A most painful month. I got no phone call, no text, and no invitation. AT ALL. I must be happy eventually since Jaehyun proved his words : forget everything. But now it’s kinda irritating how I tormented by this state.

I had only met him twice last month; on his birthday and when they invited me to dinner in his house. He never called me again just to ask how I was doing. There was no single message from him.

Now I sat alone, lamenting my stupid feeling, felt sorry for myself for falling in love with Kim Jaehyun. I wasn’t supposed to be like this, but the more I tried to forget it, the more I drawn into the vortex of the dark with the Jaehyun’s name marked on it.

I opened the images folder in the gallery of my cell phone. I hid this folder well to prevent Johnny seeing it. Albeit I had nothing to hide, Johnny was not the type of person who likes checking out my private things despite we've been together for a long time. But with an indulgence, it’s only going to make me feel guiltier.

I looked at Jaehyun’s smiling face on his birthday. His dimples, his smile, his eyes. He would never know that I have some of his photos that I took secretly. These photos become a pleasure for me especially when I missed him.

Sometimes I felt sorry for my destiny, why it’s too late for me to finally meet him. Why it’s too late for my father set me up with him? And why did I have to fall in love with someone when I wasn’t allowed to see other man but Johnny?

Jaehyun and Johnny were equally handsome. They both have nice bodies. And they were equally kind and adored by people around them. Kinda hard to compare them.

My problem with Jaehyun and Johnny leading me into depressed, but then Keane appeared, making me even more in pain. Seeing Jaehyun and Keane together made me jealous as hell.

Seeing Jaehyun acted so protective toward Keane got me a desire to be a victim of violence as well. Seeing Jaehyun so attentive to Keane made me wanted to hurt myself also. I just wanted him to see me. I just wanted him to know that I love him.

Perhaps we could not be together as I imagined over the last few months but I wanted him to know that I have feelings for him. I just wanted him to know. And I just wanted to hear him say the same thing about me. Was it wrong?

The last time we met, we did not talk much as he was seen really tired and he had to head to Yuta’s house for their assignment.

I did not know if he actually did the task or whether it just an excuse to meet Keane. At first, he offered to drive me home but because I couldn’t bear seeing his pale face, so I lied by saying Johnny would pick me up.

If he came there for doing his task, I thought I'd love to go with him. Though I didn’t have any idea what kind of his assignment, but I could help in other ways. I wanted to be useful for him.

But if he lied just be together with Keane, I wouldn’t have anything to say to endure the pain. What an unrequited love!

My tears spilled down. If my parents were here, I might not in this situation. This worse feeling might be light. By realizing that I was actually an orphan, repined me deeply.

 “Hey.. are you okay?”

Myungsoo hyung appeared. I exhaled the air easily. He’s my best, appeared mostly when I needed him.

“Taeyong-ah.. Are you okay? Why are you crying?” he stared at me lovingly.

“I miss them. Mom and dad.. I miss them. I need them now.”

I didn’t know why but my tears fell down swiftly. Myungsoo hyung embraced me tightly as he whispering words to comfort me.

“You still have me. I’m your brother and forever will be. You can count on me every time you need a help. Don’t keep it on your own, you can come clean on me.”

“What’s the matter? If you only miss our parents, you won’t cry like this. I know you better than yourself do. You’re my strong brother. Tell me, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.” He asked me desperately.

“This is hurt me, hyung. I love him.. I love him..”

By hearing my confession, my hyung hugged me tightly even more. He must be known who I meant

*

Another dinner invitation just came by. I re-read the message sent by Mr. Do on my phone, making sure I didn’t miss anything. Both Mr. Do and Mr. Kim were super busy with business and family matters lately so there was no communion earlier.

When I finally showed up that night, I was startled by seeing Yuta, Ten, Hansol and Keane in the house. Why were they doing there? I meant that was family dinner. Usually, there were only Mr. Kim, Mr. Do, Jaehyun and me, sometimes my hyung joined us.

“Hi Taeyong, long time no see. We were pretty busy lately and we hadn’t had time to gather for dinner. How are you?” Mr. Do greeted me nicely when I appeared on his dining room.

“I’m good, Mr. Do. Thank you for asking. How are you?”

“Same with you, I’m fine. Look, I invite some of Jaehyun’s friends. It would be good if you guys get along together.”

I bit my lips. I really wanted to make friends with them but seemed like it wasn’t going to happen.

“Just try, I know you can do it.” He continued as he could read my mind.

The dinner was run smoothly as expected. After, they left by Jaehyun’s parents to enjoy the night in the back yard.

“To be honest, I was surprised when Mr. Do told me that you and Jaehyun are going to get married.” Ten said when he successfully dragged me off of the others.

“This is just a set. Our parents.. Yeah, you heard everything so..”

“I think..”

“Think what?”

“Please don’t be offended but.. I think Jaehyun still loves Keane. And I can’t help but envy you so much. Being in the set with Jaehyun is everybody’s dream.”

The fact that in a set with Jaehyun making Ten envy was enough. I was so proud. But the other side, hearing him saying something about Keane made me down. Even Ten who just can be stated as one of Jaehyun’s close friends now could guess Jaehyun’s mind.

“But you have to be happy, both Mr. Kim and Mr. Do love you much. Before you came, they kept talking about you, praises you every time. They indeed hope you’ll be part of their family. Keane has no hope.” He added.

“Ten-ssi, do you bring a charger? My battery is draining now.” Keane appeared suddenly, surprising me and Ten.

“Sure, let me find it for you. I keep it in my bag.”

When Ten left, Keane smiled at me. “Hi, Taeyong-ssi, we meet again.”

I nodded. “I heard you were injured. Are you alright now?”

“I did. But yeah, I’m fine now. Oh and congratulation, Jaehyun’s parent said that.. You and Jaehyun will..”

‘Wait, if he just knew.. that means.. Jaehyun never told him?’

He didn’t continue. He paused a moment then started again. “Do you love him?”

How can I answer him? I mean, yes I love him but I can’t just say yes meanwhile Keane was the one who made me jealous nowadays.

“Why do you want to know?” I countered.

He smiled. “I’m just curious whether you agree with this idea or not. I think it would be stressful if you both agree. We both know Jaehyun is a good son who will grant his parent’s wish, despite this isn’t fair for him.”

I made no sound. Half of my mind agreed with him, while the other side was screamed out, asking him to shut his mouth since I hoped Jaehyun would undertake what has been set as I did.

“Please don’t get me wrong, Taeyong-ssi. I didn’t mean to be in. I still have guilt in my heart. He was suffered because of me. I want to see him happy. I want to develop his wound with apology sincerely.”

I knew, vaguely, Keane asked me to give up.

*

“You’re too quiet lat