Hakyeon woke up with a pouding headache. He didn’t even remember falling asleep, but he figured he must have eventually passed out due to exhaustion. All he could remember was drinking the night away, and the evidence was scattered around him. He forced himself to get up and clean up the empty beer cans, before scribbling down a note.

Wonshikkie,

Hope you’re okay^^ I’ve gone home to get some rest. Call me if you need me, okay?

Sorry about last night.

- Hakyeon

He knew his feelings were irrational, but a small part of him couldn’t help but feel somewhat angry at Wonshik. Of course it wasn’t Wonshik’s fault that Taekwoon never reciprocated his feelings, but in his hungover and heartbroken state, Hakyeon needed someone to blame his sadness on. He left quietly, opting to walk home in hopes that the fresh morning air would help clear his head.

Hakyeon walked slowly, taking deep breaths of the crisp morning air. He shivvered a little, regretting not throwing on a coat last night. On his way back home, he walked by the park, noticing children happily playing on the swing set. He smiled to himself, remembering how he and Taekwoon first met.

They were young, six years old when they first met. Taekwoon was new at school, having recently been adopted and relocated where his new parents lived. The rest of the children in their class were pretty harsh on poor Taekwoon, finding his shyness and cold apperance to be intimidating. From day one, the other children bullied him, but Hakyeon reached out to him instead.

Hakyeon knew what it was like being picked on, being the main target for the bullies in his class before Taekwoon arrived. Everyone always picked on Hakyeon for being a bit more emotional and flamboyant than the other boys, and for not having a dad. It took a whole week of persistence for Taekwoon to fully warm to Hakyeon, finally trusting he was genuine. From that point on, the two were inseperable.

Hakyeon sighed to himself, wishing that things could have stayed that simple. As he reached his apartment and unlocked the door, he was greeted by an unfamiliar face. An incredibly handsome boy was sat on the sofa wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, eating cereal. The boy laughed out of embarrassment, holding up a hand to wave at Hakyeon.

”...Hey... So... this is awkward, huh~?”

The boy’s voice was pleasantly deep, and Hakyeon couldn’t help but notice how cute this boy’s smile was. He had dimples that would make anyone swoon. Hakyeon locked the door, slipping his key back into his pocket before walking over to the boy and offering out his hand. “Hey, uhm, I’m Hakyeon~”

“Hongbin,” the boy smiled awkwardly, shaking Hakyeon’s hand. Ah, so this is Hongbin, Hakyeon thought to himself. Jaewhan really wasn’t exaggerating how incredibly good looking Hongbin was after all.

“Beaaaaaaaaaaaaan~” Jaewhan called out playfully, entering the room in a similar state of undress before realising Hakyeon was home. Embarrassed, he tried to pull out some aegyo by shooting some finger hearts Hakyeon's way.

“Hey Jaewhannie,” Hakyeon mumbled, rolling his eyes at the aegyo that would normally charm him. He walked to the kitchen, and grabbed a piece of bread, haphazardly removing the crust before chewing on it in an attempt to soak up the alcohol.

“Hey... so... this is Hongbin,” Jaewhan awkwardly gestured towards his handsome friend.

“I noticed,” Hakyeon responded sarcastically.

Jaewhan walked over to his hungover hyung, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He furrowed his brow as he whispered. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah...” Hakyeon lied. He offered the younger boy a weak smile, touched that Jaewhan cared enough to ask. “Just... had a friend emergency. Everything’s okay.”

“You should probably get a shower, you stink~” Jaewhan whispered cheekily to lighten the atmosphere, recieving a playful neck chop from his hyung in response.

Both boys walked back over to the couch to join their handsome guest. Hakyeon noticed the younger boys subtly flirting by shooting each other suggestive glances. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why both boys were only wearing towels. Hakyeon gritted his teeth, finding it hard to hide his jealousy. He still wasn't sure whether he truly did have feelings for Jaewhan, but seeing him flirt with someone else did bother him a little bit.

Consumed with his guilt and jealousy, Hakyeon wanted to forget everything. He wasn’t sure what had suddenly come over him, but Hakyeon had an idea he couldn’t get out of his head. Whether it was the lack of sleep, the hangover, the heartbreak, Hongbin’s abs, or a combination of all four - he simply had to at least suggest what was on his mind...

------------------------------------------------------- 

Hakyeon lay in his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He still wasn’t sure what had made him suggest a , but he was now certain it was a terrible idea. He rolled over in bed, pulling the duvet over his body. He sighed as he heard Jaewhan knock on his door.

“Hakyeon, can I come in?

“No.”

“Oh...” Jaewhan sounded concerned. ”...Please? Hongbin left for work, can we just talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about Jaewhan? We all had , there’s nothing more to it.”

“It’s just... you’re acting really weird, Hakyeon. It wasn’t like you to suggest something like that-“

“Stop acting like you know me!” Hakyeon finally snapped. He clung to his duvet, closing his eyes tight to try and stop himself from crying. Despite having just had with two people, he felt so alone, so empty. “Just... just leave me alone...” he sighed, defeated. He listened as Jaewhan sighed, gathered his bag and slammed the door angrily. Once he was sure Jaewhan was gone, Hakyeon let the tears flow.

------------------------------------------------------- 

13 years old, 8 years ago

------------------------------------------------------- 

“Ah, hello Hakyeon~”

“Hello~!” Hakyeon smiled happily as he greeted Taekwoon’s mother. “Is Taekwoonie okay?”

Taekwoon’s mother sighed as she stepped aside, gesturing to the boy to come inside and closing the door quietly behind him. “He... he had a bad night,” she explained. “We thought it best he miss school today, he probably couldn’t have faced it in the state he’s in.”

“Poor Woonie...” Hakyeon frowned, looking at the stairs with a concerned expression. ”...Can I go see him?”

“You can try,” she sighed. “But I’m not sure he’ll open the door. He hasn’t let me or his father in all day, either.”

“I’ll try my best~” he smiled warmly, striking a cute ‘fighting’ pose with his hand before making his way up the stairs. Once he reached Taekwoon’s room, he slipped his bag off his shoulder and sat down on the floor, preparing himself for a long wait. “Taekwoonie~~~ It’s Hakyeonnie~!” he sang out as he began to knock on his best friend's bedroom door.

No response.

“I've got you a copy of our homework~”

No response.

“You know I’m not leaving until you let me in, right~? I can sit here all day~”

No response.

“Maybe I should sing to pass the time~?” he smirked, confident that he’d finally get a response. “Okay... I guess I’ll start singing then-“

Just as he expected, as soon as he was about to start his singing, he heard the door unlock and Taekwoon begrudgingly open it. Pleased with himself, he grabbed his bag and entered the room, greeting his best friend with a cheesy grin.

“You’re really annoying, you know.”

“It’s nice to see you too~”

Taekwoon sighed as he closed and locked the door behind Hakyeon, who’d already made himself comfortable on the bed. He took in a deep breath before turning to join his friend.

“Your mom said you weren’t feeling too great,” Hakyeon frowned, looking up at his friend as he fumbled around in his backpack. Taekwoon, who hadn’t even bothered getting changed out of his pyjamas, sighed as he sat down next to him.

“Yeah, I...” Taekwoon paused, staring at the floor as he searched for the right words. He bit his lip nervously, and began to fiddle with the hem of his pyjama shirt. ”...I just had a bit of a meltdown yeseterday and... I don’t know...”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Hakyeon placed a comforting hand on Taekwoon’s shoulder. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I was just worried about you. It's so lonely at school without my Woonie~”

Taekwoon flinched a little at Hakyeon’s touch, but as he turned to look at him he was greeted with the same warm smile Hakyeon always had. It always made Taekwoon feel comfortable, and he couldn’t help but smile shyly back. ”...T-thank you...”

Hakyeon smiled to himself. He wasn’t sure when he'd started feeling this way, but something about the way Taekwoon smiled at him made him feel really happy in a way he’d never felt before. “I’ll just put this here,” he said, finally locating the homework sheets in his bag. He leant over and placed them on Taekwoon’s desk, knowing very well his friend wasn’t in the mood for homework.

”...Yeonie...?”

“Yeah?”

”...W-would it be okay for you to stay over tonight? I... I think I’d like the company...”

“Sure, that should be fine. Let me just ask my mom~”

After a quick phone call, Hakyeon was granted permission to stay over only if he made sure to get to school the next day. Although he’d slept over at Taekwoon’s house probably millions of times by now, Hakyeon had began to feel a little nervous sleeping in the same bed as his best friend. He wasn’t sure why, but he wondered if it had something to do with the way Taekwoon’s smile made him feel.

Hakyeon went downstairs to tell Taekwoon’s mother he was staying over, and her face lit up with joy. “Oh Hakyeon, you really are an angel~” she smiled, ruffling the boys hair playfully. “I’m so glad you managed to get Taekwoonie to open up to you. Are you boys hungry~? I’ll bring you some dinner, okay?”

Once they had eaten, Hakyeon borrowed some pyjamas from Taekwoon and the two boys got ready for bed. With both of his parents out at work, and with no plans of going to school tomorrow, Taekwoon managed to convince Hakyeon to stay up late with him and watch a movie. The boys constructed a pillow fort on Taekwoon’s bed, and hid inside with Taekwoon’s laptop and a romantic movie they had settled on.

Throughout the movie, Hakyeon found himself glancing over Taekwoon a lot, staring at his lips. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but Hakyeon found himself really mesermerised by Taekwoon’s lips - something about them fascinated him. He grew increasingly curious about them as the movie went on, especially when the main characters were kissing. In a particular scene where the character’s were lost in an intense and passionate kiss, Hakyeon began to blush, thinking to himself that he’d really like to try doing that with Taekwoon.

Once the movie was over, the boys deconstructed their fort and made the bed back into a regular old bed. As they settled down to sleep, Taekwoon noticed Hakyeon’s cheeks were especially red. “Yeonie?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay? You look flushed...” Taekwoon said, placing a hand on Hakyeon’s forehead to check if he was running a temperature.

“Oh, uh... I...” Hakyeon gulped, swatting Taekwoon’s hand away. His blush only deeped as he found himself staring at Taekwoon’s lips again. “I uh... Y-you know how in the movie they... uhm... they... kissed a lot...?”

“Yeah?”

“I, uhm...” Hakyeon bit his lip, trying to take his eyes off Taekwoon’s lips - a task he was finding impossible. ”...Do you... I mean... Do you ever wonder what kissing feels like...?”

Taekwoon blushed, becoming shy at just the thought of it. He had noticed Hakyeon staring at his lips, and now he finally knew the reason why. He would be lying if he acted like he wasn’t at least a little bit curious - being a hormonal teenager - and he didn’t trust anyone but Hakyeon to try it with.

“Do you... do you wanna try it?” he asked quietly as he sat up. Hakyeon stared at him, his mouth open slightly in awe, unsure of how to answer. He blinked a couple times, as if to make sure what was happening was real. “Yeonie?”

“I, uhm...” Hakyeon looked away shyly as he sat up, too, nervously fiddling with the duvet. He gulped, his face becoming warmer and warmer as his blush deepened. ”...I... Y-yeah,” he stuttered, finally gaining the courage to make eye contact with his friend again. As he looked into Taekwoon’s eyes, he felt his heart start racing. Why is Woonie making me feel so nervous all of a sudden? ”...Yeah, let’s try it.”

“Okay,” Taekwoon looked at his friend, a little confused by his behaviour. Why is he acting so strange? Unsure of where to start, Taekwoon brushed a lock of Hakyeon’s unruly fringe behind his ear, before moving closer to him. He was a little taken aback by how warm Hakyeon’s skin was. ”...Are you sure you’re okay, Yeonie? You feel really warm...”

“I-I’m fine,” he muttered in response, finding himself lost in Taekwoon’s eyes. Finding himself longing for Taekwoon to touch him gently like that forever

Taekwoon shuffled a little closer to Hakyeon on the bed, leaning in close enough that the tips of their noses were almost touching. He placed a hand on Hakyeon’s cheek, closing his eyes as he slowly, shyly pressed his lips against Hakyeon’s. Hakyeon, in contrast, had his eyes wide open, not able to take his eyes off Taekwoon. As their lips touched, Hakyeon’s heart skipped a beat and the only thing on his mind was the thought that he wanted to kiss Taekwoon like this for the rest of his life.

Taekwoon pulled away from the kiss, biting his lip shyly. “That... felt nice... huh?”

At a complete loss for words, Hakyeon simply nodded in response.

“Do you... want to practice some more?”

------------------------------------------------------- 

“Will that be all, sir?”

“Yes,” Hakyeon mumbled in response, ashamed of the amount of alcohol he was purchasing. He swiflty paid the cashier, taking his shopping bag filled with beer cans and hair products.

“Oh, sir! Your change!” the cashier called out to him.

“Keep it.”

Hakyeon hung his bag on his wrist as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He sighed as he made his way back to his apartment, only a few blocks away. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but he was fairly certain Jaewhan wouldn’t be home yet, meaning he could get a few more hours of drinking in before he had to socialise again.

Once he returned home, he slouched against the door, letting himself slide down to the floor. He reached into his pocket, getting his key out and turning slightly in order to lock the door behind him. Seeing Taekwoon hospitalised had reminded him of the reason why they fell out of contact for so long, and it hurt. A lot. Especially since he'd neglected his best friend in his time of need - hearing that Taekwoon had missed him the past few weeks had broken his heart.

Overwhelmed with guilt, he pulled a beer can out of the bag, breaking the tab and downing the whole can in one. As he tried to stand up, he felt somewhat light headed and dizzy, and grabbed on to the door handle for balance. Once he composed himself, he picked up his bag and headed to the bathroom, pulling out another beer can and opening it, taking sips as he read the instructions on the box of peroxide he'd purchased.

He washed his hair in the sink, preparing to bleach it as more memories came back to him.

------------------------------------------------------- 

14 years old, 7 years ago

------------------------------------------------------- 

“I’m sorry I’m late, I-” Taekwoon paused as he realised Hakyeon wasn’t waiting at their usual spot by the school gate. ”...Hakyeon?” he called out, wondering where his best friend was. Focusing his senses, he listened out for any sign of Hakyeon, and found himself following a pained cry just around the side of the school’s gym. There, he found a small group of bullies beating his best friend up.

Hakyeon was bundled up in a ball on the floor, recieving kicks and punches from every angle. He was silently sobbing, covered in cuts and bruises. Between the punches he managed to open his eyes briefly, catching a glimpse of Taekwoon and mouthing to him to run away so that he wouldn’t suffer the same fate. Taekwoon wasn’t about to let his best friend be treated like dirt, though, and so he lunged at the bullies, punching the toughest looking one square in the jaw.

“Hey, what the ?!” the bully whined out, holding his jaw in pain. Caught by surprise, the other two boys ceased their beating of Hakyeon and shifted their focus to Taekwoon, cracking their fists in preparation for a fight. However, once their leader had regained some composure and looked at Taekwoon, he warned the other boys off him. “Just... leave it guys. Let’s go.” he grunted, spitting on Hakyeon as one final insult before he ran away with his friends.

“W-Woonie...” Hakyeon cried, shivvering from the pain of his injuries.

“Hakyeon...” Taekwoon frowned, holding back tears from seeing his friend in such a state. He'd been beaten up by bullies like that many times before, but he'd never seen Hakyeon beaten up so badly. It wasn’t the first time he saw Hakyeon getting beaten up, but this was definitely the worst he’d been beaten. Taekwoon kneeled down next down to him and his hair to comfort him. “Can you stand?”

Hakyeon nodded weakly, sobbing as he tried to push himself up right using a hand and his shoulder. Knowing he was struggling, Taekwoon took Hakyeon’s hand and helped him steadily to his feet. He was weak, and couldn’t stop crying. He buried his face into Taekwoon’s chest as he sobbed, wrapping his arms around him and clinging to him tightly. Not sure of what to do, Taekwoon put one arm around his friend to reciprocate the hug, and used the other to Hakyeon’s hair in a comforting manner. “It’s okay, Yeonie... Let’s go back to mine, okay? I’ll look after you. Don’t worry. I made you a present.”

Hakyeon nodded into Taekwoon’s chest, pulling away and wiping his tears on the sleeve of his school blazer. He sniffed, trying to stop his nose from running. “O-okay,” he mumbled, offering his friend a weak smile. “Thank you, Woonie.” Taekwoon smiled back, ruffling Hakyeon’s hair playfully before picking up Hakyeon’s bag and swinging it over his spare shoulder, knowing his friend was probably too weak to carry it. Once he was sure both of their bags were secure on his back, he offered his hand to Hakyeon, the boys holding hands as they walked to Taekwoon’s house.

“You can stay over, if you want to,” Taekwoon offered, searching the cabinets for the first aid kit. “My mom’s away on a conference and my dad’s on the night shift, so it’ll just be us.” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Hakyeon was listening. “Ah, here it is,” he mumbled, gathering up the first aid kit and making it over to the kitchen counter where Hakyeon was sat. “Oh, Yeonie... Those bastards got you bad this time, huh?”

“I’ll be fine,” Hakyeon smiled weakly. “Hey... thank you for saving me again, Woonie. You’re always there for me...”

“You’re my best friend, silly~” Taekwoon smirked, gently nudging Hakyeon’s shoulder. “I’m always going to be here for you,” he smiled as he opened up the first aid kit and picked out the items he needed to tend to his friend’s wounds. “This will sting, okay?” he said as he dabbed some antiseptic on to a cotton bud, gently applying it to the worst cuts.

“Yah! Woonie, that really hurts!” Hakyeon whined out in pain.

“I’m sorry~”

After he was all cleaned and bandaged up, Taekwoon poured them some whiskey with cola, topping the drinks off with a lot of ice. The two were fairly rebellious teenagers, especially since Taekwoon's parents were rarely home. Their jobs demanded the majority of their time, his mother being a vet and his father being a surgeon. Despite not being around much, he was very close to them both - especially his mother.

The two teenagers had experimented a fair amount, with alcohol and with each other's bodies. Taekwoon handed Hakyeon his drink and sat across from him at the kitchen counter. “So, wanna stay over? We can do whatever you want.”

“Okay,” Hakyeon smirked, taking a sip of his drink. “Sounds good. Hey, Woonie?”

“Yeah?”

Hakyeon leant over the counter, placing a hand on the back of Taekwoon’s head to pull him closer. He planted a sweet, tender kiss on Taekwoon’s lips before releasing him and sitting back down. He blushed to himself, looking away shyly as he muttered another “Thank you.”

"Oh, I almost forgot," Taekwoon smiled, fumbling aroung in his pockets until he retrieved what he was searching for. "Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"I made you something... it's a surprise," he mumbled shyly, biting his lip. He smiled to himself as Hakyeon closed his eyes, taking his best friend's hand and carefully pulling his arm out straight. Hakyeon smiled to himself as he felt Taekwoon tying something around his wrist.

"Can I look yet?"

"Y-yeah..."

As Hakyeon opened his eyes, his heart skipped a beat. Tied around his wrist was a poorly made friendship bracelet, with beads on it that read 'Yeonie'. As he looked up at Taekwoon, he noticed he was holding his wrist up proudly, wearing a matching bracelet which said 'Woonie'. Overwhelmed with happiness at Taekwoon's sweet gift, Hakyeon cried, jumping up and reaching across the kitchen counter to pull his best friend into a hug.

The boys sat, talking and drinking for a while until Taekwoon’s stomach began to rumble. He got up, searching the kicthen for something to make for dinner but much to his dismay they didn’t have any food in. He sighed. “Sorry, I guess I’ll have to go to the shops-“

“I can go, instead,” Hakyeon offered. He had an idea in mind, and going to the shops would give him the perfect opportunity to act on his idea.

“No, Yeonie, I’m not going to let you do that - not after everything you’ve been through today,” he responded. “You should get some rest, call your mom and tell her you’re staying over.”

“Wooooonieeeee~” he whined, grabbing his friend’s arm and clinging to it. “Please let me come with you~ I’ll be bored all alone~”

Taekwoon sighed. “Fine. Don’t pick up anything we don’t need though, okay?”

“Okay~!” Hakyeon agreed, pleased he would have the opportunity to act on his plans. The boys went to the closest shop, Taekwoon buying the ingredients to make them some ramyeon for dinner and some ice cream, since Hakyeon loved ice cream so much. Once he paid, he noticed Hakyeon going back for something else. He called out to him but was ignored. Rolling his eyes, he stepped outside with their shopping and leant against the wall as he waited for his friend to join him.

A few minutes later, Hakyeon joined him with a sheepish grin on his face. Taekwoon questioned him, but Hakyeon refused to answer any questions, smirking to himself as they walked back to Taekwoon’s home once again. After dinner, the two cuddled up together in bed with their tub of ice cream, Hakyeon resting his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder as they watched a movie together.

Hakyeon wasn’t paying much attention to the film, instead biting his lip, lost in thought. He gulped, nervous to bring up what was on his mind. “Woonie...?”

”Yeah?”

“You... you said we could do whatever I wanted, r-right?”

Taekwoon leant forward, pressing pause on the movie. He sat back, looking over at his friend who was nervously fiddling with the duvet. ”...What do you want to do?” he asked, eyebrow raised in curiosity.

“Well, I... w-whilst we were shopping, I brought something~”

”...And?”

Hakyeon got out of bed, going over to his folded up clothes and getting a pair of mysterious items out of the pocket of his school trousers. He bit his lip as he climbed back into bed, straddling Taekwoon. He smirked shyly as he finally revealed the mystery items he had been secretly hiding the whole time.

A . And lubricant.

“Y-Yeonie?!” Taekwoon’s face turned bright red, his eyes widened in shock as he realised what his friend was suggesting.

“Woonie... I wanna try going the whole way~"

“H-Hakyeon...” Taekwoon bit his lip, equally excited and terrified by the idea. The two had done practically everything else, but the thought of having was still pretty scary. He placed his hands on Hakyeon’s hips, leaning in closer so that the two could kiss. After one sweet kiss, he pulled away, looking at Hakyeon a little bit concerned. ”...Are you sure about this?”

“I’m sure~”

”...You’re all injured though, Yeonie,” he frowned. “I don’t want to wind up hurting you anymore. Maybe we should wait-“

“Taekwoon,” Hakyeon interrupted, placing a hand on his friend’s chubby cheeks. “I’m sure. Please?”

“I...”

“Pleaaaaaaaaaase~?” Hakyeon begged in a sing-song tone, landing another kiss on Taekwoon’s soft lips.

The boys looked at each other hesitantly, both nervous about what they were about to do but also both hormonal and incredibly eager. Hakyeon slowly removed his shirt, tossing it to the side. He glanced at Taekwoon with half-lidded eyes, eager for him to removed his clothes too. He crawled off of Taekwoon’s lap and lay down next to him, letting Taekwoon climb on top.

They fumbled around clumbsily, removing each other’s clothes as their kisses grew increasingly passionate. Once both down to their boxers, Taekwoon pulled away from their kiss, panting as he tried to regain his breath. Hakyeon whined, unhappy about their sudden lack of contact. Once Taekwoon’s breathing had steadied, he asked, once more. “Are you sure about this...?”

Hakyeon nodded as he removed his boxers, preparing himself with the lube he had brought. He bit his lip, enjoying the way Taekwoon looked at him in awe. The boys shared one more kiss before Taekwoon finally removed his underwear, causing Hakyeon to moan with desire as he saw Taekwoon’s . A little embarassed and self concious, Taekwoon looked away as his face became more and more red. Hakyeon grabbed his chin, turning him to face him and made sure they were making eye contact as he began to Taekwoon’s .

“A-ah~”

Taekwoon’s moans were like music to Hakyeon’s ears, encapsulating everything he loved about Taekwoon perfectly. They were sweet, soft and gentle moans, that made him realise that the crush he had developed on his best friend was a lot deeper than just a crush. He really was beginning to fall in love with him. He didn't know why Taekwoon's body was covered in scars - aside from the ones that were self inflicted  - but he didn't care. To him, Taekwoon was perfect.

Hakyeon used his spare hand to tear open the wrapper, taking it out and passing it to Taekwoon. “Woonie... A-are you ready...?”

Taekwoon gulped, biting down hard on his lip to try and hold back his moans. He nodded hesitantly, not sure he could muster up any coherant words with all the blood in his body flowing away from his mind to elsewhere. Hakyeon stopped touching him, allowing him to take the and make sure he put it on properly

Slowly and gently, he entered Hakyeon, kissing him sotly as he managed to get further and further inside. Both boys moaned into their kisses, Hakyeon wrapping his legs around Taekwoon’s waist to pull him in closer. He wrapped his arms around him too, their kisses slowly becoming more intense as Taekwoon was finally all the way in.

“A-are you okay?”

“I’m great,” Hakyeon smiled, basking in the way Taekwoon made him feel. He kissed him on the nose and pulled away, taking a moment to study every detail of his best friend’s face. As they pressed their foreheads together gently, closing their eyes and smiling to themselves, Hakyeon realised he was completely in love with his best friend. “This feels really great, Woonie~”

Taekwoon let out a soft grunt as he began to into Hakyeon, gently biting and kissing down his long neck. Hakyeon’s eyes rolled back in pleasure, allowing himself to really let go and enjoy the moment, out probably a little bit too loud as Taekwoon’s s became deeper and harder.

It didn’t take long for them both to come. Hakyeon came especially hard and made a complete mess all over his stomach. The boys laughed, smiling at each other as they took a moment to take everything in, and process what had just happened. After the moment had passed, Taekwoon pulled out, disposing of the and grabbing a towel for Hakyeon to clean up with. He offered for them to share a shower, but Hakyeon grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him back into bed.

“We can shower in the morning~” he said, pulling Taekwoon into a hug. He ran his fingers through Taekwoon’s messy hair lovingly, snuggling up closer to him. “Let’s get some rest~”

“Mm,” Taekwoon mumbled sleepily, a little bit exhausted from them losing their ity to each other. He wrapped his arms around Hakyeon, pulling him closer as he rested his head on top of his. Closing his eyes, he mumbled, “Goodnight, Yeonie...” before quickly falling asleep.

Carefully pulling away so that he didn’t wake Taekwoon up, Hakyeon sat up for a moment. He brushed some hair off Taekwoon’s face, so that he could admire how peaceful he looked as he slept. He looks like an angel, Hakyeon thought to himself as a big smile tugged at his lips. He’s beautiful, he thought, as he lay back down and rested his head on Taekwoon’s chest, closing his eyes as he cuddled him. He smiled, realising the only thing either of them were wearing were their friendship bracelets. “Goodnight, Woonie...” he mumbled to himself. “I love you...”

------------------------------------------------------- 

After checking out his new blonde hair in the bathroom mirror, Hakyeon headed for the living room. He lay down on the couch with his third can of beer, sighing as he chugged some more. He'd been drinking practically all day, and showed no signs of stopping.

Lazing about on the couch in his drunken state, he hadn't even noticed Jaewhan was home.

"Hakyeon?" Jaewhan frowned, concerned by his hyung's behaviour. As he looked around, he noticed empty beer cans scatterd around their living room. "Have you just been drinking all day?"

"So what if I have?" Hakyeon slurred, barely managing to push himself up into a sitting position. He sighed, frustrated with himself and how he was behaving. Usually, he was so good at keeping it together, regardless of how tough things became. But... seeing Taekwoon in such a vulnerable state the previous night had just... broke him. His heart couldn't take it. "...Look, Jaewhannie, I'm sorry-"

"Don't worry about it. It's fine, I'm just..." Jaewhan sighed, walking over to the couch and dropping his rucksack to the floor as he sat next to Hakyeon. "...I'm just worried about you, you know? Do you wanna talk about it?"

Agaiinst his better judgement, Hakyeon moved in for a kiss with Jaewhan, only to be rejected.

"Hakyeon, I... Look, we can't do that kind of thing anymore," Jaewhan mumbled, looking away guiltily. "Beanie... Hongbin, he... he asked me to be his boyfriend and...  well, I said yes."

"Oh, right."

"...Hakyeon, talk to me. What's going on? Does it have something to do with that 'friend emergency'?"

"Why should you care, Jaewhan?" Hakyeon snapped bitterly. Annoyed at himself, he stood up, dizzy but eager to avoid talking. He picked up the remaining beer cans and grabbed his coat, slamming the door behind himself and leaving his apartment to wander the streets aimlessly.

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15 years old, 6 years ago

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Although it was Summer, it was a dark and cold night. The two best friend's were going for a walk when Hakyeon suddenly pulled Taekwoon into an area filled with trees, pinning him up against one in order to make out. They wound up sat behind one of the trees, trying their best to hide - but admittedly, the risk of getting caught excited them both. Since they lost their ity to one another, the two had continued to have an ocassionally ual relationship, which had only served to deepen Hakyeon's feelings towards his best friend.

To Taekwoon, it was some harmless fun with his best friend which allowed them both to deal with their hormonal urges. To Hakyeon, it was a way of expressing his love to his clueless best friend. 

Hakyeon cupped the younger’s boys precious face in his hands and pulled him into another kiss. He wasted no time moving things forward, straddling Taekwoon and grinding on his crotch as their kisses became more intense. Ignoring his better judgment, he slid his coat off and proceeded to remove Taekwoon’s, eager to run his fingers across the younger boys soft pale skin. Due to the cold, neither boy undressed beyond removing their coats, but that didn’t stop them from sliding their hands under each others clothes to feel one another up.

Taekwoon was confused, surprised by the sudden intensity from his best friend but he wasn’t complaining. He d Hakyeon’s cute , squeezing it and causing the older boy to moan into their kiss. As their tongues explored each other's mouth's, he noticed Hakyeon had started to fumble around with his jeans. After unbuckling his belt, he moved his hands to Taekwoon’s fly, managing to it with relative ease. Taekwoon pulled away from the kiss, tilting his head as he wondered what had suddenly come across his best friend to make him so... eager.

“Woonie~?”

“Y-yeah-?” Taekwoon’s voice cracked as Hakyeon’s hand had found its way into his jeans and had started to jerk him off. He blushed, biting down on his lip as he held back his urge to moan.

“Do you...?” Hakyeon didn’t even need to finish his sentence, recieving the ‘yes’ he craved through an adorable frantic nod from the younger boy.

Taekwoon pulled down his hyung’s jeans and boxers just a little bit, not wanting to make him too cold. He firmly d Hakyeon’s , his soft, cold hands causing Hakyeon to gasp. Slowly, with help from the younger boys firm hands, Hakyeon lowered himself down onto Taekwoon’s . He studied Taekwoon’s face, admiring how cute he looked - blushing cheeks, biting down hard on his beautiful lips.

“Woonie...~” Hakyeon moaned quietly, shivers running down his spine as he finally managed to take all of the younger boys  inside of him. “Woonie...” he cupped the younger boy’s face in his hands, pinching his chubby cheeks playfully. He closed his eyes and kissed Taekwoon tenderly as he slowly began to ride him.

Taekwoon’s nails dug into Hakyeon’s as they explored each other's mouth's. After a short while Hakyeon began to speed up his pace and was met with gentle s by the younger boy, which caused him to moan dangerously loudly. Hakyeon bit down hard on Taekwoon’s plush lips, just how he knew the younger boy liked it, which finally drew out the soft moan he’d been desperate to hear. 

Hakyeon pulled away from their kisses, panting as he tried to regain his breath. He slowed down his pace a little, not wanting this moment to end too soon. Taekwoon’s hands had made it up to the small of his back, and were pulling him closer to the point their noses were touching. Hakyeon ran his fingers through his best friend’s messy hair, brushing some of it behind his pierced ear. He smiled to himself, remembering the day they had bunked off school to get their ears pierced together. He placed his hand on one of those chubby cheeks he grew to adore and closed his eyes for a brief moment, pressing their foreheads together and smiling to himself.

“Hakyeon?” Taekwoon whispered softly, somewhat taken aback by his hyung’s behaviour.

“Woonie,” Hakyeon smiled, leaning back so that he could make eye contact with those intense, cat like eyes. “I love you.”

"I love you too," Taekwoon smiled, oblivious to Hakyeon's confession. He moved in for another kiss when he found himself being stopped by Hakyeon, who was looking at him with an expression that confused him greatly. He'd never seen Hakyeon look so serious before

"No, Woonie, I mean... I'm..." he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I... I'm in love with you."

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Stumbling and intoxicated, Hakyeon found himself aimlessly heading towards the park. It was a cold afternoon, Summer soon drawing to a close. He found an empty bench to sit on with the two beer cans he had left, watching children play together happily. He longed for those days, the simple days when he and Taekwoon were children. Before their friendship involved . Before it got messy. Before he fell in love.

He sighed, taking a sip from one of the cans as he threw his head back, letting the few rays of sun shine down on his face. It was comforting, but it didn't help him stop feeling terrible. He didn't regret anything that happened between him and Taekwoon, despite how complicated their friendship became at times. He loved Taekwoon, more than anything - as a friend, as a brother, and of course, as the love of his life. But he was willing to forget the latter, so long as Taekwoon was happy.

He was hurt that Taekwoon liked someone else, of course, but it wasn't jealousy that was eating him up. It was a small part of it, but mostly, it was guilt. Guilt that he'd avoided his friend whilst he was getting ill again, even though he felt avoiding him would help. Guilt that he'd walked out on him last night when he begged him not to leave. Guilt about what had happened six years ago.

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15 years old, 6 years ago

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"You probably shouldn't post that anywhere," Taekwoon smirked, amused as he watched Hakyeon have his photo taken by a group of girls. Hakyeon was making a rather amusing, awkward pose with an azalea flower in his hair.

"Woonie?!" Hakyeon announced excitedly, running over to his best friend and pulling him into a hug. Taekwoon hadn't been to school since the night Hakyeon confessed to him, and the two had barely spoke aside from a phone call here or there. Neither of them had talked about Hakyeon's confession, both too awkward to even know how to start that kind of conversation. Hakyeon didn't care - he was just so happy to see his friend. "I've missed you so much, Woonie. You know how boring school is without you?"

"I dunno, Yeonie. Looks like you've been making some friends," Taekwoon smiled towards the group of girls Hakyeon was with. "I've missed you, too, though," he mumbled under his breath, embarrassed. Taekwoon had always been shy about expressing his feelings.

"Where have you been? We've barely spoke," Hakyeon frowned, finally ending their hug. "Are you alright?"

"I..." Taekwoon frowned, biting his lip. As he brought a hand up to fiddle with the hem of his school jumper, Hakyeon frowned, noticing a series of cuts on his wrists.

"...You're not feeling well, huh?" Hakyeon sighed, placing a comforting hand on Taekwoon's shoulder. It wasn't new for Taekwoon to self harm - in fact, Hakyeon had noticed it tended to become more frequent around this time of year, late Summer. He had no idea why, but a part of him felt as though it was his fault. As though his confession was somehow the cause of Taekwoon's mental deteioration this time around. "You can talk to me, Woonie. You know that, right?"

"I know, I just..." Taekwoon trailed off, looking down at his feet with a pained expression on his face. "Yeonie, I... I just..."

"Take your time, Woonie. There's no rush," Hakyeon smiled warmly at his best friend, trying his best to comfort him. It felt as though his efforts were falling on deaf ears, as Taekwoon remained tense.

"...I-I just want you to know, I... I love you a lot, Yeonie. Y-you're like... you're my best friend, m-my only friend... m-my brother, and..." he choked, fighting back tears. "I... t-thank you for... t-thank you for everything. Y-you... You've meant the world to me, and... B-be happy, please?"

"W-Woonie, what are you saying all this for?"

Hakyeon frowned as the school bell interrupted their conversation, and Taekwoon rushed off to class to avoid answering the question. Hakyeon gulped, a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. There was something very unnerving about Taekwoon's behaviour - suddenly turning up to school after weeks of avoiding it, with cuts on his wrists, making sudden heartfelt speeches. It felt off. Hakyeon couldn't shake the anxious feeling he had through the rest of the school day, and when Taekwoon wasn't at their usual spot by the gate after school, he began to panic.

Without thinking, he ran to Taekwoon's home, only to find the door was unlocked.

"Taekwoon?" he called out to the empty house. It was silent, uncomfortable. His parents were at work, and there was no sign of Taekwoon either. For some reason, though, Hakyeon could almost feel that Taekwoon was home.

He quickly scanned the kitchen and living room before making his way up the stairs, slowing down his pace as a sense of darkness seemed to surround him. He didn't know why, but he just knew something bad had happened to his best friend. As he reached the door to Taekwoon's bedroom, he hesitated, almost not wanting to know what was behind the door.

"Woonie...?" he asked, knocking on the bedroom door gently. It, too, was unlocked. Hakyeon could feel a tightness in his throat, as though he couldn't breathe, as he entered the bedroom.

Lying on the floor, face down next to an empty bottle of pills, was Taekwoon's lifeless body.

Tears rolled down Hakyeon's face as he noticed a scrunched up piece of paper next to Taekwoon's pale hand.

I'm sorry

Taekwoon had taken an overdose.

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Hakyeon had always blamed himself for what had happened to Taekwoon. After his suicide attempt at the young age of fifteen, Taekwoon spent several days in the Intensive Care Unit. He had his stomach pumped, and was on life support until he finally managed to regain some strength. Hakyeon was the one who found him, the one who called the ambulance and Taekwoon's parents, and the one who stayed by his side until they arrived.

He visited Taekwoon every day, but the guilt he felt was eating him up. Once Taekwoon was well enough, he underwent a psychiatric evaluation and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for two months. After his best friend was admitted to the psychiatric hospital, Hakyeon stopped visiting him. He felt as though it was for the best, since he had always believed Taekwoon had tried to commit suicide due to his confession.

He thought that Taekwoon felt guilty for not returning his feelings, and that he was the one to blame for Taekwoon's ill health. Hakyeon had never known many details about Taekwoon's biological parents, as he had never told anyone besides his psychiatrists and Wonshik. He had no idea that he wasn't the reason Taekwoon became so ill, and had only fallen out of contact with him for so long in an attempt to protect him. The only reason he'd avoided him the past few weeks was to try and protect him. If only he knew he wasn't the reason behind Taekwoon's turns for the worst, he wouldn't be so consumed by his heavy sense of guilt.

A misunderstanding and miscommunication which had cost the two best friend's so many years of contact.

After finishing off the final can of beer, Hakyeon finally decided to return home. He could barely walk, so drunk and so hazy that he kept having to lean against walls in order to steady himself. Once he arrived home, he spend several minutes attempting to fit the key into the door. As he staggered in, he was met by Jaewhan, who had two packed suitcases.

"Going somewhere nice?" Hakyeon mumbled, a thin veil of sarcasm in his voice.

"I'm uh, I'm moving in with Hongbin," Jaewhan responded, taken aback by Hakyeon's strange behaviour. He had no idea what had brought all of this on - his suggestion of a , his suddenly bleached hair, his drinking, and his uncharacteristically mean behaviour - but he knew he was concerned about it. "Look, I can leave in the morning if you wanna talk or-"

"No, you should go," Hakyeon sighed, stumbling his way over to the couch and collapsing onto it due to exhaustion. "Jaewhannie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. About everything. I know I've been an -"

"No, it's fine," Jaewhan smiled weakly, taking a seat on the couch next to Hakyeon and placing a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Hakyeon? Talk to me."

"It's... it's nothing," he sighed, struggling to stay concious. "I'm tired. Gonna head to bed. Go be with Hongbinnie. You're cute together," he mumbled, pushing himself up in order to stand up. "I'm happy for you," he smiled, sincerely. Before Jaewhan had a chance to respond, Hakyeon headed for his bedroom, closing the door and locking it. He waited until he could hear Jaewhan leave before rummaging through his drawers to find out the friendship bracelet Taekwoon had made for him all those years ago.

He smiled as he held it in his hand.

Woonie...

He frowned, clutching it as he sank down onto the floor, wondering whether Taekwoon still had his.

Hakyeon spent the night crying himself to sleep.