that she shouldn’t say that. So she only laughed to hide her nervous expression that Yuna could clearly see. “Of course, if it’s not him then who?”

Yuna nodded. She really wanted to ask about her father further, but her mother seems still very uncomfortable about that sensitive topic. So, Yuna decide it best to just let it go this time. She just wants to spend a quality time with her mom and she can’t ruin her mood now.

“Okay, then let’s try the ski, now. I can’t wait anymore.” She beamed. Her mother nodded enthusiastically and held Yuna’s hand. Yuna smiled, but when they walk, Seokmin’s face suddenly popped in her mind. 

Do I really like him? In that… different way?

Yuna intentionally will spend a week at Yongpong, but at the fourth day, her mom suddenly got a call from someone. After that call, Yuna hurriedly pack their belongings like her mom told her and check-out from the resort in the evening. They directly went back to Seoul just like that. Her mother turned quiet after the call – and when Yuna asked who it was, her mother only told her that it was someone important and she needs to meet the person real soon.

Yuna is definitely disappointed, but she is thankful for the holiday although it felt like a split of seconds. Nevertheless, she’s still happy that she can finally spend some quality time with her mother. 

“Mom, I’ll print the picture that we took at Yongpong and display it in the living room. How about that?” Yuna asked in the morning, cheerfully. She thought her mother bad mood won’t last till this morning, but she’s wrong. She doesn’t know what kind expression her mother has – she can’t figure it out. Her mother skipped the breakfast and went out in the morning only kissed Yuna’s temple in light and told that it was a great idea.

Yuna looked at her mother’s back and she can’t help but worried her. Just how many secrets that her mom keep it from her?

Seokmin squealed as he read Yuna’s chat, told him that she is already at Seoul. Seokmin can’t help but called her and Yuna quite surprised because Seokmin rarely called her. But when she picked up the call and heard his voice, she is glad that he called.

(but Seokmin’s happiness is on another whole level, though.)

“I thought your holiday will last till the next three days?” Seokmin asked in surprised, but also in a happy tone.

“It supposed to be like that. But my mother got sudden call from someone and she hurriedly back to Seoul. She is going to meet that someone now. She didn’t even eat her breakfast. I’m kind of worried.”

“Ah, I see. I hope nothing bad will happen. Anyway, do you have a free time today?”

“I think I’ll clean my house and print some picture. I’m sorry. How about tomorrow?”

Seokmin is quite disappointed, but the thought of meeting her tomorrow make him in delight again. “Okay, call. I’ll pick you at 9, how about that?”

“Okay. But I don’t think you have to pick me though? Let’s just meet some – “

“No, I’ll pick you.” Seokmin cut her. “See you tomorrow, okay?”

Yuna wait for her mom anxiously. It’s 9PM and her mom doesn’t comeback yet. She called her several times but she didn’t pick it. Yuna dialed some number – her mother’s friend number, and asked whether they know where her mom is. But no one knows where.

Yuna looked at the clock. It’s already 11PM. Yuna can’t stand it anymore and wear her jacket, about to go outside to search for her mom but the door suddenly thumped. There is her mom, walk in stumbling steps. 

“Mom!” Yuna screamed out, quickly hold her mom and helped her walk to the sofa. Yuna smells the strong scent of alcohol and cringed. “Just how many bottles did you drink? You look so awful, Mom! Why are you even drinking in the first place!”

Instead of an answer, Yuna heard her mom crying silently. Yuna surprised to see how sorrowful her expression is, she looks very much in pain. “Mom, oh mom. Just what happened with you? What’s wrong, mom?”

Her mom is crying louder. She hit her own chest, can’t stand the pain that her heart suffer. Yuna hugged her and crying – it’s really hurt her to see her mother dealing her own pain and she can’t do anything to help her. “Mom, please.” Her voice is shaking, “please tell me who’s hurting you.”
But there’s still no answer. 

Yuna took off her mother’s shoes and socks carefully. After that, she also took off the cardigan she wore. She sighed, glad that her mother finally able to fell asleep after she hugged her and calmed her. Yuna hardly helped her walk to her bedroom and lie her down. She hopes her mother will found something happy in her dream – because she’s already suffering enough in reality. Although it’s really painful to see her mom cried like that, she felt a great relief that her mom didn’t hurt anywhere physically. It’s almost a miracle to see her mom who was heavily drunk comeback home safely. 

She took a step closer to cover her with the blanket, but her toes hit something. She bent down and found a box under her mother’s bed.  “What is it?” she mumbled. She thought it was a shoes or a bag, but when she opened it, it full of stuffs and letters and a book. She took the book and opened it. Her eyes wide open when she realized what the book was.

It was her mom’s diary.
 

hello! I'm not sure you notice it but yes, I was iueru and I changed my username. (it's not important but still)

one of my 2017 resolution is to finish this before 2017 ends, I hope i'll able to do it! I realize I made so many mistakes, so I'll try to re-read and edit it from the first chap once I finished this. I hope it won't take more than 30 chapters... but who knows.

sorry for not updating it for such a long time. This chapter kinda slow but I hope you still enjoy it. I'm very thankful for every each of you who read, put comment, subscribe, and even vote for this. Although I'm not replying to the comment but I'm soososo happy if you let me know your thought. 

ah, I talked to much. Lastly, you can read it while listening to seok's song recommendation on ig. (insert crying emoijs)