I took a sip of my tea. Sleep deprivation lately made my headache often. Assignment, course, Keane, Taeyong.. I sighed. A romance should be reassuring rather than vice versa. The deeper I got involved in it, I just felt sinking deeply and it's hard for me looking for a way out. I certainly out efforts to please everyone but it seemed I was the one who got hurt.

            Was there anyone who could understand my current situation? I’ve been set for an espousal. In order to delight my parents, I accepted it but it turned out to be a trap. I never imagined I would fall for Taeyong at the first sight. But he has Johnny who has been in a relationship with him for years. The other side, I met Keane unwittingly. He was my ex-boyfriend, my feelings won’t whisper for him after a painful separation.

            I have to admit, I fall for Taeyong. But I still have a thing for Keane. Despite my heart wanted to keep them both as mine but my mind didn’t allow. How greedy I am. Though they have similarity in outer appearance, but they’re totally different.

            Cute. It’s the right word to describe Keane. He always has a bright smile on his lips, his eyes shining brightly, his friendly look has never quit.  He closed easily to everyone. Taeyong was the opposite. Cool was the word for describing him. Everything on him looked mysterious, making people feel curious to see closer. He’s quieter but still caring.

           Both of them were important to me. Keane never asked me to but desire to protect him master me whenever he nearby. For Taeyong, albeit the promise to forget the night has been clearly pledged, but deep inside my heart letting him go wasn’t as simple as I thought and this made constant struggle in my heart when I saw him.

            “You should realize that I’m still alive and currently sitting down in front of you, staring at you in compassion.”

            I lifted my face. Yuta was almost being forgotten. I grinned as an apology.

            “Sorry.”

            “I know your situation. I won’t blame you. You’re hot.” Yuta said in a mocking tone. We both laughed.

            “Seriously,” he added. “I know you’re interested in Taeyong but you can’t just forget Keane. And Johnny is now come back so, it must be hard, though.”

            “You forget something. Taeyong doesn’t like me, remember?” I confuted. “He begged me to forget everything. I know he cares for me lately but I think it’s only for a friend.”

            “Why I don’t think so..”

            “He loves Johnny. Just like I loved Keane. It’s kinda hard to just change your heart. And I think I really need to strengthen my heart that Taeyong needs to be released off of my mind. Slowly but sure.”

            Yuta raised his brows. “Are you sure? I mean.. You really like him. And your parent’s set is the best thing to unite you two.”

            “I don’t want to steal him from Johnny and I don’t think Taeyong feel the same way. I know I’ll let down my parents especially my dad but you can’t force love. With Johnny’s appearance now, it’s a sign for me to stop trying to be closed.”

            “So you’ll keep a distance with him?”

            I nodded. “That’s the best thing. I don’t want Johnny to be misconceived. Also, I need to focus on Keane. He needs my help.”

            “Let me ask you some questions.”

            “I’m not in the mood.”

            “Just like I care. C’mon, you need to settle this.”

            I sighed. “Fine..”

            “Do you still have a thing for Keane?”

            “I can’t see him in pain. I want to protect him, as always.”

            “You’re not listening. I will ask again, do you still have a thing for Keane?”

            I really didn’t know. To see him in pain was hurt mine. To see him crying just made me hurt even more. And if I can, I wanted to protect him forever.

            “I really don’t know. I can’t figure out is it love or not. Taeyong distracts me so much.”

            “I see. Next, do you just ‘fall’ for Taeyong or ‘deeply in love’ with him?”

            “In between.” I replied steadily.

            “If Johnny set him free, what are you going to do?”

            “Try to make them reunited.”

            “Are you a fool? Protect Keane for the whole life and let Taeyong go?”

            Yes, Yuta was right. A fool was the best things to describe me. I didn’t want to see Keane suffering much. He deserved to be happy. If I have to give him anything, I would do.

But the other side, I didn’t want Taeyong waste his whole life with someone he never loved. Leaving Johnny must be the hardest thing for him and I didn’t want him to lose his love. I rather being a fool forever than see him dying because the loss of love.

            “I am..” I smiled, sarcastically.

            “Was that’s the reason why you gave your birthday cake to me instead of Keane or Taeyong?”

            I nodded. Yuta was right. He always right.

*

           Remnants of bruises still visible on his face and arms. I even thought that if he had more on another part of his body.

           “How are you today?”

           “I’m good.” He smiled. He always looked like this, warm and cute. Bruises didn’t govern the fact that he has the friendly face. “Don’t tell me you skip your class.”

            I smiled when I saw him judgingly. “No, I don’t. The class was short, we only came over to compile the assignment. Ten say sorry, he can’t come here today.”

            “Good. You shouldn’t skip the class because of me.”

            “I was worried.”

           “I know. But still, this house is safe and I promised you I won’t see my father without escorted.”

           “Fine. You win.” I conceded. Honestly, I can never prevail against him in the debate. He would not yell or impose his will harshly. He would convince me that he’s right with more subtle ways. It’s another thing that got me to have always been comfortable with him.

           “So, are you going to stay longer this time?” I asked. I was curious if he would go back to Beijing or he would prefer to stay in Seoul.

           “I think I will stay longer. I have to reassure that my dad will be fine, he’ll get the best treatment and he can change his coarseness a bit. Though he ate to see me, he’s my father anyway. I don’t have the right to hate him back.”

           “And if I can ask, please don’t get me wrong, I just curious.. You and.. that boy..”

           “It’s over.” He responded reluctantly.

           “May I know what the reason was?”