~2 months after the shooting~

Seunghyun was sitting beside Jiyong’s bed, reading to him. The private room he’d been in since the scare in the ICU was a nice change. Seunghyun liked to keep the curtains open and he made sure there were always new flowers. The private room was brighter and was painted a soft blue and the lights didn’t wash everything out. Jiyong wasn’t as pale in this room, and it helped his parents and Seunghyun to have more hope that he had a healthier looking complexion.

Seunghyun stopped reading and looked at his lover. He still had a lot of tubes and needles stuck into his body to keep him alive, and his doctor had said that it was unlikely that he’d have normal brain waves again. Seunghyun refused to believe that his lover was brain dead, that he wasn’t in there anymore. It seemed like he was sleeping ever since the doctors had taken out the breathing tubes and that breathing on his own meant he would occasionally take deeper breaths.

Jiyong’s parents were sitting on the couch by the wall of windows, listening to Seunghyun reading as well. They weren’t surprised that he had stopped reading for a moment, as he often stopped talking to Jiyong to just look at him. In that moment void of speaking, the only noises the beep of machines and muffled sound in the hallway, Seunghyun was overwhelmed with emotion. He stood and placed the book on his chair.
 

“I’m going for coffee, would you like something?”

They shook their heads. He nodded and walked out of the room. He put his hands into his pockets and wandered down the hallway towards the vending machines. He kept his eyes downcast as he walked, wanting to avoid eye contact as much as possible.

He reached the end of the hall and pulled out his wallet. He took a $5 bill and fed it into the coffee vending machine. He enjoyed the silence in that small corner of the hallway. There were a few people standing by the snack machine, but they weren’t talking. It seemed like an unspoken rule to not break the silence in the small space.

The machine beeped and Seunghyun lifted the cover to take his coffee out. The steam curled up into the air, and he sighed. He didn’t feel like actually drinking the coffee, but he’d needed to breathe. Jiyong’s room had felt like it was closing in, which sometimes happened when he began to think too much about what would happen if Jiyong never woke up.

He shook his head and walked away, back towards his lover’s room. He saw Dr. Dobbs standing in the hall with Jiyong’s parents, a grim expression on his face. Seunghyun walked faster, needing to know what he was saying.

“I’m sorry about everything that has happened, no parent should see their child like this. As his doctor I am obligated to tell you what I feel is best for my patient, but you won’t like this. He is still in a lot of pain, his body has healed fairly well, but mentally, all that is there is pain. He is suffering and I would urge you to consider taking him off of life support. He hasn’t shown signs of the brain activity that would let us know he’s still in there fighting. Please consider it.”

“Dr. Dobbs, are you sure? This is best?”

Dobbs nodded solemnly. “Unfortunately yes. I am very sorry that this is something you have to even consider.”

They talked a moment, their eyes full of tears. “We’ll take him off it.”

Seunghyun felt the paper cup slip from his fingers and felt hot tears fall down his cheeks. He stumbled, his back hit the wall hard. He slid down onto the floor, his elbows resting on his knees, sobs beginning to clench his chest. He shook his head in disbelief.

He buried his face in his hands and cried harder, not caring that some people looked. He felt Ji’s mother put her hands on his arms. “Seunghyun, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She pulled his hands away from his face and grabbed him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, crying into her shoulder.

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Jiyong’s parents said they wanted to wait a few days to let everyone say a sufficient goodbye before the doctors turned the machines off. Seunghyun stood in the hall watching through the windows. Youngbae was in the room, and the rapper could see the tears making trails down his face as he told his best friend, his brother, goodbye. Daesung had been in earlier and had broken down. At least Daesung still has Bae to comfort him.

Seunghyun would be the last to say his goodbye, and he could feel his throat closing with fear. He was terrified of losing his lover, and he was afraid of how he’d cope once he was really gone. He didn’t want to face a future without Jiyong by his side, and thoughts of ending it for himself had crossed his mind. He knew he wouldn’t really take his own life, but the thoughts were still there in the back of his mind. He knew that Jiyong wouldn’t want him to give up, and he intended to at least try to keep going. Seunghyun had already decided that without Ji, he was done being in the public eye. He didn’t want to make music anymore because he felt nothing inside him. He just wanted to move to a remote location where no one knew his name and mourn in peace.

He closed his eyes and fought back tears. He kept his eyes closed with his head back against the wall until he heard Jiyong’s door open. He felt Youngbae’s hand on his arm and looked down at the singer. They said nothing, they didn’t need to.

The singer walked away towards the waiting room. Seunghyun stood still for a moment, dreading having to really go into the love of his life’s room. He swallowed the lump in his throat and walked across the hall, his hand hesitating on the door’s handle. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

He faced the door as he shut it, trying to find strength to even speak to Jiyong. The rapper turned and looked at Ji’s still body. Seungnhyun bit his lip as he walked over to the chair at his lover’s bedside. He reached out and grabbed Jiyong’s unmoving hand and sat in silence for a few moments.

“I still have no idea what to say. I still feel like this is some terrible, horrifyingly vivid nightmare, but I know I won’t wake up. I hate that I will never have a family with you, or that we won’t watch each other grow old. I won’t be able to do anything with you gone. I can’t do it without you. And I don’t think I want to try. It’s been 2 months with you like this, and I hate seeing you here. The doctors say you’re not in there anymore, but I refuse to believe that. I can still feel you. You aren’t gone. But you will be.” Tears rolled down his cheeks and his voice cracked. He stood up and kissed Jiyong’s lips softly.

“I will never stop loving you. Nothing on this planet will ever mean as much to me as you do.”

He stood and began walking to the door.

“Seung…”

The rapper whipped around, eyes wide and stared at Jiyong. I heard him, I know I did!

He opened the door, and shouted down the hall for someone to come check on Ji. Dr. Dobbs and a nurse Seunghyun didn’t know came running, followed closely by Jiyong’s parents.

“What happened?”

Seunghyun looked at Dobbs. “He said my name!”

Dr. Dobbs had a sad expression on his face. “He didn’t--”

“I know you think I imagined it, but please just check him! I know I heard it.”

Dr. Dobbs walked over to the machine at the head of the bed and began to check the various monitors. “I don’t believe it!” Everyone was looking at him expectantly. The nurse walked over and Dobbs showed her something on the chart.

“He had a massive spike in brain activity while you were just talking to him. Go sit by him and say something else.”

Seunghyun moved next to Jiyong quickly. “Ji Ji, are you really still here? Can you really hear me? I knew I still felt you.”

The doctor turned the monitor towards Seunghyun and the rapper saw that Jiyong’s brain was responsive for the first time.

Jiyong’s mother stepped forward and put her hand on her son’s shin. “You can’t pull the plug. Not if he can hear us.”

Dr. Dobbs nodded. “I truly didn’t expect this and I agree, taking him off life support is not the right decision anymore.”

The nurse and Dobbs left the room and they all sat with Jiyong, talking to him with renewed hope that he might one day wake up.

Stick with me, I promise you'll like the outcome of the story.