"There's... there's this boy."

"Oh?"

"I... I've never felt this way about someone before, and it... it scares me."

"Why does it scare you?"

"I... I don't know. I don't know how to love correctly."

"There's no correct way to love someone, Taekwoon. Anyways, you've proven you're very capable of loving others. You love your parents, you love Hakyeon."

"I... Yeah, but... I... ah, I don't know..."

"Take your time. There's no rush."

"I... I guess I'm confused, mostly. I feel as though I've always been a burden on the people I love, and I know they don't mean it but... at times, they've reinforced that. Unintentially, of course. But... it's different with him. He just..."

"He makes you feel good?"

"Yeah. Really good. I'm... I'm not used to it. Feeling happy, I mean. It scares me a little - no, a lot."

"You mentioned you were having trouble sleeping lately?"

"A-ah, right. Yeah, I've been having nightmares again. They're worse than usual... I keep waking up in a panic. Crying sometimes. Actually, I've been crying a lot more than usual lately. Just randomly, for no reason. It's... weird."

"What are they about?"

"I... I don't know... they're... They're weird, I guess. Hazy. They feel so familiar, but I'm not sure how. They remind me of the flashbacks I mentioned last time. It's like I'm surrounded by screaming, like I'm being attacked, if that makes sense? Weird sensations, like... a sense I'm being burnt, or stabbed, cut. They... they scare me, a lot. I..."

"Go on."

"....I don't know, maybe they're not connected, but... I've wondered if they have anything to do with my biological parents. Maybe I'm beginning to remember what happened, but... in an abstract way. Am I making any sense? Ah, I don't know..."

"You're making sense, Taekwoon. Honestly, that seems quite likely. It's very common for victims of abuse to repress their memories. As we've discussed before, you went through some truly horrific abuse. This might sound odd, but the fact you're beginning to remember things is actually a really good sign."

"It is?"

"Yes. It's a sign that your brain thinks you're getting stronger, more capable of facing your past. Maybe it's because you're beginning to feel happiness. It's a positive step forward."

"Huh..."

"Taekwoon, may I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"This boy. Have you told him how you feel?"

"O-oh... N-no, I haven't."

"It's important that you have a solid support system around you at a time like this. Perhaps you should consider telling him. I have to ask you one more question: it says in your records that you have a tendancy to... well, let's say, be a little unwell around this time of year. I have to check, are you taking your medication?"

"..."

"Taekwoon?"

"I... Honestly, I'm forgetting them sometimes. I'm just... so tired. I'm barely getting any sleep, and I forget, and-"

"Taekwoon, it's important you take your medication regularly. We don't want to risk you getting worse, especially at such a crucial point in your recovery."

"I know. I'm sorry, it's... I'm not doing it on purpose... I... I'll try and do better. Sorry..."

"There's no need to apologise. But please try and remember, okay? I'm going to perscribe you a short course of zopiclone to try and help you sleep a little better, alright? It's a sleeping tablet. Just make sure you don't take it every day. They can become addictive and if your body gets too used to them, they won't work anymore. It looks like our hour is up. You've done really well speaking openly, today. Remember, you can call me or if I'm busy, one of our duty nurses, if your symptoms worsen. I'll see you in two weeks time."

"Thank you. Bye."

------------------------------------------------------- 

As Taekwoon waited in the pharmacy for his medication to arrive, he thought about what his therapist had told him. It's a positive step forward. He scoffed, not entirely convinced. Although he acknowledged it probably was a good sign, as his therapist had insisted, it certainly didn't feel good. Taekwoon was utterly exhausted, not having slept more than three hours on and off every day for well over a week now. He wished he could enjoy his Summer with Wonshik, but he was simply too spaced out to enjoy anything.

What pained him more than the nightmares and lack of sleep, though, were the flashbacks he'd started having. He wasn't sure why, but they always seemed to happen around this time of year without fail. Realising that he was beginning to remember what he'd been through as a child troubled him deeply. He didn't want to remember, wishing that those memories would stay buried. Taekwoon sighed, knowing that he'd need to face it some day, but he was just so... scared.

"Here you go, sir."

"Thank you," Taekwoon mumbled quietly, taking the bag of medication and carrying it under his arm. He'd always hated taking so much medication - at times, it made him feel as if he were a lab rat being experimented on against his will. Although it was true he was mostly forgetting to take his usual medication due to exhaustion, a small part of him was forgetting on purpose. The self desctructive part of himself that wanted nothing more but to fall apart in the most painful way possible.

It didn't make sense. He was finally experiencing happiness - true happiness - for the first time in his life, yet, he couldn't enjoy it. Perhaps it was because he didn't feel like he deserved it.

I hate myself.

------------------------------------------------------- 

"Wonshik, I'm back," Taekwoon announced quietly as he returned home, yawning afterwards. He felt dizzy, realising that he hadn't eaten or drank anything yet despite it being late afternoon.

"Taekwoon?" Wonshik was in his bedroom, barely able to hear Taekwoon's quiet voice. Instead, he'd heard the door. As he emerged from his bedroom to welcome his roommate home, he noticed how exhausted he looked. "Hey, are you alright?" he asked after giving him a quick hug.

"I'm tired," he sighed. "I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"Ah... alright. Can I get you anything?" Wonshik inquired, worried about his crush. He'd noticed how down he seemed lately, as though he were running on autopilot. Although Taekwoon had never been particularly energetic, he'd always been enthusiastic and passionate, but he'd been lacking that lately. He'd been lacking any energy, and Wonshik was becoming tense not knowing what to do. He wanted to help, so bad, but he simply didn't know how.  "Do you want a drink or anything?"

"Uhm... I guess some water, please. Thank you," Taekwoon smiled weakly, waiting patiently by the kitchen counter as Wonshik fetched him a glass of water. As Wonshik was pouring the drink at the sink, he'd caught a glimpse of the bag under Taekwoon's arm.

"What's that? Medication?" he asked, handing his hyung the glass. He frowned at the thought of Taekwoon being on even more medication, knowing how much he disliked taking them. After reading up on the side effects some of them had, Wonshik kind of hated them too, worried that they could possibly do more harm than good.

"Yeah, they're just sleeping tablets," he shrugged, taking a sip of water. "I... I'm gonna go to bed, anyways. Maybe see you in a few hours?" he sighed, reluctantly heading to his bedroom. He wanted to spend time with Wonshik, but he felt dead on his feet.

After entering his bedroom he sighed deeply, unhappy with how drained he felt. He slipped off his shoes and jacket, not bothering to get changed out of his clothes before walking over to his bed and sitting down. He placed his glass of water on his bedside table, tearing open the bag of medication and reading the instructions on the box. 

As he read through the instructions, he felt his body become tense. He placed the box down on the bedside table, closing his eyes as his dizziness intensified. Tense and unbalanced, he held his head in pain, shutting his eyes tighter as if to will the pain away.

I wish you'd never been born.

Taekwoon's eyes shot open in fear as he began to hear an unfamiliar voice ringing in his ears.

You ruined my life. I never wanted you. Pathetic little brat.

It was the voice of a woman - a voice full on contempt.

No one will ever love you. You know that, right? Who could love a weak little thing like you?

"A-ah!" Taekwoon cried out in pain, an unbareable burning sensation pressing agasint his back. He keeled over in pain, unable to cope with how intense is was becoming. As though someone were pressing a hot iron against his skin. 

I wish I'd gotten an abortion.

"Stop! Please, please stop!" 

"Taekwoon?!" 

Wonshik burst into the older boy's room the second he heard his screams of pain. He found Taekwoon rocking back and forth on his bed, hands pressed tightly over his ears with tears beginning to flow down his soft cheeks. Unsure of what was happening, he tried his best to get through to him. He rushed over, kneeling down on the floor in front of him and carefully grabbing his wrists. Although Taekwoon inititally appeared terrified, flinching at Wonshik's touch with a look of fear in his eyes, he slowly began to calm down, allowing Wonshik to take his hands and hold them tenderly.

Wonshik had found that Taekwoon was very responsive to touch, despite how sensitive he was about it. In an attempt to relax him, Wonshik slowly rubbed his thumbs around in circles on Taekwoon's soft hands, trying his best to make eye contact with the crying boy. Once their eyes met, Wonshik offered a soft smile, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, hoping that Taekwoon would copy him. Slowly, he began to respond, matching Wonshik's slow breathing pace and finally calming down. He soon stopped crying.

"Better?" Wonshik asked, reaching a hand up to Taekwoon's face to wipe his tears away. 

"Y-yeah, I think so...." Taekwoon responded quietly, smiling weakly at his crush. Why is he so nice to me? "I... W-Wonshik-"

"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he interrupted, aware that Taekwoon was struggling to talk after his rather intense flashback and subsequent panic attack. Although he wanted to know what had caused it, he didn't want to push his hyung any further. The look of fear in Taekwoon's eyes had really resonated with him, and he knew that he wanted to avoid causing his crush any more pain. "Are you sure you've calmed down now?"

A weak nod in response.

"A-alright, good. Maybe you should try getting some rest now, yeah?"

Another weak nod.

"Okay. I'll leave you to it then. I'm just gonna be in my room if you need me, okay?"

"Okay."

"Alright. Sleep well, Taekwoon."

As Wonshik finally stood up and began to head towards the door, he felt a gentle tug pull on his shirt. He turned around to find Taekwoon looking up at him innocently,  a soft little smile tugging at his beautiful plush lips.

"Wonshik... t-thank you."

------------------------------------------------------- 

"Hakyeon-hyung?"

"Hey, Wonshikkie~" Hakyeon answered his phone cheerfully as always. It'd been two weeks since the anniversary of his father's death, and he was slowly beginning to feel better. He hadn't forgotten about the other date he was dreading, but to his knowledge, he had nothing to worry about this time around. "How are you doing~?"

"Hey... bro, could you come over later? Taekwoon's not doing so great lately, and I'm... I dunno, I'm a bit lost as to how I can help."

Hakyeon's heart sank.

"What do you mean he's 'not doing so great'?"

"I don't know, he's like..." Wonshik paused, considering how to phrase it delicately. "...I don't think he's very well. He's been having a lot of panic attacks and he's not sleeping. They put him on this sleeping tablet, and like, he seems to be getting a little more rest, but... I don't know if it's really helping that much."

"Panic attacks...?" Hakyeon trailed off, all too familiar with the pattern of behaviour. Suddenly, he began to feel the dread rise in the pit of his stomach once again. "...Shikkie, I... I don't think I'll be able to help."

"What do you mean? You're his best friend-"

"I'm sorry, Shikkie. I... I can't. I've gotta go."

"Hyung? H-Hakyeon? ...He hung up..." Wonshik frowned, staring at his phone. Hakyeon's behaviour had puzzled him - he'd asumed he would dart over, since he was usually almost overly keen to help out his friends. Yet, in this case, it seemed like he wanted to avoid the situation completely. It felt so out of character.

Wonshik sighed, leaving his phone on charge by his bed as he got up to check in on Taekwoon. He moved as quietly as he could, barely opening the door to Taekwoon's bedroom as to not disturb him. He peaked his eyes around the door to check, and breathed a sigh of relief as he noticed the older boy was sleeping seemingly peacefully. Carefully, he shut the door again, heading into the kitchen to try and prepare them some dinner. 

He was useless at cooking, only just about capable of making edible ramyeon. Despite his lack of skills, he wanted to try his best for Taekwoon. Looking through the cupbords, he managed to find the ingredients to prepare kimchi jjigae. Figuring it should be a simple enough dish, he returned to his bedroom to fetch his phone. He certainly didn't feel confident enough to attempt making it without a recipe. As he picked up his phone, he noticed he had a text from Hakyeon. 

From: Hakyeon-bro

Hey, Shikkie, I'm sorry about earlier

I can't really explain it right now but I can't be around Woonie when he's ill like that

It's for his sake

I'll explain one day, I promise

Sorry

Wonshik furrowed his brow, confused. Hakyeon was acting so weird. "He didn't even put emoticons," Wonshik scoffed, unsure of how to react to his hyung's uncharateristic behaviour. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

Zopiclone. Mitrazapine. Diazepam. Clonazepam. Alprazolam. Venlafaxine. Lithium. Pregabalin. Aripiprazole. Olanzapine. Ziprasidone. Gabapentin. Prazosin. Ibuprofen.

All the names were blending together into a big messy blur. Taekwoon had always been slightly amused by the complicated names of his medication - they all sounded so strange, as though they were their own alien language. Thanks to Wonshik's support and encouragement, Taekwoon had slowly began to take his medication's regularly again. 

However, he wasn't feeling much better. His mixture of medications simply added to his exhaustion, making him feel constantly tired. He was dizzy, forgetful, and lacking energy. He'd forgotten he wasn't supposed to take his sleeping tablets every day, and as a result his body had become too used to them. They weren't working anymore.

Additionally, his flashbacks were getting more intense. He'd started to hear a gruff voice alongside the female voice, a slurred voice of a man who sounded like he was drunk. 

What's his name again?

Taekwoon wondered why the male figure in his flashbacks didn't seem to know his name, since the voice felt strangely familiar. He felt as though he knew who these voices belonged to, but he couldn't place them, regardless of how hard he tried. 

He sighed, reaching forward to pick up the TV remote from the coffee table. He turned the volume up on the channel Wonshik had left on in an attempt to drown out the voices. Glancing over at the door, he frowned, bringing his thumb up to his lip and biting down on the tip anxiously. Since his illness had taken a turn for the worse, Wonshik had always been by his side, looking after him whenever he had panic attack or nightmares. Taekwoon could feel himself becoming anxious, however, Wonshik was out doing their grocery shopping, and he wasn't sure how he was going to cope alone.

Biting nervously on his thumb, he turned his attention to the TV, flicking through the channels until he found something vaguely interesting. Despite how hard he tried to stop thinking and focus on the drama he had swtiched over to, the voices burning in his ears showed no signs of letting up.

Well you should have aborted him then, stupid .

Taekwoon furrowed his brow, bringing his knees up to his chest as he bit down on his thumb harder. 

I hope your dad beats you again.

His eyes shot open as the familiar hate-filled voice of the woman echoed in his head.

Mommy hates you, Taekwoon.

"Mom?" Taekwoon whimpered, his voice breaking. With a pained expression on his face, he covered his ears, pressing his hands against them to try and block out the voices he finally recognised. He glanced over at the door once more, troubled by the realisation Wonshik wasn't home yet.

Unsure of what to do, he got up, walking over to his bedroom and gently kicking it open, not wanting to uncover his ears. He walked over to his bedside table, reluctantly removing one hand from his head in order to open the drawer and retrieve his earphones. Taekwoon held them in his teeth as he returned to the living room with his ears still covered, only uncovering them to plug the earphones into his phone. Once they were in, he put on a relaxing playlist of piano pieces in an attempt to quell the anxiety he could feel bubbling up inside him.

After a short while, he fell asleep, soothed by the peaceful music. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

Taekwoon was having the most vivid nightmare he had experienced in his entire life - one that would change his life forever. One in which he would finally remember what had happened to him when he was a child.

It began with the image of a young woman who seemed no older than seventeen. She seemed as though she had a bright future ahead of her: she was intelligent and strikingly beautiful. However, she'd fallen in love with a troubled young man. A young man who took advantage of her love for him to fuel his addictions to heroin and alcohol.

She wound up pregnant, with a child neither of them truly wanted. In her vulnerable state, she saw the child as an opportunity. Maybe the child would inspire her beloved to change, to stop toying with her emotions and beating her when he was high. The two got married, but nothing changed.

The woman gave birth a little boy, who she named Taekwoon. 

Of course, her husband wasn't around for the birth. He didn't even know his son's name.

Initially, she tried to look after the child, but soon grew to resent him. In her twisted mind, her son was supposed to fix her husband, but he'd failed to do that. And that's when the abuse began.

Taekwoon didn't stand a chance from the start, born into a household void of love. He'd only be fed when his mother felt like it - most of the time, she was either arguing with her husband or taking up alcohol as well. She soon became dependant on it, which only lead to her neglecting her son even more.

As he grew up, she grew to hate him more and more. Up until the age of three, she continued to neglect him, but was never physically abusive towards him - only verbally abusive, constantly shouting at the poor boy and putting him down. But when he reached that age, she began to hit him, often times putting out her cigerette's on his back as well. 

His father was rarely around, but when he was there, he was no better. The majority of the physical abuse came from him, as he was far too high to even realise what he was doing. He didn't even know his son's name, after all.

When Taekwoon was five years old, his father beat him so brutally that he almost died.

It had happened in late Summer, around the exact same time of year Taekwoon's illness always seemed to get worse. He was beaten so violently that he was hospitalised for a lengthy period of time, yet he didn't remember it at all. Not until this nightmare had struck him.

His adoptive parents had known about the horrific ordeal he had been through, but had always hidden it from him. They wanted to protected him, and figured it would be for the best if he didn't know about it. After all, when they adopted him, he was only six years old and had only recently been released from the hospital. 

As the pieces finally came together in his head, Taekwoon woke up from his nightmare in a cold sweat, gasping for breath.

------------------------------------------------------- 

Wonshik was beginning to get anxious. As he waited in the queue, he began to tap his feet, trying once more to call Taekwoon. This was the third time he'd tried calling him, but still, he was getting no response. Worried, he looked up from his phone at his shopping basket, considering whether he should leave their groceries and rush home to make sure his crush was alright. He didn't feel good about leaving him home alone in his vulnerable state, but their kitchen was barren. 

After a fourth attempt calling his hyung, he was beginning to panic, but luckily he was next up in the queue. He rushed putting his food away in shopping bags, overpaying the cashier without sticking around to recieve his change. He wanted to get home and make sure Taekwoon was okay.

With the bags hanging off his wrists, Wonshik rushed out of the supermarket. Checking his phone one more time, he sighed due to a mixture of frustration and worry. Fearing the worst, he began to run home.

Once he arrived home, he found Taekwoon sat on the couch in a catatonic state, staring forward blankly with an empty expression on his face. Unsure of how to approach the situation, Wonshik paused, deciding to take his usual approach: slow and careful. He locked the door behind himself, placing the shopping bags down on kitchen counter before making his way over to the couch.

As he usually did, he took a seat on the floor in front of Taekwoon, slightly taken aback by the complete lack of response from the older boy. He hadn't moved at all, still staring at the wall vacantly - it felt as though he hadn't even noticed Wonshik was home.

Frowning, Wonshik reached out carefully, gently placing his hand on Taekwoon's arm. Suddenly, Taekwoon reacted, flnching and slapping Wonshik's hand away as he finally realised the younger boy was there. Immediately, he apologised.

"W-Wonshik? A-ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- ah, are you okay? I'm so sorry-"

"Taekwoon, calm down," Wonshik cooed, worried by Taekwoon's frantic speech. He didn't care that his hand had been swat away - it didn't hurt at all - he was just worried about his crush. He'd seen him dissociate before, but he'd never seen him so rigid. "It's okay. Just breathe, okay? Copy me."

Wonshik took Taekwoon's hands into his own, squeezing them gently as he smiled warmly at the older boy. He took in a deep breath, counting to five before breathing out through his nose. As Taekwoon began copying him, he cracked a half smile, hopeful that it was a sign that he would soon calm down.

After a few minutes spent focused on his breathing, Taekwoon felt far more relaxed. He even managed to smile weakly, making Wonshik grin.

"Better?"

"Better. Thank you, Wonshikkie," Taekwoon replied, gently squeezing his crush's hand gratefully. He let go, patting the seat next to him to invite Wonshik to sit down with him. Wonshik stood up, sitting down next to Taekwoon. Taekwoon leaned in close to Wonshik, resting his head on the younger boy's strong shoulder and smiling as Wonshik began to his hair. 

"Are you sure you're okay? You were really out of it," Wonshik frowned, petting his crush lovingly. "What happened?"

"Wonshik, I... I remembered them. I finally remembered them."

"Remembered who?"

"My... my biological parents..." he trailed off, practically whispering. "I remembered what they looked like. Their voices. What... w-what they did to me..." his voice began to crack, causing Wonshik to pull him into a hug. With face burried in Wonshik's chest, he felt protected, and wrapped his arms around him to reciprocate the hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Taekwoon. It must be hard..." Wonshik spoke quietly, gently Taekwoon's hair with one hand, the other wrapped around his waist. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

"I'm going to head to bed," Wonshik yawned, stretching his arms out sleepily. "Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Taekwoon smiled. "Wonshik, thank you for everything. I don't think I'd be able to cope with all of this without you."

"Hey, it's nothing," he grinned, getting up and ruffling his crush's soft black hair. "Get some rest soon, yeah? Good night."

"Good night, Wonshikkie," Taekwoon grinned, watching his crush as he headed for his bedroom. Once he was out of sight, Taekwoon sighed dreamily as he thought to himself how lucky he was to have Wonshik in his life. 

He smiled, lying down on the couch as he pulled the blanket up over his shoulders. Resting his head on the cushions, he closed his eyes, lacking the energy to move to his bedroom. Taekwoon reached out to the coffee table, grabbing his box of medication and taking out several of his sleeping tablets.

Picking up his glass of water from the coffee table, he swallowed down his medication without a second thought. He was completely unaware they weren't having their intended effect anymore due to him taking them daily by mistake. He hadn't thought about the consequences of taking more than one - all he was thinking was that he wanted to have a good night sleep, so that he could enjoy the next day with Wonshik.

Taekwoon didn't realise he'd accidentally taken an overdose.                                                

------------------------------------------------------- 

Wonshik couldn't sleep, unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong. He had an uneasy feeling in his stomach, something telling him that he needed to check in Taekwoon. As he rubbed his drowsy eyes, he tossed his duvet to the side, getting up to go and find out if his crush was okay. 

Once he left his bedroom, he was a little surprised to find Taekwoon sleeping on the couch. He seemed peaceful enough, wrapped up warm in his blanket, but something about the scene felt... off. As he approached the sleeping boy, a sense of dread creeped up on him. He reached out a hand, gently patting Taekwoon's shoulder.

"Hey, Taekwoon... You've gone to sleep on the couch. Should we get you to bed?"

No response.

Wonshik frowned, anxiety building up inside of him as he began to shake Taekwoon's shoulder a little harder. It didn't seem like he was breathing.

"Hey. Taekwoon. Wake up."

No response.

And then Wonshik noticed the empty blister pack on the table.

"! Taekwoon, wake up!"

Panicking, Wonshik was shaking Taekwoon's lifeless body, tears flowing down his cheeks once he realised he wasn't going to get any response. Without a second thought, he ran to his bedroom to call an ambulance.

------------------------------------------------------- 

Hakyeon bit his lip in anticipation as he slowly removed Jaewhan’s shirt. Once removed, the two boys shared a kiss before the younger boy pinned his hyung down by the shoulders. Hakyeon giggled shyly, admiring Jaewhan’s soft lips as he leant in for another kiss. Jaewhan didn't know how to end things with Hakyeon, and the two had continued their casual fling as a result.

Jaewhan slowly moved one hand down Hakyeon’s torso as their kiss grew more passionate, making his way towards his hyung’s jeans. He began to fiddle with Hakyeon’s belt, trying to unbuckle it one handedly - his other hand placed firmly around Hakyeon’s head, pulling him closer as their tongues explored each others mouths.

Finally succeeded in undoing the belt, Jaewhan ped his hyung’s jeans and slid his hand inside his boxers. The slightest touch of Jaewhan’s fingers made Hakyeon moan into their kiss, but the moment was interrupted by Hakyeon’s phone.

Noticing the dissapointment on Jaewhan’s face, Hakyeon mumbled a shy “Sorry,” as he reached over to grab his phone. “Oh, it’s just Wonshikkie,” Hakyeon said. "He has trouble sleeping, so he calls me sometimes for a chat-"

“So... you can ignore it?” Jaewhan smirked cheekily as he teased Hakyeon, gently running his fingers up and down his hyung’s .

“Hmm... I guess...~” Hakyeon bit his lip, placing his phone back down on his bedside table. The boys kissed once more, before Jaewhan turned his attention to Hakyeon’s long neck. He kissed and nibbled his way down to his hyung’s collarbones, causing Hakyeon’s moans to grow louder with each bite.

Hakyeon had managed to remove the younger boys jeans, and was about to remove his boxers as the fourth consequtive call from Wonshik came through on his phone. Jaewhan sighed, siitting back to allow Hakyeon to sit up and grab his phone.

“I’m sorry,” Hakyeon apologised, giving Jaewhan a quick kiss. “He’s never this persistant normally.”

Jaewhan smiled cheekily, deciding to continue kissing his way along Hakyeon’s shoulders as he finally answered his phone.

“Wonshikkie~” Hakyeon answered cheerfully, smiling as he enjoyed the feeling of Jaewhan’s soft lips against his skin. “Whats up~? Can’t sleep?”

“H-hakyeon-hyung?” Wonshik’s voice broke as he answered.

”...Wonshik?” Hakyeon became immediately concerned, pushing Jaewhan off him. Despite being kinda offended, Jaewhan didn’t complain as he noticed his hyung’s worried expression. Instead of persisting with his kisses, he placed his hand on Hakyeon’s in an attempt to comfort him.

Hakyeon hadn’t even noticed - he was completely focused on the noises he could hear through his phone. Panicking paramedics. The siren of an ambulance. Wonshik sobbing as he attempted to form sentences. Sounds he was all too familiar with.

“Wonshik?”

“It’s... It’s Taekwoonie, he...”

------------------------------------------------------- 

Without a moment of hesitation, Hakyeon threw his clothes back on, grabbed his keys and began to run. The night was dark, cold and unforgiving, but Hakyeon couldn’t even feel the rain as it began to pour down on him. He couldn’t feel anything.

Running purely on adrenaline, Hakyeon finally made it to the A&E his best friend had been taken to. He burst in, keeling over as he struggled to catch his breath. He hadn’t stopped, after all - running the entire way from his appartment to the hospital. He glanced up as he panted, scanning the area for Wonshik. The poor boy was pale as a ghost, silently sobbing by himself.

Finally regaining a steady breathing pace again, Hakyeon walked over to greet Wonshik, who he noticed was wearing pyjama bottoms and a random jumper. Hakyeon felt guilty for not answering his phone sooner, seeing how upset and utterly exhausted his young friend was.

“Wonshikkie...” Hakyeon stood, dripping wet with sweat and rain. Wonshik didn’t care. He jumped up and wrapped his arms tightly around his hyung.

“Hakyeon, he... He wouldn’t wake up, and I...” Wonshik’s voice began to break as he cried into his hyung’s shoulder.

“Shh... I know... I-it’s okay,” Hakyeon cooed, the younger boys pale blonde hair, trying his very best to comfort him. Once Wonshik had composed himself, the two sat down. "What happened?"

"I don't know, hyung. I don't think he meant for it to happen," Wonshik sighed, confused. "I found him passed out on the couch... he'd taken an overdose of those sleeping tablets-"

"An overdose?" Hakyeon's heart broke as he looked away, staring blankly at his feet. 

"...Where have you been, bro? We've both needed you," Wonshik frowned, unable to hold back his frustration any longer. He'd been annoyed with Hakyeon since he'd hung up on him the last time they spoke, and hadn't seen him since. He just wanted to understand. I can't really explain it right now but I can't be around Woonie when he's ill like that. "Why couldn't you be around him? It doesn't make any sense."

Hakyeon glanced up at Wonshik, a little startled by his harsh tone but understanding of it. He couldn't bring himself to answer him, simply looking down at his feet again whilst ignoring Wonshik's questions.

"Hakyeon, don't ignore me. Tell me what's going on, I need to know-"

"Jung Taekwoon?"

Although frustrated by the interruption, Wonshik cared far more about Taekwoon's health than he did about getting answers. He shot up, pulling Hakyeon up with him to greet the doctor that had called out Taekwoon's name. The doctor was a young woman, probably only a few years older than Hakyeon.

“He’s stable,” she announced, as the two boys let out sighs of relief. “Luckily, it hasn’t been long since he took the overdose and the amount he managed to ingest was not fatal. He's breathing fine and we've managed to perform a successful gastirc lavage just to be certain he's alright.”

"A stomach pump, to remove the poison," Hakyeon explained, noticing the confused expression on Wonshik's face. Although it helped Wonshik to understand what the doctor meant, it ultimately wound up confusing him more. Why does Hakyeon know so much about this stuff?

"However, although we're confident he's physically okay, due to his history... we're going to need to keep him in for a psychiatric evaluation," she frowned, brushing a lock of her long dark brown hair behind her ear. "We're concerned this may have been a suicide attempt-"

"It wasn't. I'm sure it wasn't," Wonshik interrupted, catching the doctor's attention. "I... I mean, well. I live with him, and... I've been looking after him. He's showed no signs of feeling that way, he... He's just been really tired. I think it was an accident, honestly."

"Oh? Do you have any idea how long he's been on the zopiclone?" she inquired, taking notes down on a clipboard.

"Uhm... a couple of weeks, I think," Wonshik answered. 

"And has he been taking them as instructed? He's not supposed to take them daily-"

"Oh... No... He started taking them daily," Wonshik frowned. "He's been pretty forgetful lately, not sleeping much."

"Right. Well, thank you - that's very useful to know," she smiled at him. "Regardless, we need to make sure. I hope you understand. You did an excellent job getting him to us so soon. Are you Wonshik, by any chance?"

"Uhm, y-yeah, that's me," he responded. "Why?"

She smiled warmly at them both. "He's been asking after you. He's pretty sleepy, but you should both be able to see him. I'd suggest not being long, though - he needs to get some rest and so should you. One visitor at a time, okay?" she smiled, before taking her leave to see to another patient.

Relieved, both boys sat back down, taking a moment to process the information they'd just recieved before going to see their friend. However, Wonshik hadn't forgotten about his line of questioning. 

"Wonshikkie, you did a really good job. Thank you. I'm proud of you-"

"Hakyeon-hyung-"

"I'll go see Woonie first," Hakyeon mumbled, standing up. It was clear he was desperate to avoid answering. He gasped as Wonshik grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving.

"Just answer me. What are you running away from?"

"I'm going to see Woonie," Hakyeon repeated, yanking his wrist away from Wonshik's grasp and heading towards the room Taekwoon was resting in.

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"Woonie?"

"Yeonie?" Taekwoon was surprised to see his best friend, having not had contact with him since they returned from their trip to his mother's house. "Yeonie, it's been a while. Where have you been? How are you?"

Hakyeon smirked, guilty over his actions but charmed by Taekwoon's kindness. He took the younger boy's hands into his own, squeezing them gently. "I'm more concerned about you. How are you feeling, Woonie?"

"I'm sleepy, a little confused..." he mumbled, looking around the room. "Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital, Woonie," he frowned, noticing his friend becoming anxious. "It's nothing to worry about. You're okay. You took too many tablets."

"...I did?"

"Yeah," he smiled comfortingly, trying his best to remain calm. "You did it by accident, right? You didn't want to die?"

"W-what? O-oh gosh, no - of course not," Taekwoon responded, concerned. "I-I'm... I'm so stupid, what a dumb mistake to make..."

"Woonie, I'm glad it wasn't on purpose," Hakyeon smiled, relieved. "You're not stupid-"

"Where's Wonshik?"

"Oh," Hakyeon released Taekwoon's hands, placing his hands on his lap as he looked down at his feet. "He's... He's waiting outside. Only one visitor allowed at a time."

"He must hate me for putting him through this," Taekwoon mumbled under his breath, looking over at his friend concerned. "I'm sorry for putting you through this, too, Yeonie. I... I understand if you hate me-"

"I could never hate you, Woonie."

"...Then where have you been?" he asked weakly. "I've missed you."

"Woonie..." Hakyeon was struggling to fight back tears, consumed by guilt due to his recent behaviour. Unable to take it much longer, and not wanting to cry in front of his best friend, he stood up, heading for the door. "I'll see you soon, Woonie, okay? I'll send Wonshikkie in."

"Yeonie, don't go-"

Hakyeon closed the door behind himself, resting against it for a moment as Taekwoon's words echoed in his head. Taking a deep breath to try and compose himself, he walked over to Wonshik and placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing a smile. "You should go see him. I'll wait for you outside, I need to get some fresh air," he mumbled, heading outside before Wonshik had a chance to respond. Once he was outside, alone, he burst into tears.

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"Taekwoon..." Wonshik's heart broke seeing his crush lying there, looking so vulnerable. The sight alone was enough to make him want to cry, but he managed to hold it together for Taekwoon's sake. He walked over to the bed, pulling Taekwoon into a quick hug and holding him tight before taking a seat next to the hospital bed. "Taekwoon, are you feeling okay?"

"Wonshik, I... I'm really sorry... I'm really sorry about putting you through this, I... I understand if you hate me-"

"Hey, don't be silly," Wonshik frowned, cupping Taekwoon's chubby cheeks in his hand and lovingly wiping away the tears that were flowing down them. "You've done nothing wrong. It was an accident, right?"

"Wonshik..." Taekwoon smiled softly, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. "T-thank you... You... You really saved me. You're always so nice to me... I... I don't know how I could ever repay you..."

"You don't have to do anything," Wonshik smiled back. "Just try and get better, okay? The doctor told us you might be in for a few days, they need to do a... ah, what was it called? Psychiatric evaluation... I think?"

"A-ah, right," he frowned, looking down at his lap as hit bit his lip nervously. "I... I've been through that before, and... It's not nice..."

"It'll be okay. I'll be here with you," Wonshik took Taekwoon's hand, interlocking his fingers with the older boy's and squeezing gently. "I'll come visit you every day. I promise."

As Taekwoon looked up at Wonshik and their eyes met, he felt his heart race. His feelings for Wonshik were much stronger than anything he'd ever felt before - he almost couldn't believe someone so perfect could be real. He thought back to what his psychiatrist had suggested the last time they met. Perhaps you should consider telling him.

Taekwoon blushed as he glanced down at their hands interlocked with each other's, considering what he should say. Not trusting his words, he made the decision to let his actions speak for him.

Cautiously, he reached his spare hand out and grabbed onto Wonshik's jumper, pulling him closer. Biting down on his lip, he looked up at Wonshik with half lidded eyes, finding the confusion on the younger boy's face adorable.

"T-Taekwoon, w-what... w-what are you doing?" Wonshik barely managed to stutter out, his face turning bright red as he realised his face was mere centimetres away from Taekwoon's. Taekwoon smiled softly, closing his eyes as he pulled Wonshik even closer. He was far too shy to look as he slowly, tenderly pressed his lips against Wonshik's.  

Wonshik's eyes shot open once he realised what was happening. He was kissing Taekwoon, no - Taekwoon was kissing him.

It felt magical, like nothing either boy had experienced before. It was as though time froze, electirc running through their bodies as they lost themselves in each other, neither of them wanting the kiss to ever end. After all, it wasn't just a kiss - it was the most special moment in either of their lives. A moment that they had longed for since they first met all those months ago. It felt so right. So... perfect.

Taekwoon's plush lips were just as soft as Wonshik had always imagined.

The kiss was over as suddenly as it began, but it lingered. As Taekwoon shyly pulled away from their kiss, he bit his lip, smiling brightly as he looked down at his lap. Their kiss has made Taekwoon realise something: he was in love with Wonshik.

"T-Taekwoon... W-what-"

"Wonshikkie, you should go home. Get some rest," Taekwoon smiled, finally gaining the courage to look at his crush again. He couldn't help but giggle once he noticed Wonshik's dopey expresssion. He's so cute, he thought. "It's been a long night, huh? You must be tired."

"I... I-I..." Wonshik stuttered, not able to put together a comprehensible thought, let alone a comprehensible sentence. He gulped, trying to gather his thoughts together, but no matter what he did, all he could think about was the kiss they just shared. All he wanted to do was to kiss Taekwoon again. "I-"

"Thank you for everything, Wonshikkie. ...I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Incapable of talking, Wonshik simply nodded. 

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In a haze, Wonshik headed outside, looking around for Hakyeon. As he looked around, he brought his hand up to his lips, brushing a finger against them - he could still feel Taekwoon's soft lips.

"Sorry, Shikkie. Just needed some air... Hey, are you alright? You look flushed," Hakyeon frowned, placing a hand on Wonshik's blushing cheek. "You're really hot... Did something happen? Is Woonie okay?"

"Y-yeah, he's fine," Wonshik stuttered, taking a deep breath to help himself regain his composure. "He's alright, I'm alright. Are you alright? You look like you've been crying, hyung," he frowned, noticing Hakyeon's puffy eyes and wet cheeks. 

"I'm fine, just... Tonight's been pretty rough, huh?" he forced a smile, not willing to open up about what had caused his tears. He wasn't sure what had stopped Wonshik's desire to question him, but he was grateful for it. Putting an arm around Wonshik's shoulder, he put on his usual cheerful act. "Do you want me to stay over tonight? Keep you company?"

"That would be nice, hyung. Thanks."